Three years ago, Gray was stuck behind in Acropolis after a botched rescue mission. As a Magehunter prisoner, he was branded a terrorist, and faced execution - or worse.

TW for death, torture and violence

-----

i am the sand in the bottom half of the hourglass
i try to picture me without you but i can't

.

Three Years Ago
Edolas

This wasn't how it was supposed to go.

"Be strong." Gray's hands trembled as Natsu's fingers dug into them, nails leaving marks in his palm. "I'll find you." He tried desperately not to look at the burned, peeling area on Natsu's arm.

"Gray, n-no," Natsu pleaded. Gray shook his head, feeling the tears escaping from his eyes and running down his cheeks. He took a shaky breath, trying to look reassuring. They were supposed to make it home together, but there just wasn't enough time. "Please..."

"I have to keep you safe," Gray whispered, voice breaking as he let out a sob. He was so, so scared. "You have to go now. I love you so much." Before he could change his mind, Gray tore his hand away from Natsu's and raced back in the other direction.

"Gray!" Natsu screamed, but Gray's attention was focused entirely on the enormous man ahead of him. The energy barrier had powered down, and three Magehunters were bearing on them, Joekel leading the charge. Gray threw up another ice wall in front of him, but Joekel's enormous energy sword sliced through it easily. "GRAY!"

Frak, he thought. They're not going to have enough time. Some part of him had hoped that maybe he could hold off the Magehunters long enough to get himself out as well, but it was clear now that wasn't an option. Gray squeezed his eyes shut. Natsu, I'm so sorry.

He turned back towards the group and got one last glimpse of Natsu's tear-stained, sobbing face before it disappeared behind the dome of ice that Gray summoned around them. He concentrated on making the ice as thick and impenetrable as possible, pouring all of his magic into the creation – into keeping Natsu safe. Gray's hand began to tremble, body shaking from the exertion of holding such a powerful spell.

"Arrogant fool." A hand closed around Gray's throat and he was yanked upwards, then turned to face the Magehunter captain in front of him. Joekel's face was twisted in fury, his dark eyes hard and lip curled up in a sneer. "You've doomed yourself."

"Doesn't... matter..." Gray choked out around the hand on his throat. His vision was going spotty as he scrabbled feebly at the thick, heavy fingers on his neck.

"I could choke you to death right now," Joekel snarled, squeezing harder until Gray's frantic thrashing became weaker and weaker. "But that would be too easy." He flung Gray to the ground, leering at him when something audibly cracked in his chest and he cried out in pain. "Where did they go?"

Gray struggled to push himself onto his elbows, relief flooding through him when he saw that the Magehunters had broken down his dome only to find it empty inside. He collapsed back on the ground, letting a smile creep across his features.

"You're too late..." he wheezed, waving a rude gesture at Joekel. "You'll... never find them."

"Oh, I will," Joekel said, gesturing for one of the Magehunters to drag Gray to his feet. Gray swore as whatever was broken in his chest shifted painfully. "But first, I'm going to break their spirits."

Gray panted in short, shallow breaths, arm crossed over his chest. It didn't matter. Natsu got away, Natsu was safe, and for that, Gray would gladly give his life. He felt the chill of the metal band on his finger and closed his eyes, trying to bring back the memory of this morning, in their bed—

"Look at me when I'm talking to you." A heavy fist slammed into Gray's cheek and he grunted, pain bursting across his face. "I'm going to ask you one more time, and if you cooperate, we might be able to arrange something." Gray laughed mirthlessly.

"Go frak yourself," he ground out, teeth bared. "I'd rather die than betray my family." Joekel moved closer to him, shoving his face right up in Gray's until he could smell the other man's rancid breath.

"That can be arranged," Joekel hissed, grabbing Gray's hair and yanking his head back. "But I think you'll come to find that some things are worse than death." He ran a finger almost intimately along Gray's cheek, and Gray shuddered in revulsion. "Last chance, before I hand you over to someone who likes to... experiment."

Gray spit in Joekel's face, feeling a deep sense of satisfaction when Joekel jerked backward, furiously wiping saliva from his eye. He glared at Gray, who flashed him a wicked grin.

"I don't know what you think you're smiling abou..." Joekel's voice trailed off when Gray opened his hand, letting the last bright red spellcube tumble to the floor.

