Haru POV

I moved the phone away from my ear, my hand slowly sliding down my side.

My head was overwhelmed with thoughts, yet I felt so empty. 

My mom has cancer

At first anger rushed through my body. Angry that she hadn't called, hadn't texted and hadn't tried to get ahold of me to tell her. 

Why didn't she tell me!?

Then regret, cause she actually had tried telling me, but as the stubborn newly born heartless bitch I had become I had chosen to ignore it.

Mom: Haru we need to talk.

Mom: Haru, please don't be selfish right now.

I did actually that. I chose to be selfish and ignore her.

My reaction as I first had seen her message...

Do I really want to deal with her right now?

I must've been the worst daughter ever. Pure regret.

I'm so sorry mom.

Then denial, sadness and despair.

My mom is not dying. She can't be.

I can't live without my mom

She can't be dying!

My vision was blurry. What I needed to do right now was rush to the hospital, but I was frozen.

Looking down at the ground, I noticed a pair of shoes in front of me.

Shit I forgot.

I looked up at Jungkook. His eyebrows furrowed, worry written all over his face. 

I stepped away, taking a deep breath and wiping my moist eyes.

"I-I need to go to the hospital." I said and turned around to leave before I would burst into tears in front of him. I didn't need anyone to feel sorry for me. This was my own fault. It's called karma.

He grabbed my arm, giving me a soft look, "Let me drive you."

Deep down I wanted him to, but my pride wouldn't give in. Again my unintentional and stupid stubbornness kicked in. 

I can do this myself

The thought was selfish and stupid, cause in this situation I should off just had let him drive me, to get to the hospital faster. Instead I wanted to do it myself.

I tore my arm away from his grip, "Thanks, but I can do it myself Jungkook." I said, the tears pressuring, but my voice stern and steady.

"What are you gonna do, run to the hospital?" Jungkook raised his voice, showcasing his impatient side once again. 

"I'll figure it out on the way." I said.

Surprisingly as much as my head wanted me to turn around and find the way myself, my body wouldn't move. I was frozen.

Jungkook went forward, grabbed my wrist and pulled me into the car. I didn't fight it. 

I cried the whole ride to the hospital. Sobbing quietly next to Jungkook, looking out the window, still trying to hide my tears. 

As we got there I thanked him and told him to leave. He didn't agree at first but I really wanted him to leave. As he unwillingly nodded, I turned around and hurried to the reception, asking where my mother was. 

"M-mom?" I said, tears streaming down my cheeks as I saw her in the hospital bed, tubes and I don't know what else around her. All I noticed was that her eyes were open.

A smile shot to my face as her lips curled up and eyes crinkled, her warm smile and welcoming arms I deeply within me had missed so much.

I ran to hug her, sobbing and muttering things. 

"I'm sorry mom. I'm so, so sorry." I said through hiccups as I cried on her shoulder.

"I'm so glad to see you Haru." She said.

The doctor came in, walking over to my father, whom I only now realized was also in the room. 

They spoke for a few minutes, as I just looked at my mom, holding her hand. I didn't know what to say. I had been such a terrible daughter. I felt so guilty.

The doctor left the room, sending me a smile as he passed. I couldn't return it. Never had I imagined this scenery. My mom in a hospital bed, my dad actually being there and the doctors walking out with a sympathetic smile on his face, eyebrows furrowed and worried. 

My dad grabbed my arm, pulling me away from the chair I had seated in and outside the room.

"Dad, if it's bad news, I don't want to hear it right now-" I started, voice calm and sweet as if I didn't hate that man.

"Haru you should go." He said, a stern tone in his voice. 

"What- why would I leave when I just got here?" I said, raising my voice a little. 

"This is all your fault!"

"What? This is not my fault!? Just let me get back-" I moved past him, heading to the door.

"She not only got cancer Haru. She has developed bipolar disorder, the doctor saying it had been underway for a long time but it was provoked within the last month!" He spoke through gritted teeth, stepping in front of me, blocking my way.

That can't be true
I can't be the reason for my mom to be sick?

