Edolas Gray is bad at dealing with his feelings.

TW for drug use

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you're like a drug that's killing me
i cut you out entirely
but i get so high when i'm inside you

.

Rogue was exhausted. He sighed, grabbing a metal bowl from beside the sink and sitting down at the tiny table next to the kitchen. Tugging the ribbon from his braid, he let his hair tumble down around his neck – it smelled like incense and sweat, and bits of candle wax were stuck here and there. Rogue ran his fingers over his scalp, relaxing at the release from the tight plait.

Adjusting the lamp on the table, he began to run his fingers through his hair, teasing out the beads, ribbons and gems that had been so carefully woven in there several days ago. The new jewelry had been worth the investment – today had been one of his best days in months. He tried to think about that instead of the appearance of the Otherworlders, and the look on Gray's face when he'd seen Natsu in the video.

The sound of the gems and beads dropping into the metal bowl on the table filled the tiny room. He and Sting couldn't afford much, but they had managed to scrape enough together to get a stack in the Gallows. It wasn't nice, or clean, or safe, but it was preferable to sleeping at the House or on the streets.

After Rogue was done with his hair, he carefully removed the nose ring, setting it on top of the gems and stones. He had just stood to move the bowl to the kitchen when the door pinged open and Gray stumbled inside, shirtless under his jacket.

"You backwards?" Rogue asked gently, pulling his hair back up into a messy bun and moving towards the door. Gray grunted, toeing off his boots and tossing his jacket over them.

"No," he grumbled. "Wanted to, but I'm clean." Rogue believed him. Gray's eyes weren't dark, and he wasn't slurring his words, so it wasn't likely that he'd taken anything recently. Rogue was relieved. Gray had shown up here a few months ago, hexed out of his mind, and he and Sting had fought so badly they'd nearly ended up at the streetdoc. After that, Rogue had made it clear that Gray wasn't welcome here when he was backwards. After today's events, though, Rogue probably would have made an exception.

Rogue took Gray's arm, leading him to the table where he had just been sitting. Settling Gray into a chair, Rogue moved into the tiny, cramped kitchen and grabbed a metal box from under the sink.

"We're running out of Fix," he commented, holding the metal cylinder between his fingers and shaking it. He took Gray's chin in his hand and tipped it toward the lamp. A deep gash ran through his eyebrow and his lip was split and bleeding. A dark bruise was forming along his jaw, covering other half-healed discolorations from previous fights.

"I used my last one at the Pit on Nats—other-Natsu." Gray winced at Rogue's gentle touch. "I'm fine – it barely hurts, I don't need anything."

"You're so reckless," Rogue murmured, grabbing a metal bowl from the cupboard and filling it with water from the tap. Digging through the box, he found a white tablet that he tossed into the bowl, watching it fizzle until the water was calm again. Then he washed his hands in the sink and wet a clean rag with the water from the bowl. He gestured to the cut on Gray's forehead. "You're lucky we have enough to close that up, or we'd have to go to that leech down the street for stitches." Gray growled, grabbing Rogue's wrist.

"That guy is a creep," he said, voice low and protective. "Don't you remember last time?" A few months ago, Gray had broken a rib that had punctured his lung, and they ended up turning to a clinic for help. The streetdoc had tried to demand a night with Rogue as payment but had settled for Gray not cutting off his dick and feeding it to him.

"It's my job," Rogue replied flatly, wincing as he pulled his hand away from Gray's grasp. Gray's face immediately fell, and he reached out again, gently this time. His eyes widened at the reddish marks along Rogue's forearm, then drifted to similar indents on his hips.

"Was this from a client?" Gray asked quietly, gesturing to what was clearly a handprint over Rogue's hipbone. "I thought Owl kept an eye out for dreklike this."

"She does," Rogue muttered, pushing Gray's hands away and returning to cleaning his wounds. "I didn't say anything." Gray was about to protest when Rogue shook his head. "I was tired then, and I'm tired now, and I don't want to talk about it." Gray sighed, flinching at the sting of the cloth over his cuts, but he was quiet while Rogue wiped the blood from his face, chest and arms. By the time Rogue was done, the water was a deep red.

