𝔸𝕧𝕒

After Kami made sure Zane was healed, she left in her car and Zane drove us home in his Challenger. He was quiet during the ride back to our place—the kind of quiet that told me he was drowning in guilt below the surface. He looked like his heart had been ripped from his chest and an empty shell was left in its place.

I understand how he feels. Since the marking, he's been coping with my own pain and pretending to be fine, but every time he'd cringe or grunt, the feeling of responsibility would weigh on me. No one wants to be the cause of a loved one's pain.

He remained quiet on our ride up the elevator and as he unlocked our front door.

When we enter the house, I close the door behind us and Zane drops his keys unceremoniously onto a table near the entryway. He shambles into the living room, his arms hanging wearily at his sides as he kicks off his shoes and collapses face-first onto the couch.

I take a seat at the edge of the couch and rub his back with my palm.

"Are you okay?" I ask.

He rolls over and looks at me with glossy, red eyes.

"Am I okay?" he asks. "No, Ava, I'm a bloody monster."

"Hey, stop talking like that. You're not a monster."

"Of course I am, Ava," he says as tears begin to fall down his cheeks. "I brought Kieran into your life. He was my friend, so I let my guard down and then he attacked you. If he's a monster, then what do you call the person who let him get to you? What do you call the person who went in there to fight a bloody demon without even thinking about how it would affect you?"

"I'd call them human," I say. "Okay, you may not technically a human, but that doesn't mean you're not allowed to act like one every now and then. You deserve to let yourself off the hook every now and then."

"I just saw red," he says, raking his hands through his hair in distress. "You were so scared, baby. The way you looked at me when you woke up, I can't get it out of my mind. You were staring into my eyes with this panic I had never seen before. I wish I had lived my whole life never seeing you look at me like that. Like a monster. And then I became one."

I can feel sorrow radiating from him. The weight of everything he's dealing with—betrayal, the loss of a trusted friend, deep self-loathing, anger—is overwhelming. Seeing him like this is far worse than any physical pain. He looks broken.

"Stop it!" I snap, feeling the need to defend him—even against his own words. "You are not a monster! You made a mistake, okay? You wanted to protect me and you messed up and that's okay. Mistakes happen."

He takes in a jagged breath, struggling to look me in the eyes.

"I should have known better," he says. "The mark... we knew it worked both ways. I wasn't thinking and you got hurt."

"Zane, don't do that to yourself," I scold. "You are not judged by your worst moments. The next time I make a mistake, will you label me a monster?"

"Ava," he says softly.

"Would you?"

"No," he says. "But yo-"

"No buts, Zane," I say. "You have it in your head that you're this horrific creature that needs to be kept chained up. That you need to hide yourself away from the world to avoid harming me or anyone else. But that's bullshit, okay?"

I grab his face and look him in the eyes.

"You are a good person," I say.

He looks like he's about to argue with me, but I lay down on his chest and wrap my arms around him and repeat it.

"You are a good person."

He lets out a heavy breath and his chest falls.

"Okay," he mumbles. "I... I'll try to see it that way."

"Good."

"I'm still sorry you got hurt."

He sits up, lifting me up with him as he pulls me tighter into his arms.

"Do you wanna tell me what happened?" I ask. "With Kieran?"

"I beat the shit out of him," he says with a rough, despondent voice. "He basically admitted it, that he had done it. He brushed it off like it was no big deal."

"Really? He admitted it?"

The idea that Kieran was really that person in my dream was hard to wrap my head around. He was so different, so inhuman.

"Yeah," he says with a sigh. "I should have never let him near you. I didn't know. I bought his rubbish about just trying to get by and not wanting to be a killer."

"Does that mean Kieran is the killer you guys have been looking for?" I ask, not sure if I really want to know the answer.

"I don't even know anymore. He's probably one of many. We had no idea so many demons were in town, and now with venom being spread all over the place, who knows how many more demons are in the city."

"You really think Kieran is killing people?" I ask.

"He attacked you," he says, exasperated. "He dosed you with venom. I have no idea what he's capable of."

"Wait... what?"

He closes his eyes and nods slightly.

"So that night, when you and I..." I start to ask, trying to piece together what he's saying. "But didn't you tell me he called you about that?"

He pinches his mouth in a tight line as he ponders my words.

"I don't know," he says. "Maybe he felt remorse. Maybe he was afraid he'd get caught."

"Maybe he didn't do it."

I still can't imagine Kieran dosing my drink or attacking me, and even if he did, calling Zane wouldn't make sense.

"He did it," Zane says. His tone of voice is too defeated to be anything other than certain.

"Okay," I say quietly, allowing the weight of the words to sink in.

*****

"Okay I can't carry these bags and walk and drink this at the same time," Jen says, holding up five shopping bags in one hand and her smoothie in the other.

"That's why you don't buy more things at the mall than you can carry," I tease.

