Fifteen

        Kelsey left.

            Despite the fact that I know it’s for the best, I’m a complete mess. I wish that I hadn’t told her to leave and instead begged her to stay. I know it’s stupid; I know I’m stupid, but this is what love has done to me.

            Maybe love’s just as stupid as I am. It blinds me from being realistic and instead wants me to beg for Kelsey’s forgiveness. I think she might have loved me once, but now, I see that she loves her drugs more. Despite that hurting like someone stabbing me in the chest, it feels like I’m being torn in half knowing that again, she chose drugs over her son.

            “You’re right.”

            Eve smiles as Tyson runs under the playground. She moves closer to me on the bench and leans her head on my shoulder. I know that she will never be what Kelsey is, or was to me, but she’s better, at least for now.

            “So she’s really gone?” I nod and she’s full on grinning. Before I can tell her the story, she’s hugging me in the middle of a park. “I’m so proud of you, Fallon. You finally did the right thing.”

            “I hope so,” I tell her sombrely. But I still give her a small smile.

            Hers doesn’t waver as she moves away from me and climbs to her feet. I watch as she goes and helps Tyson climb up the playground. Soon, they’re going down the slide together, Eve acting the way that Kelsey never did.

            “Come on Tyson,” she coo’s, crouching down and gesturing for him to come to her. He giggles and smiles, sprinting into her arms. She picks him up and swings him over her head as he laughs.

            For a moment, I imagine what it would be like if Kelsey was in Eve’s place. But I quickly shake away the thought and tell myself that it’s never going to happen. The only person I can change is myself so I need to stop trying to change Kelsey.

            “Want to stay the night?” I ask Eve hopefully, putting together food in the kitchen. She’s sitting on the floor in the living room across from me, playing with Tyson and his toys.

            “If that’s alright with you,” she says, smiling. Tyson hands her a small car and she takes it, grinning.

            I guess since Kelsey’s gone, at least for now, things are escalating quickly with Eve and I. Maybe it’s because she’s really making things better for me, or because I’m trying to ignore the fact that Tyson’s mother is gone, but regardless, it’s something that’s making me happy.

            My phone vibrates in my pocket and I check the caller ID behind the counter so that Eve can’t see. Trying to be discrete, I stop what I’m doing and head down the hall to my bedroom, closing the door silently behind me.

            Once I’m sitting on my bed, I answer my phone. “What?”

            “F-Fallon,” Kelsey stutters, her voice hoarse. “There’s s-something I need to t-tell you.”

            She starts sobbing and I rub my forehead with my palm. Conversations like this never turned out good.

            “What is it?”

            She starts crying harder. “I want to tell you in p-person. Can you m-meet me later?”

            I peek out the door of my room and look down the hall at Eve playing with Tyson. Sighing, I move back into the room and lean against the wall. Tilting my head back, I close my eyes.

            “Sure.”

            ____________________________________________________________________________

            “Are you sure you want to do this? I mean, you don’t have to, Fallon. Just because you have a kid, it doesn’t mean you have to spend the rest of your life with her.”

            I narrow my eyes at Erick “I want to do this. I love her, whether you think it’s a bad idea or not.” I turn to the curious sales lady and point into the glass cabinet. “That one.”

            She takes out a small cut diamond and hands it to me to look at. I twirl it in my fingers, a smile growing on my lips. I nod to her and tell her Kelsey’s ring size before handing her my money.

            “I still think this isn’t going to be good,” Erik sighs, turning around so he can lean his back on the glass counter. His arms are folded across his chest and he’s shaking his head back and forth. “You’re doing everything for this girl, treating her like a princess for Christ’s sake, and she treats you like shit.”

            “No she doesn’t.”

            “Uh yeah, Fallon. She does.”

            “Well, I’m in love with her, so if this makes me happy, I’m fine with facing the consequences.”

            The saleslady hands me a small box inside a white bag and I shove it into my sweater pocket. Outside in the chilly winter air, Erik stops me.

            “How she treats you isn’t the only reason I’m concerned, Fallon.” His eyes are serious and I can’t remember a time when I’ve seen Erik look at me, or anyone for that matter, this way. “You’re in a bad place; you’re broken. Don’t you think you should repair yourself before taking a huge step like this? I’m not even going to get into Kelsey getting better, but you, Fallon, you need to do something.”

            “I’m fine,” I tell him, thinking I’m being honest. Erik gives me a look saying that he doesn’t believe me. Before I realize what he’s doing, he grabs my left sweater sleeve and rolls it up.

            “Is this fine, Fallon?” he shakes my arm, gesturing to the long, red cuts. “Is hurting yourself fucking fine?”

            I jerk my arm out of his grasp and pull my sleeve down. “It was a mistake. It won’t happen again.”

            Erik sighs bitterly. “You keep telling yourself that.”

            “Fallon?”

            I hear Kelsey close the front door behind her. The cool air blows into the kitchen and the lit candles on the table I’m sitting at waver slightly.

            “In here.”

            She walks into the kitchen and stops in her tracks. Her mouth hangs open. I expect her to grin and start freaking out, but she does the exact opposite.

            “What’s going on? What is all this?”

            I slowly rise to my feet and walk over to her. I pull out a chair and seat her in it as I explain. “I just thought we could do something nice. Tyson’s asleep.”

            I sit down in my chair as she looks around, dumbfounded.

            “Look, Fallon, I need to talk to you.”

            “Okay,” I murmur, grasping the small box underneath the table. “Go ahead.”

            “I did something,” she whispers, moving her eyes down to her empty plate. “Something bad.”

            “Whatever it is, Kelsey, we can work through it.” My heart starts beating faster in my chest. “Can we talk about this later?”

            She shakes her head no. “I need to tell you now. This is serious.”

            I lower the small box into my lap and meet her shining eyes. “Just tell me, Kelsey.”

            “Fallon,” she whispers, tears rolling down her cheeks. “I cheated on you with Derrick.”