Amber POV

She hated studying, it was not her jam. If only she could earn her degree without having to take another final again. This time of the semester always stressed her out. Tests gave her anxiety.

On top of that, she still had to deal with Jodi, her sister, and all that mess with their sorority. Imagine them thinking she was trying to pull some spy stuff. Like how? She never had any interest in that sorority and wondered why her sister wanted it.

The fact that neither of them defended her hurt.

All she did was argue with her sister every day because of it. She would have had Jade's back if any MAX lady was not cool with her pledging a different sorority. In fact, she had defended her. They were individual people with individual minds. Wasn't thinking on their own a good thing?

Most nights she did not stay in her room. She spent it with her line sisters. They understood. Well, as much as they could. She did not tell them about Jodi.

Now she felt she should.

"Guys...remember when I told you there was this hot girl I was into...and that um..."

"That she was pledging with your sister. So ew!" Marketta said while she was camped out on an inflatable bed in the middle of their room. Her hair was braided down, scarf wrapped around her head, and in her two-piece pajamas. She was so real with her line sisters, she loved hanging out with them.

"Please tell me you're not still into her," Laila said, comfy in her bed, also hair wrapped, as well as Marketta. Their bedtime ritual, the three amigos.

Sometimes she felt like they were more than her line sisters, but her blood sisters. Like they were triplets.

"Not only am I still into her, we've kinda been going out. Ever since we crossed." It felt like a relief to finally tell them. Now only Jodi needed to become comfortable telling her line sisters

"Oh no!" Marketta said and tossed her pillow at her. "Sleeping with the enemy."

"It's not exactly sleeping with her. We haven't done anything like that." Kissing and a few touches. She did more when she was with Daysha.

"But you are dating her, right?" Laila asked.

"I guess. We've been keeping it... down low. She hasn't come out to anyone and-"

"Girllll!" Marketta threw another pillow at her. "I thought you said you didn't date closeted people? Like, aren't there rules about that?"

"No! What rules? Just stop." She laughed at her. "I don't have a problem that she's in the closet. You can't force someone out. I said I do not go after straight girls. I mean, If Jodi identifies as bi or whatever, then it's fair game."

"Jodi! That's who it is?" Laila sat up on her bed. "She is cute. And come to think of it, kinda studly."

Now she threw a pillow at Laila. "Why would you say that? She's very girly. Is it because she has short hair?"

Laila shrugged. "I don't know. I'm just talking smack."

Amber thought Jodi was very girly. She wore makeup and jewelry, girly clothes, though no dresses or short skirts, and carried herself in a very feminine way. Her looks were what first attracted her to Jodi, but as she got to know her, she liked other things.

"Why is she trying to hide you? You cute too!" Marketta said. "Plus you're out and proud and nobody is going to side-eye her for being gay. That's so 2000."

"She hasn't come out to her family, and I think they would trip. I can understand that. Some parents disown their kids when they come out as gay."

Laila nodded to that. "Well, we have your back. Date who you want. It's hard out here for us, if we're straight, gay bi, pan, asexual, whatever."

"I think the gays have it worse. You can look at any guy you think is cute and hit on them. If I hit on every girl I thought was cute I would get my face shattered right quick. There are not that many of us out there."

"Isn't that what gaydar is for?" Marketta asked.

"It doesn't work that way. If I'm attracted to her, and I find out she's straight...devastation."

"So you think we can't find a gay guy hot, try and holla, and then get our face cracked. Shit happens to us too," Marketta said. "Well, not this girl. Never happened to me. But I hear things."

"Or date a guy on the DL."

She did not want to hear about the problems straight people faced. She still felt like it was harder for gay people to date. People really hated them and would harm them because they were homophobes. Some of them never came out of the closet from fear. All of their lives had to be a secret. Imagine how it was for the people they dated.

She did not want that for her and Jodi.

After she finished her last final, she called Jodi to have her meet her in her room. Jodi stood right outside her door when she walked up. Seeing her gorgeous face, all she wanted was another makeout session, but she had to stay firm.

"So you're not still mad about that meeting with my soror-"

"No...it's not about that. Come on in my room." She opened the door to her room and they walked in. 

Jodi put her arms around her and kissed her neck. "I missed you."

It felt good to have the girl she wanted so much for months, kissing on her, but also, this was not what either of them needed.

She pulled Jodi away from her.

"Jodi, I don't think we should see each other anymore." There, just rip the band-aid off.

"What? So you are mad about what happened at the meeting."

"That was foul. You and Jade not saying a word for me. Knowing I would never do anything grimy like that. I was only there to support my sister, and you two both knew that." She walked away from Jodi and sat on her bed. "But this isn't even about that. I could probably get over that. But this is about us. I care about you, think you care about me, but you're not ready to be in a relationship."

"What?"

"Listen, I know you're not ready to come out, and that's fine. Take your time. But at this time...I want a relationship that I am fully in."

"So because I can't come out, we can't date."

"That's not the reason."  She did not need to end things with Jodi, but she needed a break from her. "It's just...the semester is over, I'm going home, you'll be home, let's just do our own thing. We can still...be friends."

Jodi ran a hand through her short curls. "Okay, Okay, I get it. You deserve better than me. And I need to figure out how to tell my parents, and my sorority sisters...and be out like you."

"It is freeing," she said to her. "But don't do it for me. Do it for yourself."

A/N: I have a family member who did not come out till well into their 30s. They were even married for years, hiding it. Even though people are more open now. It's still very hard to come out.