AUTHOR'S NOTE: This short story was written for a fiction writing class I took years ago. It's very intense because the protagonist and her friends are all thirteen years old, and at that age, everything is intense. It may seem overdramatic at points, but that's how thirteen-year-olds view the world. It's written in the present tense because they live in the moment, and sometimes they feel like this moment is all there is.

When I wrote it, some people argued that the kids should have been older, but here's the truth: Thirteen-year-olds are trying to figure out who they are. A lot of young queer kids are just starting to realize they're different at that age. I wanted to tell a short coming of age story that explored how hard it is to be different than your peers, especially when the world hasn't accepted the gay community either.

In 2002, when the story is set, the Media was just starting to explore portraying lesbian, gay, or bisexual characters, and it was still considered to be kind of edgy and taboo. (Transgender people were generally not represented or accepted at all.) Coming out in that world was even scarier than it is now, and that's why I wrote this story.

Comments and votes are always appreciated. Thank you for reading!

SIN
New York City, 2002...

It's the first sunny day in a week, and the temperature is higher than it has been in months. Spring has arrived, and the students of Parker Middle School are not looking forward to going inside this morning. For once in our lives, Lucy and I are no exception to the general population of the school.

Lucy and I have never really fit in with the other girls at school. We don't want to be cheerleaders. We don't wear make-up. We don't pay attention to the latest fashion trends. We prefer reading The New York Times to reading Seventeen Magazine. Lucy and I also have no interest in boys. Well, actually, Lucy's pretty interested in them, but I don't see what the big deal is.

Lucy's my best (and only) friend. She's really thin, hasn't gotten a figure yet, and she wears glasses with thick lenses. Her long black hair is always worn in two braids, one on each side of her head, making her look even younger than her thirteen years. Lucy may be interested in boys, but they're not very interested in her. I think she's better off.

At the exact moment that I look up this morning, someone I don't recognize enters the schoolyard. The girl has strawberry blonde hair that barely reaches the bottom of her ears. She's grinning from ear to ear and her blue eyes are shining. Something about her reminds me of a pixie. She sits down by herself in the corner of the schoolyard opposite where Lucy and I are sitting.

"Who's she?" I ask Lucy, pointing to the pixie-girl.

"Who, the girl with the short hair?" Lucy asks. I nod. "I have no idea. She must be new."

"She's, like, really amazing."

"How do you know that if you don't even know her name yet?" Lucy asks with a laugh.

"I don't know; I just do. I really want to talk to her."

"What, do you have a crush on her or something?" Lucy asks with a laugh.

I'm totally caught off-guard by Lucy's question. "No way, that's crazy. How can you even ask me a thing like that?" I reply. It seems like such a ridiculous suggestion.

"Well, the way you were just talking about her, that's what it sounded like, is all," Lucy replies with a shrug.

"It's not like that, Lucy. I just think she's cool-looking, and I get a good feeling from her."

"Right." Lucy rolls her eyes.

I suddenly feel a desperate need to change the subject. "Whatever," I say awkwardly. "So, did you do the reading for English?"

"Of course I did. You know my parents would kill me if I didn't get straight A's," Lucy says.

"I didn't read it. I fell asleep on the book. My mom would flip if she knew. I mean, English is her subject."

"Yeah, and she's probably a way better teacher than Miss Christian. I really hate her!"

I shrug. "Miss C's not so bad, Lucy."

The bell rings. Lucy jumps up and gathers her books. "We'd better go inside."

"But it's such a nice day," I protest.

"The days in summer are nicer. You don't want to be stuck in school then, right?"

She has an excellent point. "Fine," I say with a sigh. "Let's go."

                                ~~~*~~~

I'm in science class and, as usual, I'm not paying attention. I don't bother to look up when I hear Mr. Goodman, my teacher, talking. "Hello, Janie," Mr. Goodman says. "I'm Mr. Goodman. It's nice to meet you. Why don't you have a seat next to Piper? Piper, would you raise your hand?"

Startled at hearing my name, I look up suddenly and realize that the pixie-girl is looking at me. I raise my hand.

The pixie-girl sits down beside me. "Hi," she says with a friendly smile that makes her eyes light up.

