Chapter Eighteen

Saying goodbye was oddly harder than I thought it would be.

I'd spent so many months with these people, but it felt like I'd known them for eternity. People I had never even met before in my life had risked their own to save mine. I wasn't sure I'd ever be able to repay that kind of kindness. If there were more people like them in the world, maybe, just maybe, there would be less wars and I could actually pick up a damn hobby.

Cain had dutifully removed the brand from beneath my foot-- none too kindly, might I add, but it didn't matter. As long as it was gone. There was still a scar there that ached, but he assured me that no one was going to be looking at the underside of my foot. A very un-Cain thing to do and when I pointed it out, he'd flipped me off and left the room.

I didn't punch him, as tempting as it was. He'd given me my freedom, so I'd give him a free pass. But next time that prick spat in my face, I was going to give him a beating not even plastic surgery could fix.

It was hard to say goodbye to Abel, Akin, and Jahlia as well. All of them were like a security blanket to me. Even when I told myself I didn't need comforting, it was strangely okay when they did it. Akin had cried when I left and told me to contact him as soon as possible. I assumed saying goodbye was a lot harder for him than anyone else.

The last person I said goodbye to was Hannibal.

I felt guilty for having ganged up on him about Abel and I wasn't about to leave things with heated tension. I'd eventually found him in the gym, punching at the punching bag with gauze wrapped hands that were lightly stained in blood, making me grimace

"Hannibal?" I asked. Hannibal paused, steadying the bag before glancing over his shoulder at me in stoic silence. How I envied his ability to look so calm and cool. I hoped I could gain that kind of attitude by the time I got home to avoid any unnecessary questions.

"I'm leaving." I said after a moment. Hannibal stared at me for a moment longer, then turned to the punching bag again. I bit my bottom lip, taking a step toward him. He faced me a second later, eyeing me warily. I hesitated. He obviously didn't like anyone getting to close to him, and I could sympathize with that, so instead, I held my hand out to him. He frowned at it like he was unsure of what to do. When I wiggled my hand a little, realization dawned on his face and he gave me a dry stare.

"I'm sorry," I said at last, making Hannibal frown, "And I don't apologize often, but I know when I'm wrong. I shouldn't have attacked you the other day. It was rude and insensitive of me. I don't want to leave with this kind of tension between us. You helped me in more ways than you could ever know and for that, I'm truly grateful. I hope next time we meet, it'll be on better circumstances." Hannibal stared at me for a while longer, then tilted his head.

"Only Akin's ever apologized to me."

"Well, now we both have." I replied. Hannibal hesitated a moment longer, then reached out and took my hand. I gave him a firm handshake and he returned it before we stepped apart. Hannibal went back to training and I left.

Abel was the one to teleport me to the end of the pass that led to the gates of Hell. It was a strange feeling to not be at the mansion anymore. It had only been a year and a few months, but I suddenly felt like a stranger here. Even though everything looked the same. The steep mountains that ran jagged on either side of the narrow pass that would eventually open up widely into empty fields to the gates, which were just a name really. It was a typical road that went into Portius, but it was heavily guarded by both snipers, Sins, and other private guards. I would have to approach slowly in order to avoid being shot.

"Well, this is it." Abel stated, turning to face me. I looked back at him. Tall, maybe an inch taller than me, with navy hair that usually set off his blue eyes even more, if it weren't for the sunglasses he wore today, and the bulky leather jacket and gray torn jeans to avoid being recognized by anyone who might be watching us from the mountains.

In the reflection of his sunglasses, I saw myself as a completely different person.

I had let my hair grow out just a little bit since Jahlia had cut it. The curls had come back, as untameable as ever and tickling my ears. A black turtleneck and leather pants, with knee-high buckled boots. To top off the outfit I had Hannibal order some time ago was a long heavy black jacket. It was partially buckled closed with a collar that stood up, with a baggy hood clipped to it just in case.

I was almost nervous to go back home.

What if I wasn't hiding well enough? What if they saw through this and knew what happened to me? What if I screwed up and had a nightmare that I couldn't recover from? My heart was starting to pound with anxiety.

"Bagels." Abel stated. I looked at him, startled and confused by his random comment.

"What?" I asked. Abel grinned.

