The house is quiet. It's not the usual all consuming silence, though. It's peaceful. Because the difference between now and all the times that have come before it is I'm not alone.

As I sit along the couch, my legs stretched out, my back steady along the cushions, book in hand, my dad sits in the chair across from me. While his laptop is in his lap and his attention is cued into his work in front of him, he's here. He's home.

After I placed the flowers in the dining room just a week ago, we managed to sit down and talk, to fill in the gap of years where we pretended we didn't hurt. My mom was a huge part of holding our family together. She was our true north. Without her, I think we all lost our way.

My dad consumed his pain into his work, letting everything disappear behind a veil of distraction. In the process, he also hid himself from us. Something he is just now starting to change. And the fact he's been home for dinner every night this week, gives me hope that he actually means it.

As I stare at the words on my page, I can't stop my mind from flashing to Cam. I've held my phone in my hand so many times, his name pulled up. I want to tell him about the progress with my dad. I want to see the look on his face, feel the warmth of his arms around me, his smile bright with joy.

But each and every time I pull up his number, I close it. As much as I'd love to share this piece of my life with him, I'm not actually ready to see him. To feel everything that's still aching inside me. Seeing him, watching his face light up at the mention of my dad actually being here, it would only remind me of how badly I want to leap back into his arms.

That's all I really want. To feel him hold me again. To watch the light hit his eyes as he smiles at me, full of so much adoration and strength.

Reading the same sentence back for the hundredth time, I take a breath, refocusing my attention and attempting to bury myself within the veil of fiction. Before I get a chance, Jared flies over the top of the couch, landing perfectly at my feet.

"Is this really how you two spend your evenings?" he asks, glancing between me and our dad.

Jare just got in this morning. Thanksgiving is tomorrow, which means he's got the rest of the week here.

"Lately," I begin, glancing over at my dad who now has his eyes on the two of us. "Yeah. It's exactly how we've been spending our evenings."

"Well, it's lame," Jare jumps back in, completely missing the serenity of the moment. "Come on, there's a bonfire down by the beach tonight. You're coming with me."

My eyes wide, my book firm within my grasp, I quickly shake my head. "No. I don't do parties. You know that."

"I know," he insists, reaching for my book and plucking it from my hands. "But I'm only in town for a few days and I happen to want to spend it making sure you're doing more than sitting at home every night buried between the pages of a book."

"I happen to enjoy being buried between the pages."

"Fine. But not tonight. Tonight, you're hanging out with your big brother. Come on, Mack, you have the rest of senior year to lock yourself in this house and read. But not tonight."

I glance back at my dad who is absolutely no help as he offers a laugh and looks back down at his screen. "I really don't want to go out, Jare. Can't we do something here?"

"I haven't seen the team since I left. They're gonna be there. But I also haven't seen you in a long time. Apart from your birthday, which...just come out with me tonight. Please?"

I hate that I'm caving, that I know I'm going to go with him despite the fact it's the last place I want to be. I'm already in sweatpants mode. You know how hard it is to undo sweatpants mode?

"Fine. But we aren't staying all night."

"Of course not. I just want to swing by, say hi, and then we can come home."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

——

We've been here for an hour. We're far past the realm of hellos and yet, we're still here.

"I know what you're thinking," Jare says, tapping his shoulder with mine. "But technically I'm still saying hi. Apollo and the guys aren't even here yet. I can't leave without saying hi to them. Can we wait until they get here?"

"They have ten minutes."

"Ten minutes." He nods.

I wander closer to the fire, leaving my brother to his social stardom. If there's one thing I hate, it's the beach when it's cold. The breeze off the moonlit water is freezing, slicing through the jacket I hoped would be thick enough but clearly is not.

The fire is warm though, the heat clinging to the icy chill of my skin. The thick smell of smoke circles my lungs as I position myself closer, knowing the smell of bonfire will be hanging to my hair the rest of the night. I don't care. I'll trade smoky essence for warmth any day.