"It shouldn't have to be like that," Gray said softly as Rogue took out the cylinder and began to spray it over his forehead. The deep cut stitched itself together neatly, leaving behind only a thin white line of scar tissue. "You shouldn't have to... sell yourself to them." Rogue refused to meet his eyes, and Gray reached out to run his fingers over Rogue's cheek.

"And you shouldn't have to let people beat you," Rogue replied, his voice thick. "At least I don't get hurt like this." He couldn't help thinking of a year ago, when Erza had showed up with a bruised, broken Gray who had refused to speak or even look at him. It had taken Sting and Rogue almost a week to convince him to eat, and even longer to let them do something as simple as touching his hand. Now other-Natsu was here, and Rogue worried it was triggering something bad.

"Don't cry, maitea," Gray murmured, rubbing his thumb over Rogue's cheek that was now wet with tears. Rogue reached up and covered Gray's hand with his own. "We both get hurt." Gray sighed, standing up and pulling Rogue into his arms. "Just in different ways."

~

They stood like that for what felt like hours – Gray's arms wrapped around Rogue's shoulders, fingers in his hair, and Rogue's hands resting lightly on Gray's hips. Eventually Rogue's tears stopped, and he reached up to rub his face.

"Better?" Gray asked softly, pressing their foreheads together. Rogue nodded, returning his hand to Gray's hip and drawing soft, sensual circles on his skin. Gray shivered, making a quiet sound as one of Rogue's hands drifted down his thigh. He nudged Rogue until they were looking at each other. "Only if you want it."

Rogue responded with his lips, the kiss hot and demanding. A hand tangled in Gray's hair and he moaned, running his hands over Rogue's shoulders and down his chest. The intricate gold piercings were still there, and Gray ran his thumbs over Rogue's nipples, reveling in the high, throaty sounds it drew from him.

"I like these," Gray murmured, nipping Rogue's lip and then leaning down to replace his thumbs with his tongue. The metal was cold and hard, and he clamped it between his teeth, tugging lightly while Rogue whined above him.

"S-sting's sleeping," Rogue breathed, leaning back against the sink. Gray hummed and pressed his tongue flat against one nipple while pinching the other one. "We have to stay out... ahh... here..."

"Why don't we wake him up?" Gray murmured against Rogue's chest, one hand moving down to stroke Rogue's thigh. Rogue responded by pushing his hips forward and groaning loudly.

"I'm up." Sting's rumbling voice came from behind Gray and a cold hand cupped the back of his neck. "Hey. You look like hell."

Gray hummed around Rogue's nipple, feeling Sting lean over him to kiss Rogue. His chest tightened at the feeling of being pressed between his lovers – something inside him felt right here, felt safe. Gray moved to the other side of Rogue's chest, sucking and nipping lightly, and he could feel Rogue's hardness pressing into him. Gray groaned, tugging at the metal again and sucking harder, drawing a low, deep moan from Rogue's throat.

"Please," Rogue panted, reaching down and guiding Gray's hand to the front of his pants. He canted his hips against Gray's palm, hips jerking.

"You sure?" Gray asked, moving his mouth up to Rogue's neck for a moment. "You don't have to." Rogue growled and grabbed Gray's hair roughly, guiding his lips back to the piercings. Gray chuckled, flicking his tongue out.

"Yes," Rogue gasped, grinding against Gray's hand. "You... take care of me. Care about how I feel. I want it." Gray made a sound of assent and returned to licking and sucking at Rogue's nipples.

"We'll take care of you together," Sting said, moving a hand behind Rogue's neck and pulling him in for a messy kiss. His other hand moved down to Gray's waist, trailing around to stroke him through his pants. Gray groaned, bucking forward into Sting's hand.

After a moment Gray stood up, gently nudging Sting out of the way so he could kiss Rogue. Sting growled, then started to run his teeth and tongue over the back of Gray's neck. Rogue kissed Gray gently, fingers buried in his hair, tongue moving against his. Gray made soft noises as Sting's free hand traveled up his side, alternating between caressing Gray's chest and playing with the jewelry in Rogue's reddened nipples.

