Chapter 12

And as soon as I think of him being a monster I see something else in Taz. The way his eyes reminded me of my cousin Jamie. They were perfectly almond-shaped. His lips were full like my father's. The shade of his skin was on the light side but still black. Still beautiful. Or maybe it was the way his hair curled and kink. Or the vibrant way his eyes lit up like the midnight sky. Something about him was so real. So pure. So black.

And all of a sudden I feel as though I was somehow in the shoes of someone who had spent so much time with these racist white people that I'd begun to conform to their way of thinking.

Why would I call him a monster?

What made him a monster.

I notice Wren breathing all hard at that moment.

"You gonna kill me?" Wren asks.

The way he looks at Taz is as though Taz is some sort of monster. And perhaps shooting Andrew was a bit dramatic but no one in the world was going to miss the likes of Andrew. But the way he looks at him has this fear. This fear that I'd seen before. Maybe in movies. Maybe in films. But all of a sudden it's clear to me that Wren's solid face that I admired so much was full of fear.

"He ain't gonna kill you," I assure Wren, "Taz, get out of here before the cops show up..."

"You just going to let him leave?"

I look confused, "Yes."

"He killed Andrew," Wren states, "He's a murderer."

The way he says it seems almost shaky to me. He's a murderer was said in one of the harshest tones I could remember.

"How many times I got to warn you about this school, boy?" Taz states, with a laugh, "You better go get your boy? Before he gets nervous. And maybe the truth will come out."

I'm confused at that moment.

I turn to Wren. I'm confused at that moment. The way he is looking at Taz seems a little weird. I don't understand why he's looking at him like that. It's as though there's something Taz knows that Wren also knows.

"What's he talking about?" I ask Wren.

Wren looks over at me, "I don't know what he's talking about. He has a gun to our faces Dijon. What's wrong with you? He's wild..."

"Like an animal, right?" Taz asks.

Wren just gets a little red at that moment. His face has this tense strain to it at that moment that I don't seem to understand.

Normally I would defend Wren. I want to defend Wren, but I remember how it feels to have called Taz a monster. I hadn't even talked to him. I hadn't heard his story. I just assumed I knew why he shot Andrew.

But did I?

"Something ain't right here?"

"You promised me you wouldn't start this rally," I tell Taz, "And then you start it. And then you just shoot someone..."

"What more do you need to see?" Wren asks, "You saw what he did. He just killed someone...."

That's what everyone wants to believe happens in these situations. No reason to reach for the gun. No reason to be afraid. Coin reached up. He tried to defend himself. He was shot. I didn't have to know Taz to know he was too complex for that. He was raw. He was dangerous. But he wasn't some sentimental piece of shit.

"This comes from the person who said I was in love with Coin," he laughs at that moment.

"You admitted to it," Wren responds.

"As a joke," Taz responds, "Dijon take the dick out of your mouth and think for a second. As hard as I was trying to get with you, you think I loved Coin? He's trying to turn you against me. I said it before..."

"You don't got to listen to this shit," Wren states, "C'mon Dijon..."

I don't move. My feet just stand there. I don't know what Taz is talking about but the way he's saying it just makes me think something is off about this whole situation. Wren is far too nervous. Taz is far too passionate. Taz knows something and I want to know what it is.

Noticing that I hadn't moved, Taz turns to me. His eyes are on fire right now.

"Oh, your white savior complex running out?" Taz asks me.

"I'm not his white savior," Wren tells me.

"I can speak for myself," I tell Wren.

"Oh, look who's acting like he has a brain," Taz responds.

There is a vicious way that Taz looks at me. This viciousness that I've seen before. Where have I seen it before? It stirs something in me. This guilt of pity looking at how once again I was somehow relying on Wren, this white man to save me.

Was Wren my white savior?

"You know I didn't mean it like that. Why are you letting this fucking monster get in the middle of us?" Wren asks.

If Wren was so scared for his life, I wonder why he felt so comfortable calling him something like a monster.

I look over at Wren, completely perplexed. My eyes shrink a little bit and I can't help but to be a little bit offended, "What makes him a monster?"

"Are you serious? He just shot a guy."

"Ask your boy Andrew about shooting people..." Taz asks, "But you already did, didn't you Wren?"

Wren walks over and grabs my hand, "You need to listen to me. This man is dangerous. He released the sex tape of his friend."

