Dear Zoe,

Remember when we were little and mum said we had to do any clubs we did together because it would save time? Everybody thought it was me who wanted to do soccer and that I dragger you into it, and that you wanted to do dancing so I had to do it, but it was actually the opposite. I quit dance after a few years because I knew how much you hated it, but I didn't tell you that. I carried on doing soccer because you loved I so much.

That was probably the last time I was that nice to anyone, and I really wish it wasn't. I have no reason as to why I was so cruel towards everyone. I could blame my mental health, or dad for not letting me go to therapy, or drugs for messing with my brain. But, none of those excuses would be fair. It was always me who was being so mean and I wish I could turn back the clock.

I wish I could turn back time to when you would braid my hair with flowers in it in return for me doing you nails. Or when I bought you a purple guitar and you named it 'Luna' because you were (and still are) a Harry Potter nerd. You would deny that now, but I remember. 

The point I'm trying to get across is that I love you with all my hearts and I will never forgive myself for being so cruel to you. I know you won't every forgive me either and I accept that. I was a shit brother and I don't deserve your forgiveness. 

Tell mum and dad I am sorry. Also Hansen and Kleinman at school. I was a dick to them today for no reason. So, they deserve an apology from me. 

I love you so much,

Sincerely, Me