ℤ𝕒𝕟𝕖

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

I rush into my car and slam the door with such force that the car shakes violently. I sink my fist into the dashboard; the blades of the air conditioning vents snap as a small section of console crumples under my touch.

Fuck.

What just happened?

Why did I have to kiss her?

I've spent a lifetime building up the strength to defy my urges, but in just seconds alone with this woman my resolve shattered.

It's been years since the last time I felt compelled to kiss someone. Decades since I actually went through with it. And a human? Almost never. For me, physical touch is a means to an end—a transaction.

With a human, my kiss takes away their inhibitions. It sends them into a fog of lust toward whomever they're attracted to. In Sirens, a kiss helps the body repair. But it's always clinical, controlled.

In my youth, I would let my urges get the best of me. I'd take advantage of humans for whatever I wanted, without regard for who it harmed. But I knew it was never real, and that made it all feel empty. So now I keep my distance from humans.

Yet tonight, this one girl slipped past all my defenses. A lifetime of building self-control and discipline was all but meaningless against a pair of grey eyes.

It plays over in my mind again: her gentle hand against my face, the sudden surge of adrenaline, her lips connecting with mine, my hands intertwined with strands of purple hair...

Fuck.

My senses are on fire, my chest feels heavy, and my mind is clouded with lust, need for her.

I start my car and drive over to Kieran's. The odds of him having a girl over are good, but I can't be alone with my thoughts right now.

****

As I knock on Kieran's door, I find my fist banging more intensely than intended. I'm trying to be cool, but my heavy breathing and the frantic drumming in my chest will almost certainly give me away.

"Hey bro," he says with a confused look as he opens the door. "What's going on? Aren't you supposed to be sleeping or something?"

"Yeah, er... sorry mate, do you have company?"

"Nah," he says with a shrug and a gesture to come in. "What's up? You're..."

He pauses and his eyes narrow as he takes in a deep breath.

"You were... with Ava?" he asks, with a tone that could easily read as confusion or anger.

He can smell her on me—of course he can. I didn't think it would be that obvious. He has had his eyes on her since he first met her in the elevator. I can see his chest puffing up as a mixture of hurt and rage flash across his face.

"Did you just..." he says, stumbling through thoughts. "But... I wanted... You said you weren't interested. You said..."

"I know. I'm a bloody idiot, mate. I don't know what happened."

His expression seems to soften and a smirk almost appears.

"Holy hell, man!" he exclaims. "You like her!"

I can't tell if this is better or worse than Kieran trying to beat the shit out of me. His grin is growing increasingly more smug by the second.

Yep. This is officially worse.

"I don't..." I start to say. "I mean, I didn't like her. I made a mistake. I shouldn't have, but... she needed a ride home and I gave her one, then she came up to me like she was going to kiss me, and I just had a moment of weakness."

"You?" Kieran says. "You lost control? The big bad Iron Siren? Mister Will Power—Mister Don't-Get-Involved—suddenly lets a human seduce him?"

"It was a kiss, alright? One lapse."

We each take a seat on either side of his rust-colored sofa as Kieran switches the TV off with the remote.

"You reek of arousal," he smirks.

"Oh, piss off, mate."

"Still, dude. This is big. You've never had a relationship. I've never seen you show any interest in anyone. I know you've had a few flings in the past with other immortals, but..."

"Calm down, mate. I'm not gonna marry her. I'm probably never even gonna see the girl again."

"Can you even have a relationship with a human?"

"No," I say. "But I wasn't going to."

"Do you just make them perpetually lust-crazy or what?"

"After a while, in theory, a Siren's kiss can drive a human insane."

The thought sends an uncomfortable feeling to my stomach. I mean, I don't want a relationship with this girl. This is just a fluke. I just don't like the idea that it would be impossible.

"Ahh," he says. "That's right. Going mad, crashing their ships into the coastline and whatnot."

"In theory," I say. "I've heard it as a rumor, but I've never known anyone who has tried to stay with a human for very long."

"How much credit can you really give those nonsense old legends, anyway? Didn't they also make you all out to be sexy ladies with fish parts?" he says with a laugh.

I roll my eyes. The mermaid thing just won't die. Sirens have had wings since the dawn of time, yet somewhere along the line some wanker saw a manatee and had to rope us into his weird fish tales.

"You're supposed to be a three-foot-tall, furry elf," I say with a smirk.

Kieran lets out a laugh.

"Touché," he says.