"How's that make him dangerous?" I ask, "Misled. Maybe. Desperate. Maybe. But dangerous...."

"He came to this school ready to burn this shit down."

"I wasn't going to burn anything down," Taz states, "I made a promise to you Dijon. And I planned on keeping my word. But see I don't have a choice because guys like me...we don't get fucking justice in this system. And once I heard what they were doing...I...I had no choice..."

He keeps saying the words over and over. He's shaking. I feel all of a sudden that I am understanding him. I understand the pain that he's feeling at that moment standing there.

After a few seconds, he takes a deep breath and desperately states, "I swear I wasn't, but I got word from one of my guys that they were setting me up----"

The way Taz says that makes me all of a sudden feel concerned. I look over at Wren who is still just standing there looking clueless.

"How were they setting you up?"

"They SET ME up. That's the reason I came down here! That's why I shot Andrew! I didn't shoot up his momma's house," Taz states, "Andrew did. And your boyfriend knew about it."

That's when I hear them. Sirens. My heart goes with the sirens. It feels like I am being transformed into another world at that moment. I just feel this emptiness all around me. I can barely move when I feel the numbness of the sirens. The noise has a way of making my entire body stiff and my mind goes blank.

And for a moment I stare out to no color. I stare out to the absence of light.

Blackness.

I still see him there. Coin. I still remember that night.

"Wh--wh-what's he talking about?" I ask Wren.

Wren doesn't answer. He just puts his head down. I notice the way his head cocks off to the side trailing the pavement.

He doesn't respond at all.

I turn to Taz who has a smirk on his face, "Someone called into the police station to tip them off that I somehow had gotten hold of Officer McHenry's address."

"No one knew I gave that to you but..."

I'd told him earlier.

Taz nods, "He told you on purpose. He knew that you would run back and tell me."

More sirens. Perhaps they'd heard gunshots. Perhaps they'd come to break up the large riots. There was a dead body not too far away from here. One part of me wanted to leave, but another part of me couldn't. I needed to know what Taz was talking about now. With all three of us here. Something tells me that I'd never get the three of us together again.

This conversation had to go down now!

I sigh looking at Vance, "How do you know you were set up?"

"Vance. Turns out he's an undercover investigative reporter who enrolled in school to uncover the racism that happens in the student body in this school. And what he had to tell me is what makes your boyfriend there a bit nervous."

I look over at Wren, "Tell me before he does."

"What?" Wren asks.

"Just go ahead," I state.

I knew Wren had something to say. It was written all over his face. He had something he wanted to confess. And the truth was all that anger towards me earlier made sense. Perhaps it was trained at me at all. Perhaps he was angry about something else.

"It was Andrew's plan. He tells me that McHenry had a bounty on your head," Wren states, "Says that McHenry wanted him and his brother Scott to kill you. So I had to do something drastic. I had to save you...I...I love you..."

Perhaps he thinks his confession of love is going to soften me up to whatever he was about to say. He tries to grab my hands and hold me but I just cross them. Right now he wanted me so much to trust him but for some reason, I couldn't anymore. For some reason, I was realizing that Taz wasn't a monster.

But if he wasn't. Then who was?

"What did you do?"

"I made a deal," Wren states, "Andrew offered to kill my Father. I took him up on his offer. He wanted to frame Taz. Get revenge for what he did."

"And the white supremacists wanted a martyr," Taz states.

Wren finishes his story, "The drive-by...it was supposed to be on a day that my mother wasn't home and my Father was. But last-minute it was switched and..."

And that's how his mother was killed. That was why he was so broken earlier. Trying to save my life Wren had ended up killing his.

"I should kill you," Taz tells Wren, "But the way he's looking at you right now is killing you enough...."

The sirens were getting louder.

"Sirens..."

The police were coming. We had to get out of here and we had to do it quick. I watch as both boys go separate ways. Both of then turn back, almost the same time. It makes me feel like I'm in some sort of movie. In that moment I know that moment is the climax of my life. One of those moments who defines who you are.

One of those moments who defines who you aren't.

One choice that changes everything.

"Come with me...we can get justice," Taz states.

Wren shakes his head, "Baby. My father was going to try to kill you. If you think I wasn't going to do anything to protect you then you're wrong. I love you. It's the real kind of love. After all, we've been through. I fucked up. I get it. I did this for you. I did this to protect you."

