Jungkook dazed through the apartment building and into the elevator , expressionless eyes drooping to the floor exhausted and his brand new school bag slung onto one achey shoulder .

The members bought it for him , teasing him and pinching his sore cheeks convincing him it was good for posture and what not .
" who knows it might bring you luck on your resit ,"

As each floor he passed dinged and the white shitty flickering led stuttered above him questions on the paper seemed to flash by his mind - snippets of those two hours bombarding his brain .

He tried to check his phone instead , not bothering to open the passcode but watching the tens of message notifications he skimmed over earlier flooding his screen

Good luck Jungkookie - (RM )boss man
Don't mess up you can do this -(V )gucciman
Guys your pressuring him too hard , just because our entire career trajectory depends on the tiny shoulders of a 17 year old boy ...- jinjin
JIN! - jiminshiiiii
I'm just teasing jk , ur shoulders aren't that tiny - jinjin
" come on golden maknae," Hobi hyungie
" aishhhh hobi I'm cringing " (yoongi) ajussi
"😡😡😡" hobiehyungie
" it's ok jungkook just write and you'll do fine" ajussi
I'm waiting in the car - the nice manager hyung

Jungkooks heavy eyes just felt even droopier . The words blurred and tauntingly danced on screen , feeling meaningless and cruel now for some reason .

Everything felt hollow and slow . Empty and meaningless .
It felt like jungkook was breaking in slow motion .

Fragments of his shell cracking off and floating to the floor to reveal a hollow place his soul was supposed to be .
He was a corpse .

What fucking ever.

His tired thumb floated by the off button and he was about to click the phone close untill he saw one last message ping

Omma is proud of you brave boy , you've worked so hard now show them xx - omma 💕

His dead eyes held onto that message for an extra second and his stomach seemed to turn , he could feel the nauseous acid beginning to crawl in his gut and his mouth salivating harder.
When was the last time he even messaged his mum .

He shakily clicked onto their chat history . He scrolled back and saw all her missed calls but even those she had given up a while ago . His eyes wavered on Those unanswered messages that slowly got sparser ...

Were watching you on tv baby !!!- omma💕
Call me in your breaks !!!- omma💕
Did you sleep well , you seemed tired in your interview - omma 💕
They played your song in the supermarket - waaaa I can tell my friends you made it now or is there more to see 😭- omma 💕
Jungkook wear vests underneath ur shirt it stops sweat , tell the stylest - omma 💕
Omma misses you so much - omma💕
Eat more your fans are saying you lost weight , if you don't eat you won't grow 😡😡😡 love u silly boy - omma 💕
Please call when you can jungkook, omma misses you - omma 💕
Jungkook if you need to study alone you can come home for a few days , I'll talk to bang PD if you need - omma 💕
Omo they played ur song on tv - omma 💕
Did u read the hurricane news today , make sure ur windows are strong or stay on a lower floor with friends don't be shy jungkook I'll ask ur manager if u listened- mama is watching 😑😑😑 . - omma 💕
I miss u brave boy 💕- omma 💕
Call me when you can jungkook - omma 💕
Jungkook please call me , I love you silly boy - omma 💕💕

Jungkooks finger hovered over the call button . Did he ignore that many messages he didn't even scroll half of them .
His stomach turned again
Ur such a a fucking cruel son
What are the traits of the golden maknae jungkook thought of the answer sourly

Shit son
Shit member
Shit student

Jungkook closed the phone aggressively .
He didn't think he was the same boy anymore to call her back . She would hear it in him . She would hear the shame stuck in his throat . She would know straight away what he did . If anyone could hear those quiet cracks it would be her .

So he tilted his head back in the metal elevator wall
Eyes shut
Mind and heart heavy

Shit son
Shit member
Shit student

He couldn't even control his mind anymore . Think positive . Get over it. Stop thinking . Please .
He was begging his mind to die but a million negative thoughts buzzed like a hive of wasps between his ears .

Now Jungkook could remember everything clearly . Now he could remember like crystal clear daylight . Slumped on the metal wall of an unhygienic dorm elevator , in shock and empty and fucking heavy . Now he could think of the answers to that goddamn test .

As he walked to the door his grip tightened on that phone , nausea like car sickness rolling in the pit of his tummy .

He tried to unlock the heavy wooden door with the keys but they seemed to just jangle useless in his grip , his hands too shaky . Too weak .
Thankfully after a few absentminded minutes of ting to shake the key into the keyhole and twist it open , he was saved by a member swinging the door inwards for him .
His hand fell to his side and he stumbled through the door in a daze

Letting his bag slide of his hand

" oh no .." jin murmered
" jungkook ?" Taehyung who was sitting on the couch turned his head around , those huge innocent eyes peering at the younger boy .
Jungkook dragged his body to his room .

He slumped onto the bed , clutching the blanket underneath him tightly as he curled into a foetal position .

"Is he okay " he heard jimin whisper out the door
" he will be  fine , let's just hope it went better than he thought " jin replied

He couldn't hold it in
Gripping the blanket to his empty chest in that foetal positions his eyes turned red and glossy

"omma" his cracked voice whispered to himself
His eyes finally spilling over as he sobbed quietly - broken uneven breaths undetectable to the members out his room
"omma," he sobbed into that blanket a million times