"Just tell them already, Namjoon! It's not that hard!"

"But-"

"It's one word. That's all you have to say."

"But I don't-"

"I'll even help you sound it out, Namjoon. Girlfriend. Not so hard, is it?"

"But they're not ready, Lisa-"

"It's been what, six years since their mom left? Seven? Are you sure it's not just you who aren't ready?"

"I am ready!"

"What happened to giving love a chance, hm?"

"I am! But they haven't seen me date anyone since their mom and I don't want them to feel weird about it."

"I get that, Namjoon, but they aren't five years old. I'm pretty sure they understand what dating is and why you'd want to do it. And besides, how long are you going to make excuses for why I'm here? Officer Lisa is just dropping by to check on Jimin. How long is that going to fly, huh? Not to mention, how long are you going to call your girlfriend Officer Lisa?"

Namjoon sighed and was about to reply when the door to his room swung open unexpectedly, Hobi and the others leaning in. "O-oh, hey kids, Officer Lisa is just here to...you know..."

"Yeah, check on Jimin, we know," Yoongi said, rolling his eyes, and Namjoon couldn't help but wonder if one of his sons had caught on. Yoongi was a lot smarter than he wanted people to think he was.

"We're going to be late though if we don't leave now," Jin said pointedly, raising an eyebrow and crossing his arms, and Namjoon couldn't help but wonder if another one of his sons knew something he shouldn't.

"Right, right," Namjoon said, grabbing his wallet from the bedside table. "You guys get in the car, I'll be there in a minute. I just have to give L- Officer Lisa directions to the school."

Namjoon tried to ignore Lisa's hands sitting on her hips as he watched his children file out the door, but after he'd heard the front door shut and the house fall back into silence, he winced, turning his head to look at her, and did she look pissed.

He knew it was bad because all she said was "Officer Lisa," making air quotes with an eyebrow raised dangerous high before clicking her tongue and walking out to her car.

Namjoon just exhaled deeply. He didn't know how long he could confine all the parts of his life to different spheres, but he wasn't ready to shove them all together just yet. That was his excuse, but he knew the promises he'd made to Lisa about not pushing her aside and making her a priority equal to his family were starting to sound empty. He just needed time to figure it all out.

Although it seemed that Yoongi and maybe Jin as well were ahead of him in that regard.

***

Namjoon waved to his son as Hobi detached from their crowd, running off to join his club, and Namjoon lead Lisa and the rest of his kids to a row of seats in the auditorium (although finding seven seats in a row was rather difficult).

As he sat down, Namjoon couldn't help but remember another dance performance of Hobi's, years and years ago, when he'd been dressed as a ladybug. Namjoon couldn't remember much about the dance itself or what the event was about. His wife had still been with him then, as he recalled. Although she hadn't made it to the event. He'd been one of the only dads surrounded by a sea of moms, and while it had been somewhat uncomfortable, he'd been there for his son, just as he was now.

He also recalled possibly leaving Yoongi in the room and forgetting about him until he got out to the car, but he didn't fret the details.

Yoongi turned over to look at him as though he'd read Namjoon's thoughts, and Namjoon quickly turned to look straight at the stage.

***

Hobi's group was the third to perform, and Namjoon was shocked at how good they were.

When was the last time he'd seen Hobi dance?

He felt like it was forever ago. All he could remember in his mind now was the little ladybug dancing on the small stage, and now suddenly, his ten-year-old son was up on the big stage, dancing, really dancing.

Where had the years gone?

Where had he been during them? Checked out? Absent?

He couldn't find the answers to his questions, but for whatever reason, watching Hobi dance made him feel like crying. He didn't know if it was because he was proud, although he really, really was. All he knew was that he was smiling and clapping, waiting for their group to come on stage, and then the next conscious moment he could recall, tears were running out of his eyes and he felt frozen.

Lisa noticed and covertly wiped his tears away, instinctively knowing how Namjoon didn't like to cry in front of his kids, and he nodded a silent thank you to her while still staring at the stage.

Then the song finished, like all songs inevitably do, and Namjoon stared as Hobi joined the line and took a bow, grinning at his family before walking off the stage.

