**This chapter includes mentions of and actions involving attempted suicide.**

EVAN POV

Jared told me to read through all of the emails Connor and I sent to each other. There's just so many. I understand some of it. There are a few things that make sense and sound familiar, but I still don't get it.

•

We went to the Murphys' house for dinner again. Mrs. Murphy made meatloaf. It was kinda quiet at the table like always, but less so today. Zoe talked about the super cool lab I missed in chemistry. That was all that happened. Mrs. Murphy asked about the orchard with Connor. I don't remember that. I said that and Connor went upstairs, I assume to his room. I felt guilty.

I said I was going upstairs to find the bathroom, but I was going to talk to Connor. I assumed his bedroom wasn't the one with a toilet inside. Also, probably not the one with "Zoe" hanging on it. It's just a plain white door. It was cracked open, so I assumed he was there. I slowly pushed open the door to find Connor standing on a chair near his closet.

Above the chair was a rope hanging from the bar in the closet. A tear fell down his cheek, onto his dark grey sweatshirt.

I didn't mean to, but I made a weird yelp/cough sound. Connor fell off the chair and onto his bed.

"What the fuck?! Evan?"

"What were you thinking?"

"I wasn't."

I helped him sit up, then I sat on the bed with him. "You could have died!"

"That was the plan."

I sighed, so he continued. "It was my fault /you/ almost died. And now you don't even remember that. I miss the Evan you were before the accident."

"I do too. But it wasn't your fault. At all. The drunk guy hit you during his red light..right?"

"Still." He ran a hand through his hair.

"Still what?"

"I don't know. It's just frustrating to lose your best friend slash boyfriend slash life saver to some stupid car accident that I brought you into!"

"I know I don't know everything about the previous us, but I'm trying!" I sighed. "And I'm getting better too," I added softly. He took a shaky breath in. I looked over at him to find that he's crying. He leaned over and put his head on my shoulder.

"Evan?" It's my mom calling from downstairs. "We're gonna go in a minute. Come on."

"Coming," I called back.

Connor sat up and sighed. "Bye."

"I'm sorry."

"Me too."

~•~•~

Owwwww

This one was shorter than usual, but eh.

See y'all in the next chapter!