"At least I'm takin' you down with me," Gray said, vision blurring as he was yanked backwards by the Magehunter behind him. The last thing he saw before he lost consciousness was Joekel's enraged face, engulfed by flames.

~

"It didn't work."

Gray blinked, groaning as he was dragged back into wakefulness. Everything hurt. His ribs were probably broken, his face was swollen from where Joekel had hit him, and everywhere else... burned. The worst of it seemed to be a thick swath from his right cheekbone down to the center of his chest – he raised his hand and winced as his fingers encountered the blistered, bubbled skin. It was then that he realized that his hands were once again cuffed in front of him.

"You nearly died and it was all for nothing." The voice was unfamiliar, and Gray turned to see who was speaking. A man in his mid-forties sat on the bench outside the cell where Gray was being held. He had close-cropped brown hair and a bland, genial face, and he wore a set of dark robes with the AntiMagic insignia embroidered on the chest.

"Who are you?" Gray growled. He forced himself to stand, crying out in pain but pushing through it until he was balanced precariously on his feet. "Where am I?"

"I am Revik," the man said, voice neutrally polite. He didn't move from his position on the bench. "I'm am the head researcher of the AntiMagic division in Acropolis." He smiled at Gray.

"...researcher?" Gray mumbled, trying to brace himself against the wall with his bound hands. The room was spinning and it took everything he had just to remain upright. Memories of their fight came back to him in pieces, culminating with... "The fire bomb..."

"It did very little damage, I'm afraid." Revik stood, peering through the energy barrier separating them as if taking an inventory of Gray's injuries. "I designed their armor. It learns from previous attacks and protects the wearer against similar kinds of magic. Using the same spell multiple times was... unwise."

Gray cursed, wobbling unsteadily and falling down onto his knees. He groaned, resisting the urge to collapse entirely. The pain blistering along the burned area on his face and chest was almost unbearable.

"You're to be executed," Revik said conversationally. Gray stiffened, heart skipping a few beats. He'd known when he'd made the decision to stay behind that this was a likely outcome, but knowing it and hearing it were two different things entirely. A chill ran through him, and he couldn't control the trembling of his limbs. "Publicly. Faust wants to send a message to your friends."

Natsu, Gray thought, stomach dropping. Natsu was going to see him die and there was nothing Gray could do about it. Then again, he wasn't sure if Natsu was alive either, although he tried not to linger on that thought for too long. The wound on Natsu's arm had moved frighteningly quick, and if they hadn't made it to a clinic - or Wendy - in time...

"It was worth it," Gray ground out between clenched teeth, slumping back against the wall. He tried to keep as still as possible to avoid aggravating anything. "If they got out, I'm happy to die for them."

"They won't be safe for long," Revik commented. He glanced down the hallway, then adjusted his robes and turned back to Gray. "We'll find them soon enough, and all of this will have been in vain."

Footsteps pounded down the corridor, and Gray tipped his head back against the wall, groaning in pain. Dying actually sounded pretty good right about now.

A pair of Magehunters appeared at the edge of the cell and nodded respectfully to Revik, who returned the gesture and then waved to Gray, then headed back down the hallway. The energy barrier lowered with a whoosh, then one of the women reached down and grabbed Gray's arm, hauling him to his feet.

Gray cried out in pain, stumbling and hitting his head on the wall of the cell. The second guard grabbed him from the other side, and they dragged him unceremoniously out of the room. Tears streamed from his eyes – the pain from his blistered flesh was getting worse and worse.

The Magehunters headed back to the main room, took a lift up several floors, then made their way down a maze of hallways. By the time they reached their destination, Gray was nearly delirious from the pain.

"Bring him in."

A set of double doors opened in front of them, and through his hazy vision Gray could see that they were on the roof. This section of the Acropolis jutted out in a plateau hundreds of feet above the ground. It had historically been used for speeches, but apparently Joekel was going to be using it for Gray's execution.

Gray's stomach turned to ice as the word floated through him, and he found himself struggling weakly against the Magehunters grip, despite his desire to die with dignity. He wasn't ready. This wasn't how it was supposed to end.

"Drop him."

The guards shoved Gray down to his knees, and he gasped in pain, trying in vain to keep tears from streaming down his cheeks. His chest ached – a deep, terrified sadness that strangled him and made it hard to breathe. Cool metal brushed his burned cheek and he jumped.

