Song: Cute Is What We Aim For-Newport Living

I never anticipated to fall in love.

No, I never even thought about. That being said, the thought of falling out of love never crossed my mind either.

All I can hear are my feet hitting the ground as I head towards the school. I don’t even attend it anymore, and yet I’m here almost every day. Not for myself though. I go for the person who I love the most in the entire world to see the person I completely hate.

I’ve never had a good life. After the death of my parents four years ago, their small fortune was left to me. No, I’m not allowed to go on a shopping spree. Instead, it covers the rent for the small apartment I live in and other necessities as decided by the court.

The smell is all too familiar. It brings back many memories of two troubled years of my life. Now eighteen, I’ve cleaned up, but not for myself.

“Fallon,” Kelsey stretches out my name as I approach her small group of friends. Her bleach blonde hair hangs in waves over her black bomber jacket that barely covers any skin, just like the mini-skirt she’s wearing. “What brings you here?”

I grind my teeth together as she smiles, taking a hit from the pipe that’s passed to her. Instantly, I want to leave, just like every other given day, but I have to push my own feelings aside. I glare into her over-done makeup eyes.

“Back to that again?” I question, shoving my hands in my pockets as I stop in the small circle of kids. They barely take notice of me, as I’m an unofficial member of their group. Smoking Meth behind a school is extremely risky, even for me, who’s not involved; at least not anymore.

“What are you even doing here, Fallon?” She snaps angrily, passing the pipe to another girl. I watch curiously, as she takes a step back from Kelsey, objecting. I’ve never seen her here before.

The first thing I notice are her eyes. They’re gorgeous, brown doe eyes that you can’t say no to, no matter what she’s asking. Her hair is a mix between brown and red, creating a new colour entirely. Like Kelsey, it hangs down in long, flowing waves over her white shirt that doesn’t cover her shoulders.

“Hello?” Kelsey calls, giving me a look. I blink a few times and then turn back to her, feeling the bitterness overwhelm me once again.

“The same reason I’m here every day, Kelsey,” I snap, focusing completely on her. How many brain cells has she killed?

“And what reason is that?” She drops her right hand to her hip and waits impatiently for my response.

“To see if you want to see your son,” I say calmly through clenched teeth. “Or have you forgotten all about Tyson since the time I asked you yesterday?”

Kelsey rolls her eyes and looks to her friends, who could care less about the conversation we’re having. Well, except for that girl with the doe eyes. She pretends not to notice, but I know she’s listening and watching when I’m not watching her.

“Oh just shut up,” she says angrily as I pull a cigarette out of my pocket. I wanted to kick the habit when I stopped partying, but there’s only so much you can stop at one time. Kelsey eyes the package and then meets my eyes. “Give me one?”

“You have to be kidding me,” I mutter, pulling out one and throwing it to her so I don’t have to go any closer. Of course her drug-infused reflexes don’t allow her to catch it in time, so it falls onto the dirty pavement and rolls a few feet away. Kelsey turns around and scurries to get it while I question how I could have ever been in love with her.

Then again, I was either drunk or high our entire relationship.

But so was she.

“So are you coming or no?” I ask impatiently, taking a slow drag of nicotine. It fills my lungs and I let out a breath of relief.

“Why should I?” Her voice is completely serious. However before I can come up with a long list of reasons she should visit the child that was in her womb for eight months, she continues. “All he’s going to do is spit everywhere and sleep.”

“Not much different from you,” I mutter, which gets a few laughs from her druggie friends, and the pretty girl. Kelsey turns to glare at them and they all settle down instantly.

“I’m not coming,” she snaps, and I shrug. I know I need to do this for Tyson, but honestly, does he really want his high mother visiting him? Perhaps Monday she’ll be sober. At least I don’t have to see her this weekend.

“Whatever,” I flick my cigarette onto the ground and crush the ashes under my black converse shoe. I start to walk away when I hear her calling me again. “What is it?” I sigh, spinning around on my heel.

“Look,” she saunters towards me, acting like she would when we were together. “I can’t today. Tomorrow?”

Wanting to get out of here and back to Tyson as soon as possible, I nod. “You know where to find me.”

I hurry home before Kelsey can change her mind. This probably doesn’t matter, considering she might just not show up at all. Regardless, I’m relieved when I reach my apartment. It’s one of the new one’s built only last year. Instead of being closed and all indoors, the doors are outside, kind of like a motel, with higher money and better living.

I knock on the door two down from mine and moments later Ms. Rose opens her door, all smiles. “Fallon, come on in!” She moves aside so I can walk in to see a smiling Tyson, sitting on the floor holding a dinosaur toy. “Any luck?”

