JILL POV

While all her sorors were so happy in their relationships, she once again was alone and miserable.

If only Ivan could see she wanted to be with him now. How was she going to tell him how she felt if he already moved on? Who was this girl he was seeing? She had to get a look at her. Was she white? Was she Black?

Why did it matter? It should not have mattered to her, and she wished she could take back what she said to him. She was not even brave enough to talk to Sherry about it. Sherry was too involved with Taj and was rarely home at night anymore. She spent more time out of the house now than she did when she was with Donte.

So she spent many lonely nights alone. Listening to Ivan on the radio some nights.

Worse, she missed hanging out with her sorors. Besides their monthly Sister Circle meetings, they did weekly community service, but they barely talked while they did it. They had weekly meetings, and they only discussed business, then Zavrina and Lark would leave.

She missed hanging out doing nothing but being goofy, laughing, and having a good time.

The next Sister Circle meeting was her topic and she was leading it. "Dating Outside of Your Race." She had to go personal on that topic because she wanted to hear what others thought

"Why is this even a topic of discussion?" someone asked. "People can date whomever they want, it's not my business."

"But it is," another girl said. "There are not enough Black men to go around, and then Becky and Karen take the few good ones we have, what are we left with?"

That got some agreement from the ladies.

"But why are you looking at it like we have to date a Black man?" Zavrina stated. "There are more flavors than Baskin Robbins out there. White, LatinX, Asian..."

"You say that because you have some of all that in you!" someone shouted out.

"My background has nothing to do with it. When people look at me, they see Black, they don't see that both my parents are bi-racial."

"And you with one of the brighter brothers on campus...what's going on Zavrina?"

"Hold up!" Zavrina jumped up from her chair. "Don't play that colorism card on me. I like what I like. I've been with all flavors of the rainbow. My high school boyfriend was white. I've been with brothers darker and lighter."

She did not know that about Zavrina. She dated a white boy? Why had she never told her that? She learned something new about someone she thought she knew well. Then again, as Zavrina said, they were in the same sorority, they were not friends.

Even though it was her topic and she should lead it, she had little to say. She was too scared to state her opinion, so she continued to listen to the other ladies and let them go back and forth with their opinions.

"I think it's important for us to date someone we are attracted to, not just limit ourselves to one race. Diversity is good."

"And it's some cute Mexicans up in here!" someone shouted out as others laughed.

"White boys don't come up to us the same way the brothers step to white girls. I think the brothers know they have a chance because white women have always loved the Black man. When it comes to white men being attracted to us..."

"Hell, they were attracted when they were raping us as slaves!"

"Now come on, you can't compare that. Totally different."

"Agreed."

"I think white men view us differently than white women. We're exotic to them. We are the forbidden fruit."

"And a lot of their parents are racists, and they can't bring a Black girl home."

She wondered how Ivan's parents felt if he brought a Black girl home. His parents were both nurses, he told her that before. They met in nursing school and married shortly after. He never mentioned much about their views. Surely he told them he had a Black friend in school.

"Hell, some of them are racist."

"We can't group them all that way. Get to know them."

"Look, the black man has the big...you know, cock-a-doodle-do..."

Everyone started laughing at that.

"What? I'm being real. What if I'm with a white boy and he pulls his pants down and it's just..." She holds out her pinky finger and wags it up and down. "Eew! What Imma do with that?"

"Girllll!" Jill couldn't stop laughing. "Daysha, please be quiet."

"Y'all laughing but I'm for real."

She wanted to say something so bad, but like a punk, she kept her mouth shut and the meeting was over. Before Zavrina and Lark raced off, she stopped them.

"Ladies, I think we all need to sit and talk...work on our sisterhood. And uh...I asked Jossie to come over and help facilitate."

And just on cue, Jossie knocked and came inside the house.

"Hey sorors, I heard you all not being sisterly toward each other."

Zavrina squinted her eyes at her. "I'm not the one with an issue, they are."

"LS, good call on calling this meeting. Zav, Lark, please stay, and let's discuss things."

"Fine by me," Zavrina said, sitting back down. "Jossie, you know they are upset about Kenyon and me, but nothing they can say will make me stop dating him."

"See, and I'm sorry about that," Sherry said. "It's not my business who you date. I mean, I would have never guessed you and Kenyon...he...girl, you know how he is!"

"How he was! Don't you think I can decide on my own if he was worthy of me? Believe me, I have had my ups and downs with him over the years, but we're finally at a good place."

Lark jumped in, addressing her and Sherry. "I don't see what you two see. I know Kenyon, and I know that boy is super crazy for Zavrina. Was he a womanizer in the past? Yes, but we just have to trust Zavrina if she chose to be with him."

