Current location somewhere hiding out on a dark beach

                                                                       Thursday Night, I think, and hell if I know what month!

Journal Entry #1

Here on this Island one thing I seem to have an abundance of is time. Time to do any and everything I could possibly want, and some things I'd rather do the rest of my lifetime without.

Like the time to sit back and think about all the things that have happened in my life that lead me to this place right now. Whether I'd like to or not, but that is what Dr. Abrahms wants after all. To get me in touch with my feelings, and past, so I can move forward to a better future.

Which really, when you think about it, doesn't sound so bad after all, and I could totally see myself agreeing to the program. If that was all it was.

Only the good doctor wants more from me than that. She wants me to tap into my earliest memories, and go from there. Reliving every moment, and feel those same feelings, so I can, supposedly, finally deal with the trauma. Except, those memories really are the last place on Earth anyone needs to be!

All of those memories need to stay locked up firmly in the place where I left them. After getting my pregnant sister Jenny out safe, I've never thought about those people, that place, or the time I spent there again.

Because, after all these years I've spent on Earth, if there's one thing I know for sure, it's that no matter what that's not how a family is supposed to love one another.

Joe

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

As far back as I can remember, maybe the age of four years old, I just knew there was something different about my parents. I didn't know how to explain it then, or if there was even a word for it. I thought they just liked to play make believe with everyone else. Showing them one side of themselves, while treating me, and eventually my sister Jenny, so much differently at home.

For my parents, the honorable Pastor George W. and Bonnie Black, their reputation in our small town of Deep Valley, Virginia, and standing with the good folks that attended Deep Valley Southern Baptist Church, my father was the pastor at, was all that mattered to them. Always portraying the perfect God fearing couple with the well mannered family in town at all cost.

(Rev. & Mrs Black)

That was the first lesson my father ever taught me, and he made damn sure I wouldn't forget it for the rest of my life.

*FLASHBACK*

It had been a long, hot, tiring week at the church's annual summer revival, but Sunday was finally upon us, and it was time for the end of the week dinner. I was almost five years old that summer, so Momma actually agreed to let me go outside after bible study, and play with the other kids from church.

After more than an hour of running around I was desperate for something to drink, so I snuck into the back dining hall of the church in search of some water. I came to a stop at the end of the hall hearing female voices right around the corner, and I didn't want to get caught under any circumstances.

I bent down and hid as best as I could. Hoping that the women would leave the room soon. But, the voice that was currently speaking caught my attention immediately. It was my normally conservative mother, and she was talking about me.

"I swear to you, Darla, it was truly magical! As soon as the nurse put little Joseph into George's arms the man lost it. Dissolving into the biggest blubbering mess right in the middle of the operating room! That little boy has been his pride and joy ever since. Even now, sometimes I'll catch George standing inside of Joseph's doorway at night. As he stands there just watching our son sleep, and every time it brings a tear to my eye!"

The other women around my mother clutch their hearts and sigh in envy. Her story certainly captivated her audience just like she had planned no doubt, but she also catches me as well. Sometime during her tale my body began to move on it's own accord. Taking me into the main kitchen area, but staying just outside of the group.

"Wow Momma, I like that story. I wish Daddy knew that version of your story, because I don't really like being told how worthless of a son I am." I blurt out innocently physically unable to keep quiet for a moment longer because of the wonder and pride coursing through my little body from thinking I actually pleased my father.

As soon as the words left my lips though all of the women in the room turned around to look at me. Half of the faces looked appalled at what I had just said. While the other just looked at me with disbelieving gentle smiles on their faces already dismissing me.

My mother on the other hand looked at me with pure evil burning in her eyes. I gave her a questioning look in return, but she didn't answer me. Instead she jumped up from her chair quick as lighting, and rushed to my side. Her long fingers wrapped around my forearm, and tightened until her nails were digging into my skin. I winced from the pain, but quickly covered the slip with a small cough. Before clearing all my feelings from my face, and didn't move a single muscle after that.

"It's WORTHY, Son." My mother said while smiling her biggest and brightest smile at the room full of women trying to defuse the situation. "Your father tells you all the time how worthy you are to know and receive God's love."

I could tell by the hold she had on my arm that I had fucked up. My lips felt like they were glued shut at that moment, so instead of answering her like I knew she was waiting for, I dropped my eyes down to the floor to stare at my feet. While also trying to fold my body in on itself, so I could make myself as small as possible in that moment. Then a minute later I tried to clear my throat as best I could. Praying something resembling words would come from my lips.

"Yes Ma'am. I'm sorry. That's what I meant to say. Please forgive me ladies." I mumble clearly scared, but desperately trying not to show it to everyone around looking at me.