All Namjoon could think was, That's my son.

***

Jimin liked Hobi's dance, a lot. He hadn't seen Hobi dance for, well, a really long time. He couldn't really remember the last time, just a vague memory that, for whatever reason, made him think of ladybugs, but he didn't know where it came from.

The dance was great, fantastic really, but Jimin was more preoccupied by his nausea. He still didn't like crowds, and being trapped in a seat in a sea of people was somehow worse than normal because now he was overthinking everything, like how if he wanted to get out, he had to stand up and block the view of the people behind him and draw attention to himself and then he had to trip and stumble and squeeze his way past all the other people in his row before miraculously making it to the aisle and then he had to find the doors in the back of the room in the dark and then he had to - and then - and then -

Hobi's song finished, and Jimin clapped, but he felt sick, and the feeling only grew with each passing song.

***

Hobi met them in the lobby where all the other families were congratulating their children and telling them how proud they were and all that.

And of course, Namjoon told Hobi that he was the best one out there, and of course, Hobi laughed because he knew that it was such a dad thing to say even though he really was trying his hardest and thought he did pretty well, and of course Lisa teased Namjoon by telling Hobi that his dad was crying during his performance, and of course everybody laughed because it was such a mom thing to say.

A mom thing to say...

...but it was just Officer Lisa, right?

Hobi didn't know why he'd thought that. It felt strange, now, thinking of a mom in general and Officer Lisa as a mom in specific. He wondered if she had kids, what they would be like if she did, if she felt like a mom to them like she felt like a mom to him.

But she wasn't his mom, and he didn't particularly like the subject of moms, so he turned his head away from Namjoon and Lisa.

In time to see Jimin threading his way through the crowd.

Going away from them.

Leaving them.

Hobi went after him.

He threw elbows when he had to and made insincere apologies when he felt those were needed as well, but he did his best to keep sight of Jimin worming his way through the crevices between bodies toward the edge of the crowd.

Then there came a moment where Jimin ducked under someone's arm, and when Hobi caught up, Jimin was gone. The people were fewer in this area, so Hobi looked around quickly, but he couldn't see any trace of Jimin, just a water fountain and-

A water fountain, which is usually next to the restrooms.

Hobi quickly headed over to the fountain he'd seen and, sure enough, he saw the men's restroom sign on one of the doors.

Of course, Jimin just had to go to the bathroom. What was I so scared about?

Hobi went to turn back and find his family, but he figured that he should at least wait for Jimin so they didn't both get lost and separated.

After a few minutes, though, Hobi felt like Jimin was taking too long, so he went into the bathroom.

As he stepped inside, he heard a sound that he hated, one he was extremely familiar with.

Working quickly, he grabbed some paper towels and shoved them under the sink, soaking them in cold water before taking them with him over to the restroom stalls.

"Jimin?" Hobi asked quietly, trying to sound unperturbed. "Jimin, can you open the door for me?"

There was a long pause filled with gagging noises before one of the stall doors unlocked, and Hobi shuffled in, locking it behind him before turning to see Jimin kneeling in front of a toilet, his face pale and clammy and his little fingers clenched in tight fists. "H-Hobi?" he asked before jerking violently and leaning back over the toilet.

"Shhh, it's okay, you're all right, you're going to be just fine," Hobi said, rubbing Jimin's back and massaging his shoulders a bit since they were tense. He gently patted Jimin's face with one of the damp paper towels and held his bangs up off his forehead. "You're okay," he whispered. "I've got you."

Jimin nodded unsteadily before his body tensed, and Hobi flinched as Jimin threw up again, not because he was scared or disgusted but because the experience was hitting too close to home for him.

After a few minutes of Hobi rubbing Jimin's back and whispering consolations to him and wiping down his face, Jimin stopped throwing up and began dry heaving, and then a few minutes after that, he just sat there, panting and limp and tired and tense and all the things Hobi knew altogether too well and wished Jimin didn't have to know either.

"I think I'm done," Jimin whispered, and Hobi nodded, helping him stand up and supporting his weight.