"I figured if I said something random you'd snap out of your little panic attack just now. Did it work?" He asked. I looked around a little bit, shifting before I realized that I had calmed down to a degree. What a weird way of solving a problem, but that was Abel. Finding weird ways to do things.

"Thanks," I said at last and Abel nodded, but I shook my head and tried again, "Not just for that, but everything else. I was a complete and utter stranger. I'm not even Greek and you and everyone else risked your lives for me. You put up with my being a pain in the ass." Abel blinked, then smiled as he pushed his sunglasses up on his head, looping his thumbs in the loops of his jeans.

"No problem, Rave. You'd probably do the same for us." He replied. I smiled at that. I probably would. Abel beamed, reaching up and pulling his sunglasses back down.

"All righty," He declared, "Let's part here before I start getting weepy. It was good havin' you around, Raven. I hope we can meet again someday when our realms aren't stupid and poking each other until someone snaps, yeah?"

"Yeah." I said with a laugh. Abel and I shook hands before he teleported and I was left alone, with only a small duffel bag of clothes. I took a deep breath, picked the bag up, and started to move down the path toward the gates. With each step I took, my anxiety was steadily returning. I tried to distract myself with the story I planned to spill out to my family. Because there was no way in Hell I was telling them the truth. No one would ever know what happened to me in Hades.

Those cold memories were mine and I was going to do exactly what Hannibal said. I was going to twist them into something to use against Julius, because I'll be damned if I was going to let that bastard get away with what he'd done. Not just to me, but what he probably did to dozens of other people. There was going to come a day when I would sink my blade into his throat and watch him choke on his own blood the way he did to me.

With that thought in mind, I began to gain more and more confidence. I managed to erase any emotion showing on my face as I slowly approached the group of soldiers that were lounging around the main entrance.

"Halt," One of the soldiers shouted the moment he saw me drawing near and he held up a gun in my direction, making me frown at the sight of it, "Put your bag down and your hands in the air! Now!" I obeyed without a word, holding my gloved hands up. The crowd of soldiers parted and I watched as Anza and Jericho came to the front of the group. It took everything I had to swallow the lump in my throat down.

Anza looked as gorgeous as ever in a tight black leather suit with a matching padded jacket over top with a fur-lined hood. Her burgundy hair was tied back from her face, longer than the last time I'd seen it, and her sunglasses sitting on top of her head.

Jericho looked more buff than the last time I saw him. His leather pants and jacket struggled to contain his bulging muscles, his dark hair swept back from his face and his steely gray eyes narrowed suspiciously.

Both of them carried guns. My stomach knotted at the sight of them. When did we start using guns? I hated guns. I could still hear the men in Julius's camp firing them off for no reason, except to scare the slaves or dogs. I withheld a shudder.

"What's your name?" Jericho demanded. I reached up and pushed my sunglasses up on top of my head.

"Raven." I stated. Jericho's eyes widened and Anza paled. She took a step toward me, but Jericho quickly held his arm up to block her as he eyed me warily.

"How do we know you're really Raven?" He demanded. I almost smiled at that. If they had let me pass so easily, I'd of given Jericho an earful later. I nodded and lowered my arms to my sides.

"Anza," I said, looking at her, making her stiffen and train her gun on me, "You came to Lucifer June 8th 1545 A.D. You'd lost your little brother during a war in Europe. You still carry his medallion that he'd gotten from trade with China. The one with the image of a dragon coiled around an infant." Anza's jaw dropped and Jericho dropped his arm to his side in defeat. I didn't really have time to sigh in relief and get my bag to come forward because Anza dropped her gun and ran to me, throwing her arms around my neck. I almost gasped at the force of her against me, and even more shocking was the hot wet tears I felt against the side of my face as Anza wept, squeezing me so hard that I swore my head would pop off.

"Raven, I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry." She sobbed. It took me a full moment to understand what was going on and what had upset her before my heart clenched tightly in my throat and the only way to stop myself from crying with her was hugging her back tightly, having the strength to actually lift her off her feet, something I had never been able to do before... Not that Anza had ever hugged me or cried in front of me before. Not since the first day she'd arrived with us after her brother's death.