"Last chance. Tell me where they are and we'll end this."

"Frak you," Gray snarled, spitting on the ground. He could see Joekel's face out of the corner of his eye, and was pleased to see that his magic armor hadn't protected him from everything. Joekel had a white scar running across his throat – clearly magically healed, but at least he'd felt the pain of the flames. "You'll never win. You're..."

The gun moved to the back of Gray's head and for a split second, he considered begging, thought of betraying his friends and telling Joekel everything because gods, he did not want to die. But he focused on the memory of Natsu's face, the way he'd kissed Natsu that morning, the way that—

And then he didn't have to think of any more reasons, because Joekel's finger squeezed the trigger and pain erupted in Gray's skull for just a second, and all he could think was I'm so sorry Natsu, I love you, I love you, I love you, and then he was dead.

~

Or... maybe not.

To be fair, Gray had never been dead before, so he had nothing to compare this to, but he was pretty certain that he was, in fact, alive. The intense pain blistering through his body supported this theory.

"You're not dead," a voice said, confirming his suspicions. Revik's face swam into view, cold and calculating. Gray blinked a few times, trying to clear his vision, but even the minute movement aggravated the burn on his face. He groaned, dropping his head forward. "However, as far as everyone is concerned, you were executed two days ago as a terrorist and a traitor to Imperium."

Natsu, Gray thought desperately. Natsu thinks I'm dead.

"Clearly they're wrong," Gray grunted, trying to lift his head again. Now that he could feel his body, he could tell that he was suspended on the wall, thick metal bands around his wrists, ankles and waist. He tugged against them experimentally but gave up almost immediately.

"Nobody knows that, though," Revik said, voice almost bored. He picked up a wicked-looking tool from the table beside him, twirling it idly in his hands. "Technically, you're no longer a person. Which means that nobody will care what I do to you – in the name of science, of course."

Gray panted shakily, feeling the sharp sting of his broken ribs with each breath. His wrists ached, the AntiMagic cuffs burning into his skin, and the back of his head throbbed.

"H-how..."

"A strong stunbolt," Revik replied, setting down the metal instrument and moving over to a vidscreen. He pulled up a list of numbers and started typing. "It's an invention I'm particularly proud of. It was strong enough to stop your heart temporarily, but a secondary charge later brought you back. Long enough for the holos to show your death, not long enough to cause permanent brain damage."

Frak, Gray thought, swallowing heavily. They won't come for me if they think I'm dead. That was his plan all along, wasn't it?

"What do you want with me?" Gray growled, groaning in pain as the skin on his cheek and neck tightened.

"My inventions can only come from experimentation," Revik replied, closing down the spreadsheet and opening a new screen. Gray could see that it was a scan of his body, injured areas highlighted in red, detailed descriptions of his magic added in blue. "How can I know the most effective ways to kill your friends unless I see what you're capable of withstanding?"

Gray felt his breath catch in his throat, and he instinctively tried to back away, hands scrabbling at the wall behind him. This was bad. This was very, very bad because nobody knew he was alive and nobody was coming for him, and he was about to be tortured and he was terrified. He almost begged. The word please tried to push its way through his lips, but he thought of the guild and how hard they were fighting, and bit himself until he bled instead.

"Would you like to see what you look like?" Revik asked conversationally. "Even if they knew you were alive and could rescue you, they wouldn't want you back."

Gray's stomach twisted as he tried to slow his increasingly panicked breaths. He wanted to be calm, and brave, and graceful. Instead, he was gasping quietly, tears on his cheeks and blood running down his chin.

Revik held a mirror in front of Gray and for a moment, Gray kept his eyes squeezed shut. Eventually, curiosity overtook him, and he opened them. He immediately regretted it.

The burn on his face was horrible - red and blistered and peeling at the edges. It started just below his eye, dipping down close to the edge of his lips and then spreading across his jaw and down his neck to the center of his chest. The edge of his guild mark was peeled away, skin turned black and flaky.

"I could fix it, you know," Revik said, whipping the mirror away and setting it on the table. "It would still scar, but not as badly." Gray's mind jumped to the white band of damaged flesh on Joekel's neck. "I won't, though. It will heal naturally and be a reminder of your failure. Every time you look at yourself, you'll hate what you've become."