Jossie made herself comfortable at the table. "I can't believe you ladies tripping off a boy. Really? You know Imma keep it one hundred with y'all. All y'all nuts!" She slammed her hands on the table.

They said nothing, Jossie continued. "Well wait, I forget y'all are still young pretending to be grown. If you let a boy come between the sisterhood you're supposed to have, what the hell are you even doing?"

"But I didn't-" Zavrina started to say but Jossie held her hand up to cut her off.

"I ain't taking sides, niecey poo. You hid your relationship from your sorors for how long? How do you think they are supposed to react to that?"

"It ain't their business!"

"Girl, who are you raising your voice to?"

Zavrina shrunk down in her seat. "I'm sorry."

She held in her smirk, Jossie the only one that could check Zavrina like that.

"None of y'all thought to just talk this through? Like real women, face-to-face before it gets out of hand?"

"Well, that's what we're doing now," Jill stated. "And that's why I invited our Advisor here, to help us."

"Y'all don't need my help, y'all need Jesus, but since he can't swoop in and save ya little behinds, I guess I'm it. Okay, everyone gets five minutes to say their thoughts while the others listen and don't say a word. Niecey poo, you go ahead since you think you've done no wrong."

Zavrina blew out a breath before she said anything. "No auntie, you're right. I should have told them. I mean, when the relationship got serious anyway. I guess at first when I was okay just being one of his flings, I didn't want my business out there. I felt shame about it."

Zavrina bit her bottom lip. "Not shame for being with him...because I felt this connection with him from the first time I saw him on campus." She looked over at Jill. "Like you, I had a major crush on him. He was already in his second year and was popular, never thought he would notice me. I used to stalk the boy."

"WHAT?" Jill shouted out with a laugh.

Zavrina smiled. "Yes. It was crazy girl. Then he noticed me one day and well...I didn't care how I had him, I wanted him. When I say that boy had me stressed out over the years. Whew! I went through it with him."

"So what does that mean?" Sherry asked.

"Let her finish," Jossie said.

"I ended it with him so many times. I was just done. He dumped me several times. We just fought, always something pissing us off. Then we kept coming back to each other, and," she shrugged. "My feelings got so deep for him, it scared me. Like, I didn't want to feel that way about him if he was just going to hurt me."

"And then what happened when you finally admitted your feelings?" Jossie said to her.

"I love him. He loves me. Not saying things are perfect and rainbows and butterflies, but we're making it work." She looked at Sherry. "I'm sorry you went through what you went through with Donte...I get it, I would feel the same way about all men too. But I had to go with my heart with Kenyon. I was ready to stop hiding."

"That's admirable, " Sherry said. "I think I was upset about it because I thought we were closer...and what I just went through with Donte. My bad for thinking every guy is a dog like him."

"Sherry, I guess you can go now."

"I slept with Donte...recently."

"WHAT?" Did her line sister just say that? "Why would you do that?"

"Because I still had feelings there. I couldn't just turn them off. Even now I know I'm supposed to hate him-"

"Hate him!" she spat out.

"Jill, have you been in love? Do you know what it feels like to get your heart ripped out? I tried to turn it off, but I can't."

"I understand," Zavrina nodded.

"And Taj is a great guy...but now I'm having issues trusting anyone."

"So you cheated?"

"No judgment, Jill, " Jossie said. "This is all part of growing up. Make mistake now girls, when you're my age you won't have time for the foolishness."

"You married your college boyfriend. I want that!" Sherry added.

"Maybe that's not your story. Hell, I felt too young marrying at twenty-three. Maybe you need to live a bit more." Jossie looked to Lark. "What about you neo?"

"I have no problem with any of the ladies. I knew about Zav and Kenyon. He's cool with me."

"And Mr. Baller Shot Caller?" Jossie asked.

Lark giggled. "Frankie? Everything is great. I'm working now, making money to pay off this last semester. We shall see."

"And my girl over here, youngin you wanted me here-"

She didn't even have to think about what she wanted to say. "Zavrina I'm sorry about how I reacted to you and Kenyon. I guess part of me was still jealous...he never looked at me that way."

"You know it's a good thing he never looked at you that way Jilly, means he had respect for you. He could have hit it and quit it because you were offering it up, but he didn't," Zavrina said. "Kenyon has no beef with you. He thinks you're cool...when you're not being loud and bad-mouthing him."

She looked down at her hands. "I just wish I was pretty enough like you all so I could have a boyfriend and-"

"OMG, LS! Not this again. Girl, you are fly. These guys are stupid for not stepping up to you."

"She's right, Jill, you're that chick, " Zavrina said. "And stop looking for the guy, chasing him, he will find you."

She liked how that sounded. Only, the guy that already offered himself to her, had moved on because of her stupidity.

A/N: I need more Jossie, that is all!