Seventeen

        “I can’t believe this,” I mutter, pulling my jacket tighter to my chest. Kelsey reaches for my bare hand and holds it in her mitten. “How did this happen?”

            “I know this is the last thing we need right now, Fallon,” she whispers, trying to meet my eyes. Instead I stare at the snowy ground. We walk the grounds of Kelsey’s rehab center together for the second time since she left. She’s supposed to come home next week for Christmas. “But we will get through this. We got through this last time.”

            I stop dead in my tracks and narrow my eyes at her. I remove my hand from her grasp and gesture to the park around us. “We didn’t get through it last time, Kelsey. You made things harder than they should have been.”

            Her eyes sparkle but she blinks away the tears before they can spill over. “But I’m getting help; I’m getting better. By the time I come home, things will be perfect. That is, if I have a home…”

            I run my fingers through my hair, frustrated. “Yes, you do. But only if you stay clean. Besides that, we’re going to have to move. The apartment is going to be too small.”

            Kelsey smiles, but her eyes are sad. “It’s going to work out. We’re going to be okay, Fallon. We’re going to be a family.”

            I don’t know if I can believe her.

            “Eve, wait!”

            She rushes away from me on the empty, snow-covered sidewalk. I jog to catch up to her and slip on a patch of ice. Just before I go down, I catch a chain link fence and straighten myself up.

            “Eve, please!”

            She turns a corner and I jog after her, gritting my teeth as the cool wind gets through my jacket. She agreed to meet me today and showed up at my house, just as Kelsey did. Before I even knew the both of them were outside, they had a conversation which apparently made Eve leave and refuse to talk to me.

            “What did Kelsey say?” I beg, almost reaching her. “Whatever it is, I’m sure it’s not true. And even if it is, I can explain.”

            “Fallon, leave-“ She cuts herself off as she turns around. I reach my arms towards her but she hits the ground before I can catch her. I start to help her up but she swats my hands away until she’s balanced on her feet again.

            “Please,” I repeat, gently grabbing her shoulder. “Please just talk to me. Let me fix this.”

            “It’s too late for that.”

            “Why? What did I do that’s-“

            Eve shuts me up with only a few words and I know that there’s nothing to say that’s ever going to make things okay between us. I liked Eve; I liked her a lot. And even though we started to have something between us, it was nothing compared to what I feel for Kelsey. Nothing will ever come close to that.

            “Kelsey told me she’s pregnant, Fallon.”

            “Why would you tell her?” I shout, pacing back and forth in front of the couch Kelsey’s sitting on in my living room. “Why would you say that to her when we don’t even have anything figured out yet?”

            “She needed to know, Fallon.” Her voice is quiet but I can tell that she doesn’t think she was wrong in the slightest way possible.

            “She wasn’t your friend to tell, Kelsey!” I’m happy that Tyson’s at Ms. Rose’s house, although I’m sure he can still probably hear me screaming. “I hadn’t even thought about telling her and now she hates me!”

            “Why do you care?” Her voice is monotone.

            “What?”

            “Why do you care?” Kelsey repeats. “You left her for me and when I tell her what’s going on, you freak out. If she’s nothing more than a friend now, you wouldn’t make such a big deal.”

            I hate myself for how she’s making me feel guilty, like this is somehow my fault.

            “She’s my friend, nothing more.”

            “Bullshit.”

            I stop in front of her and my hands clench into fists at my sides. Before I can think about what I’m saying; before I can tell myself not to defend the truth, the words come spilling out of my mouth.

            “Have you ever heard the saying, ‘loose lips sink ships?’” She gives me a look, asking if I think she’s stupid. Grunting, I storm towards the front door and grab my jacket, throwing my arms through it. I grab the door handle and pause, turning towards Kelsey. I look towards her but my hair conceals my eyes. “Well, you’re sinking ships, Kelsey.”

            “I can’t do this anymore,” Kelsey groans, standing outside the front door of my apartment. In her hands she clutches Tyson, but holds him as far away from her as she can. “He won’t stop crying. He won’t sleep. He won’t shut up.”    

            She practically shoves him in my arms and I struggle to catch him. “You can’t just leave him, Kelsey.” I look down at the fragile baby in my arms and wonder if her parents know she and Tyson are here. They wouldn’t approve; it’s been a month and they refuse to let me have any contact with either of them.

            “Yes, I can. You can take care of him.”

            “He’s your child.”

            She shoots me a look. “He’s yours, too. So maybe it’s your turn to take care of him for a while.”

            “Kelsey, your parents are going to kill me if they know I have Tyson. They hate me.”

            “It’s better if you take care of him. You can do a better job, Fallon.”

            I shake my head and try to hand her back the gurgling newborn. “No, I can’t. I don’t know how.”

            “You’ll learn.”

            That’s all she says before she leaves.