over the last three or so minutes, wooyoung has been silently observing as san's spoon purposelessly whirls around the inside of his cup of dessert. perhaps he's a creep for memorising so, but the elder has only brought the dark blue spoon up to his lips twice since his ice cream arrived — not to mention, the flavour he ordered is mint chocolate. san is a sucker for mint chocolate ice cream.

meanwhile, wooyoung has almost completely scoffed down his own: cherry jubilee, his favourite. though it could be inconsiderate of him to compare san's eating habits to his own, there's this twisted expression above his features, as if he's about to be sick, and wooyoung knows definitely that there's something wrong. 

he slides his fingers across the table, gently wrapping them around san's wrist. startled, san jumps a little, fretfully meeting wooyoung's round eyes. he forces a tight smile. "hm? what is it, wooyo?"

"sannie..." wooyoung feels his stomach churn. "sannie, are you sure you're okay here?"

san's gaze leaps from wall to wall, before it reunites with his ice cream, gradually starting to melt beneath his sight. "what do you mean?"

"san... don't." wooyoung murmurs, close to a whisper. "don't lie to me. please."

"i'm not— i-i—" an agonising crack slits through san's voice. the silence which follows is insufferable, for the both of them, and it almost feels as if the rest of their surroundings have quietened down alongside them, too.

cautiously, wooyoung slips his hand into san's. "it's okay," he says in the softest voice he can manage, holding onto the latter's fingers.

san's teeth tug at his lip, conflicted. one look at wooyoung's uneasy expression clears his smeared mind, however, reminding him that he doesn't need to hide away with the younger. he doesn't need to be afraid. so, he clears his throat with momentary, bitter laughter and the quiet question, "how... how did you know?"

"because i know you, sannie." wooyoung squeezes san's fingers. "can't believe you'd take me for that much of an idiot." lips quirking up, san smiles genuinely, strikingly differing to prior. though, he doesn't aim to verbally respond, prompting wooyoung to suggest softly, "do you wanna... get outta here?"

san sucks in a breath. then, he nods his head quickly, fraught. "if that's okay," he whispers, gaze falling once again.

wooyoung nods his head, reassuring. "i wouldn't have asked if it wasn't."

beckoning the ice cream cup from san's hold, wooyoung stacks it on top of his own, and pats the pockets of his jeans for some cash. before he's found the few 10 000 won notes he knows is stuffed in there somewhere, san makes a sound of protest, standing up from his seat. "wait, no, wooyo, i—"

"sannie—"

"wooyoung," san demands, and somehow his voice is stern and soft all at once. "i'm treating you, remember?"

"but—"

"no. i said i was treating you, and that still stands. that doesn't suddenly change just because i'm—" san's lips clamp shut, his face wincing as if he's in physical pain. he shakes his head, to himself, wooyoung assumes, before leaving a few bills at the table. when san returns to the younger's direction, his eyes are glazed with tears.

wooyoung's mouth opens. yet, he's overtaken, "we— we're still leaving... right?"

wooyoung smiles amidst the dimmed light within him, a half-hearted attempt for san. "yeah. yeah, let's go."

wooyoung's hand seeking san's shoulder, the shop bell tinkles from above, signifying their exit. it seems to have gotten warmer since they were at the park; the projection of the sun is fiercer and brighter, wooyoung needing to screw his eyes to get a better look at san. "where's our destination, sannie?"

"oh. i didn't really plan that out." san chuckles sheepishly, and his face goes long. "i don't mean to bore you, wooyo, but can we... can we go home?"

"of course, we can, sannie." wooyoung pulls san closer to him. "if it means you feel comfy, then of course."

###

blinds relentlessly swaying throughout the force of the wind, wooyoung is sitting casually atop of san's bed. the older boy's head lies on his lap, languid, as his eyes flutter shut beneath the caress of wooyoung's fingers against his chin. "sannie?"

san shifts slightly in his position and hums lazily, indicating wooyoung to continue.

"are we going to talk about it?"

"talk about... what?" san takes a long pause. "earlier?"

"we don't need to," wooyoung rushes out in an attempt of solacing the boy. "i just... wanna know what was going through your head back then. it can always wait, though, obviously, if you'd rather not think about it. we can just stay like this if that's better?"

"i don't mind talking about it, wooyo. it's you, after all," san says quietly. he stares up at the bland ceiling. "but it's complicated... even to me. not the easiest thing to put into words."

wooyoung hums with a reassuring smile. "i'm not looking for a refined essay, sannie. actually, there's this really corny thing cobie says to me all the time — our brains are far too small for every one of our thoughts to stay cooped in inside it. he thinks our heads are going to explode, or something, like a fucking volcano erupting."

san laughs, and wooyoung's serotonin soars at that. "who knew the same person who accused me of a whole ass crime would turn out to be so wise?"

"if unpredictable was a person, it'd be jacob bae. what do you take from his almighty piece of advice, then?"

"i think... he's right. kind of," san mumbles, gaze wavering from wooyoung's. "but i don't want you to feel like you have to—" tears fill his eyes for the second time that day, and before wooyoung can decide on what to do, san has wiped them away. "—look out for me, o-or anything like that."