Gray moaned as Rogue's kisses moved to his neck, sucking at the soft skin behind his ear and nipping at his earlobe. He moved his hand to the waistband of Rogue's pants, whispering a soft okay? and waiting for a nod before he removed them. Sting made the same quick work of Gray's pants, then maneuvered until he could grab both Gray and Rogue's cocks in one of his hands.

"Ffff..." Gray moaned, reaching one hand back and tangling it in Sting's hair. He tipped his head to the side and kissed Sting, humming appreciatively as he felt Sting's own hardness pressing into his backside. Sting kissed like he fought – hard and sharp and certain. Between that, and Rogue's lips on his chest, and Sting's hand around both of their cocks, it didn't take Gray long to reach his peak. He kissed Rogue as he came, both of them panting and moaning into each other's mouths while Sting stroked them and held them and kissed the back of Gray's neck.

"Bedroom?" Sting suggested after they were all able to breathe again.

"Bedroom," Gray agreed, shuddering as Sting slid his hand off of them and rinsed it in the sink. "How're you doing?" The question was directed at Rogue, who was glassy-eyed and leaning heavily against the counter. Gray wrapped an arm around him and led him to the bedroom.

"Good," he murmured, leaning against Gray. "Just tired." Gray had no idea how Rogue could possibly work at the brothel for hours, then come home and want to do the same thing with him and Sting.

"Then come to bed, love," Sting replied, kissing Rogue gently and pulling them both back onto the bed. Gray ended up in the middle again, this time with his back to Rogue and his chest flush with Sting's. They kissed lazily, Gray shivering at Rogue's gentle hands on his back.

"What do you need?" Sting asked Gray after a while, running a hand down his chest. Gray shivered, feeling an overwhelming flood of emotions wash over him. It was too much. It was always too much.

"I need... I can't stop thinking about him," he whispered brokenly, nipping at Sting's jaw. "Make me forget." Sting growled in response, grabbing Gray's arms and pinning him to the bed. Gray knew that he could easily throw Sting off if he wanted to, but the feeling of being restrained was thrilling.

"I can do that," Sting murmured, pressing one more lazy kiss to Gray's lips before sliding down his body. He looked up at Rogue, gesturing to Gray's hands. "You mind holding him still?"

Half an hour and several creative positions later, Gray found himself shoved up against the wall, Sting thrusting into him from behind while Rogue knelt in front of him. He could almost imagine it was Natsu's lips around his cock, Natsu's hands stroking his stomach, Natsu's moans he was hearing. Almost. Sting dragged his teeth over Gray's back, tracing the shapes of his scars, while his fingers made new bruises on Gray's hips.

Gray pressed his forearms against the wall, biting back the loud sounds that would cause complaints from the other stacks. Sting was grunting heavily on each thrust, and it felt so fucking good, hitting him in all the right places. Rogue's mouth was so warm and wet and soft...

"Nngggggh – aah!" Gray cried out, bringing a hand down to tangle in Rogue's hair. Rogue was stroking himself in time with Sting's thrusts, other hand bracing Gray's hips. Gray shuddered, knees buckling when Sting hit the perfect spot inside of him again. He couldn't hold out anymore. "G-gon-g... aaah!" He threw his head back as he came, letting Sting dig sharp teeth into his neck as Sting rode out his own orgasm. Gray could feel Rogue groaning as he came in his hand, lips still wrapped around Gray's cock.

Sting's hands tightened across Gray's chest, holding him up as they both shook and shuddered, breathing heavily. Rogue stood slowly, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. He leaned forward and brushed Gray's bangs out of his eyes, kissing his cheek. Gray could feel Sting still inside him, Rogue's hands on him, protecting him, keeping him safe. Maybe he would be okay tonight.

Then Sting squeezed Gray's shoulder and pulled out of him, and Gray suddenly felt empty all over again. The ache was still there, waiting for him.