"P-please," Gray whispered finally, unable to stop himself. He looked like a monster. "I can't..."

"Oh, but you will," Revik insisted, leaning against the table and crossing his arms. "You'll learn to live with it, with the revulsion and the horror and the hatred. Because I'm not going to kill you. I'm going to keep you alive down here for a very, very long time. You're never going to see the sun again."

Gray sobbed, dropping his head down to his chest as he felt his throat tighten. His head spun, vision darkening at the edges again as the pain overtook him.

"I'll be back," Revik said, reaching behind him and opening the door to the room. "I'm looking forward to our time together."

Then the door closed and the lights went out, and Gray was left alone in the dark.

~

Revik left Gray hanging on the wall without food or water for two days. When Revik finally sauntered in and pressed the button to release the bands holding him, Gray collapsed face-first on the floor and didn't move.

"Get up." Revik's voice still carried that cool, disinterested tone, but Gray could hear the underlying threat. "You're going to eat something, and then we're cleaning you up."

Gray pushed himself slowly to his hands and knees, arms shaking, but fell back to the floor again, crying out in pain.

"I... c-can't," he mumbled deliriously, squeezing his eyes shut against the bright light. Revik gave a snort of disgust, then grabbed Gray by his arm and dragged him out of the room. For such a slim man, he was surprisingly strong.

"Eat." Revik placed a bowl of something unappetizing in front of Gray, and he blinked at it for a moment, frowning. "Do I need to feed you like a child?"

Gray's face was shoved downward until it was next to the bowl, and he made a weak sound of protest, then pulled the bowl towards himself and shoved some of the substance in his mouth with his hand. It was thick and sticky and bland, but once he started eating it, he couldn't stop. A part of his brain was mortified, knowing that Revik was watching him shovel food into his mouth like an animal, but another part of him was so hungry he didn't care.

Gray threw up moments later, curled up on the floor and retching as his stomach rejected the food after so long without it. Tears streaked his face and he trembled, pushing himself against the wall.

"Tsk." Revik motioned for someone else to come clean up the mess - all Gray could see was their feet from his position on the floor. "I had hoped that breaking you would be entertaining, but it looks like it was easier than I anticipated."

Gray was given another bowl of food, and his time he ate sparingly, despite his stomach begging him for more. His head was slowly clearing, and he didn't argue when Revik placed a bottle of water in front of him. Gray hoped it was poisoned.

"Clean him and bring him back to the lab," Revik ordered, and Gray didn't resist when two sets of hands grabbed his arms and dragged him into another room. They stripped him of his clothing, then threw him under a blast of hot water that seared the burn on his neck until he almost passed out. When the water turned off, a pile of clean clothing was thrown at him, and he struggled feebly to pull it on.

"Now," Revik said as soon as Gray was returned to the lab. This time he was restrained in a chair while Revik leaned against the table in front of him. "You're an ice mage, obviously. The barricade you created around your teammates was impressive. We're going to start small, though."

"Frak y-you," Gray whispered. Even with the food and water, he still felt too weak to even hold up his head, and it lolled against his chest. "I'll... n-never help... you." Maybe if he refused, Revik would get tired and kill him quicker.

"I was hoping you'd say that." Revik grinned, and the look was deeply unsettling. "Joekel gave me permission to do whatever it takes to get you to cooperate. Which means I get to play with my toys."

Revik picked up a long, wickedly sharp-looking knife from the table and spun it in his hands, then gave Gray a look of amusement that made Gray want to throw up again. Revik's voice was almost delighted as he brought the knife next to Gray's skin.

"Have you ever heard of flaying?"

~

Erza was terrified.

"There's been an issue with a prisoner in the Purging room," she said. She could feel sweat trickling down her face, and she was happy for the mask that concealed her identity. It modulated her voice, making it sound just like all the other Magehunters. "Your expertise is needed."

"What's your identification code?" The guard at the desk sounded slightly suspicious. Erza swallowed heavily. This was where they found out if all their research and surveillance paid off.

"Tango-three-seven-Whiskey-eight-nine-seven-seven-Bravo," she replied. The guard swiped his hand over the datapad in front of him, tapping in the numbers. For a moment he said nothing, and Erza though she might pass out from the stress. After a moment he nodded, then stood, gesturing for Erza to take his place.