"sannie..." wooyoung moves his hands to hold the sides of san's face, stroking his cheekbones consolingly.

like he can read wooyoung's mind, san continues, "you're going to disagree with me, i can already guess. but you already have so much going on, wooyo, i—" he finally looks into the latter's eyes again. "i can't make things harder for you."

"what are you sayi— san." wooyoung sighs. "i'm not blind, you know? i see when you do every little thing you can to avoid having conversations about this... about you. so knowing that you make yourself to act a certain way about it to make me feel better, or whatever it is, is just— it's crazy to me, sannie. i care about you," wooyoung says, as if he's gifting san a piece of his heart.

"i really care about you. and i really need to you to understand that, because i don't think there's any possible way of me having you in my life and not looking out for you. and if you think you're going to tell me otherwise; i'm always going to be there to look out for you because i want to. okay?"

san reaches out for wooyoung's hand. maybe it's a thing of theirs by now. "this feels like it could be a dream, or something, 'cause that's the exact way i feel about you."

wooyoung intertwines them. "well, there has to be a reason we're here like this, doesn't there?"

"yeah." san grins gleefully. "yeah, i think so." his expression falters quicker than wooyoung likes. "and i'm sorry for... that. i-i tend to say really bizarre things when i'm upset with myself — at least, that's what hwa's convinced me."

"sannie, you don't need to be sorry." sadly, wooyoung frowns. "but why are you upset with yourself?"

san's smile loses itself completely now, and he looks away. he seems almost ashamed, as he speaks, "i thought... i thought i was getting better. for a few weeks, maybe around the time we first met, i actually thought i was making progress. and for the first time in my life, i was proud of myself. b-but then— then, mingi and i started fighting and he accidentally said all those thi—"

"accidentally?" wooyoung repeats sharply. "don't tell me..."

"apparently." san shrugs, before a dry chuckle escapes his teeth. "i know it sounds, like, not believable at all, but... that's what he said, so."

"i'm sorry, but he's lying to you," wooyoung states, seething. rage seeps into him. "there is absolutely no fucking way those words just innocently slipped out of him, sannie. he's your best friend, who's lived with you for — what? — two years? he isn't that stupid, either."

san doesn't say anything. for a while. the noise from the dorms above them thunder through the silence.

and wooyoung leaves him be, thinking his mouth has spoken far more than it should have. despite his concern urging him to detect what san is thinking about so deeply, he only fiddles with the studs decorating san's ears with light fingers; wooyoung hopes it's enough to remind the elder that he's there.

"how are things with mingi, by the way?" but wooyoung has to break the silence eventually, for he needs to get something out and he needs to hear san's voice even more.

"not any better than the last time you were updated." coming as a surprise to wooyoung, san's eyes liven up when they lock with his. "i finally grew some pussy and told the others, though."

wooyoung pinches san's check out of instinct. "so i see you can listen to my advice?" he says lightheartedly. "that's really good, sannie. how'd they react? please tell me it was a living nightmare, and you all had to hold jongho back, but it was up to no avail, and he escaped your grasp and—"

san laughs. pure laughter. it's only been an hour, maybe nearing the borders of two, but wooyoung has missed hearing it. "something like that, actually. jongho was by far the most pissed off, i think steam was exiting his ears at one point. and the others... joong was mad i didn't tell him earlier. gave me the silent treatment for, like, an hour. you know hwa well enough, you can probably imagine the five-minute speech he gave me."

"and yunho?" wooyoung questions expectantly.

"yeah, i'm not that brave just yet, sweetheart."

wooyoung presses his lips together. "ah."

"you're disappointed," san notes, in a tone that easily encourages the latter to elaborate.

"mingi is a bitch." deliberately enunciating each word, wooyoung sighs. "and yunho... yunho is the complete opposite of him. like, opposite attracts and whatever, i know, but i don't like the sound of them together. if they ever will be."

"he'll be okay, wooyo, hm? i say there's nothing to worry about when he has you to snap him out of it, no?"

wooyoung chuckles, yet there's a lack of light within it. "yeah. hopefully."

###

a/n: sansvenus comeback seven hours before san day??!!!!

ok ok i'm gonna try be serious rn ummm honestly spiralling the worst i ever have atm, and i'm really sorry for how inactive i've been over the past few weeks. i can't promise anything ab my consistency for the following but just know that i'm never going to give up on smts or sansvenus, that's the last thing i'll ever do. so pls don't worry too much <3

thank u to the people who've checked up on me, i love you so so unbelievably much :( i'm sorry for stressing u out, i've just had to come to terms w things i didn't rly want to and it's taken a v big mental toll on me sooo yes 😇

two good things going for me tho: a) ateez cb in like 20 days and b) bojo is out!!! our government's biggest #girl moment yet

i am talking far too much now but eid mubarak to those who celebrate :)) i wish u all the happiness ever today

andddd i've already mentioned but it wasn't near enough so happiest (almost) birthday to my sannie <333 my best boy, i am so forever grateful i happen to exist during ur timeline. i love u more than i love anybody.