"Of course Dear." My mother says loud enough for the rest of the room to hear. While standing back up to her full height behind me, and slowly letting go of my arm. Giving the blood plenty of time to rush back through my arm before releasing me completely. Then rubbing her palm across the front of my shirt to rub the imaginary wrinkles out while she finished talking. "But, be that as it may, I think we should go find your father, and tell him about this little debacle. Maybe it's time for him to have that same talk with you again. You might be able to remember it then."

"Yes ma'am." I say automatically before gulping down the flood of saliva in my mouth past the sudden lump wedged in my throat.

"Well Ladies, it seems duty calls." My mother chuckled at her lame joke, and several of her groupies quickly followed. "If y'all will excuse me for now, but I'll catch up with y'all in just a bit!"

Always the perfect Southern Lady, she waved to each of the women in the room before placing her hand back on my shoulder, and directing me through the kitchen doorway. I was in a daze as we walked out the back door of the dining hall into the courtyard, then around the perimeter of the church, and finally came to a stop a few feet away from the tree line at the back of the property.

My mother told me to stand off to the side as she walked up to the group of men standing around my father. I felt all of the color drain from my face as she tapped him on the shoulder, and started whispering something into his ear while motioning towards me. Once she finished she placed a kiss to his cheek, and left. Obviously going back to her awaiting group of minions.

My father turned to look at me then. Causing my stomach to sink to my feet from the rage I could see in his eyes. We had a silent standoff for a long time. Sweat was rolling down my neck in buckets. Until he flipped a switch, shutting off all of his rage and emotions, and turned to go back to the group of men he was talking with before.

I watched him bid them good-bye from the corner of my eyes. Then he made his way over to me. He didn't utter a single sound as he placed his large hand on my shoulder, and began guiding me back towards the parking lot. Where his truck was waiting to take us back to the house.

Silence remained throughout the small trip, and growing increasingly more tense. When he finally pulled the truck into the gravel driveway I was a shaking mess. Father cut the engine before the truck had even come to a stop, and jumped out of the driver seat immediately. Never sparing a second to glance back at me as he marched towards the house and opened the side door, walking straight in.

I followed just a few steps behind him. He knew he didn't have to say anything to me. I knew what was coming, or at least, I thought I did. That afternoon my Father beat me to within an inch of my very short life. I couldn't tell you how long the beating went on for. My pain-filled, broken body gave up long before my father was finished teaching me his lesson.

After that, I changed into the exact child he wanted me to be. I became my parents' perfectly trained lap dog. Going out of my way to do everything I could to make them happy. I never said more than two words to anyone else for years while growing up all in the hopes of staying out of trouble. It's safe to say, I learned his lesson the hard way.

*END OF FLASHBACK*

My childhood died that same day. Things between my parents and I, as well as things at home, were never the same. My mother couldn't stand to be alone with me in the same room, and only yelled at me if she had something she wanted to say to me. While the violent beating from my father became a monthly thing.

I mean, once Jenny came into the picture, things seemed to almost go back to normal for a while. My parents made sure to put on a good show as the happy, loving family for everyone at church, and around town while showing off their new pride and joy.

But, within months the joy and excitement seemed to wear off. Mom gave up taking care of Jenny soon after. Leaving a four year old me to feed and change her all by myself. I was scared and angry for putting all of that responsibility on me at such a young age.

Except, all of those feelings seemed to melt away the first time I looked into those innocent, doe like, baby eyes. Jenny became my whole world. Even at such a young age I knew I was put on this Earth to love and protect her for the rest of my life. I'd stop at nothing to protect every chocolate colored, bouncing curl on her head, and make sure that dimpled smile always stayed right there on her face.

(Joe & Baby Jenny)

For the first ten years of Jenny's life I was always there, right over her shoulder, making sure to protect her from our parents and the world. I taught her to act like the perfect, well mannered child while at church, or out around town. I did my best to shield her from taking any of our father's beatings.

(Joe & Jenny As Kids)

At first all I would either take the blame for whatever Jenny did, or direct his attention towards me, and he would leave her alone. Which was completely fine at first. But, then several times things almost got out of hand, and I would end up having to provoke the fool, so he could take his anger out on me. Those were the times things seemed almost impossible for me to bear.

I wanna say around my thirteenth birthday, but truthfully I'm not exactly sure when, father stopped coming up with excuses to take his anger out on me. It was like he physically couldn't make it an entire day without hitting me a couple of times, or gracing my backside with his brass belt buckle presence. Things went on like this for a long time, but as long as Jenny was safe, I could, and would, handle anything he gave to me.