"Hi," I manage. I hope I'm not turning colors. That one word has left me thinking that Janie has the most amazing voice I've ever heard.

"So, your name's Piper?" Janie asks. I nod. "That's an awesome name. I'm totally going to name my kids cool names like that. Janie's so dull." She smiles at me again, and I feel my usual shyness fading away.

"Where are you from?" I ask.

"Utah. It totally sucks there. I'm so glad my family moved here."

"It sucks here, too," I reply.

"I don't think it can possibly be as dull as Utah. I mean, this is New York City!" She says this with a childish glee in her eyes, and once
again, I find myself thinking about how amazing Janie seems to be.

I can't get her out of my mind, and after science class ends, I rush into Miss Christian's English class and tap Lucy on the shoulder.

"Janie," I say.

"What?" Lucy asks in complete confusion.

"The new girl's name is Janie, and she really is amazing. The teacher put her next to me in science."

"Oh. That's nice," Lucy says in a bored tone.

"She's from Utah. Her family just moved here." I know she doesn't really care, but for some reason, I can't seem to stop rambling about Janie.

"She's probably one of those Mormons," Lucy says.

I have no idea what a Mormon is, but I don't want to admit it and sound stupid, so I ask, "What makes you say that?"

"Almost everyone in Utah is a Mormon," Lucy replies in a tone that suggests she knows everything about everything. I don't question it. Lucy's usually right.

"Is that bad?" I ask.

Lucy shrugs. "I don't know. I've never met one before. They're supposed to be really preachy though, and the men have, like, ten wives."

"She's not preachy. And is it legal to have that many wives?" I ask in confusion.

"Nope, but they do it anyway. Mormons don't care about laws, they just marry however many people they want."

"That's just a stereotype," Janie says, surprising us both. Neither one of us noticed her enter the classroom.

"Janie! Gosh, that must have sounded awful. We're not, like, closed- minded or anything," I say quickly. I can feel my skin turning bright red.

"Don't worry, Piper. I'm not offended," Janie promises. "A lot of people think that Mormons are like that. Heck, some of us even are. The thing is, a lot of us aren't, and people need to realize that."

"So you are a Mormon, then?"

"Yeah, I guess. I mean, my family's super religious, but I'm sort of trying to figure out for myself what I believe in."

"That's cool," I reply honestly.

"And I promise, my parents are happily married to each other and no one else," Janie adds with a smirk.

"So, Piper, are you gonna introduce me, or do I have to do it myself?" Lucy asks suddenly. I've almost forgotten that she's standing next to me.

"Oh! Sorry... Lucy, this is Janie. Janie, this is Lucy, my best friend since forever," I say.

"Nice to meet you, Lucy," Janie replies warmly.

"Nice to meet you, too," Lucy replies politely.

Miss Christian walks into the classroom. She sits down at her desk, and the class quiets down immediately. Miss Christian doesn't take any nonsense in her classroom.

"Hi," Janie says, walking over to the teacher's desk. "I'm new." She hands her the registration information she's holding.

Miss Christian examines Janie briefly before saying, "Welcome, Miss Davis. Take whatever seat is available. I'll give you a list of what we've covered so far so that you can catch up."