"Come to bed?" Rogue's voice was soft, almost pleading as he caressed Gray's cheek. Gray hesitated – he didn't always let himself stay, but today he found himself nodding.

"Gotta wash up first," he mumbled, gesturing to the scrub room. Rogue nodded, moving to the kitchen to wash his own hands as Sting collapsed onto the mattress that was shoved against the wall.

Gray stumbled into the tiny space adjacent to the bedroom. It was a square room, barely large enough for one person to turn around, with a pull-out toilet in one wall and a metal button on the other. Gray pressed it, listening to the rumbling of the makeshift pipes that ran throughout the stacks. The shower system here collected rainwater from Upper, miles above ground, and ran it down to be shared by each unit. Some units had heaters, but Rogue and Sting couldn't afford one, so the water here was cold and smelled like rust.

Stepping under the water as it began to trickle from the ceiling, Gray sighed – even cold, it felt good as it ran over the aches and bruises on his skin. He grabbed the rough bar of soap from the dish in the wall and lathered it between his hands, washing the scent of sweat and blood and sex from his body. He wished he could scrub away the weight in his chest as well.

Natsu. He knew, logically, that the young boy whose nose he'd broken wasn't really Natsu. Not his Natsu, anyway. They had made some mention of a time-skip in their world, meaning they were several years younger than him, and it showed. The other version of himself was off-putting as well – the way he used to style his hair, his face before the burn, his body before it had been beaten and scarred.

Gray shook the water from his hair, shutting off the shower and grabbing a thin towel from the rack. He dried himself off, then slipped back into the bedroom, finding his clothes neatly folded at the end of the mattress where the other two were already curled up. He slipped into his pants and shirt, then looked up to see Rogue, still awake, with his arm held out to Gray.

"Come here," Rogue whispered, grabbing Gray's wrist and tugging him down until he was curled up between the two men. Sting sighed in his sleep, snaking an arm around Gray's waist and burying his face in the back of Gray's neck.

Rogue moved closer and touched Gray's face softly, fingers drifting over his eyelids and up over his scalp. Gray let out a soft sigh, enjoying the sensation but feeling it draw the heavy pressure out from behind his eyes. Rogue didn't say anything as the tears began to fall, just combed his fingers through Gray's wet hair.

"I miss him so much," Gray whispered eventually, voice cracking as he cried. The heaviness in his chest was becoming all-consuming, choking his throat and burning his eyes. It was too much, and he felt the desperate need to make it go away with a handful of pills.

"I know, karulino," Rogue said sadly, cupping Gray's face between his hands. He kissed Gray, feeling the desperate press of lips in return. "If those two can help us, you might be able to see him again." Gray swallowed heavily, shaking his head.

"It's never going to be the same." His voice shook, his forehead pressed to Rogue's, hand on the Rogue's cheek. "Even if I see him again... I can't take back what I've done." He took a shaky breath, trying to ignore the images flashing through his head.

Fighting in the Pit for the first time and nearly the killing the man he was matched against. Taking Sin and feeling the delicious ache of the high before he crashed. Doing it again, and again, and again. The first time he slept with Sting and Rogue, feeling both full and empty as he let himself be cared for, and betrayed the trust of the man he loved. Snorting Flash in the back of the brothel to take the edge off his pain. Nearly killing Sting in a 'dorph induced rage.

"None of us can," Rogue replied as he combed his fingers through Gray's hair. "We've all done things we're not proud of. We do what we have to do."

"I'm sorry." Gray's fingers rested on the bruises that were now forming on Rogue's hips and exhaled softly. He drifted his hand up Rogue's arm, stopping at the Purge mark and tracing the messy outline of the scar. "I wish I could be better."

"Oh, Gray," Rogue murmured. He kissed Gray's forehead, then pulled him close, resting his chin on Gray's head. "It's okay. I love you."

Gray tried to relax, tried to let the solid weight of Sting's chest against his back and the perfumed scent of Rogue's chest under his cheeks lull him to sleep.