"Anza, it's all right." I soothed, stroking her hair. She just shook her head and didn't speak anymore as she clung to me. I looked at Jericho, who'd also dropped his gun and took hesitant steps forward. Jericho was never hesitant, I remembered. He reached his hand out and with my free hand, I shook his until he pulled himself forward to give me one of those half-hug things. Like he didn't trust himself to do such a thing, especially in front of all the other soldiers, who'd dropped their weapons and came forward.

I was stunned at their sentimental greeting. A couple other soldiers were sobbing too and thanking Lucifer that I'd shown up from out of nowhere.

My heart was beating heavily in my throat, and despite the warm greeting, every person who hugged me or shook my hand made my skin crawl and I ached at that. I had hoped that I could get over this disgusting feeling every time someone came near me, but it was still there like a spiderweb clinging to my skin. I could only swallow hard and try to remain stoic as each soldier shook my hand or gave me one of Jericho's awkward half-hugs.

"How did you get here? Where have you been?" Anza asked, wiping at her eyes and shooting a nasty glare at one of the soldiers who was staring at her in surprise. I couldn't resist quirking up the corner of my mouth in a smile at that before I quickly made it disappear and shook my head.

"I don't want to talk about it just yet. I'll explain everything after I see my family." I told her. Anza's eyes widened and she snapped her fingers at that, looking at Jericho, who frowned.

"They're all at the palace, even Bali and Wednesday. There was a meeting going on in the throne room. If we go now, we can catch them before they leave." She exclaimed. Jericho nodded quickly in agreement. Much to my relief, the excitement of having me back caused them to take my elbows and teleport us all to the palace gates. It gave me more time to come up with excuse as to why I could no longer teleport. Upon my arrival at the gates, the soldiers there dropped their weapons and one even cried out in surprise at the sight of me.

"Lord Raven!" She exclaimed, rushing over to me. It took everything I had to stand still and hug her back, despite the way my flesh crawled and goosebumps prickled me, my heart pounding so hard that it was any wonder it hadn't just popped out of my chest and rolled away. After I was done with the soldiers at the front gates, we headed toward the doors at the top of the stairs before Jericho opened them and let me in first.

And a wave of emotions struck me so hard that it must have been a miracle that I didn't break down in the doorway as I stared at the inside of the foyer.

It still looked the same, yet somehow, new. Prestine and white, encrusted with gold, expensive and modern and homey. I swallowed hard at the lump in my throat, scanning the room before I felt Anza's hand on my shoulder as she silently urged me to move forward down the hallway. We moved slowly, mostly because I was trying to find a way to make sure I was totally collected by the time I reached the throne room.

The palace smelled like vanilla and leather. A strange, yet oddly soothing combination. I had never noticed the scent here before. Or the way the bright lights glinting off the clean floor and made the walls look like they were glowing. The way our boots thumped on the marble floors. I could hear the faint sounds of people talking the closer we got to the throne room upstairs. I took deep silent breathes as we drew nearer and nearer.

It was like one of those trippy hallway scenes in scary movies. The closer you go, the more far away it seemed until I finally had the gold skull shaped handle in my grasp. I hesitated for a split second, but I felt Anza's and Jericho's eyes on me, urging me to open the door, so I held my breath and pushed it open.

Anza was right; inside were all my siblings and Lucifer as well as Marshall and Jaques's wife. Even Thorn was in the room, out of his desert gear and in the typical Luciferian uniform, and Ambrosius was beside him. Bali and Wednesday stood to their left. Twins down to the tilt in their noses and every strange of chocolate brown hair tossed casually to the side, with matching dark eyes that seemed to question every person in the room. Alaric ever hovering beside my father, Jaques on my father's other side with his wife, who had her arm linked with Jaques's. Dania stood closest to the door with Alexis beside her. Everyone wore the same black uniform, except Lucifer, who, as always, was wearing his white leather outfit.

"Anza, I told you..." Lucifer looked up and his voice trailed. He went stone still. Everyone turned and froze at the sight of me. I wasn't sure what to say. I felt horribly uncomfortable with them all staring at me. Even Marshall's jaw had dropped, his cigarette falling out of his mouth to the marble floor where it left a little black scorch mark.