I shake my head no and she frowns. Ever since I’ve moved in, Ms. Rose has been like a mother to me. She offered to look after Tyson for free, let me vent about my problems and even check up on me every other day.

“She said she would come by tomorrow, but as unpredictable as she is, I doubt she will.” I pick up Tyson and hold him in my arms while he giggles. He almost never stops smiling that adorable smile of his. His eyes are blue; taking after Kelsey but luckily he got my light brown hair.

“Was he good?” I ask, tickling him which only makes him laugh more.

“An angel, as always,” smiles Ms. Rose, leaning against the couch.

“Well, I better go and start dinner,” I tell her, picking up some of Tyson’s toys off the ground. “Thanks so much.”

“Anytime,” she says as I pass her and head towards the door. “Oh, and Fallon?” I spin around to face her, bouncing Tyson in my arms so he doesn’t get bored. “If you ever need anything, don’t be afraid to let me know.”

I tell her thanks and that I’ll see her tomorrow before heading out into the fading sunlight. Two doors down, I juggle Tyson, his toys, and unlocking my door. I’ve gotten pretty good at it, but it’s still a challenge.

Inside our apartment, I flick on the lights. It’s basically the standard apartment on the second floor of the building. One main room, attached to an open kitchen. Then there’s a small hall that leads to the two bedrooms and the bathroom.

I rest Tyson on the floor and start on dinner. An hour later, I’m giving him a bath.

Well, not really.

I’m more just sitting there, watching him as he plays with toys and splashes around while I try to figure out how tomorrow’s going to work out. I’ve almost come up with a day plan when my cell phone rings.

Tyson giggles happily at the noise as I pull it out of my pocket and check call display. Sighing, I press answer and hold it to my ear.

“Hello?”

“Fallon?” Kelsey stretches my name out like she always does, knowing it annoys me. “What’s up, hun?” I roll my eyes and run my fingers through my hair. It’s only nine and she’s already wasted.

“Why did you call me?” I snap, watching Tyson closely.

“You called me,” she slurs.

“No, I didn’t.”

“Yeah,” she yells into the phone over the music. “You did.”

“You know, for someone who wants nothing to do with me or your son, you seem to contact me an awful lot,” I say angrily, and end the call. Sure, I had been the one trying to get her to see her son. However whenever I wasn’t doing that, she was calling me or randomly showing up. Only she never wanted to see or hear about Tyson; she just wants me.

As I dress Tyson in his blue pajamas, I can’t help but look back at my life. Before, a normal day for me would be waking up late, getting high, skipping school, hanging out with Kelsey and then getting drunk or partying that night. Now, its wake up, take care of Tyson all day, pester Kelsey into seeing her child, taking care of Tyson and then be pestered by Kelsey. Funny, how one small adorable baby boy can change everything.

“And then they lived happily ever after,” I whisper to a sleeping Tyson, closing the book. I rest it on his nightstand and pull the blankets in his crib over him. “Night, Ty,” I tell him, gently kissing his forehead. “I love you.”

In my own room, I fall asleep quickly with unwanted dreams. Most of them are more like memories of Kelsey, that I’d rather not remember, and one is of Tyson. Kelsey is holding him, and he’s crying and screaming. I reach for him, but Kelsey won’t let me have him back.

I jerk straight up in bed, and the screaming continues. Sighing, I rub my eyes and climb out of bed. In Tyson’s dark room, he’s squirming while he cries, waking up either from a nightmare or here’s hungry. I hold him in my arms and try to rock him back to sleep but he won’t calm down.

After I’ve fed him, I take him into my room. Gently resting him on the comfy bed, I climb in beside him and pull the blankets over us both. Soon, we both fall quietly asleep.

__________________________________________________________________________________

I stare across the room at the girl who’s staring at me. It’s hard to get a good look at her with the people walking in front of us, but there’s not much I can do about it at a party. All I can really see is long, blonde hair.

“You’re really subtle,” laughs Erik, my best friend. I roll my eyes at him as he hands me another beer. Running his fingers through his short dirty blonde hair, he raises his eyebrows. “Looks like she’s coming over. I’ll check back on you later.” Erik ruffles my hair as he leaves, and I instantly hurry to fix it.

“Hey,” the girl plops down on the couch beside me, not bothering to pull down the end of her dress. She’s pretty in a badass way, if you can even call it that.

“Hey,” I nod back, opening my beer.

“The name’s Kelsey,” she says, grabbing my beer once I’ve opened it. She takes a sip and stands up. Grinning, she bends down until our heads are level. “And I just stole your beer.”