Who do you go with?

~

"Can we talk?" Wren asks.

He settles into the bed. He's shirtless. I think he feels as though it would make a difference. Maybe he thinks I'll just look at his perfect body and everything would go away. See that's the problem with all of that mindstate. Nothing was going to go away. Not anymore.

"Yeah..." I state.

"I feel like I don't even know you anymore," Wren states.

"It's been almost a month. You don't..."

See that was the thing. I hadn't left with Wren that night. I'd left with Taz. They'd found Andrew's body but with everything that happened that night, there was nothing really there to charge him with.

"You finally started your revolution. I heard about you touring the country. Raising money for black victims of police violence."

"I'm working with Taz. Taz and Vance," I state.

Seems like the whole idea that Taz was racist against white people wasn't really even a thing. He worked fine with white people. The right kind of white people. People like Vance.

"The school is all buzzing about a movie..."

"Yeah the band is performing for the premiere," I state, "Vance is going to premiere his documentary about how racist this school is. Expose the culture here. I helped him."

"Maybe I can perform with you."

"No..."

He turns for a second, "You looking at me weird. Acting like I'm in the movie or something..."

"You are. We all are. And we all deserve it."

He pauses. It's tense between us. The real awkward kind of tense. Usually, by now there was some spark between us. Usually, by now there was something flirtatious said. There were none of the sorts. Not anymore. It was cold. Hard and cold.

"You're still mad at me," he states, "You're mad at me about blaming you for what happened with my mother even though I knew I was the one to blame. It eats me up every single day. I'm sorry..."

I laugh.

I don't think he expects though. I don't expect it either. It just comes out. I shake my head a few times after that. The laugh is in disbelief more than anything.

"You think that's why I'm mad?" I ask.

"I don't know why you're mad, but I want to tell you this," Wren says to me, "I loved you. Everything I did, I did to protect you. I wanted to make sure that my father couldn't hurt you. I am to blame for what happened to my mother. I knew Andrew was going to do it. It kills me every day. But you have to know I did it because I love you."

The weird thing is that at that moment, in Wren's head, I honestly think he believed every word coming out of his mouth. That somehow his blaming me was what was the issue in all of this.

"It's funny how when you get away from this environment, your eyes just open," I state, "For so long I was a product of...this..."

"What's this?" he asks.

"This universal dilemma of a minority, one of one surrounded by right-wing white people. The kind of white people that think a black person's sexual history, their anger issues, their lack of having made it OK to gun that black person down. It fucks up my mind. It makes me see things in a strange way. Makes me see monsters where there are none and makes me see friends when they don't exist..."

I stare at him when I say the word friends.

I know that he catches it. I know that it offends him. I can tell by how he's standing. His arms crossed and this heavyweight all in his shoulders.

"What's does this have to do with me blaming you for my mother's death?"

"The fact that you think the reason I'm mad about you blaming me is what the issue is," I explain to him, "It's the reason you're racist."

"You're calling me racist? ME! For godsakes, I'm in love with a black man."

I shake my head, "You don't get it. People think racism is just blatant and obvious but it's not. There are ways when someone can be racist without even realizing it. The fact that love a black man doesn't stop you from racist. You want to know what makes you racist?"

"Please enlighten me," he mocks me, "Everything comes back to race with you..."

"You were ready to frame a black man for a white man's crime. You were ready to throw Taz under the bus. It was as though his life meant nothing. What makes you racist you defending the shit your father did over and over."

"I never defended him," he states, "I said he didn't need to die."

This coming from the man who just got teamed up with Andrew to frame Taz for his death.

"Your father didn't deserve to die when he killed an innocent black man, but he did deserve to die because he was threatening the life of the black boy you're fucking?" I ask, "Or maybe it's Taz who deserves to be schemed against and have his life ruined because of a crime Andrew and his band of racists had done. This hate it manifests. It spreads."

"So you CHOOSE HIM?" Wren asks, "Do you think Taz doesn't hate?"

I sigh, "Taz isn't perfect. I never said he was. But I understand his anger. I get it. I get wanting to burn shit down sometimes when you've put your blood, sweat, and life into a system that never gave a fuck about you in the first place. I understand how to be marginalized, disrespected, and berated for being who you are. I understand being fed every day that blackness is something to be afraid of. And I understand wanting to burn down that system sometimes."