"You'll want to rinse your mouth out with water," Hobi advised before turning and unlocking the stall door, navigating his way to get both him and Jimin out of the stall just as someone else was entering the restroom.

The man gave them a weird look, and Hobi said, "It's okay, we're brothers," which only made the man give them an even worse look, and Hobi just opened his mouth before steering Jimin towards the sink.

Jimin followed Hobi's advise and cupped his hands together underneath the facet, and Hobi turned the knob for him. Jimin rinsed his mouth out several times and spit the water back out, cringing as the taste of bile rose in his throat.

Finally, he stopped and got a dry paper towel, wiping off his mouth and hands after washing them. By this time, the other man had already left, and they were alone again.

"Hobi?"

Hobi turned to Jimin, scared as to what sorts of questions Jimin might ask him that he didn't want to answer even though he knew that he'd already told Jimin most of what was going on, but Jimin's response surprised him.

"Thanks," Jimin said simply, looking worn-down, and Hobi frowned, unhappy with seeing his cute little brother like that.

"You are perfectly welcome," Hobi said, ruffling Jimin's hair gently before asking a question of his own. "Jimin? What's wrong? Why were you throwing up?"

Please don't be like me, please don't be like -

"The crowd," Jimin said, looking down and around anxiously even though they were alone. "I just, I don't like them...there's just too many people, and it scares me and it makes me feel sick and I tried to stand it for as long as I could and I wanted to tell you how good you were - you were really good by the way, hyung - but it got to be too much with everyone in the lobby and I felt really sick and I thought that I might throw up so I came to the bathroom and...yeah. But don't worry, hyung, I sat and watched the whole show."

Hobi opened his mouth before exhaling. He didn't know what to say to Jimin. He was happy that Jimin cared about him so much that he would sit through feeling horrible just to watch him perform, but he also didn't want his brother to feel horrible in the first place. Finally, he just shook his head. "Next time you feel sick, don't try to wait it out, just go and get some fresh air, okay Jiminie?"

Jimin smiled unsteadily before nodding, but then he tilted his head. "But only if you aren't performing, okay, hyung? Cause I don't want to miss yours."

Hobi just rolled his eyes before giving Jimin a light karate chop to the top of his head. "Aish! What am I going to do with you?"

Jimin grinned and just shrugged, and Hobi took his hand and led him back through the crowd to their family, squeezing Jimin's hand to take his focus off the crowd.

"Where did you two go?" Namjoon asked, but he just sounded interested, not scared like he normally sounded.

Maybe it's because he's distracted by Officer Lisa?

"To the bathroom," Hobi answered and, feeling Jimin's hand tense up with anxiety, grinned before adding, "I had to pee realllllllllly bad."

All of his brothers laughed at him and punched him lightly, but Jimin just smiled at him gratefully, glad that Hobi would keep his moment of embarrassment locked away.

Hobi smiled, but he was also thinking about Officer Lisa again.

Maybe it's good for her to be around Dad?

He looked over at the two of them, smiling together, and he struggled to think of the last time he'd seen his dad smile at people outside of their family.

Maybe it's okay?

Hobi smiled. Yoongi was to his left teasing Jungkook and messing up his hair out of revenge for something Hobi hadn't seen Jungkook do while Tae was attempting to jump onto Jin's back for a piggyback ride. Jimin was still holding Hobi's hand and didn't seem like he was about to let go anytime soon. Namjoon was laughing at something Officer Lisa had said, and she swatted his shoulder. Hobi didn't know what Lisa's place in all of this was, but for one reason or another, it felt like family.

the fact that this book is so long that i can actually make my own throwback references is oddly fantastic. remember the good old days where this was a cute, happy book? mm

also, random question: would readers be interested in an original piece of writing on this account, or are you just here for kpop fan fiction? don't be afraid, please be honest since i'm just asking this out of curiosity

also, second question: how long are you all interested in this book being? i had originally planned one final arc to end this at about 150 chapters, but if you're tired i might end it early...or maybe extend it...not sure...or i could write periodic alternate endings if you all want to check out early lol

okay that's all i have to say, have a nice day :)