Chapter Twenty-Two

Instead of waking up to the cold embrace of death, I woke up to the warm soothing scent of chicken broth. It was a comforting scent, combined with something that smelled like chamomile tea, and the warm softness of my blankets tucked around me snugly.

I didn't want to wake up. This feeling was so nice... But then it became confusing. The scent of soup and tea were far too near to be made down in the kitchen. If anything, it felt like it was right in front of me and that split second of alarm charged through me, my eyes flickering open.

Sure enough, sitting just a foot in front of me was a silver tray with a bowl of steaming chicken broth and a tea cup filled with chamomile tea. A tall glass of water joined it and a couple slices of buttered toast. I stared at him, frozen in horror. What was that doing here? How did it get here?

Someone had moved all the shoes out of my way and the clothes that had hung over my head were pushed aside, leaving me open and exposed. Even worse, the light was on and the strength of it on my sensitive eyes burned to the point where my eyes were welling up. I quickly wedged myself back under the blankets and held my breath, hearing heavy foot falls moving for the closet. Each thump from a thick booted foot sent chills rocketing up my spine and I grabbed the dagger I kept hidden beneath my pillow, clenching the handle so tight in my fist that it hurt. I stopped breathing as the footsteps stopped just outside my closet entrance. My heart was beating violently against my chest, painfully, and my blood rushed like a hot lava flow in my veins. Panic and fear roared in my ears and it took everything I had not to leap out and take off running.

"Raven, are you awake?" It was Dev's voice. I let my breath out, my grip very slowly releasing the dagger, trembling as I withdrew my hand back to my chest. I didn't dare pull the blanket away from my head for fear of Dev seeing me so trembling and on the verge of a panic attack. I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to think of something else, but Dev's boots thumping their way toward me was distraction enough. I heard him kneeling down beside me on the floor, fiddling with something on the tray, then a quiet thump that indicated he'd seated himself beside me.

Humiliation welled up inside me so fiercely that I couldn't speak.

What was he doing here? Why did he just barge into my room like this? Didn't he respect my privacy?

"I got you some soup from the kitchen," Dev said quietly, making me flinch at the nearness of his voice, "And some tea." I didn't answer. I didn't trust myself to speak. I also didn't pull the blankets back. I was still far too embarrassed at being caught sleeping in my closet surrounded by clothes and shoes to even think about looking at Dev. And he seemed to pick up on it.

"You know, I have a hundred questions pertaining to why you'd choose to sleep on the hard floor compared to your luxurious custom-made bed... But I'm not going to ask. I just want you to feel better, Rave. Come on out and just eat something. Lucifer said you were really sick. I'm worried about you." He murmured. I chewed at my bottom lip, debating whether to just come out and face the music, or continue hiding until he left, but I'd already hurt his feelings enough as it is. I reluctantly, pushed the blankets back, propping myself up on my elbow. I avoided Dev's eyes as I reached a trembling hand out to the bowl, pulling it closer so I wouldn't have to sit up.

I still felt stuffy and achy, sick to my stomach, but with nothing there to vomit, I settled on just eating slowly. I drew the spoon to my lips, blew gently across the steamy liquid before sipping it. It was warm and soothing to my throat and to my stomach. I felt my nausea fade almost instantly. I ate a little more, trying to ignore the way Dev just stared at me intensely. It was making me nervous.

"Stop looking at me." I said at last.

"Sorry," Dev said honestly, "I'm just trying to wrap my head around the fact that you're an angel." My throat constricted and I choked on my soup, making Dev curse and take the bowl from me. He bumped his hand against my back before I managed to swallow again and slump down in my make-shift bed, cringing.

I'd almost forgotten about that.

An angel. An archangel no less.

As if my life hadn't been a miserable cesspool before, now it was bad enough to make Gehenna look like Hawaii. I felt sick again, depressed. All the filth I'd spat at myself before I passed out came rushing back and I suddenly felt too weakened by it to eat, so I just laid there and stared at the bowl.

