in case you're wondering if i'll ever shut up abt Purge AU: probably not for a very long time, at least not before i publish it :')

anyway

i used to pride myself on being a very good action writer. i grew up reading stuff like percy jackson, harry potter, the hunger games etc., so i just naturally absorbed these writers' styles and their ways of wording things (esp action/fights). but i've stopped reading for fun for a while now :'D and now i honestly feel like all my action stuff is crap. this sucks bc TPR (The Purge: Requiem :') ) is gonna have to have a LOT of REALLY GOOD action (bc that's basically what the purge is about), and i'm just not confident in my ability to write that anymore.

so

here's a first draft of a scene in chapter 2 that i would love for y'all to critique!! you can comment on anything and everything, from tone, to setting, to word choice, to how you feel while reading a part, and more! it can even just be "this part feels off/weird to me and idk why." i'll listen to anything you wanna say, as long as you say it!! thank you in advance for your help <33 it is much needed TwT

tw: child abuse, (graphic depictions of) violence, blood, death(s), language

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Excerpt from Chapter 2

"Gotcha." Five fingers clamp around his throat, and Giorno abandons all thought processes, whipping around and jabbing his knife as fast as possible into Fugo's chest. But the blade is stopped short when Fugo's other hand wraps around it, metal straining against the shiny metal of his glove. Giorno feels his windpipe slowly getting crushed as the other boy squeezes, that whirring sound once again filling up his ears. Can't....

Breathe.... Giorno thrashed around on the floor, his vision blurring with tears and the lack of air as his stepfather's meaty fingers closed around his throat, cutting off the sixteen-year-old's circulation. His pushes and claws were getting incredibly weak, and his lungs burned as he tried to choke out an apology, a plea, anything to get this man off of him. But the only sound he could produce was a strangled sob, quickly drowned out by his stepfather's roar:

"What the fuck are you crying about? Shut the fuck up or I'll slash your eyes right outta your fucking head! Shut the fuck up!"

The knife blade narrowly missed his face, and Giorno stopped immediately, trying his best to hold back the tears. No good. They kept coming, treacherous little drops overflowing from his eyes down either side of his head, even when the hand around his throat clenched fatally tight. Perhaps it was because they both knew, tonight was one of the nights that man could choke as tight as he wanted, swing that knife as close as he wished, break as many fragile and fleshy things inside Giorno's body as he pleased... and not have to suffer any of the consequences. His stepson would simply have been "Purged."

"I told you to stop, didn't I? DIDN'T I?" The man bellowed, jerking him up and down by the neck like a ragdoll. "YOU LITTLE PIECE OF SHIT!"

The knife plunged down, and something inside Giorno decided it'd had enough. It seized the blade with his bare hands, barely allowing him to feel the pain as they yanked it away from his stepfather's grasp, then reversed it and slashed. Thick, dark blood spurted out from the deep gash, drenching Giorno's shirt and dripping all over his face and hands even after he had turned his head sideways. The grip on his neck loosened, and Giorno immediately pushed the now lifeless body away, tasting warm blood on his tongue. He barely managed to scramble onto his hands and knees before his body doubled over and his stomach lurched, but since he hadn't had anything to eat since after breakfast, the only thing he could heave up was saliva.

"Giorno... what the hell have you done?" That feminine voice made him jump, as oxygen-deprived and pain-ridden as he was. He distantly remembered the knife in his hand. It felt stuck in his grip, the stainless steel glinting against murky blood like a shining ray of hope. It's false, he wanted to think, but then her fingers dug into his scalp and he took another swing and now both his mother and stepfather were lying on the floor, dead.

Giorno sobbed. He had no strength. He couldn't survive like this. But something inside him glued that knife stuck to his hand, and by the time he could finally release it, the sirens signaling the end had had to blare three times.

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specific questions bc maybe it'll make giving feedback easier?
- is the action realistic?
- was i being long-winded or did it feel fine?
- is the dialogue natural? (natural enough for a situation like that, anyway)
- how did this make you feel?
- can you picture/imagine what Giorno is going through (before & after killing his parents)?

thanks to everyone who read and/or commented ;w; i'll probably write a few more chapters before publishing this, but for now, that was a sneak peek hehe :3