Or, at least I thought I could! That is, until the morning after my fifteenth birthday. Or, as Jenny likes to refer to the day as, 'The day I grew a pair, and stood up to the Asshole!' But man! That really was one hell of a morning! Maybe I should just start off by saying this fight wasn't actually about my birthday. OH NO! It was about so much freaking more!

*FLASHBACK*

One of the hottest summers I can ever remember was about to end in a few short weeks. I'd been working everyday from sun up until sun down tending to half of the town-folks lawns, bagging groceries at the local Piggly Wiggly, and, the hardest job of all, being my mother's own personal errand boy. The type that is always there whenever you need them. No matter what else they have going on at the time either.

I worked those three jobs each summer since I was nine years old. They kept Jenny and I busy and away from our parents each day as much as possible. While also giving me the opportunity to save every dime I made behind my parents back, so one day I'd be able to take Jenny and I away from them and this place!

Even then I'd always managed to cope well, and juggle each of my responsibilities just fine. But, that summer, I almost didn't. Between the jobs, taking care of Jenny, being mom's personal slave, and dad's favorite whipping post each day, I felt like I was being pulled in a million different directions, and barely hanging on. Before breaking apart in a billion different pieces that I wasn't sure could be put back together again. If an almost fifteen year old kid could have a mental breakdown, I sure as hell was on the verge of having one!

So, when a group guys from church and school asked if I wanted to go camping by the lake in the next town over for the weekend of my birthday with them I immediately said yes. I was in desperate need for at least one night away from everything, so I could regain some of my sanity.

It didn't matter that my whole life my parents forbid me from celebrating my birthday, or even staying the night at someone else's house. I had to take the chance. Plus I knew Jenny could handle herself for at least one night. She was a good kid when she needed to be, and I needed this more than she would ever know.

I spent the next two weeks acting like nothing was different. While secretly planning every aspect of my escape. I had my bag packed and in place within days. Then I just had to wait. Which made the remaining time drag by slowly, hour by hour, until the day came to put my plan into action.

I began laying the groundwork after church Wednesday night. About an hour after eating dinner I started complaining about not feeling good. The next morning I told both of my parents I might be coming down with something, and even overworked myself the next two days to make it more believable.

So, when Jenny and I arrived home that Friday afternoon mother took one look at me, and sent me straight to my room. I took Jenny to her room that was right next to mine, and told her to keep the door shut and stay inside for the rest of the night. Then dragged myself to my own room, and told my parents I was going to sleep for the night.

Once I was behind my closed bedroom door, I took my shoes off and laid them beside the foot of my bed. Then got under the covers fully clothed, pulled the covers up to my chin, and pretended to sleep. I laid there for almost thirty minutes before, like clock work really, my mother's footsteps sounded outside of my bedroom door.

I sealed my eyes closed tightly and evened out my breathing seconds before my door swung open. Revealing my curious mother. Who just gave me a quick once over, without actually coming into my room, and shut the door behind her. I learned long ago not to confuse her actions for motherly concern. She was just checking to make sure I was out of her and my father's hair for the rest of the night.

I laid there a moment longer before springing up out of the bed. Taking just a second to slide my shoes on my feet as I walked across the room towards my bedroom door, and gently sliding the lock up on the door knob. I even slide my dresser partially in front of the door to ensure no one would be able to check in on me. Before quickly making my way to my window, quietly jumping through, and running for my life. Stopping just long enough to grab my backpack from its hiding place.

I made it to the planned meeting spot about ten minutes later. The rest of the guys were already there waiting on me, so I threw my bag in the back of one of my friend's older brothers' trucks, and took my spot in the backseat. The group of us left out almost immediately after that, and arrived at the lake about thirty minutes later.

It didn't take us long to set up four tents for everyone to sleep in, gather a nice stack of firewood for later, and put the coolers over by the grill for when it came time for us to start cooking. We finished with plenty of time to spare for us to go swimming in the lake before it actually got dark. Which is exactly what we did!

Hell, I wish I could tell you something life changing happened out there to me that night at least, because of all of the hell it caused me the next day, but I can't!

By the time the six of us finished working up an appetite swimming, we didn't make it much further than around the campfire. Stuffing cheeseburgers, hotdogs, and smores down our throats until there was nothing left. Afterwards we listened to a few supposedly true ghost stories from the two oldest members of our group who were trying to scare us. Until we all kind of called it a night sometime around midnight.

The next morning I woke up at four thirty like usual. As quietly as I could I got dressed, gathered my things, and slowly made my way out of the tent. Thankfully without disturbing or waking anyone else up. Once outside I slug my backpack on my shoulders, and start walking all the way back home.