"Raven, I'm sorry your mother's a cold-hearted bitch." Dev offered. I gave him a weird look. I should've been offended by that, because bitch or not, Bethany was my mother, but I wouldn't bring myself to even pretend it hurt my feelings, so I just shrugged.

"Wouldn't be the first time someone treated me like this." I muttered bitterly. No, it certainly wouldn't be. There had been hundreds of people before her who'd taken their turn to treat me like garbage. Her words should come as a compliment compared to what people had done to express their distaste for me before. I think the only reason it hurt was the fact that all this time, I had assumed maybe, just maybe, my mother had cared about me somewhere inside. She'd only left me because she was scared. Instead, she'd left because... well, she obviously didn't want me. Why? Even as an infant, she hadn't wanted me and at that time, I had been clean and pure, just as I was supposed to be.

"Makes me glad I don't remember my mother." Dev pointed out. My heart shrank at that. I had forgotten Dev's family had abandoned him as a child. I suddenly felt selfish and inconsiderate.

"I'm sorry." I said quietly. Dev shook his head.

"I count myself lucky that I haven't run into them after all this time. I don't think I want to know why they left me behind. Besides, this isn't about me, Rave. It's about you. How're you feeling? Aside from the fact that you found out you're an archangel and your mother's a twisted ho." He added flatly. I almost laughed at that, but my throat hurt too much to try, so I scooted closer to the bowl of soup again and took a few hearty gulps before I sighed, placing the bowl back down and laying on the bed to look up at Dev as he watched me.

"I feel like I was hit with a wrecking ball." I muttered. Dev smirked, then tilted his head, reaching out to tuck a lock of hair behind my ear. Part of me wanted to bat his hand away, but I couldn't bring myself to do it, so I let him and he appeared giddy with happiness at that.

"Well, hopefully this'll make you feel better. The cook added just a bit of ambrosia to it to keep up your strength." He explained. I nodded, taking another few gulps of soup until it was gone and I moved onto the tea, savoring the way it settled my stomach and nerves. Fully relaxed, I laid back down on the bed and pulled the blankets up around me, breathing out a long sigh, then grimaced at the lights over head.

"Could you turn those down? They're hurting my eyes." I murmured. Dev nodded and snapped the lights off without even getting up. I almost smiled in relief, but I didn't want him to see it, so I just closed my eyes and relaxed. We were both silent for a while, listening to the waves outside my balcony window crash against the cliff side, sucking themselves around the rocks before blasting up against the cliff side again. The sound was soothing.

"So... Why are you sleeping in a closet?" Dev asked, breaking the silence. I blinked my eyes open and stared up at the clothes rack over my head, swallowing hard against the lump that threatened to rise in my throat as I debated how to answer that, if I should answer at all.

Maybe it was the fact that I had spent an entire year confined to a bed where I was forced to take Julius into my body over and over and over again. The sound of the bed creaking beneath our weight, the way it bumped against the nightstand. The firm mattress that did nothing to ease the pain pulsing in my brittle bones.

Maybe it was the fact that I felt safe where I was hidden away from the world. A place where no one would expect to find me. If someone did open the closet, they wouldn't see me right away and it would give me plenty of time to come awake with my dagger and launch an attack before they'd even know what hit them.

Maybe because it was like a cage and I was an animal that deserved to be caged. I was filthy, feral, paranoid. The slightest bumps in the night caused me to jolt awake and seek out the source of the sound.

"Because it's safe." I breathed at last. In either answer, it came right down to the fact that it was safer here than it was out there. In here, I knew what to do and I had different plans for different scenerios. This was a controlled environment. Out there, anything could happen to me... Not that it already hasn't.

"All right," Dev said at last, accepting my answer, "I can see that. It's a good thing your closet's roomy, huh?" I frowned, confused by that before I turned my head to see him pushing the tray out of the way so he could lay down beside me. I stiffened for a moment, alarmed by his actions. I didn't move until he rolled over to face me and tugged at my blankets so he could pull them around himself too. I swallowed hard, eyeing him warily before he gave me one of his cheesy grins.

