A few weeks passed.

Jungkook and I grew closer every day, while Jimin and I grew more and more distant. We started arguing everyday. Even over the smallest things. He was just always annoyed with me, and when he started, I came back harder. It was mostly my stubbornness and his temper that kept the arguments going way to far. I even some days slept in one of the extra rooms they had. That only caused another fight. Even so, I couldn't really blame him for yelling at me. I knew I deserved it. What I didn't know, was why he was yelling and it somehow pushed me off the edge.

Eventually we broke up.

I had been up all night. My back was facing him. It was hard to look at him, knowing that I was about to possibly shatter his heart.

Even though we always yelled at each other, I still felt the love radiating from him. And it killed me. It kept me up all night. Still I hadn't said anything. I couldn't.

I don't want to lose you

But I also didn't deserve his friendship after how I had treated him... and even without him knowing...

It was nothing but selfishness.

I had been up all night running all my lines, not sure how to say it right. I was lost, trying to find what to say to him. Nothing seemed right. I had so much to lose. I didn't want to lose him.

Because, I still loved him, just not romantically. I'm not exactly sure if it ever was romantically. I haven't even admitted it to myself yet.. but all along he was just a distraction.

A distraction from thinking of Jungkook.

And for a while that worked, but not for long. I hated myself for almost playing with Jimin. I felt like trash, but a weird voice in my head kept telling me I was doing the right thing not telling him... cause I didn't want him to hurt.

He kept acting strong for me, acting like he felt no change, when I knew he did...

Lately, our relationship had been a whole act. Sleeping on our problems as if we would solve them in our dreams, but when we woke up they were still under the sheets.

It was time to end things.

I couldn't keep lying. And I couldn't keep seeing Jimin's face brighten up whenever he saw me, oblivious of how shitty of a person I was.

It's a sad excuse, but that's the gravity of liking someone... you only focus on that one person and sometimes, you end up hurting others... in this case, Jimin.

There's no more running from the truth... I have to face it.

I didn't even notice I had went to the bathroom until my eyes met my poor reflection in the mirror.

I started breathing heavily as I looked at who I had become. An orphan who's daring to break someone as kind and genuine as Jimin's heart.

And the worst thing was my thoughts

What if I lose Jimin for nothing? 
Is it worth it to leave my loving boyfriend for guy who don't even like me?

Who had I become?

Such a narcissistic brat.

You disgust me

I decided to tell him the next morning. If I could, I would have done it immediately. But Jimin was sleeping and the clock struck 05:00 am.

I quietly entered Jimin's room again. It was never ours. I slipped under his blanket, closing my eyes hoping to catch a little bit of sleep before he woke up.

10 seconds of sleep.

"How do you sleep when you're lying to me." He spoke, breaking the calm of the night.

My heartbeat accelerated, but not like it used to. Not like he made it.

I turned around, lifting my body on my elbow.

Jimin was sitting up, leaning against the headboard. His eyes were cold. Looking straight forward, not at me.

What do you mean?

Was what I wanted to say, but I knew exactly what he meant.

"How does all that shame and pressure of keeping secrets from me not keep you up at night?"

His voice was low and intense, but steady, making me feel even worse.

"Jimin I-" I stopped talking, the words getting stuck in my throat as he turned his head and our eyes met.

He looked at me with bloodshot eyes, a dark expression on his face.

A lump formed in my throat and I gulped.

"Why?"

I felt my hands starting to shake, tears running to my eyes. But I held them back. It hurt, so much. But I knew that I wasn't the one to be hurting.

"Jimin..."

"I know you're fucking Jungkook. Why would you do this to me?"

"I'm not-"

...fucking Jungkook. He probably doesn't even like me back.

I stopped myself, knowing this was not the time to correct him or be angry of his accusations.

"Why?" He looked up at me again, anger written all over his face, but I could still tell the sadness in his eyes.

I took a deep breath, relaxing myself a bit before talking.

I have to face my problems, not always run.

"My eyes once met yours Jimin, and for a while our hearts may have met as well. But as that while was over, my heart detached-"

He mocked a laugh and rolled his eyes, "Don't be all poetic now."

"Just listen..."

He turned his face, making the back of his head face me. He had always been this childish.