"Mini Coop!" Apollo yells across the beach, his decipherable tone releasing a smile of my own. I turn, feeling the heat of the fire move to my back as Apollo's bright energy radiates across the beach. "You came!"

My smile widens as I see his arms outstretched in front of him. He takes a few more steps before he's picking me up in a bear hug and swinging me around.

"My brother can be rather convincing," I say.

He puts me down, planting me right back into the sand.

"She needed to get out of the house," my brother says, sliding in beside me and holding out a hand to shake with Apollo. "Good to see you man."

"You too. I am dying to hear how it's going in Tennessee. Drinks first though."

My brother glances at me, the begging question clear across his eyes. "Get a drink," I relent, knowing he hasn't seen his friends in months. As much as I want to settle back into the land of sweatpants, my brother deserves this moment.

"You sure?"

"Yeah. I'll drive us home. We leave in thirty though. Ready or not."

He wraps an arm around me, pulling me into his side. "You're the best. Thirty minutes. Promise."

"How about you, Mini Coop?" Apollo questions. "You don't want a drink?"

"No. I think I'm good with never drinking again."

"Again?" my brother quickly asks, his eyes filled with overprotective concern.

"Don't worry, man," Apollo laughs, slapping a hand to my brother's shoulder. "Camden watched out for her. Made sure she was completely safe."

My brother's eyes linger on mine, the two of us lost in a battle of silence. Before this year, that sentiment would have flown by my brother without a second thought. But now, now that he knows Cam and I weren't just friends over the last couple of months, means something much deeper to my brother.

"Yeah," Jare says. "I'm sure he did."

"Come on. Let's get that drink," Apollo announces, pulling my brother away.

It's then, in this moment, that my eyes flicker over their shoulder, catching the aching glimpse of Cam. He's looking back at me from beyond the other side of the fire, the light flickering across his face. It's the first time since I left his room that I've seen him.

My heart lurches, the reach scratching against my chest, the pressure burrowing into my gut. I want to smile, to walk over to him and ask how he's been. I want to tell him about my dad, I want to hear about baseball, to see if his uncle has been home. I want to just be in his presence, to feel the heat of his touch, the tender warmth of his smile.

He's just across the way, but he feels forever out of reach, like no matter how fast I run, I'll never make it to him. And that thought spins nauseously across my gut. It's suffocating. Because I did this. I put this space between us, a space I want so desperately to close. And seeing him reminds me just how much I've grown to need him...to care about him...to love him.

In the next moment, my heart completely shatters, every beat thrown to shreds, spinning helplessly out of control and stealing my ability to breathe.

Porcia swings her arms around him, planting her chest against his as his eyes leave mine and find hers.

An instant.

One small blip on the timescale. That's all it takes to completely break.

I turn, tearing my eyes away from the scene in front of me, begging to erase the vision from my memory. I knew he'd move on. I knew walking away meant he would begin to see other people. I knew he would eventually find a forever with someone else.

I have no right to be angry.

But seeing it play out in front of me, watching a future I once dreamt of slip away for good, feels a lot like a knife to my heart. A jagged, rusted edge splintering its way into my chest, one faulty slice at a time.  

Maybe somewhere, in some screwed up version of reality, I believed he'd wait for me. That my brother would bend with time, that eventually, Cam and I would find our way back to one another. It was stupud to fantasize about, selfish to consider. But my heart has a mind of its own.

My feet can't move fast enough. Each purposeful step stuck in the sand, weighing me down as I trudge forward. My breaths are lost, spinning in a void I can't seem to find the light in. Gasping, I continue to wade through the thick fog, dragging my feet and pushing forward.

The edge of the party is out of sight, the darkened sky a reprieve from the light of the fire. The very light that cast a spotlight on Porcia's arms wrapped so passionately around his neck. Her hand slipping effortlessly into his hair. Like she's done it a thousand times, like it's a second nature motion between the two of them.