It was ten minutes to seven in the morning by the time I finally made it to my bedroom window. I knew my parents didn't usually wake up until seven o'clock on the dot, plus the fact that all the lights were still off inside the house, gave me a false sense of elation. I slowly slid my window up, and gently tossed my backpack inside. Trying desperately to not make any noise as I climbed inside next.

I didn't allow myself to even breath until my window was back shut. My head fell forward to rest on the windowsill. Quietly I let out a slow exhale, and started smiling. As the memories of last night started to replay in my mind, and from the relief of not getting caught. But, less than a minute later the visual playing inside my head splinters into a million pieces when I hear a click from my bedside lamp turning on comes from behind me.

My body completely locks down from the fear in its place. All except for the hairs on my body which are standing straight up. Accompanied by a fast growing outbreak of goosebumps. I squeeze my eyes tightly closed, and pray I imagined that sound coming from behind me, but when have I ever been so lucky?

"Turn around you little bastard and face me! Or, are you to much of a fucking pussy to even do that?" My father growled the slurred words at me leaving little doubt then.

I bite down on my tongue hard to stop myself from saying anything back to the man. Instead I slowly spun around until I was looking him straight in the eyes. Silently challenging him, and whatever he had planned for me next.

Neither of us spoke or broke eye contact for several minutes then. The longer I held his gaze without backing down the redder his face got. Until you could almost see smoke coming from the old man's ears. Only then did his anger allow him to break. But, only enough for him to wobbly get up from the bed. Before straightening up to his fullest height, and stubble his way across my room towards me. Stopping once he was inches from my face, but the stench of the alcohol coming from his body announced his presence well before he actually made it to me.

"Now you listen to me boy." Father said waving his finger in my face. Then stopped long enough to hiccup before continuing. "I don't give a shit about where you've been,what you've been up to, who you've been with, or all of the rules you have blatantly broken. No, I only have one thing to ask you."

A deafening silence began to fill the small room as we stared each other down again. I refused to give him a single inch, or show any type of emotion. I know that's what he expects to see from me after acting like the perfect son for so long. So, the fact I'm not giving him what he wants right now is pissing him off even more.

"Did you repent, and ask God for his merciful forgiveness before sneaking back into this house?" He asked me using his best 'damnation and hellfire' Sunday morning preacher voice.

I make sure to keep his gaze as I cross my arms over my chest, and spread my feet shoulder width apart. Then a moment later he mimics my stance as we continue to glare. After several more intense moments I decide to give him my answer with a simple shake of my head no.

"Why the hell not?" My father growls. Spit flying in every different direction from his lips.

I take a second to think about last night again, and slowly let a cocky smirk twist the corners of my mouth up. "Because, I'm not sorry about a single thing, Father."

My father hums in response while giving me a deeper, more calculating look. The tense silence quickly engulfs us again, but it's growing heavier and more charged by the second. My body starts to feel antsy from all the electric energy surrounding us. I'm not sure how much longer my body can actually hold out, so I make a choice to end this.

"Look Dad, I've just spent the last two almost three hours walking home. I'm tired, thirsty, and downright exhausted, so if you don't mind, can we pick this little staring contest back up later? I'm about to go back to sleep." I say to him with as much confidence as I can muster, and go to walk past him to my bed.

I don't even make it a full step past the man before he has the back of my neck in his iron grip. He pulls me out of my bedroom, through the dark quiet house, out the back door, and into the barn behind the house. He's moving so fast I keep stumbling behind him. Even falling to my knees a couple of times before managing to scramble back up to my feet. Until he stops us both in front of the metal water trove, and forces me back down to my knees.

"Listen here my boy, I'm giving you two choices. You can either repent now to me right here, or you can tell God himself what you did in person. Which will it be?" He growled down at me. Causing spit to land on my hair, face, and even in my eye.

"Dad, I.." My next words were cut off as he forced my head down into the water, and even placed his entire body on top of my back, so I wouldn't be able to move, or pull my head out of the water.

My arms were swinging wildly in the air around me. Sending water droplets spraying everywhere as I tried to reach for my father behind me. I used all of the strength in my legs to try and buck his body off of mine to no avail. Instead, all that did was cause me to run out of precious oxygen faster. I stopped fighting, and the rest of my body went lax. Only then did my father pull my head up for air.

"Do you repent?" My father growled at me.

"Nn.."Gasp."Nno."Gasp."No." I barely manage to get past my lips before he's pushing my head back down under the water.

My father repeats this process four more times. Exhausting both of us to the bone. While also causing me to black out once or twice, but thankfully I managed to hang on each time. When he lets me up from the water on the fifth time he tosses my shocked body to the ground, and goes down to a knee beside me.