"Don't worry, Rave. I'm not gonna do anything. I just wanna make you feel ten times safer. Cuz if someone did come in here, they'd trip over my fat ass and it'd give you plenty of time to run away... That and the fact that I'm exhausted, so I'm not moving." He assured, snuggling down and pulling the blankets close. His explanation had been weird, but oddly touching. I waited until he was asleep, his breathing steady and soft with the faintest of snores, before I scooted closer to him, inhaling the rich scent of him. I pressed my cheek against his chest, closing my eyes as I listened to his heart pounding, his lungs expanding and retracting, his blood flowing through his veins.

It was dangerous to be so close to someone, especially while they slept, but I couldn't bring myself to move away. A sudden sense of peace and safety washed over me as I let my eyes drift shut as I slept right next to Dev.

And for the first time in a long time, there were no nightmares.

My conscious was clear and blank. The only dreams I remembered were the ones of my date with Dev, of dinner with my family, training at the training center with Anza.

The next morning, I woke up feeling infinitely better. My sore throat was barely noticable, my headache was gone, and my nausea had completely passed. I opened my eyes, then froze when I found myself staring at Dev. He was still fast asleep beside me, his arm tucked under his head as a pillow, the blankets draped across his waist. His lips slightly parted, dark lashes a contrast to his tawny skin. I swallowed at the sight of him.

I'd always remembered how I told myself that it would never work between Dev and I. Because I would want a serious relationship, and he would want a one-night stand. If we slept together, he'd be gone in the morning and I would be left feeling miserable and used.

And yet, here he was. We may not have actually slept together, but we spent the night together and he didn't leave me. His consideration choked me. I wanted to reach out and touch him, to quench the fire in my groin that he brought about whenever he so much as came to mind. I wanted to feel his thick hair sliding between my fingers, those searing hot hazel eyes gazing at me like I was the most important thing in the world to him, to feel those steel muscles rippling beneath my hands, and his lips touching mine with a gentleness that made my insides melt and quiver.

Would he let me? Would he still love me if he knew the truth? Would he still be here in the mornings when I woke up, or would he be gone, leaving me bruised and broken, like everyone else?

The fact that I was asking myself all this now, the fact that I was more scared of lying to Dev, more scared of taking the risk of being touched by yet another man... It made me realize how much Julius had truly destroyed me. He'd taken something that was supposed to be meant for Dev, something beautiful and sacred, and he shattered it to pieces. He made me believe I was a whore, a helpless victim. Not even a broken warrior, but the soil upon which he bled. Maybe even lower than that. I felt worthless and foul, unworthy of even being close to Dev.

Dev was so amazing in every way possible. Setting aside the fact that he was the most beautiful creature on two legs, he was incredibly gifted. He could bench press more than anyone at the training center. He could run miles in a short period of time. And smart. God, he was so smart. I lost track of how many times he'd outsmarted me on missions. How he could manage to come up with plans that would save both us, and the people we were rescuing.

Friendly. Dev was so nice to people, even if they were nasty to him, he could manage to smile at them and make playful jokes. He was so caring and considerate. He'd taken Terry in out of the goodness of his heart, settled for an average apartment in Portius so he could use the rest of his paycheck to pay for Terry's schooling and after school activities. And even I knew that he blamed himself horribly for what had happened to me, when it hadn't been his fault at all. The fact that he'd went from a friendly party goer to a miserable drunk while I'd been away. To see him brighten whenever I came near made me feel so special.

But there was still that voice in the back of my head, the voice Julius put there to remind me that I wasn't worthy of that smile. I wasn't worthy of those gentle tapered fingers, those intense hazel eyes.

And that was what hurt the most.

That no matter what I do, I could never be worthy of Dev. He was the essence of all that was good in the world, and I was a worthless piece of shit that was used more than a public toilet.

Agony spread through me, dousing my sexual appetite instantly. I withdrew from Dev until I was pressed against the closet wall, watching him with a painful longing wrenching at my heartstrings. It wasn't until half an hour later that he woke up and I quickly closed my eyes, feigning sleep as I listened to him yawn and roll over. I felt the heat of his body draw nearer and I risked opening my eyes slowly, sleepily. He had scooted closer, pulling the blankets closer around him. He didn't go back to sleep, just laid there and looked at me through heavy eyelids. I swallowed, staring back at him.

