I don’t know what to think as I walk down the white hallway with a man at my side. He’s taking me to Kelsey’s room and I’m still unsure if I want to see her not. On one hand, I’d come to accept she’s left me and her son. However on the other, I’m completely happy she’s okay.

But there’s one huge problem that’s now going to face, just like I am. The reality that we both tried to kill ourselves; and failed. Because she’s not eighteen, she’ll have to go through treatment or be sent somewhere to get help.

“This is it,” the man mumbles, stopping outside the hall. “I’ll give you a minute.” He gives me the okay to go in once he leans against the wall, folding his arms across his chest, clearly bored.

With shaky feet, I walk into the room that doesn’t look much different than mine. The room opens up to reveal a machine, hooked up to someone very familiar to me. The sleeping girl on the bed looks nothing like the drug addict, over-done Kelsey I know. Instead, she looks like the innocent girl who I’ve always dreamed of her being.

No makeup covers her face, revealing perfect skin with soft, pink cheeks. Her hair hasn’t been straightened and teased like I’m used to, but instead sits in perfect waves over her shoulders. Instead of the usual, annoying greeting I usually get, there is silence except for her even breathing.

I haven’t seen her sleep since before Tyson was born. It brings back memories that flash before my eyes and as much as I want to reach out and touch her, I’m frozen in place. She looks so peaceful, so guiltless. I’m scared that if I even make the slightest move, I’ll wake her up and we’ll be back to our uncivil ways between father and drug-addict of a mother.

“She’s not going to wake up right now.” I flinch as the man appears at my side, staring at Kelsey. “She’s in an induced coma so her body can heal and won’t wake up until tomorrow.” I nod, not knowing how to respond. “I’ve heard of people being able to sometimes hear what people say to them while they’re asleep.” Then, the man exits to hall again, leaving me alone with Kelsey.

I quietly drag a chair to her bedside, as if I can actually wake her. As I sit down, my head drops into my hands.

“I don’t know what to do anymore,” I sigh, feeling all my frustration meet its building point. “Tyson needs you and if you don’t want to be there for him, I really don’t know what to do.” Of course, as I move my eyes up, peeking through my fingers, Kelsey doesn’t respond. Her dark eyelashes remain closed as she sleeps, motionless in front of me. “I hope you don’t hear me,” I mumble. “Because if you’re still the same ignorant girl when you wake up, you’ll just use my words against me. Especially my next ones.”

I take her limp hand in mine and give it a gentle squeeze. I look at her eyes, even though she can’t see me. For a moment, I bite my lip, wondering if I should say what I’m going to or not. What I said before is very true. In the past, when I’ve told Kelsey very personal things when I’ve broken down in front of her, she’s used them against me. Sure, at the times she was my ex-girlfriend, but that still doesn’t give an excuse to spill my secrets to all her friends right in front of me.

“I don’t know why you purposely tried to kill yourself,” I whisper, embarrassed. “But I guess it’s probably the same reason why I attempted it myself. However,” I bite my tongue, knowing how badly I’d much rather keep the next words to myself. “I’ll always be here for you if you need me. As much as I hate to admit it, I’m still in love with you Kelsey,” I murmur, moving her hair behind her ear.

Suddenly, Kelsey’s finger twitches in my hand. My eyes grow wide as I jump to my feet and jump back, away from the bed. Kelsey’s hand falls out of mine and lies on her stomach, unmoving. I take a deep breath and calm down, just when it happens again; her hand is moving.

“She’s awake!” I yell, backing out of the room uncertainly. Half of me wants to be here when she wakes up and the other wants me to get the hell out of here, run as far away as possible and never come back.

Next comes a small moan from her lips, probably from pain. By the time I see her eyes start to flutter, I turn and sprint down the hall to my own room. When I get there, I’m not alone.

“Fallon,” Ms. Rose says softly. She’s not with Tyson and as awful as it sounds, I’m thankful. “I’m here to take you home.”

I only nod, having known this earlier. I already got changed into my regular clothes, and though my forearms are still bandaged, I’m completely ready to leave the hospital.

The two of us walk down the hall and just my luck, Tyson is waiting with a nurse. I plaster a smile on my face and run towards him, pretending to be excited. I love him with all my heart, but the truth is, he’s too much to handle right now.

I scoop him in my arms and give him a giant hug, receiving giggles and gurgles from my happy son. As we head towards the car, my happy façade quickly tires me and soon I’m back to getting angry again.