Janie immediately sits down next to me. It feels like butterflies are tap dancing in my stomach. I wonder why she has such a strong affect on me. I don't understand it, but I kind of like it.

~~~*~~~

It's been three weeks since Janie's come to the school. Lucy and I are spending a ton of time with her. Janie and I are getting pretty close, which has been great. Lucy's amazing, but it's nice to finally have another friend, too.

Today, Janie invited Lucy and I over to her house for dinner. I'm really nervous, but I'm trying to hide it.

"Hello," Mrs. Davis, Janie's mother, greets us warmly. She has a grin on her face that doesn't leave, but there's something kind of fake about it. "You must be Janie's friends. Which one of you is Piper?"

I shyly reply, "I am."

"Janie's always going on about you, dear. I'm so glad that she found such a good friend so soon." Mrs. Davis pauses for a second before adding, "And she goes on about you as well, Lucy dear, of course. She adores you both."

A girl who looks like a younger version of Janie enters the room. "Hi," she says. "I'm Mary, Janie's sister."

"Hi," I reply politely.

"Hey," Lucy adds. We are women of many words.

"Mary, be a dear and let Janie know that her guests are here," Mrs. Davis says.

"Yes, Mom," Mary says, hurrying out of the room.

"Isn't she a little darling? She's ten years old already, and I can hardly believe it. Of course, Andrew's sixteen, and I still picture him as being a little boy. Andrew is Janie's older brother."

"It must be nice having siblings. I'm an only child," I say.

"Oh, how terribly sad," Mrs. Davis says. "Big families are such a joy. What about you, Lucy? Do you have any brothers or sisters?"

"I have an older sister," Lucy replies with a shrug. Lucy once told me that small talk bores her. I think she's just trying to sound mature or something.

"Hey guys," Janie says, entering the room. I can feel the butterflies tap dancing in my stomach again when I see her. I barely even notice that anyone else is in the room until she says, "This is my brother, Andrew, and you've already met Mary."

"Hi," Lucy says, because I have gone silent. Sometimes, when I see Janie and the butterflies start to tap dance, I forget how to speak for a couple of seconds. I've never met anyone who had that affect on me before.

When Janie's father comes home, dinner is served. "This is delicious," I say.

"It's salmon," Mrs. Davis replies proudly. "I used a family recipe to make it."

"Elizabeth is an excellent cook," Mr. Davis says affectionately.

"Oh, Adam, you're going to make me blush," Mrs. Davis replies with a laugh.

By the end of the evening, everyone is in a good mood. I've gotten comfortable enough to start making jokes, and everyone's been laughing. Things are going well, and Janie's family really seems to like Lucy and I.

"Janie, dear, I'm so glad that you found such nice girls to be your friends," Mrs. Davis says. "I was so worried, with this being New York and all, that you'd only find bad influences."

"Yeah, Janie, they're really nice," Mary chips in. "Especially Piper. She's really funny."

I feel myself blushing. "Piper's pretty awesome," Janie says with her usual grin growing larger. I know my skin must be bright red. Even my ears feel like they're on fire. After a pause, Janie adds, "And Lucy's cool, too."

Lucy mumbles something under her breath that I don't quite catch.

"Just make sure that you continue to hang around with the good crowd, Janie," Andrew warns. "I don't want my sister going down a sinful path." Even though he smiles as he says this, his eyes are cold. I don't like Andrew. He gives me the creeps.

"You girls will have to come over again sometime soon," Mrs. Davis says, ignoring Andrew's comment.

"Definitely," Janie agrees.

I am so happy. I don't know why, but the butterflies are tap dancing again.

~~~*~~~

One week after meeting Janie's family, I'm sitting in a stairwell in the school sobbing. I just found out bad news, and I've gone there to be alone, but to my surprise, Janie walks into the stairwell, and when she sees me, she hurries to my side.

"Piper, what's the matter?" Janie asks, sitting beside me. The butterflies are tap dancing less actively today, but they're still there.

"My aunt was in a car accident last night," I say. "She was killed instantly." I hear myself saying the words, but I don't feel them. It hasn't really hit me yet.

"Oh my God, I'm really sorry to hear that. Are you okay?"

"Not really." My voice breaks. I don't want her to see me lose it, but for some reason, I can't lie to Janie. "I mean, we were really close. I'm going to miss her so much."

Janie puts her arms around me. I feel so safe in her arms that I allow myself to cry into Janie's shoulder. The butterflies begin tap dancing more intensely.

"I know it's hard," Janie says. "I was really close to one of my cousins, and when she died, I totally lost it."

I sit up and look into Janie's eyes. "It hurts," I whisper.

"I know, Piper... I'm here for you, okay?"

Still looking into her eyes, I believe her. Janie understands me like no one else ever has. Suddenly, Janie leans over and kisses me. I blink, totally caught off-guard by this.

Janie pulls away. "I'm sorry," she says quickly. "I don't know why I did that. It was stupid."