It didn't work. Four sleepless hours later, he slipped out from under Sting's arm, kissing Rogue's forehead as he stood up. Rogue blinked awake sleepily, frowning up at Gray.

"Go back to sleep," Gray murmured, running his fingers over Rogue's cheek. He reached down to the end of the bed and grabbed his jacket, tugging it on over his shirt.

"You're going to Kix." It was a statement, not a question, and Gray felt his cheeks burn. He didn't want to go, but he couldn't stop this ache, this uncomfortable feeling lying heavy in his chest. He'd never been good at dealing with his feelings. Rogue sighed, sitting up a bit. "Can I talk you out of it?"

Gray hung his head. He knew that Rogue would rather Gray take distraction and pleasure from his body than from 'pharms, but Gray wasn't stupid. He knew when Rogue wanted it, like earlier, and when he was offering to make Gray feel better. And he would never accept the latter.

"I told you I wished I could be better," he whispered, clenching his jaw. "But I can't. Just... I'm sorry, and I promise I won't bring it here, ever again, but I just... I can't keep feeling this. I'm sorry."

"Just be safe," Rogue said sadly, reaching out and clasping Gray's hand. "Don't go to Kix, go to Haxus. I know it's more creds, but he doesn't cut dirty." Gray nodded, returning the squeeze. Rogue rubbed his eyes, then tugged Gray's hand to his mouth and kissed his knuckles. "He'll forgive you. I know he will."

"I hope so," Gray murmured, turning and heading for the door. "I really hope so."

~

Rogue was right – Haxus was a bit more holdup, but he agreed to cut a deal once he realized who Gray was. He took Gray's credcard and handed him a tiny black box with six blue-and-white capsules inside. Gray had considered getting Flash instead, but he had to deal with a Resistance meeting tomorrow, and Sin didn't give him a hangover.

He popped two of the capsules into his mouth and dry-swallowed them, making a face at the unpleasant taste. The other four he tucked into the inside pocket of his jacket as he made his way down the market. He could feel his muscles slowly relaxing, the ball of tension in his chest unwinding itself as the drugs flowed through his system.

He wasn't sure how long he'd been walking – probably hours – when he felt a touch on his elbow. "Gray?" He turned slowly to see the other-Natsu and Gray in front of him, looking young and terrified. He couldn't help his eyes from roaming over other-Natsu's face – same cheekbones, same green eyes, same puzzled expression. Frak, this was going to kill him.

"Thought you were stayin' at the hideout," he mumbled, feeling the buzz of the drugs crawling up the back of his neck. Everything was soft around the edges, including the ache in his chest. That's it, he thought, fingers unconsciously fiddling with the chain around his neck. Just fade away.

Other-Gray looked at him curiously, and the sensation of looking at himself was even more unsettling under the effects of Sin. Gray generally tried to ignore the marks he carried, but the burn scar on his face and chest was hard to look at in a mirror. Seeing a version of himself that didn't carry those flaws made him... well, jealous.

"We are," other-Natsu said quietly, hands tucked in his pockets, eyes cast to the ground. "We just wanted to... um, eat. Erza gave us a credcard and said to go find food."

Gray raised an eyebrow. "...and?"

"We don't really know where to go," other-Gray admitted, stepping closer to the conversation. "Most of the food here is... really different. And everyone kinda looks like they want to kill us."

"'s cause they want your creds," Gray said, words thick and sluggish. "You look too... licit."

"Are you okay?" other-Natsu asked, frowning at him. "You seem... kinda out of it."

"Mm, fine," Gray replied, waving his hand. He sighed and rolled his shoulders forward. "Alright, find a 'mart, you can get two prepacks for 'round a hundred-fifty creds, but make sure you get 'em with chemtabs 'cause you don't have anywhere to cook them." Other-Gray was giving him a blank look, and he frowned. "What?"

"Nothing you said makes any sense," other-Natsu interjected. "What's a... chem-tab? Or a prepack? And..."

"Oh, for..." Gray grumbled, running a hand over his face. He was going to regret this later. "Just... follow me."