“Can you look after him for a night or two?” I ask Ms. Rose through clenched teeth as we pull into our apartment’s parking lot.

“Of course, Fallon,” she gives me a smile, but I see the worry and disappointment behind it. Before she can say anymore, I give her a brief thanks and climb out of the car, barely glancing at Tyson.

In my apartment, I collapse on the couch when realization hits. Before, when Kelsey was pregnant, I was afraid that the baby was going to be too much to handle. Then after it came and I was left taking care of Tyson by myself, he was. Eventually though, I got the hang of it. However, right now on top of everything going on, I think Tyson might be too much for me to handle.

“Fallon,” Kelsey groans, lying on the dirty, stained couch. One of her friends called me from this party when Kelsey drank too much on top of being high on who knows what.

“It’s alright, I’m here,” I murmur, brushing her hair out of her face. “I’m going to lift you, alright?” She doesn’t answer so with a sigh, I gently pull her to her feet and wrap my arm around her waist.

“Where are we going?” Her words are slurred, but on top of that, she looks completely out of it.

“We’re going to my house, Kelsey. Then I’m going to get you cleaned up and go to sleep.” Tyson had been born only three months ago and already she had thrown him onto me like she didn’t give a shit. Now, wanting to forget, she’s throwing herself into more drugs and more danger.

She slurs and complains the whole way to my apartment, but by the time we get there, I’m relieved. I briefly knock on Ms. Rose’s door and ask her if she can take care of Tyson just a little bit longer. As much as I want him to see his mother, I know she’s in no state right now to be around a child.

“Are you feeling any better?” I ask Kelsey as I practically drag her limp body through the front door. She slurs some response I can’t understand and I sigh as I move her into the living room.

Knowing she can’t do anything by herself in this state, I bring her into the bathroom and gently set her on the floor.

“Don’t move,” I murmur, quickly jogging out of the bathroom and into the kitchen. After I’ve grabbed a bottle of water I head towards my room and grab a t-shirt and a pair of plaid pajama bottoms. By the time I’m back in the bathroom, it couldn’t have been more than a minute that I was gone. I had left Kelsey in a sitting position but now she lies, slumped beside the bathtub with her head leaning on it, looking asleep.

“Can you get changed by yourself?” I look over her damp clothes and try not to wonder what made them wet in the first place. For a moment, I don’t think she’s going to respond. But then she slowly shakes her head no and I kneel to the ground. “Is it okay if I help you?”

I’ve seen her undressed before, obviously considering we have a son. But while we’re broken up it’s just not somewhere I’m really comfortable going. However she can’t stay in her damp clothes all night; they look disgusting.

“Just don’t look,” she slurs, raising her head and trying to stand up. After she struggles I hold her shoulders and tell her to stay sitting so she won’t fall.

“I promise I won’t.”

I replace her shirt with my favorite red t-shirt with a band logo on it. I don’t know why I grabbed my favorite instead of one I haven’t worn in a while, however I try to ignore the thought as I squeeze my eyes shut to remove her soaked pants.

Kelsey doesn’t say anything as I carry her to my bedroom and gently set her on my bed in a sitting position. Brushing her hair out of her barely open eyes, I remember the water and hand it to her.

“Drink some; you’ll feel better.” She takes it willingly but only drinks less than half before she hands it back. “How are you feeling?”

She leans back onto the bed until her head sits on my pillow. “Drunk,” she replies, closing her dark eyelashes.

I roll my eyes and set the water on the bedside table. “What were you thinking, drinking that much and doing drugs?”

Kelsey shakes her head and groans. “Don’t talk about drinking or drugs.”

I know the words make her not feel well, but I need to know. “Kelsey,” I urge, gently grabbing her arm. “What the hell were you thinking?”

“It wasn’t my fault,” she explains, her sentence sounding like one long word. “He made me.”

My eyes grow wide and I gently shake her, hoping it will wake her up more. “He? Who is he?”

My free hand clenches into a fist as Kelsey shakes her head. “Kelsey!” I shake her again but she doesn’t respond. Her breathing slows and I realize she’s asleep. Clenching my teeth together, I pull up the comforter up to her neck and tuck her in. “I’ll find out in the morning,” I mutter to myself, wanting to beat up the guy who did this to her. What else did he do?

“Goodnight,” I murmur, kissing Kelsey’s forehead. If she was awake, she would have slapped me. As I head into the living room to sleep on the couch, I wonder how after how much she hurt me and our son, I still can have feelings for her.