"Morning." He greeted, a smile spreading across his face brighter than any sunshine.

"Morning." My voice sounded like a whisper. Dev just stared at me for the longest time, still smiling before he reached up to lay his hand against my cheek. My breath left me in a silent gasp at how warm and huge his palm was against my face, the strong hand of a warrior with all the gentleness of a lover. Dev lifted his thumb and traced it along my bottom lip, making it tingle. I don't know what kept me from trembling. Maybe the fear of Dev finding out who and what I really was. If I reacted, he'd surely know. Or maybe he already knew, but he was afraid of telling me. I don't know why.

"How are you feeling?" Dev asked quietly, still stroking my bottom lip, his eyes gazing at it with a hunger that succeeded in sparking hot lust in my groin again. I made the mistake of licking my bottom lip nervously, brushing the tip of Dev's thumb. His eyelids fluttered and sucked in a sharp breath, before his thumb sank into my mouth. A moan rose in my throat at the sweet salty pad of his thumb. I twirled my tongue around it, wetting it with saliva, feeling the soft smooth fingernail. I tickled his cuticle with the tip of my tongue and a spark of triumph rushed through me as Dev moaned, leaning in to touch his forehead against mine as he rubbed his thumb against my tongue.

Good dog.

Julius's voice was right where I expected it to be. I remembered the way he made me suck crumbs from his fingers, wine and sometimes body fluids. But he always shoved his fingers violently into my mouth, choked me and gagged me, and even urged me to vomit sometimes.

But not Dev. His thumb was just settled between my lips, gentle and unmoving now. He let me do what I wanted with it. I could've bitten it and he wouldn't have cared, but I didn't want to hurt him. I reached up gently, taking his hand in mine so I could pull his thumb out of my mouth and touch it to my lips so I could place a butterfly kiss against the wet pad. I gave him a few playful nips and Dev groaned again.

"God, I think I'm gonna come just from this." Dev rumbled. A shiver went through me at that. A strange sense of power rushed through me. I could make Dev feel like this. I had the power to do this.

Because Julius gave it to you.

That thought choked me. The horrible truth was that it was true. Once upon a time, if Dev had done something like this, putting his finger in my mouth, I would have bitten him and demanded why he'd do such a thing and what he expected me to do with it. But because of Julius's thorough training, I knew exactly what to do, how to make Dev quiver and come. It made me sick to my stomach and I slowly released Dev's hand, lowering my eyes as the hot lust that'd overcome me quickly dissipated and I felt filthy.

"What's wrong?" Dev murmured, appearing a bit dazed as he went to touch my face, but just thinking about his skin against mine made me shudder in revulsion. I pressed myself back against the wall and the look on Dev's face broke my heart. My rejection had hurt him. I swallowed and opened my mouth to speak, but someone knocked on my bedroom door. Dev cursed under his breath and got to his feet. I waited until he left the closet first before I heaved myself to my feet. I was dizzy for a split second before it faded and I made my way out of the closet, leaving behind my jacket so I was wearing on my turtleneck, leather pants, gloves, and socks. Covered from toe to throat, to avoid bearing scars I wish would fade.

"Is Raven in here?" I stiffened at the sound of Bethany's voice as I came around to see her standing in the doorway, her eyes narrowed on Dev and raking him with a repungence that stung even me, but Dev managed to remain composed. Mostly.

"What'd you wanna do? Kick him in the nads before you fly back home to your perfect paradise?" Dev asked. Bethany pinned him with a merciless glare.

"Watch your tone with me, Sin. Your kind don't scare me."

"And neither does your kind."

"Then you are stupid as well as sinful. Now, step aside and let me speak to Raven." Bethany commanded. Dev looked like he was seconds from bashing her skull open on the marble floor, but I had a feeling Bethany wasn't just any angel. She could really hurt Dev and that thought terrified me.