I spend the next twenty minutes explaining what went down after I left the bar: Finding Ava after her fight with her boyfriend, driving her home, the kiss.

"So, what makes this girl so special, then?" Kieran asks.

"Nothing," I say.

Liar.

Everything about her seems special to me. Her grey eyes. The way she walks the line between being tough and sensitive and doesn't seem to care what anyone has to say about it.

"So you just kissed her, got her all lust-crazy, and then bailed?"

"I mean, that's not exactly how I'd put it, but yeah."

"You got her all worked up, and then you left her there. Alone."

"Yeah," I repeat. "So what?"

"You do realize the boyfriend is probably going to come back, right? And now she's all dosed with Siren venom and good to go."

My heart stops.

"Oh, bloody hell."

Kieran breaks out into a fit of laughter.

"First you set up her friend at the bar, and now you're hooking these two up," he says. "Aren't you just a little supernatural matchmaker?"

My fists tighten until my knuckles are pure white. I can't get the image out of my head now—that cunt from the bar touching her, exploiting the effects of my venom on her system. My head feels feverish and I want to punch through a wall. She can't be with him. Fuck no.

"I'll bloody kill you where you stand, mate," I say, my voice thick with rage over a low growl.

"Jesus, man, calm down. I'm not the one who got you in this situation, am I?"

I try to relax, but I feel my blood pressure rising.

"Yeah, I know, alright?"

"Man," he sighs. "This girl has really got you under her spell. If I didn't know any better, I'd say she was the Siren."

"You're hilarious, mate."

"Either that or you're getting high off your own supply."

He's not wrong. This is precisely what our venom does to humans. It makes them lose control, causes a single-minded obsession with the object of their affection, and heightens their arousal.

No, that's not possible. I can't be affected by my own venom.

Can I?

𝔸𝕧𝕒

I'm jarred awake by the shrill ring of my doorbell.

Ugh. What time is it?

According to the clock on my nightstand and the light peeking through my curtains, it's almost noon. I drag myself out of bed, my muscles aching to a degree that should really be reserved for being run over by a monster truck. Lifting myself to stand is an impossible task and my head is pounding from my unfortunate choice to over-do the drinking last night.

Oh god. Last night.

I walk out into the living room and up to the door.

My mind flashes back to the fight with Mike. Kissing Zane. Zane bolting out the door.

Good job Ava—you're walking man repellent.

The doorbell chimes again. I know who is on the other side of that door and I really don't want to open it, but I know I don't have a choice.

I open the door to reveal Mike standing with his hands in his pockets, a slouched posture, and an apologetic expression.

"Hey," I say.

"Hey," he replies. He holds out my phone. "You left this in my car last night."

"Thanks," I say, grabbing it.

"Can we talk?" he asks.

I nod and invite him in. He sits in a chair in the corner and I take the sofa. My memory flashes again to last night, Zane and I in this same room. I cringe at the awkwardness of this whole moment.

"I'm sorry," Mike says. He looks at me like those words will solve everything.

"You told the truth. That's all I can ask of you."

"So we're good?" he asks.

I sigh and shrug.

"I mean... no. I'm sorry, but how can I be with someone who thinks being with me is a mistake? Who thinks loving me is a mistake?"

"I didn't say that. You just put me in a position where I fell in love with someone, and now I have to worry about you and worry about losing you."

"I don't think it's just that, Mike. I think you don't want a girlfriend who has problems. Who can't go out with you any time you want. Who has to take the elevator instead of the stairs. You see me as broken, and because you do, I do."

"Maybe that's true," he says. "But I'm not saying I'm leaving you. I said I love you. I said I'd stay because I love you."

"I don't want to be with someone who sees me as a burden," I say. I can feel tears building in my eyes.

"Are you breaking up with me?" he asks, looking almost more furious than hurt.

"I'm sorry, Mike, but yes. I am."

His eyes fill with anger and his expression hardens.

"You think someone else is going to love you?" he snaps. "We got together before this stuff got really bad, and you think you can just go out and find someone now who's not going to see this stuff as a liability? You're worse off now than you've ever been. I decided to stay with you. Nobody else is gonna make that choice."

His words cut to the bone. They feed that little voice inside my head that tells me I am fundamentally damaged. That I'm more trouble than I'm worth.

"Then I'll be alone," I say, "but I'm not staying with someone who thinks that they're stuck being in love with me."

He stands up and stomps his way to the door.

"Fine," he says. "I couldn't have tolerated you for much longer anyway."

He slams the door behind him.