ft. other ppl's children ig (sorry if i get them wrong af)

a decent amount of these r not mine tbh 💀

—

Kasumi, having shapeshifted into a hellhound: *religiously lapping up toilet water*
Nao: should we tell them?
Hiroaki, with a recording of 4:20 minutes & going: nah, it's hydrate or diedrate fam
Marino, gagged & tied to a chair in the bg: *sobbing in chef*

Kasumi: *enraged* WHAT ARE YOU, FIVE???¿?
Josette: yea....... fiVE HEADS TALLER THAN YOU
Celeste: GADDEEEMMMMMM
Them: *donuted*

(from buzzfeed unsolved)
*speaking to demons*
Celeste: hEre we gO
Gianmarco: *whimpering* you're out of your mind
Celeste: rOCK and ROLL buckaroo
Celeste, to the darkened room: if you wanna eat MY heart, turn that light ON
*nothing happens*
Celeste: if you wanna eat gIANNI'S heart—
Gianmarco: nO,, don't— STOP putting me in your shit¡!
Celeste: TURN that light O N
Celeste: *gestures to him like he's a showpiece* my dEAR brother Gianmarco Bianchi!!!
Gianmarco: sTOp,,
Celeste: *slapping his back* we're a pAcKAge deal¡¡
*light turns on*
Gianmarco: !!!!!!!!
Celeste: oH!¡ the lIGhts are ON gianni!!¡ lOOk at thE LIGHTS—
Celeste: dEmON,, w e  g o t  e m
Gianmarco: *sobbing* jesus christ,,,,,

(bu)
angel!Hiroaki, breaking into the hunters' base: hey there demons
Hiroaki: it's me, ya boy

(bu)
hunter!Arlo: any dEMons here??
Arlo: got any DemONs out tonight???
Arlo: any horny boys or whatever they—
hunter!Stella, concerned: "horny boys"????
Arlo: they got horns :///

Celeste: here's a fun game!! swap the first letters of your first & last names, and see what you get!
Irene: Krene Iira
Kasumi: Tasumi Ksuji
Donatello: Bonatello Drando
Gianmarco: Bianmarco Gianchi
Josette:
Josette: this game is stupid anyway

Hiroaki, complaining to Lilliano: i mean, how stupid does Marino think i am???
Lilliano:
Hiroaki: i had to tell him to stop illustrating the shopping lists he gives me!!!!!!
Lilliano:
Lilliano: honey, we've been standing in the meat section for the last 20 minutes and im getting cold
Hiroaki, sobbing: where the fuck would a plate be in a cow's body

Kasumi: i bet you can't use your Stand to its full potential on these many Stand users
Nao: watch me
Nao: *turns to jmb, jbl, dotb & possibly jbwt crowd* thERE'S ONLY ONE THING WORSE THAN A RAPIST...
E v e r y o n e: A CHILD!!!!!!
Kasumi: a chi— fUCK
(i love Nao wtf)

(bu)
demon!Dorotea, sauntering into room: hey there you angel f U C K
demon!Trent: wOAh,,', dropped all the decorum didn't ya,,
Dorotea, angelic smile: yeaa you gotta catch em by surprise yanno?¿

*dm-ing*
Celeste: hey
Celeste: hey your online reply me
Celeste: send me pussy pics 😉
Josette: *sends a screenshot of C's pfp*
Celeste: wtf that's me

Marino: the only straight i am is a straight up bitch
(has this been done???)

Alexandre: *pretends to stretch arms*
Alexandre: *puts arm around Christopher*
Christopher: *blushes up at him*
Hiroaki: *watches Alexandre*
Hiroaki: *pretends to stretch arms*
Hiroaki: *fucking elbows Lilliano in the face*
Lilliano: do you have a death wish? :)

Josette: Cel, i'm sad :(
Celeste: *envelops her in a hug* aww no bby come here it's ok shhh
Irene: Nile, i'm sad :(
Nile: mood.

Gianmarco: what did you do at school today?
Kasumi: learned about dragons.
Gianmarco: your class learned about dragons??
Kasumi: i learned about dragons. i dunno what everyone else was doing.

Donatello: boy, blowjobs sure are a mouthful ;))
Josette: wow, that pun was hard for me to swallow ((;
Kasumi: penis

Gianmarco: kiss, marry, kill — me, Celeste, Irene
Josette: kiss Irene, marry Celeste, kill Donatello
Donatello: i wasn't even one of the options wtf

Donatello: only a pessimist sees it as something as negative as "being stabbed"
Donatello: meanwhile, i, an optimist, prefer to look at it from the angle of "sweet, a new knife!"

Josette: name one thing you'd like to try in the bedroom
Celeste: see you get a full 8 hrs of sleep

Stella & Arlo: *T-posing in the doorway at 5 AM* good morning, parental figure
Donatello, still in bed with his sleeping mask on: good morning, problem children

*dm-ing*
Josette: so anyway, nobody's home—
Celeste: *fucking flies to her house* *sees it's empty*
Celeste: where are you?
Josette: i said nobody's home

Hiroaki: if i was your boyfriend...
Lilliano: *absentmindedly* i'd never let you go
Marino: recording complete!
Lilliano:
Hiroaki:
Lilliano: did you—
Hiroaki: i can exPLAIN

dumb things actually said in court:

Attorney: what gear were you in at the moment of impact?
Ontario: Gucci sweats and Reebok

Attorney: are you sexually active?
Josette: no, i just lie there.

Attorney: what's the date of your birth?
Arlo: July 5th
Attorney: what year?
Arlo: ... every year??

Attorney: this... "Young and Menace," does it affect your memory at all?
Kasumi: yes
Attorney: and in what ways does it affect your memory?
Kasumi: i forget...
Attorney: you forgot? can you give us an example of something you forgot?

Attorney: now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, they don't know about it until the next morning?
Brynjar: did you actually pass the bar exam????

Attorney: your youngest child, the eighteen-year-old, how old is she?
Donatello: eighteen... much like your IQ

Attorney: were you present when you picture was taken?
Hiroaki: ....... are you shitting me??

Attorney: doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
Brynjar: no
Attorney: did you check for blood pressure?
Brynjar: no
Attorney: did you check for breathing?
Brynjar: no
Attorney: so, is it then possible that the patient could've still been alive?
Brynjar: no
Attorney: how can you be so sure, doctor?
Brynjar: because his brain was sitting on my desk, in a jar
Attorney: i see, but could the patient have still been alive, nonetheless?
Brynjar: ... yes, it is possible he could have been alive & practicing law

Donatello: good god
Donatello: Josette is gay
Donatello: she's even more powerful than i thought

(b99)
Kidnapper: we have kidnapped your son
Pisces: we don't have a son?
Kidnapper: then who just asked for popcorn and a laptop to binge japanese cartoons on?
Josaki: dear god, you have Haji.

—

that's all jfc idk what to say my email address from uni broke down & now i cant register for motherfucking classes what the fuck—