"Raven?" Dania spoke first, her voice trembling. It was almost scary to see her suddenly look so fragile. This was the girl who'd taken on Thor when she was only sixteen, the one who's best friends were society's rejects. And she looked absolutely gorgeous in her uniform with her auburn hair coiled up into a tight braided bun, her bangs swept across her face and neatly trimmed, and her eyes welled up with tears an instant later.

A chill went through me when she wrenched out a sob so painful that it struck me right in the heart and, again, I wondered what kept me from crying with her. She broke away from Alexis and ran to me, throwing her arms around my torso, because she was just too short to reach my neck like Anza could. I caught her in my arms and swept her off her feet, squeezing her to me tightly. I could feel the pricking of tears against the backs of my eyes, but I fought to keep control

They can't know. They can never know.

With that thought in mind, I kept myself composed as I hugged Dania to me tightly, kissing her cheek. Though, it was nothing compared to the way she violently kissed my cheeks and pulled on my hair so she could bring me closer, her tear stained cheek touching mine as she sobbed.

"Raven! Raven, I knew you weren't dead! You couldn't be cuz you're Raven, Goddamn it!" She wept. I smiled at that, cradling her head to my shoulder before Alexis had to come over and gently ease her away from me. He gave me a nod and shook my hand. Much to my surprise, it was Alaric who met me next with a tight embrace and he hid his face on my shoulder so I couldn't see him crying. I smiled at that, hugging him to me tightly.

How strange that he suddenly felt so tiny in my arms. It was like we'd been transported back in time, back to when we were kids and I used to carry him because he'd play that stupid game where the floor was lava and he got so into it that he refused to actually touch the floor. Thinking about it brought a smile to my face.

After Alaric stepped back to give me room, Bali and Wednesday ran to me next, throwing their arms around me and squeezing me. Bali cried as hard as Dania did, and while Wednesday didn't, she still looked like she was seconds away from it. They clung to me and did their shared kiss, both at the same time on my cheeks before Jaques came at me, lifting me right off my feet before placing me back down and squeezing me.

"Jesus Christ, Raven. I can't believe it's you." He breathed. I smiled a little, unsure of what to say. I felt as if the old Raven would have said something to that, but I simply couldn't find the words. After Jaques finally released me, Thorn was next and his hug nearly popped my head off much like Anza's.

"When you call me, I didn't know what to do. I couldn't hear." He sounded at a loss for words. I hugged him back, suddenly feeling horribly guilty. I should've never called him. What had he been thinking when he heard me call him in a frantic like that? It had been so cruel of me.

After my siblings ceased their suffocating embraces, it was Lucifer's turn. He'd come forward much more slowly, like he was having trouble absorbing the fact that I was actually standing here in the room in front of him, completely alive.

No, not completely. There was a part of me that they knew that Julius had killed.

But they would never know.

Never let them know.

"You're alive." Lucifer whispered, reaching out to place his hand on my cheek. A shiver coursed through me and pain lacerated my heart. Even my own father's touch made my skin crawl and my stomach heave. When I found Julius, I was going to rip him to shreds for ruining something so innocent for me. I managed to stay put as Lucifer stroked my cheek, then pulled me against him in a tight embrace. I hugged him back, and yet, now that I thought about it, my hugs had felt so mechanical. While I felt the full weight of the situation on my shoulders, crushing my chest and defenses like toothpicks, I couldn't manage to pour it all out in the hugs and kisses my family had given me.

There was no greater pain, I realized, than being afraid to hug your own family.

The tears blurred my vision as I squeezed Lucifer tightly, blinking rapidly to scatter the tears. I wasn't going to cry. I wasn't going to let myself cry. I'd done far too much of it this past year and I was tired of doing it.

"Thank God. Thank you, God." Lucifer choked. I couldn't be sure if he was crying or not, because I couldn't see his face, but it sure sounded like it and I had never seen my father cry before. Or thank the God who had cast him out of Heaven. To hear him say that spoke of how grateful he was and it made my heart ache to think that I had actually chosen to stay in Hades for another three and a half months.

But I couldn't imagine what their reaction would have been if I had shown up the way Abel and the others had found me. Better that I waited this long than to arrive and make them cry even more. It would have been cruel and insensitive of me.

So I savored our reunion as it was rather then what it could have been.

Because I was no longer sitting in a dark tent, rotting away bit by bit.

I was finally home.

Finally back home.