Twenty minute later they were sitting in the plaza with prepack meals open in their laps. Gray showed them how to activate the small tabs on the outside of the containers to start a chemical reaction to warm the food. Other-Natsu opened his pack and made a face at the contents.

"What is this?" he asked, prodding it with his chopsticks. "Looks like goo."

"Processed soy," Gray replied, leaning back against a broken piece of concrete and watching the patterns in the air that only he could see. "'s really not that bad." He couldn't remember the last time he'd eaten something that wasn't a food bar or from a prepack. Everything just tasted kind of bland and uninteresting, and usually when he was jacked out on pharms - which was often - he didn't care to eat anyway.

Gray's skin started to feel uncomfortable and warm, so he shrugged off his jacket, tucking it behind his head like a pillow. His limbs felt heavy, and everything around him sparked with a strange sort of light. Other-Natsu's hair was glowing a neon purple, and Gray watched it with fascination.

"Holy shit, did someone seriously bite you in the pit?" Other-Natsu frowned at Gray's neck, now left bare without the coat collar to hide it. Gray frowned, poking at the mark and feeling only the dull, muted pain that Sin provided.

"Mm-mn, that one was from Sting," he said easily. Sting's sharp teeth had broken the skin in a few places, but it wasn't anything serious. "Pit doesn't have rules, but nobody's bit me. You don't know if someone's dirty."

"Sting bit you while you were fighting?" Other-Natsu's face was adorable – nose wrinkled in confusion, oblivious to other-Gray's exasperated sigh. Gray felt a puff of laughter escape his lips.

"Pffft, Sting couldn't take me without his tech and he knows it," Gray scoffed. "Nah, he bit me when we were... y'know..." He made a vaguely sexual gesture and Natsu choked on his food. Gray blamed the Sin for his lack of inhibition and willingness to share this information with people who were – despite one sharing his face – complete strangers.

"Oh. You... he..." Other-Natsu's face was pink. "You're... together?"

"Mm. Sort of?" Gray replied. Why was he telling them this? It wasn't any of their business.

"In our world, Sting is with Rogue," other-Gray explained, elbowing Natsu in the ribs and giving him a sharp glare that Gray recognized immediately. The ache tried to expand again but the drugs kept it deep below the surface.

"Mm, here too," Gray said, nodding. "They've got a stack... in the Gallows. Toy place, but sometimes I crash there." He could see the confusion on other-Natsu's face and he sighed. "It's... ugh. Complicated. There's... you – here you, not you you – and me, but I can't get to you an' you think I'm dead and probl'y would hate me, and then Sting an' Rogue, they're a thing but they... they helped me. Back when it wasn't good. Less good than not good now. So, there's them, and they're good, and then sometimes me, and sometimes... us." He frowned, trying to figure out if he was making sense.

"Are you high?" other-Gray asked, leaning forward and frowning at him. Gray looked between the two of them in confusion.

"Y'know, like..." other-Natsu made a vague gesture next to his head and Gray nodded, suddenly understanding.

"Mm. Backward. Yeah." He blinked a few times, trying to avoid their gaze. It was too much like how Rogue and Sting looked at him whenever they found him passed out places after a jag. Instead he focused on the way the streetlights were sparkling, dripping down onto the ground.

"Shit, are you okay?" Other-Natsu reached over to touch Gray's knee and Gray jerked back, shaking his head.

"Nnnoooo, no, no, no. You're too... much. Like him." He rubbed his eyes, opening them to see a downcast expression on other-Natsu's face. "Drek, don' look at me like that." He sighed. "'m fine. It's just Sin."

"Sin?" Other-Gray looked concerned, but his words were turning neon blue and popping in the air. Gray reached out to try and touch one.

"Mmm. 's kinda... you see things?" He watched the two exchange a look. "An' it makes it... easier." He placed a hand on his chest, then pulled his knees up, running his fingers over the thick fabric of his pants. "Can't deal with... things. Seeing you." A halo of soft light suffused around both boys, and Gray chuckled softly. "You're both so... young. Like looking back in time."