I watch his every movement with wide, terrified eyes as we both gasp in some much needed oxygen. A thick silence surrounds us while my father glares down at me. Minutes later his breathing is still very fast and labored, but he won't let that hinder him any longer.

"Fine. You little.."Gasp."Shit! If that won't loosen your tongue enough to talk, maybe my whip will! The Romans were merciful and only gave Jesus thirty-nine lashes. Let's see if you can top that number, shall we?" He asked rhetorically as he shakily got up from the ground, and turned his back to me.

My brain was still paralyzed with fear as I watched him get to his feet, but my body isn't. Moving completely by instinct I jump straight up from my back to my feet, and rush towards him. Catching him totally by surprises and tackling him. Sending him flying, back first, into the trove full of water, and quickly jumping on top of him.

Both of my hands clamp down around his neck, and force his head back into the metal tub. I watch in satisfaction as air bubbles fly out of his mouth and nose, up to the surface of the water. After a few moments his legs and arms slowly stop to move. Then a single bubble of air escapes from his parted lips, and pops once it reaches the smooth surface.

As soon as the ripples in the water fades I feel myself snap out of my murderous haze. I look down at my father truly horrified at what I'd done, and jump off my father immediately. I pull his lifeless body out of the water, and drop him onto the concrete floor, so I can start doing CPR. Within seconds all the water comes gushing up out of his lungs, and he begins to cough. I remain hovering over him for several minutes. Checking his pulse and heart beats until I'm satisfied he'll be fine. Then fall to the floor beside him with my back propped up against the side of the trove.

Neither of us say a word for a while. Either because neither of us know what to even say to one another, or probably from the shock, at least I am, about what just happened. My mouth might not know what to say, but my brain didn't seem to have that problem. Running a hundred miles an hour, and no end in sight.

Finally, after about ten minutes, I feel a little bit normal. My mind and body seem to regain their senses, but I can't stand to sit here, beside him, any longer. Before I get up though I have a few things I have to say. I can't even bring myself to look at him to get his attention before I start talking.

"Reverend Black, I've listened and endured every piece of advice, lesson, rule, and punishment you've ever given me, but now it's time for you to listen to me while I give you a lesson of my own. Starting from right now this is over. Whatever driving need you have to abuse your children like this everyday ends now. You will never lay another hand on me, or Jenny again. Do you understand me? For heaven's sake I almost killed you dad! What happens next time when I'm not able to snap out of it, and stop myself?" I ask him as I stand up before continuing. "I will not have your pathetic excuse of a life on my hands" I tell the poor petrified looking man below me completely serious.

Thankfully he doesn't make me wait long for his answer. Which isn't anything more than a quick shake of his head. Before I walk out of the barn with my head held high.

*END OF FLASHBACK*

I might have walked out of that barn on shaky legs, but my body was filled with pride. So much in fact it was almost an overwhelmingly powerful feeling. All from the secret knowledge of besting my father. Only Jenny let it slip a few hours later that she had seen the whole thing. Having been woken up by the noise of my father dragging me out of the house, and began bombarding me with questions.

After that day things seemed almost normal with my parents and around the house. Well, except for the part where my father never laid a hand on me again. Jenny and I went back to our normal routine and got on with our lives. While our parents seemed to forget about us more and more as the years went on. Sometimes even leaving us alone for weeks at a time. Only gracing us with their presence for weekly church appearances and nothing more.

I started working at the grocery store every day after school. Instead of just during the summer. Thankfully Jenny was allowed to come to work with me, and hang out in the break-room doing homework. Sometimes she even helps out Mrs. Millie, the manager, with some odds and ends to keep her busy.

Can I just take a moment to praise Mrs. Millie please? Because the woman was truly a Saint! If it wasn't for her I think I would have bleached my eyes out until I went blind, or committed suicide!

(Mrs Millie I absolutely love this woman! Betty White is my role model!)

The day Jenny started her period she was in the break-room with Mrs Millie. The kind older woman told Jenny everything she needed to know, and what to do.

Because I didn't have the first fucking clue! And, let's not even discuss our mothers reaction when she found out what happened. Trust me!

Overall, I would have to say those were the best years of my life. No one else to worry about but Jenny and I. A nice little growing stack of money stashed away for our future. We were as close to perfectly happy as we had ever been in our lives, but that feeling never stays around for long when it comes to me.

'For Every Action, There Is An Equal And Opposite Reaction. Newton's 3rd Law

(Joe & Jenny As Teenagers)

*FLASHBACK*

Jenny had just turned fifteen two months before she met HIM, Britt Smallwood, and our lives changed forever. It was during one of our parents 'Perfect Family' outings. Our mother decided to invite a new family from church over to our house for dinner one night.