Janie's lips felt so soft against mine. The butterflies have gone insane. I can't let her think that this was a mistake. Somehow, I find my voice. "No," I say. "No, it wasn't stupid. It was nice..."

"Seriously?" Janie asks hopefully. "Do you mean that?"

"I mean it," I confirm. I pause, confused about what has just happened. "Janie, what does this mean?"

"I don't know," she admits. "Let's not label it right now, Piper. Let's just see what happens."

"Okay," I whisper, resting my head on Janie's shoulder. Nothing has ever felt as right to me as this does.

~~~*~~~

Janie and I have been "seeing what will happen" for three weeks now. It's been incredible. She's the most amazing person I have ever met, and although I'm still pretty depressed about my aunt, Janie is always able to make me smile. We have started to spend all of our time together.

Today, I told Lucy that I was going home to study, but I'm actually at Janie's house. We're sitting on her bed and kissing, and the butterflies are tap dancing faster than they ever have before.

I never really understood what was so great about kissing before I kissed Janie. Now I get it. It's like, bliss. Maybe it's even Bliss, with a capital B. Actually, now that I think about it, it's more like BLISS, written with all of the letters in caps. BLISS is the only word that even comes close to describing it.

I'm totally caught off guard when Mary opens the bedroom door without knocking and gasps. Janie and I quickly break away from each other.

"Mary!" Janie exclaims. I can see that she's trying to think of an explanation for what we have just been caught doing. "It's not what it looks like. See, Piper's in this play at school, and I was just helping her rehearse a scene," she says, speaking rapidly. I've never seen Janie panic before.

"I'm not stupid, Janie," Mary says. "I know what you were doing." She pauses, and then asks, "Are you guys, like, lesbians or something?"

"No!" Janie says quickly. "I mean, of course not."

"It's okay," Mary says in a soothing tone. "I like Piper. I think you two would be cute together. Mom and Dad would freak out, though, and so would Andrew."

"Mary, we're not lesbians."

"Then what are you?"

I study Mary for a moment. Thoughtfully, I say, "We're just... Two people who are in love."

"That's so sweet," Mary says. I am relieved, but Janie doesn't seem to have heard her, because she's still panicking.

"Mary, please, please don't tell anyone about this," Janie begs. "Mom and Dad would send me back to Utah to live with Grandma and Grandpa."

"I won't tell. I told you, I think it's sweet."

"So, you're not grossed out?"

"You're in love. That's not gross, even if it is with another girl. I have this friend at school, Natalie, and she's got two dads. They're more in love than half of the parents who are straight. I think love is what matters, not whether or not the people are straight."

Janie sighs with relief. "Thank you, Mary. When did you get so smart?"

"I've always been smart, but no one's bothered to notice," Mary replies. She grins, and so does Janie, which makes me grin, too. "Oh, and don't let me interrupt." She leaves the bedroom giggling.

~~~*~~~

Every afternoon this week, I've gone over to Janie's house. Mary makes sure that no one walks in on us, and we're really grateful for her help.

I'm in the girls' bathroom at school, and Lucy corners me. "You spend all of your time with Janie these days. It's like I don't even exist anymore! I thought we were supposed to be best friends, Piper," she says.

I know I haven't been spending as much time as usual with Lucy, but I don't know how to explain it to her. "Lucy, you are my best friend. It's just... It's different with Janie," I say.

"Different how?"

I consider the situation carefully before saying, "If I tell you something, do you absolutely swear not to tell anyone else?"

"Of course."

"Janie and I are in love."

"You're what?" She's looking at me as if I have two heads.

I start to speak rapidly, so that she can't cut me off. "I don't know how it happened, but we fell in love. I've been going over to her house every day after school because we're dating each other. The thing is, no one's supposed to know, because her parents would really freak out, and they'd send her away."

"You should have told me sooner! I'm your best friend, damnit! I had a right to know!" Lucy looks really hurt, and I feel kind of bad.

At the same time, I'm relieved that this is her reaction. For a minute, I was worried that she would think it was gross that I was in love with another girl, and that she'd stop talking to me or something.

"Lucy, I'm sorry! But I told you now, right?" I ask.