"Fuck, I'm sorry," other-Natsu murmured, running a hand through his hair. Drek, even his gestures were the same.

"'s not your fault," Gray replied, resting his chin on his knees. "Haven't seen him in... three years."

"He misses you too," other-Gray said, stacking their empty prepack boxes and setting them aside. "It was hard for him to see me. But maybe we can get the Wall down and—"

"And what?" Gray muttered bitterly. "Think 's just gonna be like... a big reunion? Like things can be normal again?" He tried to wave away the pink bugs that were floating around him. "It can't. Can't be... normal. He deserves better now. They all do."

"Better than you?" other-Natsu asked incredulously. "He loves you."

"He loves who I used to be," Gray whispered, growling at the emotions trying to resurface. He was tempted to take another pill but didn't want the other two seeing. "I've done... things I'm not proud of."

"He wouldn't hate you for that," other-Gray said gently. "You haven't—"

"I told things." Gray's throat was tight, and he wanted to stop himself from saying these things but the Sin was making the words pour out of him in a jumble. "I told him... everyone's magic. I didn't want to, but he had... and he promised..."

"Promised what?" other-Gray asked. He had moved closer – still not touching, but close enough that he could reach out and grab Gray's hand if he wanted to.

"Said he wouldn't kill him." Gray growled, bringing his hands up to his mouth. Shut up, he though desperately. Shut up, shut up, shut up. But his mouth kept moving. "He got Lyon an' said if I told, said he w-wouldn't kill him." He heard other-Gray making a strangled noise. "An' I told an' he killed him anyways."

"Gray..." other-Natsu whispered sadly. "I'm so sorry."

"Always. Hurt always." Gray shuddered, pieces of his time in Acropolis flashing through his mind. "Dark, and hurt, and I said I wouldn't, but I did and I... betrayed them."

"You were tortured," other-Natsu argued. He was keeping his distance, but Gray could still see his pained expression. "Anyone would break under two years of torture. The fact that you're alive is a miracle."

"Not," Gray replied, brushing away the lights that were floating in front of his face. Stop it. Go away. "And here... I can't... can't be right. Fight, drink, 'pharms. The only thing that feels real. And Sting and Rogue – I wasn't supposed to. Should just be him, but they... I feel... safe."

"He's not going to blame you for finding ways to survive."

"You can't know that." Gray growled, tugging at his hair. The ground was melting away, pieces of the concrete turning to silver puddles that started to creep up his legs. Frak. This trip was getting bad.

"Yes, I can!" other-Natsu shouted, and Gray flinched away from the sound. He looked up to see those familiar eyes, staring at him intently. "I know, because he's me, at least a bit, and I would forgive you." Other-Natsu's eyes were bright with tears, and before Gray could stop himself, he reached out and touched other-Natsu's cheek. Other-Natsu brought his own hand up to cover Gray's, expression heartbroken. "I would forgive you, Gray, and so will he."

There was a tense pause before Gray realized what he was doing and snatched his hand back. Growling angrily at himself, he stumbled to his feet, tugging his jacket back on.

"Can't do this," he mumbled, waving away the lights and shuffling out of the tendrils creeping up his legs. "I gotta... be a place." They were both looking up at him with twin expressions of pity and concern. Gray ran a hand over his face, then gave them both what he hoped was a reassuring look. "All fine. Just gotta... go."

"Are you su—"

"Gis revido," Gray interrupted other-Natsu and turned around, dashing away from the conversation as quickly as he could. Everything was getting too big and too much and too loud, and he needed to take another one because he wasn't supposed to be feeling but all he could do was feel.

Gray dodged into the nearest alleyway and pulled the container from his pocket, tossing down one more pill with the water he'd bought at the 'mart. He sighed, sliding down the wall and settling himself on the ground, out of sight of people passing by. Closing his eyes, he tipped his head back against the wall and tried to forget, but other-Natsu's words kept running through his mind.

I would forgive you, Gray, and so will he.

-----

Underspeak (Esperanto) Translations
maitea = darling
karulino = sweetheart
gis revido = see you later