Right away I could tell Mr and Mrs Smallwood were exact, wannabe replica of my parents. All the way down to the two kids, an older boy and younger girl combination. Except for the age gap between their kids being more than double that of mine and Jenny's.Which is also the reason I have a little seven year old girl staring curiously at me from across the table as our parents talk. While her older brother parked the car, and brought in the dishes their mother had made.

Once Britt came waltzing into the room about fifteen minutes later with his arms fully loaded down, and Jenny gasped loudly from beside me, Before jumping up from her seat, and rushed around the table to help him. My stomach started twisting itself up in knots, and deep down I just knew we were headed for trouble.

Britt was almost two years older than me, and well over eighteen already. He had graduated from one of the finest prep schools in the state a few months before his parents decided to move Deep Valley. He chose to skip a year before starting his freshman year at college, and focus his time with church and missions for now.

Britt was shorter than me at just five foot ten. With somewhat of an athletic body. His sandy blonde hair was a bit long and shaggy for my taste. Plus the doe like brown eyes, and chubby cheeks reminded me of the Gerber baby, then a grown man. Needless to say his goody-two shoes act rubbed me the wrong way from the start, but Jenny, and our mother, were positively eating it up!

(Britt Smallwood)

After that night Jenny stopped going to work with me after school, and instead started spending all of her free time at the church. With Britt. I had a gut feeling something was going to go wrong, so I did everything within my power to keep them apart while away. Hell, I even went to my parents and begged them to keep an eye on her at least.

Well, What good did that do? You might ask? Well.. Fucking Nothing!

A full two months hadn't even passed yet the first time Jenny came to talk to me one day about Britt. Britt had told her they were soul mates. Two people destined to find each other in this world, and live together happily ever after. He believed in those words so much he even gave her a promise ring to wear for now. Until the day came he could replace it with the real deal. A wedding ring just for her.

That was also the first time Jenny and I ever fought about anything. I tried everything I could think of to talk some sense into her. Hoping against hope she might smarten up and see Britt for the snake he really is underneath, but she didn't. Instead all of my arguments and well mannered criticisms backfired, and did the exact opposite of what I wanted. Pushing Jenny towards him even closer. A LOT CLOSER! Like in the Biblical sense!

For almost three months Jenny was able to hide the signs and symptoms from me, well everyone, really. That is until the morning I walked into the bathroom, and found her curled up around the base of the toilet asleep. Where she had been throwing up all night.

Once she finally told me she hadn't had a period for months now we went straight to Mrs Millie for help. Our guardian angel quickly got Jenny an appointment at a clinic two towns over,so she could be checked, and no one local would possibly be there. Mrs Millie even refused to accept the word no, and demanded to drive us to the appointment. As well as declaring herself family to the nurse before Jenny or I could even say anything.

For as long as I live, I'll never forget the moment the three of us heard the baby's heartbeat for the first time standing in that small, dark doctor's office. With that single beat my whole world shifted on its axis. My entire reason for being on this Earth has always been to protect something greater than me. Not just my sister, but now, the innocent life growing inside of her.

Before the three of us left that office that afternoon I had already started planning out our future, but Jenny's head was still in the clouds when it came to Britt. She believed this was just the start in the story of their happily ever after, but I knew better. I was able to talk Jenny into waiting a few days to tell him about the news. She also promised to tell him at the house, and I was going to be there come hell or high water.

I watched on from a safe distance behind the doorway of the living room as Jenny told him the news. Her smile and excitement grew with every word out of her mouth until she was bouncing in her seat. While Britt sat there slack jawed, white as a ghost. He couldn't even manage to utter a single syllable while she talked, and by the look on his face he might have lost all brain function less than ten minutes in. Until he finally managed to utter out a quick goodbye. Before bolting out the front door.

That was the last day Jenny, but not I, saw Britt Smallwood. About a week later his parents gave Jenny some bullshit story about him going off to Chile on a mission. They told her she shouldn't bother trying to call or write to him either, because the cell towers and mall delivery were pretty much non-existent. Britt would just look her up when he got back.

But, I knew the truth. I could see it in their eyes by the way Mrs Smallwood curled her lip up, and stuck her nose in the air while Jenny told them the news. Neither one of them gave a shit about the baby though. They even told her they would never claim any baby that came from the likes of us anyway. Jenny was truly devastated.

"I'm so sorry Joe!" She cried to me that afternoon once we made it home from the Smallwood's house. "I should have listened to you before. All you were trying to do was protect me like you've always done my whole life."

Jenny and I were sitting on her bed as she cried, so I pulled her into my side and held her until she stopped.

"I made a promise to do just that the day you were born Jen, and I don't plan on stopping that now that vow is expanding. Remember it's just you and me kid, forever and always. Whatever you need." I coo into her hair as she tries to calm down.