"So because you felt a pain that makes it right?" he asks.

I shake my head, "It doesn't make it right, but I'm saying there was no Martin Luther King without Malcolm X."

"You're his Martin Luther King?" he asks.

"Well, I mean you sure the hell aren't Malcolm..."

He crosses his arms, "No. No, I'm not. I did what I did for love. I didn't give a fuck about race."

"You guys keep saying it's not about race. It was always about the race for me. The moment Coin died. All these other things were just distractions. The distractions that come out to pacify people into forgetting we still haven't had justice for Corey Washington.

They worked so well. They distracted so well.

But I was focused now.

"He can't love you as I love you."

"Good. Because I'm not looking for love right now. I'm looking for someone willing to change things. Someone like Taz. Because we know each other. Even before we met, we knew each other. Black people all know each other's stories. A little bit of it. The feeling of wondering why it was someone treated you differently because of the color of your skin and how that made you feel. We know the struggle of being black in America. So I'll always understand him. Always..."

And that's why I chose Taz.

And that's why we are at an impasse.

"I get it. I understand where you're coming from."

If he understood he wouldn't have tried to put another black man's life in danger sending the cops to arrest him knowing what they do to black boys in America. He wouldn't have framed him in the first place.

"Well, I'm leaving," I state.

"Wait...like for good?"

"Yeah. Thinking about going to a school that won't be blasted with controversy in the next school year."

He watches me pack. The entire time he is biting his lip looking like he wanted to say something. I can see his eyes watching me, prying through my walls as he gazes at me. The stare was full of longing at first and then desperation.

And I feel awful at that moment when it becomes clear that I've broken his heart.

I head for the door and I feel him rush it.

There are tears in his eyes, "Please stay. I swear. I do whatever it takes. Please."

I look down at him, "It's too late for us..."

He pauses.

"I see..." he whispers.

I turn around about to leave but I stop. There was one more thing I needed to say. For so long romance had distracted me from the mission that I had set out to do on that day. The mission of getting justice for Corey.

"You want to make a difference? I'll give you the number to your father's prosecutor. You can testify against your father. You can speak to his character. You can say that he's a racist. You can change the course of that case."

I walk away from Wren at that moment. He stands in the doorway watching me. I am in the parking lot gathering the things into my car when I see the white students turn around and start watching. Wren has a reason for watching me. The others didn't.
It should scare me. It should bother me. It doesn't.

They were just being nosy. I wondered how it looked to them to be losing the one black student they had. Maybe it made them feel like this was a victory of some sort. I didn't care. Let them win the battle.

There was a war. And I had Vance and Taz at my side.

And just then when I ignore them I hear the sirens again. The strange sound of the sirens. The sirens that led people to rocky cliffs. The sirens that led people to their deaths. And I freeze. For a moment I think Wren is going to come to get me. He's going to come to save me. But I realize I wasn't that boy anymore. I didn't need anyone to save me. I could get over my own fears. That's how you had to be in this world we lived in if you looked like me. You had to be strong.

But then I realize there was a song I had forgotten to sing. One by Lauryn Hill. A remake of Bob Marley.

A song to drown out everyone else.

There was a song out there I'd forgotten to sing.

"Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery
None but ourselves can free our minds!
Have no fear for atomic energy
'Cause none of them can stop the time
How long shall they kill our prophets
While we stand aside and look?
Some say it's just a part of it
We've got to fulfill the book

[Chorus]
Won't you help to sing
These songs of freedom?
'Cause all I ever have
Redemption songs
Redemption songs
Redemption songs"

It's just a song. A song for me. A song for Coin. I couldn't do much, but I could sing. And I was going to use my gifts to do something good. There was going to be a song for Corey. Then there was going to be a song for the nation. Then everyone would be singing in unison. And it would be so loud that it was going to drown out sirens across the nation and no one would have to be afraid regardless of if you are white or black. The song was coming. A redemption song that showed that what binds us together is always more important than what tears us apart.

It was just the beginning...

As for Wren. He does the right thing when it comes to becoming a case witness against his father.

And that was the story of how we got justice for Corey Washington...

Read the next story titled : The Witchdoctor's Son