I reach the sidewalk by the road, feeling my feet hit solid ground and aching to take off and run. To run until I have no end in sight, until the pain in my chest becomes a numbing blur.

"Mackenzie!" I hear behind me, gripping my heart tightly within my chest as I swallow the air fighting to make it to my lungs. "Kenze, wait."

I stop, my feet frozen to the ground as my chest quickly rises and falls. I don't turn, not right away. Instead, I cling to the small street lights, watching the incoming fog swirl around the dim luminescence.

"Kenze," he says again, this time so much closer, quieter. "Where are you going?"

Taking a breath, I swallow the ache, feeling the claws of oxygen grip at my throat on its way down. I turn, slowly bringing my eyes to his. "I don't really like parties," I say, offering a smile.

He nods. "Porcia was just–"

"You don't need to explain," I quickly interrupt, throwing my hand in the air to brush it off.

"I know. But I want to. We're not together."

"Cam..."

"I know what it looked like," he keeps going. "But I'm not with Porcia or anyone else. I'm not–"

"Camden," I stop him, feeling my chest reach for him. "You don't have to explain yourself to me. I know what it meant when I walked out of your room that day. I don't expect you to put your life on hold. But I can't..." I trail off, closing my eyes and swallowing the words that want to come out. I can't watch him be with someone else. I can't continue to feel my heart torn from my chest.

The sound of his feet against the sidewalk has me opening my eyes as he takes another step closer. "You can't what, Kenze?"

My breaths continue slow and heavy as I stare into his eyes, desperate to fall into his arms. "I can't be here, Cam. I need to go." I turn, shaking my head.

"You promised," he stops me. I pause my steps, inhaling the cold night air before I turn back and face him. He takes a step forward. "You promised you wouldn't hide. Not from me."

"Cam," I whisper, fighting back the tears burning my eyes. "That's not what I'm doing."

"Then tell me," he insists. "Tell me what's going on in that head of yours. Tell me why you have to leave. Why I haven't seen you at lunch. Why these last couple weeks have been the absolute worst."

I shake my head, feeling the tears boiling over as I swallow them back down.

"Please, Kenze. Don't hide."

He's right. I promised I wouldn't hide from him. But that's not what I'm doing. Is it? The look in his eyes, the broken plea, it slams against my heart. And I know in that one look that's exactly what I'm doing. But I don't know how to stop. Because if I show him how badly I'm breaking...

"What do you want, Cam?" I ask, nearly shouting the words as they break from my quivering breath. "You want me to tell you that it hurts? That it kills me to see Porcia's arms wrapped around you? That it's going to kill me to see any other girl's arms around you, to see you smile at anyone else the way you smile at me? Do you want me to tell you that I'm in love with you? That all I want to do is fall into your arms and tell you that I miss you? Is that what you want? To know I've been broken without you?"

He closes all space between us, his hand on my cheek as he pulls my eyes to his, catching my fallen tears against his palm. "Yes," he breathes out. "If that's what you're feeling, I want you to tell me all of it. Every piece of you, Kenze."

I cry, the tears drain down my face. "It hurts to not be with you," I admit. "It hurts to know I can't be."

"Why? Why can't you?"

"You know why."

"I know that I love you," he says as another cry leaves my lips. "I know that I want you. But I also know that it's not only about me. It's about you. What you want. If it's me, God if it's me, Kenze, I'll be everything you deserve. I'll fight like hell every damn day to see you smile. I'll love you with everything I've got. But if it's not, if you don't want this, then I'll walk away. The ball is in your court, Kenze. What do you want?"

My breaths tangle with his, our chests rising and falling together as I lean into the warmth of his hand on my cheek and lose myself in the beauty of his eyes. He's the only one to ever truly see me, to listen without judgment, to put me first.

"I want you," I whisper. "I've always wanted you."

His lips are on mine. Tender and slow as he brings my chin up to his. I press my mouth to his, feeling them part as he slides his hand below my ear, gripping the base of my neck. His tongue meets mine, his grip tightening as he tugs me closer.

