jin - 8, yoongi - 7, hobi - 6, jimin - 5, taehyung - 5, jungkook - 5

"Look how tall you've gotten!" Eungi exclaimed, giggling along with Jimin. "Hold on, stay put! Just let me..." She trailed off as she drew a line with the pencil, her tongue sticking out a bit due to her concentration, and she finally took a step back, smiling. "Okay, come look!"

Jimin spun around, his eyes jumping up to find the tallest mark. "That's me?" he asked, looking over at Eungi in disbelief. "I'm that line?"

Eungi laughed, nodding, and a few strands of hair fell into her face. "Yes, sweetie! That line is you! That's how much you've grown!"

Jimin laughed again, drawing his hands up to hide his mouth. "No it's not."

"Yes it is!" she insisted, ruffling his hair before pulling him back so she could drape her arms over him in a hug. She bent down slightly, resting her head on top of Jimin's. "I wouldn't lie to you! You're just super tall now! We'll have to keep track every year, okay?"

Jimin nodded his head, and her head moved with his. "Last time I wasn't that tall," he said, and Eungi laughed with him before she felt her heart ache.

Last time, she repeated. But this is the first time we've done it.

"Last time?" she asked, tilting her head and trying to keep her voice light. "When was that?"

"I..." Jimin's voice trailed off. "I can't really remember."

"I- I need to check something in the kitchen, okay? You just wait here sweetie, all right?" she said, ruffling his hair and giving him one last forced smile before going into the kitchen and resting her elbows on the counter. She held her hands up to her mouth but unlike Jimin, it wasn't to conceal a laugh. Instead, she was trying to force herself to breathe.

In, out, she thought to herself, the thoughts sharp and unwieldy.

"No, no, no," she whispered frantically, her brief moment of happiness swallowed up, devoured by the ache inside of her that never seemed to leave her with a moment of peace.

The back door shut, followed by footsteps, and she felt a hand slide down her back, rubbing gently. "What's wrong?" Chul asked, his voice deep and soft.

"What have we done?" she asked, turning to face him as she set her head against his chest, tears streaming down her face. It wasn't the first time she'd asked the question, and it wouldn't be the last.

"Shhh," Chul said, still rubbing her back. She couldn't see his eyes, but she knew the conflict in her eyes would be mirrored back in his. "We've talked about this, Eungi. What's done is done. We can't go back."

"But he doesn't deserve this," she whispered. Her throat felt as though it had been scraped raw, as though she'd spent an eternity screaming into a voice where no sound returned. "We did this, Chul. He could have...he could be in school right now, with his-" A choked sob. "With his family-"

"We are his family now," Chul reminded her, his voice calm. "Whatever happens from now on, we're his family."

"But-"

"Do you love him?" Chul asked abruptly, and Eungi pulled back, her eyes wide and glossy.

"I love him," she answered after a moment, her voice soft and honest. Maybe she wasn't supposed to love Jimin. Maybe that had been someone else's job. But she loved him all the same, whether it made a monster of her or not. "I know, I know that he isn't my son but-"

"He is," Chul interrupted. "He's our son, and we love him very much." Chul paused. "Jimin, come in here."

Eungi hurriedly wiped her tears with a sharp whisper of, "What are you doing?"

Jimin appeared in the door frame of the kitchen, casting an uncertain glance toward Eungi, who was tracing an index finger underneath one of her eyes, trying to catch any stray tears. "Mommy?" he asked, quiet like Chul had told him to be.

Eungi's legs buckled slightly from the word, but Chul held a hand around her waist, supporting her.

"Your mom is just a little sad right now, Jimin," Chul said, and Jimin bit his lip, unsure as to why Chul had summoned him. "Jimin."

"Yes?" Jimin replied, standing up straight and holding his breath.

"Do you love your mom?"

"Yes," Jimin answered without hesitation. His eyes held true. He didn't doubt it for a second, and that seemed to make it worse.

"And do you love me?" Chul continued.

Jimin nodded. "Yes," he replied again before tilting his head. "Why are you asking?" He paused. "Did I make Mommy upset? I'm sorry," he said, bowing his head slightly, and his hair, which had grown a bit too long and needed a cut, obscured his features. "I remembered about the mark, Mommy. But it was just in a dream. I didn't mean to upset you."

Eungi closed her eyes, fresh tears rolling down her face. She wanted to tell Jimin that it hadn't been a dream, that it had been reality while this was the nightmare, but Chul's words had gotten into her head.

I love him.

He loves me.

We're a family.

"Come here, Jimin," she said, smiling despite her tears, and Jimin hesitated before hurrying over into her hug. "I love you so so so much, Jimin. Do you know that?"

"I know," he said, giggling, and even though his face was pressed into her side, she could still picture his beautiful smile with his eyes crinkled upward.

"What about me?" Chul asked plaintively, and Jimin giggling before hugging him as well. Chul smiled down at his son, ruffling his hair. "Now, remember what I was showing you yesterday? That game, chess? Let's try it again," he said, leading Jimin off down the hall, throwing a smile over his shoulder to Eungi.

"I'm sorry, I forgot how to play," Jimin easily admitted, and Chul just mock-admonished, their laughter bouncing off the walls, but it wasn't quite enough to drive away the darkness in Eungi's heart.

***

They all stared at the lines on the wall.

Jungkook opened his mouth, about to announce what they'd all seen, but then he closed it. They all hesitated, feeling that something needed to be said, but nobody had the words. So they turned away and went back to what they were doing, Jin setting the measuring stick down for next time.

Nobody wanted to say that, in Jimin's absence, Jungkook had finally grown taller than him.