"It's all right, Dev." I told him, coming forward. Dev frowned at me for a moment, eyes studying me intently, before he seemed to give up and left the room, letting Bethany in. She shut the door behind Dev, then turned to face me, her arms folded over her chest. She was raking me with a sneer before her eyes met mine, and a strange look came across her face. I didn't like it, so I stepped away from her.

"What do you want? And make it quick. I have work to do." I told her flatly. Bethany twitched, and her look of disdain returned.

"I came to figure out why your powers were triggered. What, did you kill a child? Rip out his organs and feed them to the Greeks? Or did you stumb your toe?" She asked sarcastically. I wanted to lash out at her. How dare she mock me when she didn't even know me. It sounded like she thought I was some sort of pampered prince, or a heartless murderer. I had never killed a child in my entire life, and I would kill myself before ever doing such a thing. And pampered? Maybe at one time I was a pampered prince, but she'd be happy to know that I was anything, but.

"I don't have to tell you anything," I said icily, "My business is my business."

"Oh, I don't think so," Bethany spoke coldly, taking a step toward me and causing me to take one back, "I am an archangel. An archangel of purity. And Lucifer was an archangel, now a fallen who carries the title of a god because he owns his own realm. When he doesn't deserve it. And unfortunately for you, you carry his bloodline as well as my own. That makes you an archangel species wise. But, like Lucifer, you will not take the title of an archangel because you don't deserve it. You'll wear the title of demigod as you always have. It will not only be appropriate, but it will protect you from other creatures that will seek out your powers as an angel. Angels are extremely valuable and to have one fall into the hands of the wrong person? Well, Heaven cannot allow it and as one of God's most treasured daughters, if you do anything to threaten Heaven, I will kill you."

"Okay," I said slowly, trying to contain the sudden rage that was welling up inside me, "That's nice. So glad I could meet you. Oh, most treasured angel of God? Cool, cool. You're really clean and prestine, you know that? But answer me this, Oh Ye Great Archangel of God. How come Hell opens its arms in forgiveness and Heaven is the one that spits on people?" Bethany's eyes flared.

"How dare you," She sneered, "Heaven is a place of purity, of beauty! We forgive, but we only forgive those deserving of forgiveness."

"And who determines the level of forgiveness?"

"God, you arrogant beast. Only God can pass judgement."

"And God wouldn't forgive me."

"Absolutely not. You are a spawn of Satan, the enemy of God and all that is good in His eyes."

"Makes me glad I'm Satan spawn then. If I had to choose between being a heartless bitch spitting on people who want a second chance and a person who gives a rat's ass, I'd take being Satan spawn over being an Archangel of God any day," I replied, making Bethany's eyes flare hatefully, "Now, if you're done crawling up my ass, I have work to do. You know, like actually saving people's lives instead of stomping all over them?" I started to brush past her, but Bethany whirled around and caught my elbow, wrenching me back in front of her and slamming me against the wall. My instincts reacted violently and I spun away from her, grabbing her by the hair and slamming her head into the wall. Bethany bared her pearly white teeth at me, reaching up to sink her fingernails into my leather glove, and I tore my hand away, causing her fingernails to yank the glove off. I hissed, shaking my hand.

"What happened to your hand?" Bethany demanded the moment she saw it. I hid it behind my back, glaring at her and holding my other hand out.

"Give me my glove back or I'm going to do more than mess up your hair." I ordered. Bethany looked down at the glove on her hand, her other hand reaching up to rub at the back of her head where I'd clenched my fist in her hair. She blinked a few times, then curled her lip and threw the glove at my face.

"You're foul."

"Tell me something I don't know."

"I curse the day I birthed you."

"Join the club."

"Ugh!" Without another word, Bethany left, slamming my bedroom door shut behind her.

"Does this mean I'm grounded?" I couldn't resist calling out. I heard another frustrated yell, followed by Bethany screaming Lucifer's name, so she could rant to him too. I shook my head as I slid my glove onto my other hand just as the door opened and Dev came back in, his features twisted in rage that scared me for a second.