When he pulls away, his eyes on mine, his smile glistening across his eyes, I can't help but melt into him. "I love you, Mackenzie," he says against my lips. "I want you."

I smile, the heat hitting my chest as I bring my lips back to his. They're tender, a warmth I've missed so much. I pull him closer, slipping my hand into his hair and feeling the silky short strands slide between fingers.

The moan that rattles his throat has me throwing my legs around his waist, he doesn't hesitate to pull me into him, to lift me free of the ground and close every ounce of space between us.

My heart is singing. It's reaching for him, wrapping its arms wholeheartedly around him and rejoicing with its victory. It hasn't had a chance to get what it wants, it hasn't had a chance to feel in a long time. And I'm so thankful to get to hand it over to Cam.

"Do you want to get out of here?" he breathes against my lips, his voice hoarse.

I hold his gaze, dipping my head to his and nodding slowly. "We have to do something first."

He studies me, his eyes trained delicately with mine before he nods. "We tell him together?"

I nod. "Together."

As we make our way back to the bonfire, Cam's hand firm in mine, I feel whole. I don't know what my brother is going to say or how he's going to react, but I'm happy. And for the first time in a really long time, I want to be happy, no matter the fall out that might cause for anyone else. I want to put myself first. Because of Cam, because of the love he's shown me, the strength he's shared, I want to be me.

We reach the edge of the crowd, Cam's hand tight in mine as my brother's eyes meet ours. They shift from me to Cam, to our hands linked together. His smile falls. Handing his beer to Apollo, he makes his way through the crowd, planting himself in front of the two of us.

He doesn't say anything as he looks back and forth between us. We breathe in the silence, unsure of who should have the first word. But Jare locks his eyes on mine as he asks, "Are you happy?" There's no malice in his tone, only genuine wonder.

I nod. "Yes. I'm really happy. He makes me happy, Jare."

He holds my gaze for a moment, reading the truth behind my words before he looks at Cam. "Don't break her heart."

Cam's eyes shift to mine, holding them with so much light before he turns back to my brother. "I won't."

Jare nods, holding his gaze for a moment before he turns to me. "Don't break his heart."

My breath breaks free, a sense of relief washes over me as I grip Cam's hand in mine. "I won't."

Jare looks at the two of us before he nods. One small motion before he turns and heads back to the crowd. I know he'll need time. I know this isn't what either one of us had planned. But he's giving his blessing, something I so desperately craved. I would have chosen Cam, I would have fought like hell to be with him, but knowing I don't have to, that my brother stands beside us, is a feeling greater than I could have imagined.

I look back at Cam, his eyes already on me. "Now what?" I ask.

He turns, bringing his chest to mine. "Now, we build our story."

"Oh yeah?" I smile up at him. "And what should we call it?"

He smiles back, reaching a hand to my cheek. His thumb slides along my jaw. "I've loved you since you sat beside me on that bench, Mackenzie Cooper. I've loved you since you brought me a semblance of peace, since you showed me how to smile again. Since you gave me a place to call home and a glimmer of hope. I've loved you since forever," he whispers.

"Since forever," I repeat. "I like the sound of that."

He brings his lips to mine, holding still against me and letting me feel the beat of his heart with mine. "You want to be my forever, Kenze?"

"I want to be your everything, Cam."

"You already are."

Up on my tip toes, I bring my mouth to his. Because being in Cam's arms, feeling his lips pressed to mine, is all I ever want. I want him. And I think I always will.

***

Hello! I can't believe I'm saying this, but this is the last chapter of Since Forever. I really hope you enjoyed this story. As always, I'm open to feedback. These stories are in their first draft form as they get posted, so I know there are always things to work on, including inevitable plot holes🫣

I do have a question for you, though. What are your thoughts on an epilogue? Do we like epilogues? What would you hope to see for Kenze and Cam?

Thank you all so much for being here. I am always so humbled and grateful for every view, star, and comment. Thank you❤️❤️

Amanda Michelle