But, Jenny isn't having any of that! Instead, she seems to get angry, and pushes against my chest with both hands. Before turning to face me. At least the continuous flood of tears streaming down her face has stopped for the first time in hours.

"I know that Joe! What I'm trying to say is you shouldn't have to. I'm going to get a job, so I can help out financially with the baby, and begin taking more responsibility over my own life. It's not just me I have to think about anymore." She tells me trailing off to nothing more than a whisper. As she cradles her barely there stomach in her hands.

I took a moment to seriously think about what she was trying to tell me. Before blowing out a strained breath, and looking her in the eyes. "Okay. I can respect all of that, but I'm still going to do everything I can to help you and my niece or nephew out. You'll always have me, I promise."

"Thank you." Jenny tells me with a gentle smile. Before falling into my arms for a hug.

As sweet as the moment is I have a burning question I need to ask her, and I can't seem to wait another second. "When do you plan on telling mom and dad?" I whisper.

I feel Jenny's body freeze instantly, and even stop breathing for a few moments. She snaps out of it a few moments later, and begins to frantically shake her head. While mumbling the word no repeatedly. I tighten my arms around her shaking body the best I can trying to comfort her.

"Hey, hey! It's ok. Whenever you're ready to tell them I'll be right there by your side. Until then mums the word. Promise." I tell her sealing it with a kiss to her hair.

And, we didn't. For weeks Jenny and I went about our daily lives like nothing had changed. Mrs Millie was more than happy to give Jenny a desk job working at the store. She even had a desk brought in for Jenny right beside hers in the back of the building.

I think Mrs Millie was happy for the company, but liked keeping a close eye on the mom-to-be more. Mrs Millie made it a point to keep giving Jenny rides to her doctors appointments. Just so she could listen in during the check ups as well.

"That's what all self-respecting Godmothers are there for after all!" Mrs Millie told me after taking us to the second doctor's visit, and I told her no.

Mrs Millie took that title to the extreme! Immediately dusting off her knitting needles to start on blankets, coats, hats, and gloves for the baby. She even bought one of those life-like dolls from the internet, so she could start giving mommie-in-training lessons. Her thoughtfulness and generosity was more than anything I would have even thought to pray for at the time.

While Mrs Millie kept Jenny occupied I threw myself into the rest of my plans. It took me a few weeks, but I finally found a small two bedroom apartment that would fit Jenny and the baby perfectly. I went through more than half of my savings paying the rent and utilities up for a year. Then spent another chunk at local flea markets and second hand stores buying all kinds of furniture, baby stuff, clothes, and odds and ends either of them could possibly need. Filling the tiny apartment with more than enough, but turning it into a home as well.

I didn't tell anyone about the apartment. Things were still good for Jenny and I, for the most part at least. I figured when the time was right, I'd know, and tell Jenny then. Until then it would just be my little secret. Except that day seemed to come a lot sooner than I imagined it would.

Mrs Millie, Jenny, and I had just come back from her eighth month check-up. The doctor had given Jenny another ultrasound, just to make sure the baby was getting ready to drop into the birth canal, and had a fresh set of scans showing off her soon to be here daughter to gush over.

We were both smiling like lunatics when Mrs Millie dropped us off at home, but when we walked through the front door a sense of dread set in. Both of our parents were sitting at the kitchen table waiting for us. With the rest of the babies ultrasound pictures spread out on the table in front of them.

I knew then shit was about to hit the proverbial fan then! And holy shit was I right!

As soon as Father saw us walk in he jumped up from his seat at the table, and flew across the kitchen towards us. Red faced, finger waving, and spit flying everywhere in the air.

"Young lady, just why in the hell do you have those pictures tucked away in the back of your underwear drawer? More importantly when, where, and who did you get them from?" Father barked at Jenny before stopping about five feet away from us.

Jenny immediately took my hand as he started charging towards us, and tucked her body into my side. I gave our joined hands a squeeze letting her know I'm still there, and not going anywhere. While also trying to give her all of my strength. Instantly I see Jenny stop cowering into my side, and straighten up beside me. All to glare daggers at our fathers bloodshot eyes.

"Those pictures are of my daughter. Your grandchild." Jenny said loud enough for both of them to hear. Before looking down at her swollen stomach, and cradling her daughter through the baggy shirt she wore for them to see. "Along with the Smallwood's I guess, but I really wouldn't hold my breath." She says kinda low as she caresses her stomach.

"Excuse me!" Father bellows, but Jenny just ignores him.

Instead she turns her full attention to our mother. "I'm officially eight months along today. The doctor says everything is normal so far, and the baby is growing nicely. I plan on naming her Abigail, or Abbie for short."