"I cannot chose who I love Jimin. All this time I've convinced myself that I loved you, when deep down I knew my heart belonged to another."

"So you love him now huh?" He again let out a fake laugh, but his walls were not strong enough that I couldn't see through them.

"Jimin that's not the point.."

Do I love him?
Do I love Jungkook...?

I let my mind wander, Jimin coughing as the silence hit. I pulled myself together and continued.

"The point is that I have to let you go. And you have to let me go."

"But-"

"Jimin we're not made for each other and you know it. Look how messed up our relationship is. From the first time your eyes landed on me, the only thing on my mind was him. All the while you fell for me, but I was already in love with him. And you knew it."

He let out a grunt from next to me. I had sat myself crosslegged on the bed now.

"You knew it Jimin. Nevertheless you took on the challenge. That's what kept you going right? You hate to lose." I couldn't help but smile softly, thinking back at his competitive moments. Although the smile quickly faded when I came back to reality. It was not an appropriate time to think back at good times.

"And you didn't lose, cause in the end you got with me. But I know you knew all along who my heart really desired... and that's why you kept making excuses for me not to see the boys. You were afraid I would remember and that I would realize the lie I've been telling myself this whole time, right?"

I sought any sign of emotion from him.

Should I keep going? Or has he heard enough?

He didn't move a muscle, still facing the other way.

"I do love you Jimin. But as a friend. I'm deeply sorry for not realizing this before Jimin... I'm so sorry."

A few seconds of silence had went by, when Jimin spoke, "You love me."

His back was still turned against me.

I reached out and placed my hand on his shoulder, "I do, as a friend. I care about you very much-"

"No, you love me." He spoke with an intensity in his voice that made me remove my arm.

"I've always loved only one man Jimin."

"He doesn't love you, I do." He turned to me, his eyes glossy and big, tears threatening to fall every second.

The words left my heart throbbing. I already knew it, but hearing that Jungkook doesn't love me... it hurt even more, than just knowing it.

"Even though he doesn't love me back, I'm willing to fight for him. Just as you did with me Jimin!" I spoke with a bit too much anger in my voice. But his words had hurt me, and I wasn't able to hold it in.

His glossy eyes dried, a weird expression I couldn't decipher crossing his face.

He then got up and left the room.

Everything had changed since then.

But it was probably for the best... I didn't want to lead Jimin on for any longer... but now I'd lost him, which was the reason I hadn't told when I first realized it wasn't right. I truly cared about him. He was like a best friend, but of course he didn't want to be best friends with his ex-girlfriend...

Shortly after the breakup I moved into my own apartment. A small one, barely enough space for me, but finally I could be alone. Finally I could sleep in my own bed, not laying uncomfortably next to him.

I had gotten a job in a small flower boutique. The salary wasn't the best, especially when I couldn't work full time due to school. But it was just enough to survive and pay to my personal loan.

I hadn't spoken much with the boys. Only Jungkook.

Hoseok hadn't answered my messages. He was my best friend and he wouldn't talk to me.

I was having a tough time not talking to my favorite people. They had been my idols for years, become my friends and now they hated me. The feeling of disappointing the people you've looked up to for so long, is indescribably awful. 

Soomin and Jungkook had been there for me instead. They were the only ones knowing about my family situation. I was so grateful for them, but I still couldn't help wishing my other friends were there for me too.

I didn't deserve any of them anyways. Jimin was their brother and I most likely broke him his heart...

I deserved to be alone.

au.n
*cough cough* pick me pick me *cough*
I'm sorry if y'all feel the same way, but Haru is such a pick me sometimes "Pity me, I don't deserve anything" ew I'm vomiting (the fact that I'm vomiting over a person I wrote myself💀)

Also... FYI, ❌ATTENTION OR YOU MAY GET CONFUSED!❌

The next chapter is a bonus chapter - NOT MEANING THE STORY IS OVER - it's just a chapter you can skip if you want, but really do yourself a favor and read/listen to it... I cried while writing it and I'm still crying reading/listening through it... (what that means you'll have to see...)

It almost hurts me to say this since I hate sounding cocky, but I'm really proud of it...

I can't wait to see your reactions😭 It's very short, but I hope you'll enjoy it🫶