"The last month in which you abandoned her, made her think she lost her daughter and you just pretended like she never cared about you!" He paused for a moment, then continued, "Actually, everything has gone so well since you left. Me and your mother's relationship has improved and it feels like we're back to the old days. Until now. She's in the hospital!"

"T-that's not true.." I spoke lowly.

It can't be...

She didn't lose me...

"All this stress you have put on her, provoked the bipolar disorder, which then provoked the cancer." He pinched the bridge of his nose, turning his back to me as tears started streaming down my cheeks again.

Am I really the cause of her sickness?

"Stop your whimpering and leave Haru. You've done enough."

I felt the anger welling up in my throat. He was blaming this all on me.

"She's my mom!"

"She's bipolar, she wasn't actually happy to see you just now! " He spoke, turning around to face me again, his index pointing at me.

"And you get to decide that? Why can't she speak for herself!?" I yelled at him, not caring people were around us. 

He said nothing, back turned at me again. 

"Why do you hate me so-"

My head was thrown to the side. My cheek felt hot, a slight stinging pain rising. I took a step back, lifting my head and moved my hair out of my face to look at the male in front of me. 

I hate you

I took a few more steps backwards, my hand raising to touch my cheek. It was burning.

My father really slapped me. 

I turned around and left, his words sinking in that my mother really didn't care about me. Maybe she did, but the adrenaline rushing through my body, made me think unclear. 

The smile on my mother's face as she was at home with my dad, their child gone, yet so much happiness filled inside that house, was the only thing flashing through my mind. It made sense now. Cause 'everything had gone so well after I left'.

I dragged myself out of the hospital with slow and sloppy steps. 

My mom has cancer.
And is bipolar.
My dad just hit me.

And it's all my own fault.

I could've just shut up, could've been a better daughter, could've studied harder.

My eyes were puffy and probably red, along with my cheek, but I had stopped crying. There was no use in crying. It would change nothing.

I grabbed my phone, slowly scrolling down my contacts. 

I stopped at Jimin's name, just about to press it, but looked up at the sky instead. 

I don't deserve Jimin
I don't deserve my mom either

I slowly sunk my head again, my phone turned off by then. The screen lit up with a text.

Unknown number: Look up.

I wrinkled my brows at the text, but did as it said. 

A little further ahead, at the road, Jungkook was leaning against his parked car with his hands in his pockets. Exactly where it was when he dropped me off. 

Since when does he have my number?

The thought quickly washed away, not important right now.

At first my eyes widened as I saw him. He waited for me. Then they got glassy and I felt my knees giving in. I dropped to my knees on the ground, sobbing uncontrollably.

Warm arms then wrapped around me, embracing me into a hug. I rested my head on his shoulder, wetting his shirt with my tears, completely careless that it was Jungkook. I clenched his shirt with my hands, as if I was holding onto life. We sat there for a while.

I realized something in that moment. 

No matter how much I was hurting that my mom was on the edge of dying... it just provoked my endless guilt even more. 

Cause why did I feel so good wrapped around in Jungkook's arms, when I had a boyfriend at home, I could just so easily call instead. 

But that was the problem.

That was what I realized. 

Jimin had always been the easy choice.

I clenched my hands even more, holding onto Jungkook as if he was slipping away. Cause Jungkook had left before. He was a risk. 

Jimin was always there. He had always been the safe choice.

au.n.
I FEEL SO BAD WRITING THIS.

LIKE TRUST ME I LOVE JIMIN😭 ITS JUST A STORY, PLEASE KEEP THAT IN MIND. IT EVEN HURTS ME JUST TO WRITE THIS AHHH😭💔

It also makes it hard as Sweet Dreams was supposed to be a Jungkook ff, but as I like sad endings, it of course ended not with him.. (not that it's sad to be with Jimin, he's sexy and humble as fuck I'd love to be with him) and now I have to rewrite the stars (SAY YOU WERE MEANT TO BE MINE - the greatest showman reference lol) and that includes this happening.... anyways, you still don't know if Jimin is even gonna be heart broken...

😈😈😈😈😈

Happy Sunday aka Hobi day (in my mind)☀️

(If I ever write a new fanfic, it's definitely gonna be about Hobi, cause my heart is melting for him every day)