There at many situations in your life here you find yourself wondering, "Why am I here?". You know, like when your friends drags you into an outrageous plan, or your parents convince you to join them at one of those awkward family dinners where everyone says 'you've grown since I saw you last' as if they had seen you in the last two years.

Evan was in one of those situations.

Why on earth was he currently sat on a plastic chair beside the bed of Connor freaking Murphy in a hospital room after the previously mentioned boy had not only tried to commit suicide, but also mentioned Evan and 'The Insanely Cool Jared Kleinman' in his suicide note? It just didn't make sense!

Evan Hansen found comfort in order. This is supposed to happen then and this won't happen at all - that kind of stuff.  He constantly stuck to a timetable, whether it be for getting ready for school or cleaning up before bed. It meant that things weren't going to change and it usually stayed that way.

That was until this happened, and Evan started to question his whole state of mind.

Surely, if some situation like this could pop up at any time, then there's no way to stick to a timetable. In your mind, the next thing you have to do would be to pack away your books and go home from school, but who's to say that somebody might have been ran over on the road you're going down, or that the fire alarm is set off by some annoying new kid at school?

Or, maybe, just maybe, the so-called 'school shooter' might mention you in their suicide and you will feel the guilt eating away at you until you go and visit them.

You get where I'm going with this.

So, there Evan sat, in total silence wondering why just he was there, picking at the rough skin around his nail. It was a bad habit, probably just a result of his anxiety, but he didn't even think about it when he did. It was like a reflex action to keep him at ease in uncomfortable situations. His mum had tried to stop him when he was younger by putting on that nail varnish stuff that's supposed to taste really bad, but it didn't really work because it was cheap and would come off when he washed his hands.

Sure, a valid attempt, but not very successful.

"So, how did you break your arm?" Evan was suddenly pulled out of his thoughts and his eyes drifted from his hands to the boy now sat on the edge of the hospital bed.

"Are you kidding?" Jared deadpanned, allerting the two taller boys. "You're in a hospital bed and you're worrying about tree boy's arm?" 

"Don't be rude Jare..." Evan muttered, worried that Connor would blow up again. He definately wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of one of Connor famous attacks.

"Anyway, it's from jerking off to much! He told me." Jared said deliberately loud and winked in Connor's deirecton who let a small smirk appear on his face.

"Jared! Stop being so loud!" Evan's face flushed red and he burried his face in his face to hide his blushing cheeks from the patronising looks the other two were sending him.

"Never thought Evan-Tree-Fucker-Hansen would be the oe to kink shame me..." Jared said in a teasing tone making Evan want to dissapear even more than he did before.

Connor let out a small laugh. Jared Kleinman was weird and definately not someone who he would have ever thought of associating with, but he could be pretty funny. Unless he actually did have a public sex kink... Ew, no, let's storp that train of thought right there.

"I actually fell out a tree..." Evan (lied and) muttered, hoping to redeem himself after the terrible outcome of the subject earlier.

"You fell out of a tree? Well isn't that the saddest fucking thing I've ever heard." Connor let out a dry laugh and Evan awkwardly tried to join in, but promptly stopped when he was met with a concerned look from Jared.

'I can tell when you lie' Jared mouthed in his direction and stood up. "I better be going. I have to meet my parents for dinner. You need a lift?" Jared lied fluently. Yeah right, as if his parents would ever wants to stay long ebough to have dinner with him. In his dreams.

"Erm, yes please. See you soon Connor, Hope you feel better when we visit next..." Evan bade farewell to the other, now immensely confused boy.

Did he scare them off? Like, yes Connor had a dry sense of humour, but did that really make the other boys so uncomfortable that he wanted to leave him? Something else was off about the boys' departure.

'when we next visit'

'next visit'

'next'

They were going to visit again Why would they and to see him again? Connor had figured up until now that they just felt the need to see him because of the note, but then why would they want to subject the to more time in his - obviously very joyful - presence again. Especially after that mess of an hour.

Just when Connor was going to let the thought go and try to get back to sleep, he was interrupted by the door slamming open to reveal the one and only Zoe fucking Murphy.

"Why the fuck did our mum just walk into our house sobbing her eyes out?!" She shouted furiously. 

"She was pretending to care about me..." Connor muttered, too tired to put up with his sister who now had tears flowing down her face probably as bad as Cynthia's.

"Everything always has to be about you! Connor asshole Murphy! You you you! When are you going to realise you're not the most important person in the world and that you can't treat other people like shit all the time?"

"Zoe, fuck off..." 

"No, I'm seriously asking!"

"She doesn't get to walk in here and pretend that she cares about my wellbeing just because I finally decided to let go!"

"You know what? I thought you were going to change! When you wrote that note, I thought that if you survived, you were actually going to start to at least try to be a good person! That you might start to consider that your family has to put up with your bullshit all the time because guess what Connor? We care about you!"

Connor was left dumbstruck as Zoe left the room, trying not to create more of a scene than she already had.

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Fun Fact: Zoe is probably my favourite character I write. My sister has BPD and I kinda just project my thoughts into her character.

Sorry about the late update but like I mentioned before, the original chapter was deleted and my family has a lot of drama drama drama, so yeahhh. This chapter is really bad and as usual I didn't proofread so sorry about any mistakes.

Please vote and comment,

Sincerely, Me.