"So, let me get this straight: you..."

He paused to look down at the sheet and make sure he was reading it correctly.

"You thought it would be a good idea to let a spider-"

"Gerald. His name is Gerald."

"-to let Gerald inside your classroom?"

"He was seeking educational enlightenment."

"Yoongi."

Yoongi narrowed his eyes. "I'm not seeing the problem here."

The principal sighed. "Then let me define it for you. Some of the students in your class found your behavior to be a form of harassment."

"Names or it didn't happen."

"Yoongi-"

"Also, just for the record - and yes, I would appreciate it ever so kindly if you would add this to my file that's sitting open on your desk - first I'm yelled at for killing the stupid goldfish - which I didn't even do, it died because the stupid kid in charge of the class pet didn't feed the poor thing for two weeks straight - and now you're yelling at me for not killing something?"

The principal sighed. "Yoongi, kids don't like spiders."

"So it would have been fine if Gerald had been a bunny?"

The principal hesitated because he could see Yoongi's point, but his job was to listen to the complaints of the student body and, unfortunately, they were against Yoongi. "Yoo-"

"But Gerald wasn't born a bunny, he was born a spider. Isn't that what the school is always saying? Be yourself and Don't be afraid to be you and all that? And yet when Gerald steps in to sit in on our math class, he's persecuted."

"Don't you think persecuted it a strong word, Y-"

"Do you know where Gerald is now?"

The principal was silent. He always felt like when he talked to Yoongi, Yoongi always won, not that it was a battle, but Yoongi undeniably came out on top. "No, I don't. Where is Gerald now?"

"Riding along on the bottom of some girl's shoe after she used her superior strength and size to execute Gerald. That's who should be sitting in your office. What happened to preserving the peace? Because she definitely did not preserve the peace, not in Gerald's case. Just an innocent individual, in the wrong place at the wrong time - which reminds me, isn't school supposed to be a safe place? Do you think Gerald's friends and family will feel safe coming here knowing what happening to him? Do you think-"

"Gerald is a spider, Yoongi."

"Was. He was a spider. Now he's dead."

The principal sighed. He could never win against Yoongi.

***

"So..."

The principal looked up at Yoongi. Down at the paper. Up at Yoongi. Down at the paper.

"You stole all the paper towels out of the boys' bathroom?"

He looked back up at Yoongi, but when Yoongi failed to open his mouth, the principal sighed. "Do you have anything to say about that?"

Yoongi looked as though he were satisfied with waiting for his lawyer before he suddenly said, "It wasn't stealing, it was borrowing. I had every intention to return them. Eventually."

"Eventually, as in when?"

Yoongi shrugged. "When it stopped being funny."

"When what stopped being funny, Yoongi?"

"Seeing all the boys with wet pants because they had nowhere else to wipe their hands."

"Yoongi, some students complained that it was an act of humiliation."

"Humiliation?" Yoongi sat straighter in his seat, and the principal winced as he sensed Yoongi gaining energy, which only ever happened when he had some ridiculous argument to plead. "What's humiliating is the amount of trees that are butchered for some stupid eleven-year-olds to dry their hands that aren't even that wet because they don't practice proper hygiene practice of washing their hands for approximately 30 seconds before rinsing with water. What's even worse is when one kid takes four paper towels when he barely needs half of one. That's what's humiliating - the amount of waste this school produces."

The principal sighed because, as usual, although Yoongi's justifications tended to ramble and curl around in different directions, his fundamental argument was somewhat fair. "Even so, Yoongi, you can't just steal-"

"Borrow."

"-borrow paper towels."

"Well, the teacher lets students borrow pencils if they don't have them, and I just happened to not have an entire roll of paper towels in my backpack, so I don't really see the difference."

"The teacher gave students permission to borrow her pencils."

"So what, are you saying I have to ask for permission to borrow the paper towels when I wash my hands now? Because that was never a rule before. Actually, I'm pretty sure the school told me to use paper towels because they didn't want me dripping water all over the place."

The principal sucked his lips inward and bit down slightly. He didn't believe that Yoongi was a bad kid; he just thought that Yoongi was perhaps a bit more intellectually advanced than the kids around him, and he took out his frustration with little pranks and tricks in order to feel entertained when everything else was so boring to him. It was just too bad that other kids objected to Yoongi's methods, although the principal had to agree that Yoongi's behavior was unfitting.

"Just - return the paper towels, okay, Yoongi?"

"I'm sure that's what the trees are thinking, wishing they could have their loved ones back."

The principal sighed.

He could never win against Yoongi.

***

"You..." The principal squinted down at the paper, unsure if he was reading it correctly. "Yoongi, did you actually rip the crust off the bread of everyone's sandwiches?"

"Innocent until proven guilty," Yoongi automatically replied before crossing his arms. "And why am I here if you don't even know who did what? Is this an interrogation or is this sentencing?"

"Yoongi, why did you take everyone's crust?"

Yoongi narrowed his eyes. "Because I'm founding the new Crustless Earth Foundation to provide children with the freedom to eat their bread with or without crust, free of the oppression of the domineering parental class."

"The Crustless- Yoongi, what-"

"Is our motto? A fine question. The CEF believes in promoting food equality and it's goal is to eliminate food discrimination in the lunch room. The CEF is just one branch of the FWIC, Food Without Injustice Committee, and I'm the representative member of this region. The CEF is really just a pilot program to promote the FWIC, and it's my job to make sure that it takes off here, and as that paper in front of you shows, I've been taking my responsibility as chair member rather seriously."

The principal had no words, stuck just processing everything that spewed out of Yoongi's mouth before he said, "But if your goal is to allow people the freedom to eat their bread with out without crust..." Words he'd thought he'd never say. "Then why forcibly remove everyone's crust? Isn't that counterproductive?"

Yoongi shook his head. "They won't realize that they've been oppressed until they've had a taste of freedom, which happens to be crustless. Sometimes, freedom is given; other times, it's earned. And this time, it is being strictly enforced."

The principal leaned back, unsure how to handle this. "Well...Uhm...Yoongi..." Where do I even start? "There's health issues in touching other people's food, you know-"

"I wore gloves."

The principal opened his mouth, then shut it and paused for a long moment. "How about if you, as a...as a chair member of the CLC-"

"CEF."

"-CEF...how about you demonstrate your...um...freedom from...oppression...by just...de-crusting...your own sandwich? How about that, a small-scale rebellion?"

Yoongi narrowed his eyes. "How would that promote the FWI?"

"It would...well, it would set an example," the principal tried, overwhelmed by the situation.

"I don't think that would work," Yoongi said shortly.

There was a knock on the door before his secretary opened it, leaning in and holding out a bag to the principal. "Your lunch, sir."

"Thank you," the principal said, smiling at her before setting the bag on his desk.

The secretary left, and Yoongi stared at the bag intently.

The principal looked down to see a sandwich inside.

With the crust still attached.

Slowly, he opened the bag and took the sandwich out and, seeing that Yoongi was still glaring at his sandwich, he cringed before slowly peeling away the crust and throwing it in the garbage can.

"Satisfied?" the principal asked, and Yoongi nodded tightly before standing up.

"I think we're done here," Yoongi said with authority. "I'll let the FWIC know that you have their support on the CEF."

"I-"

Yoongi left, and the principal realized that he'd forgotten to even give Yoongi any punishment.

Then he realized something else after taking a bite of his sandwich:

Without the crust, it was pretty damn good.

just an extra chapter for fun

i really like the scenes with the principal and i kind of feel like eventually writing a spin-off, just of all the weird things yoongi gets called down for. but anyway have fun...

and i'm a member of the cef because i hate crust. anyone with me?