"Oh shush your big ol' judgy face. I'll have you know I desperately needed these shirts, jumpsuit, candles, comic books, and hair ties."

"I'll agree about the hair ties," I say, plopping myself down on a nearby bench as she joins. "You ask me to borrow one literally every time I see you."

"See!" she says, lifting her bags and shaking them in the air. "Necessities!"

She places the bags on the ground and sits down beside me. I let out a sigh as I take solace in the momentary break from walking and carrying bags.

"Are you okay?" she asks. "You're sighing a lot today."

"Yeah, sorry," I say. "I'm fine."

"Okay, not buying it." She turns her shoulders toward me and takes a sip of her smoothie through the straw. "Spill. What's up?"

"It's Zane," I say with a sigh. "He had a falling out with Kieran."

"Oh shit, really? I thought those two were inseparable."

"I feel terrible. He's clearly miserable and it's all my fault," I say before I can consider how I'm going to explain this without using the words Siren or Incubus.

"How so?"

"Kieran, he um..." I say, struggling to find a non-supernatural explanation.

"He has a thing for you, doesn't he?"

"Yeah, pretty much."

"I kinda figured," she says, taking another drink of smoothie. "That guy was all over you when we first met. Honestly, I thought he had just gotten over it."

"Apparently not..." I say, trying to run through everything again in my mind. It still feels wrong to me that Kieran could have really been this way all along, but I can't argue with it if he flat out admitted it. "I feel like I broke up the dynamic duo."

"Well if he can't respect bros before hoes, then good riddance," she says with a chuckle. "I guess that means no more Pike's for a while, eh?"

"Yeah, probably not."

I figure I won't bother explaining that I'm avoiding Pike's anyway due to their demon infestation.

"Eh, it's alright," she says. "I've been kind of avoiding it myself. There's only so much you can watch your hot bartender girlfriend get hit on."

I'm still not sure how to broach the subject of Kieran and Shayna's tryst, if I should at all. I open my mouth to respond, but Jen narrows her eyes, clearly distracted by something.

"Well, speak of the devil!" she says.

I follow her eyes to a woman in a white T-shirt and jeans in a women's shoe store across the corridor. It takes me a moment to recognize her as Shayna.

Thank god. For a second, I thought she had spotted Kieran.

"It's my boo," she says with glee in her voice. "Let's go say hi!"

It breaks my heart to hear the joy in her voice when I know this woman isn't being faithful to her. One of these days I owe Shayna a good slap to the face.

Jen scoops up her bags and stands up, but then pauses with a confused look.

"What?" I ask.

As I turn back to look at Shayna I see her wrapping her arms around a short, blond woman in a dress, who is leaning back into her embrace.

Oh god.

Jen is frozen in place, her bottom lip wavering slightly and her eyes welling up with tears.

Shit.

I look back and forth between them, unsure of what to say. It's clear Shayna still hasn't spotted us as she cuddles with this other woman.

I owe this bitch a lot more than just one slap.

"Jen, I-" I start to say, but she interrupts me.

"Let's go," she says, dejectedly. "I don't feel like shopping anymore."

She quickly turns on her heels and makes a beeline for the nearest exit. We trek across the parking lot to Jen's car and jump in.

I don't know what to say. This is the second time in a week that one of my favorite people has been crushed by the betrayal of someone they've trusted and I just want to break down and cry. She doesn't deserve this.

The moment the car door shuts she starts bawling. I reach over to give her a hug and she cries into my shoulder.

I desperately want to run back inside and beat Shayna into the ground. Sure, she's bigger and stronger than me, but fuck it—I'm immortal now.

"Wh-... why d-... she sa-... but I lo-... am I such a loser-... pretty... .she di-..." Jen tries to speak, but between her sobs, I'm only making out every eighth word.

"Honey, you're a goddamn catch and Shayna is the dumbest woman in the world for not seeing that," I say.

"I... she... we... why d-... some blond bitch... an-... such a... douchecanoe..."

I chuckle a bit at her colorful terminology.

"I'm so sorry, Jen," I say. "She doesn't deserve you."

"What am I su-... she di-... why....?"

I can't understand much of what she's saying, but I know Jen well enough to know what she needs right now. So I say the only thing I can think of that might make her feel better.

"All I got was something about..." I say. "Hebrew Butterfree?"

She looks at me and instantly bursts into laughter.

"See this is why I love you," she says, burrowing deeper into my hug.

She laughs between sniffles and at moments I can't tell if she's giggling or crying.

"Why?" Jen asks, her voice calmer yet still heartsick. "Why wasn't I enough?"

My chest tightens at her question. I hate that she's feeling like this.

"Some people don't know what a great human being looks like," I say, stroking her hair. "You're more than enough. She just doesn't know what enough is."

Her breathing is staggered but settling.

"I just wish I had found out any other way than this," she says.

My heart shatters into a million tiny pieces at her words.