"Prisoner is in cell 4B," he said as he headed for the door. "Shouldn't be a problem for you, though. He's pretty quiet." Erza nodded, holding her breath until the door closed behind her.

Quiet? She thought as she locked the main door, then drew her weapon and began to make her way down the hall. That doesn't sound like Gray. The corridor was pitch black, and she pulled a small lamp from her pocket, shaking it to make it glow.

"Gray?" she whispered as she neared 4B. There was no movement or sound coming from the cell, and she slowed down, pressing herself to the wall and peering around the corner. "Gray, can you hear me?"

There was still no response, so Erza moved directly up to the cell, eyeing the panel that held the energy field in place. She pulled the front of the panel down, typing in several lines of code and exhaling as the barrier powered down.

Erza stepped into the cell slowly, holding the light in front of her, and gasped in surprise when she realized that Gray was sitting in the far corner, knees up in front of his chest.

"You're early," he said, voice flat and disinterested, not raising his head from where it was resting on his arms.

"Gray, it's me, Erza. We have to hurry."

Gray reacted to that, lifting his eyes to meet Erza's and staring at her suspiciously. She swallowed, trying not to visibly react to his physical appearance. He was so much thinner than before, and his head had been shaved, showing off several scars that had been hidden under his hair. His eyes were blank and emotionless.

"That's new." Gray sighed, pushing himself to his feet and wincing. He stumbled, but caught himself against the wall. A bandage covered his left arm, and spots of blood had seeped through it. Erza shuddered when she realized he was missing his pinkie fingers. "How'd you get me to take them? I didn't eat yesterday."

"Take... what?" Erza frowned in confusion, pistol shaking in her hand. She glanced back down the hallway, heart racing in fear at the thought of the guard coming back. "Look, we don't have time, we have to go. They'll only be distracted for so long."

Erza reached out to grab Gray's arm and he recoiled from her, pressing himself against the wall. Erza's heart ached, but they had to leave, now. She hesitated for a second, then turned the pistol around and offered it to Gray.

"Take it. I'm not here to hurt you, I'm here to rescue you, but if you don't cooperate with me, we won't be able to get out."

At the words cooperate with me, Gray's expression immediately relaxed and he reached out, taking the gun from her and holding it loosely in his hand. It made Erza uneasy, but she would have to worry about it later.

"Follow me." Gray obeyed instantly, stepping out of the cell and following her down the hallway, away from the door. They reached the end of the hall and she disarmed the energy barrier, then stepped inside and pulled a metal cylinder out of her pocket. She drew a hasty circle on the wall, then gestured for Gray to stand back while the corrosive liquid ate through the metal and she was able to kick her way through to the other side.

"This is..." Gray's voice was soft, and the blank expression on his face was slowly being replaced by a confused one. "Feels different. Too real. What did you do to me?" He brought his hands to his face and growled, shaking his head back and forth.

He thinks I'm a hallucination. The realization hit Erza and she felt sick, looking at Gray's bewildered face. Revik's drugged him before. Shit.

"Gray, this is real." Erza stepped closer to him, trying to get him to meet her eyes. "It's me, Erza. We've been friends since we were two." She racked her brain hastily for things only she would know about him. "You hate oranges enough that you've pretended to be allergic to them your entire life." He blinked at her, frowning apprehensively, and she exhaled sharply. "You're in love with Natsu. You were going to get married."

Gray's expression suddenly shifted, eyes widening and mouth going slack. His right hand trailed over to his left, brushing over his naked ring finger. "Natsu," he whispered.

"I have your ring," Erza reassured him, patting her pocket. She'd managed to get into his effects – which consisted only of the ring and a set of ruined clothing – before she'd come to his cell. "Please, we have to leave now," she begged, reaching out her hand to Gray. "This is our only chance to get out."

"Leave?" Gray swallowed, looking past Erza to the hole in the wall. "But... Revik..."

"Is otherwise occupied," Erza insisted, beckoning for Gray to follow her. "I don't know how long he'll be busy for. We have to go, there's a ship outside."

"Ship," Gray repeated numbly, stepping through the hole and trailing after Erza down a short hallway with several doors. Erza used her stolen passcard to open one of them, tapping her helmet to re-solidify the holographic mask.