"Over my dead body!" Father yells. Making mom look at him appalled at first. Before clearing her face of all emotions, and turning her body away from the both of us. "You, young lady, are going back to that doctor's office, and telling him to abort that baby! Or, to start finding it a new home!"

"NO!" Jenny and I scream at him at the same time. While I wrap my arms around her and her bump protectively.

"Oh yes you will! No daughter of mine.." Father screamed as he came closer towards Jenny and I.

I let Jenny go then, and placed myself in front of her. Feeling like I need to protect both of them from whatever he is planning on doing, but before I come to a complete stop he catches me off guard, and sends me flying across the room with a considerable amount of force.

"Will have some bastards child, and be branded a whore while living under my roof! You WILL get rid of that abomination!" Father's booming voice echoes across the room as he grabs a hold of Jenny's shoulder, and begins to violently shake her.

"Please Daddy! NO!" Jenny wheezes out just as I catch myself, and spin around to face them.

My eyes begin to bug out of my head in disbelief as I watch my father's hands move from Jenny's shoulder up to her throat. Choking the life out of my much smaller, delicate sister. That same detached haze from years before in that barn settles over my body again, and the next thing I know is my body is moving without my brain telling it to.

I silently make my way up behind my father, and quickly wrap my arms around his neck. Putting him into a choke-hold, and pulling him away from my sister. Father tries to buck my off of his back to no avail. Then he slams my back into the wall causing me to lose my grip. Which allows him to break free, and spin around to face me.

My right fist is already sailing towards his face before he even stops moving. As soon as that blow lands my other fist is flying through the air to join in. I'm like a crazed animal with it's first taste of blood. I physically can't stop swinging until we are both on the floor, me on top of him, and him gasping for air.

"Joe! Please Joe, that's enough!" Jenny's voice finally manages to break through the dark clouds rolling around inside my head at the moment.

My arms immediately fall to my sides like wet noodles. Jenny helps pull me off of our father, and begins to lead the both of us toward the still open front door. She pushes me out of the screen door before letting me go completely, and turning back around. I spin around fast, and barely manage to grab a hold of her wrist, stopping her, and a questioning look.

"One second Joe. I just need to go back and get something. I'll be in your line of sight the whole time. Promise." Jenny gives me a reassuring smile, so I let her go.

She doesn't waste a second running back into the kitchen, and carefully picking up each picture from the kitchen table. Before gripping the stack securely in her hands as she runs back to me. She sails through the open screen door and back into my side. I put my arm over her shoulders and pull her closer into my side as I start leading us away from the only home we've ever known. With absolutely no plans on coming back!

Jenny and I walk down the streets of our small town aimlessly for about fifteen minutes. Neither of us said a word. Instead replaying every moment of what just happened in our own heads. Well actually I can't say that about Jenny, but that sure as hell as what I kept doing. Truthfully it feels like a hundred pound weight has been lifted from my shoulders. With just that one decision it's like most of my worries and fears have officially gone with them!

"What are we gonna do now Joe?" Jenny whispers to me sounding so scared, but also trying to hide it.

I squeeze her body even tighter to mine feeling lighter than I ever have, and hopefully she will soon feel the same. "Hey now! Didn't I tell you not to worry about a thing? That's my job, and believe me when I say I'm amazing at my job!" I say giving her a cocky wink in return. That makes her chuckle, and brings music to my ears. "Remember I also told you that your big brother will always be here to take care of you now matter what."

"Of course." Jenny tells me with a warm, gentle smile, and punches me on the forearm good naturally. "Don't get me wrong I love your optimism right now big brother, but what about a place to live, clothes, or even food? I don't want to even talk about school in the morning right now. Ugh!!"

I'm smiling like a lunatic as I pull Jenny to a stop, and turn her around to face me. "Like I said, Little Sister. I'll always be the one to take care of you, and my niece until the day I die. But, until then, everything you need is in there." I tell her before spinning her around to face the small apartment.

"Welcome Home Sis." I whisper in glee.

*END OF FLASHBACK*

Oh you dumbass! How could you honestly fuck everything up so badly! If only I knew!

******** Authors Note******

  Ahh...Well...How did y'all like the first chapter? How about the different technique I'm using to write this story? Any changes y'all think I should make? 

Leave a comment and let me know! Don't forget to hit that like button while you're there! 

Until next time my friends.

Callie

P.S. I almost did it again! @BrittanyClarkSmallwo I hope you aren't mad at me for turning you into the real asshole of this story! But, like I said before, it's the best way I could think of to show my gratitude for your help and placing second in the contest! I just have one question. How's it feel being a new baby daddy?!?! HAHAHA