In the Christian community, we are taught many things about relationships. We are taught about dating, marriage, sex, courtship and everything that pertains to having godly relationships. Of course, not everybody knows what to do and not everybody gets the chance of learning. Most of us were just taught not to have sex without much teaching on sexual desires. Because that's the main issue. What do we do with those desires when they come? 

What does the bible say about sexual desires? 

 I will say this to those of you who have not married yet, and to those who are widows. It is better for you to remain alone. That is how I myself live. 9 But if you want to have sex too strongly, then you should marry. It is better to do that than to want to have sex all the time. - 1 Corinthians 7:8-9 (EASY)

I was a bit skeptical about sharing this scripture this morning. But am I glad that I did share. God is doing my job and making it easier for me this morning. How wonderful a God He truly is! Paul says, " It is better for you to remain alone." Then he says, " If you want to have sex strongly, then you should marry. It is better to do that than to want to have sex all the time."

I used to wonder what kind of people Paul was talking to. Need I remind you that Paul spoke to Christians? Paul actually spoke to Church going Christians. I believe you are a church person. God is talking to us. If the desire is too strong, marry. So, should you marry to have sex? No! That's a very unhealthy reason of getting married. God didn't design marriage for us to blow off stored up sexual energy. Marriage provides room for sexual activities, but marriage isn't for sex primarily. If that's what you are getting married for, you are setting yourself up for failure. Marriage is supposed to manifest the love of God and the unity that the Church has with Christ. 

 Hooking up

This is a type of relationship that stirs up romantic feelings towards each other without 'strings attached.' I have had many of such kind of relationships. You would think that Christians do not have those, but no, they have a belonging even in Christian circles. I'll tell you plainly that such relationships are not godly. This type of relationship is dangerous. It short-circuits your purpose and devalues your person. What does such a relationship look like? Can you find such a relationship in the Bible? 

Samson and Delilah 

Samson was a great man of God. He did mighty things. Sadly, His story doesn't end very well. Before Samson meets Delilah, he has a wife and is happy with her. In Judges 15, Samson is denied to see his wife for reasons I will not get into right now. But, he is denied the privilege of visiting his wife. In anger, He destroys the fields of the Philistines. Samson had beef with these people. I like the last verse of Judges chapter 15. In that verse, you read, "Samson judged Israel for twenty years."

After that. Problems start. Verse one of Judges 16 is weird. I want you to see the weirdness in it. A man that's serving God and doing all he had to for God. Why did he act in the way that he acted? Okay, let's read the verse together. 

    One day, Samson went to Gaza. He went to have sex with a woman there. - Judges 16:1 (EASY)

Samson got easy sex that day. Met up with a harlot as some versions say and slept with her. In the previous chapter, he kills a thousand people with a donkey's jaw bone. That's impressive. A chapter later, he's having sex in Gaza. We do not know how many months or years passed before Samson gets here. But we see a man with desires. Everybody has desires. I have desires. You have desires. Everyone has desires. The Holy Spirit gives us the spirit of self-control for a reason. It's not just anger that we are supposed to control, but  our sexual desires as well.

 Therefore put to death your members which are on the earth: fornication, uncleanness, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. - Colossians 3:5 (NKJV)

Lets put all of that to death. Samson later meets a woman called Delilah who Samson loved apparently. But, Samson chose to be vulnerable with the wrong person. He confided in Delilah and ended his ministry in a moment's time. Why? God does not want ungodly relationships. God is concerned with who we relate to and He is concerned about the people we allow in our circle.  

Truth or dare 

In the eighth grade, I played a game called 'Truth or dare.' I was the only guy that played that game and at some point somebody dared one of the girls to ask out a girl for me. At the time I wasn't dating, so it felt like a good idea. I indirectly asked out a girl I never knew to be my babe. You know, as weird as that was, we do that in our little Christian circles. We wind up dating just for the sake of dating. We do not even get to know who we are dating. How you start a relationship is important. It determines the seriousness of your relationship. 

I ended up dating this girl for one year. What she never knew is that our relationship started out as a game and for so long, it was. She didn't know anything and was so serious about us so much that it became obsessive. I would have ended the relationship, but I was scared to do it because of how much my girlfriend liked me. You see brothers, ladies idealize relationships. I can promise you that they have in their minds who they wanna date, how they wanna be asked out and have a whole lot of expectations. Which is not wrong really. But its the idealization of relationships that make girls invest more and want more out of relationships than guys tend to give. 

I want to help you out ladies. You are not wrong for wanting more. You are not wrong for wanting to invest in a relationship. But do not invest in somebody that makes you feel as though dating them is an achievement. If you are crazy about your man, he should be just as crazy about you. If not, whatever expectations you have in that relationship will never be met.  

Being Single helps us. It's a great time to re-evaluate our worth, our value and our goals. In agriculture class, I learned about the importance of fallowing. This term simply describes a land that is not planted with crops to improve the quality of the soil. In terms of relationships, this describes singleness. Singleness is supposed to improve the quality of our relationships. Shalom.