If only her sorors knew how much she envied their smaller frame, versus her larger frame. Yes, she was confident in her curves, but sometimes, insecurities crept in, and her body was the first thing she felt unhappy with.

Always being told she was "cute for a big girl" was depressing. What the hell did that even mean? She was always bigger growing up and did not feel self-conscious about it till maybe high school. There everyone raved about the skinny girls and how they would show off their bodies in the smallest of outfits. So what she was bigger, she could wear whatever the smaller girls wore. So she started to. If they sold it in her size, she wore it. She gave two fucks what others said.

Still, now and then, it would hit her. How could she love her body, on the one hand, but hate it at other times?

Unlike Jill, she worked out a lot, just to maintain her weight and not have extra jiggly parts. She walked, she did fitness apps, she logged her food, she wore her waist trimmer, and she drank the teas. Yes, she was kind of obsessed with watching her weight. Not losing weight, she was not worried about that, but she did not want to gain any more weight.

Watching her sorors eat whatever they wanted, while she had to watch what she ate was frustrating. Zavrina was a size two. Jill a size eight. They were not obsessed with their bodies like her. She couldn't even talk about it with them, they would never understand. She had friends from Chicago she still hung out with sometimes, and they understood it because they were bigger like her.

"Sherry always looking fly girl, where do you get these clothes from?" Kaori asked her friend since her freshman year of high school. They decided to attend ISU together and roomed together freshman and sophomore years. Kaori had no interest in Greek life, and she was cool with Sherry joining a sorority, and they remained close. They were about the same size. "You know I need to shop in your closet."

"Ross Dress for Less, girl, I don't shop anywhere special."

"I never find anything cute my size there," Rosaline, her other friend from her hometown said. Rosaline was about a size twenty-four, and she typically wore sweats and a t-shirt. Her hair was always laid, that was her specialty, while Sherry always did her make-up. She just needed to dress better.

"We have to go shopping together. Some stores have things in our size that are cute."

"Your size. We ain't the same size girl, don't pretend to be," Rosaline mumbled.

"Well, anyway, you can wear whatever you want Roz. I'm tired of people trying to shame bigger girls to think we can't wear whatever we want to wear. Look at Lizzo. I mean, she's gorgeous. Period! And not for a big girl, for a beautiful Black woman."

"I wouldn't wear the things she wears...that's just me," Rosaline declared.

"But Sher is right. Girl, you and your MAX ladies should have that as a Sister Circle topic. It's important. Not just to us Black women, but to all women. Teach us how to be proud of our bodies."

Like she was the one to talk about that. She borderlined on being proud and having doubt. She just wanted to be comfortable in the skin she was in, but the constant battle over looking a certain way was real in her head. She brought the subject up with Donte and he immediately brushed her off.

"Babe, you look good. You ain't gotta worry about an ounce on this body. I love it." He grabbed her in a hug. "You're perfect."

"I'm not perfect. I'm just a person with insecurities like everyone else. Mine is my weight."

"Sherry really. You're one of the hottest girls on this campus, hands down. You beautiful, sexy, smart...hell, I'm a lucky guy."

She smiled at him. She never had a problem dating and no guy ever complained about her size. Still, her insecurities did not stem from if a guy liked her or not, it was from liking herself.

"But what about other girls, that have a little extra weight on them? Do you find them attractive?"

"What do you mean? I find you attractive. I ain't checking for-"

"I know that! I mean, do you like me just because I'm bigger, or do you smaller girls as well."

He thought for a second. "I guess I never really look at it like size or anything. I fell for you, baby. All of you. Have I dated other girls with other body types? Yes. So?"

At least he was being honest. Some men only preferred bigger women. Some men only preferred skinny minnies like Jill and Zavrina. Beauty was in the eye of the beholder, so she did not mind if she was not everyone's cup of tea.

"I want to discuss body image and body types," she told her sorors. "How we perceive ourselves and how others perceive us."

"Cool," Jill said, in between eating her burger and fries in their kitchen while Zavrina was hanging out at the MAX house getting her hair braided by Sherry.

"I have lots to say about that!" Zavrina announced excitedly from the floor, her head between Sherry's legs.

"Why would you have a lot to say about that?"

"I uh...don't understand the question."

"I'm saying, why would you have a lot to say about image? Look at you."

Zavrina looked down at herself. "I'm five foot nothing and I can't find clothes that fit me properly, yes I have body image problems."