"This way," she urged, voice deepened by the mask. She could feel Gray behind her as they made their way through a few more corridors. "We're almost there."

One last turn let them to an ordinary-looking utility hatch, just across the hallway. As soon as Erza stepped out, blaster fire hit the wall next to her.

Erza cursed, stepping back and attempting to peer around the corner to see who was shooting at them. Before she could stop him, Gray stepped out into the hallway and fired once in each direction – two shots in quick succession. Another bolt came flying down the hall and hit his shoulder, but he didn't react, just fired once more. The blasting stopped, and he turned back to Erza.

"They're dead now. You hurt?"

"Fine," she murmured, standing and staring at his shoulder. "You got hit, what the hell were you thinking?" He followed her across the hallway and to the hatch.

"I've had worse," Gray replied simply, glancing down at the wound as if it were a paper cut and not dampening the front of his shirt with blood. Erza tried to pull his shirt aside to take a look at it, but he growled at her and backed away. She sighed, turning to the hatch and dragging the handle around to open it.

"Hold tight," she warned as a sharp wind whipped into the corridor. This was a maintenance hatch, used by workers to transport materials for repairs. It led directly outside to a five-by-five platform, and from there it was an eighty-foot drop into the ocean below. Right now, it was storming, and the waves crashed thunderously up against the base of the building before returning to the sea.

"I know it's high," Erza shouted over the pounding surf as they stepped out onto the platform. "But I need you to trust me, we have to j—"

Gray glanced down at the crashing waves impassively, then leaped over the edge before Erza could finish her sentence. She swore, taking a deep breath and diving in after him.

The water was freezing, and Erza gasped for breath as she surfaced, immediately taking a wave to the back of her head. She spit out the salty water, looking around worriedly for Gray. Luckily, he'd ended up not far from her, and was swimming over.

"What the hell," she shouted as he got closer, kicking her legs and treading water as they rode out the waves. Gray appeared fine, expression still detached, wiping salt water from his eyes. Erza sighed. "All right, we have to swim a bit before we can get picked up." She tugged the Magehunter helmet and armor off, struggling to keep her head above water, and ended up in a thin bodysuit.

"Let's go!" she shouted, pointing away from the Acropolis, then flipping onto her stomach and beginning to swim.

By the time the lights of the ship finally shone down over them and a ladder was extended, she'd had to slow down significantly for Gray, who was starting to show signs of fatigue and hypothermia. She half-carried him up into the ship, where he collapsed on the floor, shivering and gasping for air.

"Go, Tanner!" Erza yelled at the young pilot as she rolled over, hitting the button to close the hatch. Gray pulled himself into a sitting position against the wall, shivering and dragging his knees to his chest. Erza grabbed a towel from the locker next to her, then threw a second one at Gray. "Dry off. I'll be right back."

The craft shuddered as it rose into the air, the young man at the helm flipping several switches before directing them toward the mainland. Erza placed her palm against a panel in the center of the console and the ship made a humming noise, disappearing from sight as the invisibility lacrima engaged.

"Is he okay?" Tanner asked, looking back at Gray. Gray was still sitting on the floor, staring blankly ahead, eyes fixed on a spot on the floor. The towel hung limply in his hands. Erza sighed, moving back toward him.

"Gray, do you know who I am?" she asked. He flicked his eyes up to her, face emotionless.

"Erza?" He sounded uncertain, and when she nodded, he shook his head. "You're not real."

"Gray," she whispered, reaching out for his hand. He flinched away from her and her heart broke a bit. "I am real," she insisted. She reached into her pocket and pulled out Gray's ring, setting it down on the floor between them. He eyed it suspiciously, then snatched it up and backed away from her again.

"How long?" His voice was hard, and she swallowed, not wanting to answer the question. "How. Long?"

"A little less than two years," she whispered, feeling her stomach drop. "Gray, I'm so sorry. We thought you were dead, and then they put up the Wall so I couldn't contact the guild." He didn't respond. "By the time I found out you were alive, and then made a plan to get you out..."

"If this is real, you shouldn't have bothered," he whispered, then turned away from her and leaned against the wall, closing his eyes. "I'm a monster and a traitor to the guild. You should have let me die."