Betrayed, I punched the dash board. Dried blood was on my bottom lip. Yes, the blood from Tommy's dick. I tried to bite it off. I should have cut it off.

Gahdamn it, Tommy! Why? I was thinking this entire time I was a virgin.

I prided myself on being one of the few girls that kept the cherry bush set up in my pussy and thought I would let my George Washington chop it down or dig it up, which ever way he preferred, when I got married.

It didn't quite work out that way. And what hurts the most was that I put my husband, Sax, through two years of emotional hell.

I punished him for Tommy's mistake. Wait a minute. Raping me wasn't a mistake. Why was I minimizing what my God Daddy did? Was I in denial?

I put my husband through unconscionable hell. I wouldn't let him get the pussy because I was distraught over the nightmares I used to have.

In it, an evil man with a big red X over his face was chasing me to the Red sea. I now knew I was the woman being deflowered in the middle of the ocean floor.

Why hadn't I seen the signs before?

Did I not remember anything about my graduation night? The night Tommy had his way with me. I hoped he enjoyed it because he would never touch me again.

I hoped he died. I couldn't believe a man I trusted like an Uncle would unabashedly destroy me and rob my future husband of taking my purity.

I thought back to a conversation my husband and I had years before this grueling moment. I had begged him to tell me why he got in a fight with Tommy when he took me and my family out to eat.

He told me Tommy fucked me on my graduation night and I was so taken aback I instantly shut down and started defending the man.

Sax was right, right, right!

I closed my eyes and silently prayed to God.

Lord, please forgive me for punishing my husband. You sent me a very sweet man who was a virgin himself and innocent and pure and I spit him back in your face because the taste in my mouth reminded me of what I thought I had.

It overshadowed every logical nerve in my body. All Sax wanted was love and acceptance and I gave him hell and it's unapologetic wrath.

What kind of woman jacks her man's dick on his honeymoon and didn't make love to him?

I didn't give him me, all of me.

I gave him some of me. The selfish part of me. The part of me I have tried to erase for so many years. I'd been unsuccessful in doing so.

But now I wanted to correct the wrongs and give myself to my husband.

If I can get past Tommy's betrayal.

In Lord Jesus name I pray.

Amen!