She rolled her eyes at her friend. Not the same thing.

"I saw that!" Jill let out. "Don't dismiss Zavrina's feelings because you don't think they are valid."

"I did not dismiss-"

Zavrina moved away from her so she could look at her. "You don't think I feel insecure about my body? I have a kid body but I am a grown woman. Do you know how many times I get mistaken for a kid?"

"You do have a babyface," Jill stated.

"Fuck you, lil youngin. I may be small, but I can pack a punch and you don't want none. It's why I had to be tougher than most growing up, I couldn't fight, but I used my words to cut motherfuckers down to size. It's why I want to be a lawyer."

"You can talk your face off," Sherry said with a chuckle.

"I think a session on body image, size matters, and all that would be great for the next Sister Circle meeting. And get the pledges there. This will be an interesting discussion."

*************

Sister Circle meetings were bi-monthly meetings that were held at the MAX house. Every female on campus was invited to attend and depending on the topic sometimes they had a packed house. On the issue of body image, they had a full house and from all walks of life. White students, Black and Hispanic, some Asians, and all sizes. She was impressed with herself.

"Thank you ladies for attending our discussion on Body Image and feeling secure in your body. As some of you know, I am the President of Mu Alpha Chi and I am a senior. I wanted to have this discussion because most people look at me and see a woman confident in herself, and her curves...but inside, I have this battle with myself. Do I really love my body? Or do I secretly want to be thin? Look at me, I'm overweight. And I say this...but I do love my body. I do, I'm not ashamed of my weight."

"Girl, you go!" someone yelled out to her. "You look good."

"Well, thanks. And see, that's what I get a lot, yet still, I don't feel it. I just want that feeling to go away so I can truly be confident in myself." She looked around the room. She did not want to make the whole discussion about herself. "Anybody else wants to share how they feel?"

No one jumped up to say anything. She was sure she was not the only one that felt the way she did about herself. Most would not admit it.

Then Lark raised her hand and stood.

"My name is Jill. I understand how you feel Sherry because I feel the same way...and yes, I'm skinny. But I'm too skinny. I hate it. I hate my body. I would rather have yours."

That got a few people talking. It was shocking to hear as well. No, she never wanted to be skinny, she knew there were problems with that, but hearing someone on the opposite end of the spectrum was enlightening.

"Girl, just eat something!" someone shouted out.

"You think it's that simple!" Lark spat back at her. "You think I don't gorge on food and hope I gain weight? You didn't tell Sherry to stop eating, now did you?"

Little Ms. Quiet Lark was speaking her mind and shocking her. 

Zavrina stood up from the front table. "I understand where Lark is coming from. I'm a smaller frame person, but that doesn't mean I don't have body image issues. This is not about weight. And we won't be attacking each other because of it. My issue is I don't like being short."

"And I hate being tall!" One of the taller, white basketball players said as she stood. "You think guys hit on tall girls like me? Even tall guys don't care for tall girls like me."

"Can you give me a couple of your inches please," Zavrina said with a chuckle. That got the women laughing.

After that, they had a very lively discussion, and a lot of the ladies opened up about how they felt, either about their body, weight, facial features, or hair. It was a very enlightening discussion. Some people cried, they laughed and they got to know and respect the other ladies in the room. They needed a part two discussion.

After the discussion, they had refreshments for everyone before they headed out. Their advisor, Jossie came over to her.

"Sherry, really impressed with tonight's Sister Circle. Something like that needs to take place often."

"I was just thinking to myself we need to have a part two!"

"I think we should have it monthly," Jossie said. "In addition to regular Sister Circle meetings. The ladies on this campus needed that. You all are still young, and you will learn sooner or later, beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, we can't please everyone, nor do we want to."

"True."

"Hey Auntie," Zavrina hugged her Aunt Jossie.

"Hey little sis," Jossie said to her. Her aunt could easily pass for one of the students, she blended in so well with them. A few inches taller than Zabrina, brown-skinned, with long silky hair down her back, and a petite frame. Everyone said she looked like Chili from TLC. Zavrina's mother was almost her twin but they were two years apart.

"Can I get a lift back to my residence hall?"

"Sure kid, come on."

"Jossie, I need to swing by your office soon and talk with you about some things."

"Any time ladies, that's what I am here for."

A/N: Trying to come up with more Sister Circle topics to include. We were never this conscious in college, I can't remember a single topic discussed and I probably lead most and was on many panels 🤷🏾‍♀️