"Are you all right? I shouldn't have let the dumb bitch in here." He tacked on angrily. Relieved that his rage was directed at her and not me, I relaxed as I rubbed at my hand to ensure the glove wouldn't accidentally fall off.

"I'm fine. Just glad she's leaving." I replied calmly. Dev clenched his teeth and approached me, making me hold my breath as he took my gloved hand in his.

"Nothing she said was true."

"You were listening?"

"She was screaming. Not my fault. But, Raven, I'm serious, listen to me. You're not foul. You're perfect. She's the one who's flawed. I may be a Sin, and I probably shouldn't be talking about what is perfect and what isn't, but for what it's worth, you'll always be an angel to me. No matter what anyone says. Ha," He paused and released my hand to step back, "I probably shouldn't even be touching you." Pain lacerated my heart at that. If anything, I shouldn't be touching Dev. I was the one who was unworthy. If Dev knew, surely he wouldn't be defending me like this, calling me perfect and an angel, when I was the furthest thing from. I was the one who was sullied and sinful. Dev was too nice to be called a sin. It was his cursed genes that made people call him a sin, something he couldn't help. If he had been born a virtue, Bethany would have reacted to him differently. If my father had been someone else, maybe she would have reacted different. But because of something we couldn't help, we were judged wrongly.

Or at least Dev was.

"You're not stupid, Dev," I said after a moment, making Dev look at me curiously before it dawned on him that I was referring to the fact that Bethany had spat at him too, "You're the smartest person I know, and anyone who says otherwise is the stupid one. You may be a sin, but you're more virtuous than any of God's angels." Dev held his breath for a moment at that, before a smile slid across his face and he came back forward to stand in front of me.

"You know just what to say to put me in a good mood, bunny." He stated, then leaned in and kissed me on the forehead. A delighted shiver coursed through me and I smiled at him. He touched my cheek, then stepped back.

"Let's celebrate that the heifer is gone and head out for breakfast, huh? There's a place downtown I wanna take you to." He said. I nodded.

"Sure, just let me shower and change. I'll meet you in the foyer." I replied. Dev beamed at that and gave me a salute before leaving me to my room. I made sure the door was locked behind him in case he got any ideas, then I went to my bathroom and showered down. Afterwards, I changed into a navy turtleneck and black leather pants, pulled on a new pair of gloves and buckled my boots up. I grabbed my cell to take with me just as it rang. I frowned, confused as I held the small ring up to see the address that flashed on the mini-screen. I didn't recognize it and debated ignoring it, but something about it made me unfold the cell and hook it onto my ear, pulling out the retractable receiver so it curved near my mouth and I hit the answer call button as I went to get my jacket from my closet.

"Hello?" I asked, picking my heavy jacket up and double-checking the hidden weapons in it before throwing it on.

"Hello, little prince."

My blood ran cold and I froze in the middle of my room. I swore my heart stopped beating and goosebumps prickled my skin harshly. I felt choked. I couldn't even find my voice to respond. How could I respond? Fear constricted my throat and made my entire body tremble as I sank to my knees, covering my mouth.

"Oh, don't cry," Julius assured me, "You won't be lonely for long. See, I've run into a bit of trouble. It may have something to do with the fact that whatever rat stole you from me went running to Hades to inform him you're alive. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to escape his wrath? He's coming for my blood now. Even more so when he found out what I'd been using you for. You see, Hades is a hypocrite to the extreme. While he can lay hands on whomever he pleases, if I do it, it's suddenly a crime. But that's neither here nor there. I've called to let you know that I'm on my way to bring you back to where you belong."

"No." I choked, tears blurring my vision as I scrambled back until my back touched the wall beside the closet, my knees drawn up, panic flooding my system as Julius laughed into the receiver.

"Now, what did I tell you about tears, little prince? Don't cry. You'll be doing plenty of that after I punish you for not coming back home. Didn't I tell you what would happen if you ran away from me?"

"Please--"

"No amount of begging will save you this time, prince. When I find you, you'll regret ever running away from me... See you in a few days, Raven. I look forward to being reunited with you. I've missed you."

Click.

And then dial tone.