"Yeah, and it's about time." Lucy pauses. Calmer, she asks, "So, what's it like? Being in love, I mean?"

I grin. "It's amazing, Lucy. Every time I see her, the butterflies start to tap dance in my stomach. She makes me so happy. When she kisses me, it's like the whole world stops, and everything's just so completely perfect."p

"Ew, you actually kissed her?" Jennifer Reese demands, stepping out of one of the stalls.

"Oh crap," I say under my breath.

"That is so nasty!" She hurries out of the bathroom.

"Oh my God... It's going to be all over the school by next period," I say with a sigh.

"Piper, it'll be okay," Lucy says soothingly. "I'm sure she won't tell anyone."

"Lucy, this is Jennifer Reese. She's, like, the most popular girl in our class. You know she lives for gossip. Oh God, what am I gonna do?" I'm completely panicking now.

"It'll be okay," Lucy says again. "I'm sure of it." With one arm around my shoulders, Lucy guides me out of the bathroom.

~~~*~~~

It's the end of the day, and it seems that everyone knows what's going on. Whenever I walk by, students say things under their breath and stare at me.

I tell Janie what's happened. "I don't care," Janie says stubbornly. "I love you, Piper, and I don't care what they think. You mean more to me than some stupid middle school gossip. They'll get over it." I'm relieved that she feels this way, but I'm still really worried.

"What if someone tells your parents?" I ask.

"That won't happen. They're not smart enough to think of doing something like that," Janie replies. I don't think she's as confident as she's pretending to be, but I choose to believe her anyway.

"Don't worry, Piper," Lucy says, joining us. "No matter what happens, I'll stand by you."

"Thanks, Lucy, but now isn't the time to talk," I say dismissively. My universe is falling apart and all I want to do is hide under my covers and pretend this isn't happening.

"I just want to go home," I say.

"I'll walk you," Janie offers. I gratefully accept. Lucy follows behind us as we walk to my house.

~~~*~~~

"Hey, dykes!" Brittany Lewis, Jennifer Reese's faithful sidekick, calls as Janie and I enter the schoolyard the next morning. As usual, Lucy is behind us.

"Carpet munchers!" Kaitlyn Amos adds.

"Freaking queers!" Chris Kent, Jennifer Reese's boyfriend, shouts.

"Fags!" Ricky Zachary chips in.

"God, people like that are so nasty," Jennifer Reese says loudly.

All of the popular kids have crowded around to taunt us. The only one who's not saying anything is Hannah Vincent. She's watching everything with this detached expression on her face, like she's watching a movie or something.

Janie slips her hand into mine and we continued walking, trying to pretend we don't hear the popular kids. "Ignore them, Piper," Janie says. "They're just being stupid."

"Hey girls, can I watch?" Ricky calls after us.

"Screw you, Ricky!" Lucy shouts. "Leave them alone."

"Oh, look, Lucy's sticking up for the dykes. I guess she must be a dyke, too!" Brittany says.

"Lucy's a carpet muncher, too? Oh no, they're, like, spreading!" Kaitlyn says.

"Stay away from my girlfriend, dykes!" Chris says. I think I've started to turn red.

"People like them shouldn't be allowed to act like that in public," Jennifer says. "It's so completely disgusting!"

"Shut the hell up, Jennifer!" Lucy screams, running toward Jennifer and punching her perfect, popular little face before anyone has time to react.

Normally, I'd be thrilled to see Jennifer Reese get punched in the face, but today, I'm just annoyed with Lucy for getting involved. She's only going to make this worse for Janie and I.

"Bitch!" Jennifer shouts, pulling one of Lucy's braids so hard that Lucy cries out in pain.

"Stop it!" Hannah Vincent shouts, finally finding her voice. "Jen, stop it. She's, like, half your size. You could seriously hurt her."

"She deserves it!" Jennifer protests.

Hannah grabs Jennifer's left arm and pulls her off of Lucy. Lucy runs toward Janie and I.

"Lucy, you shouldn't have done that," I say. "You could have gotten hurt."

"I was just trying to defend you guys," Lucy replies.

"Yeah, well, don't do it again. We have enough to worry about without worrying that you're going to get yourself killed. Just ignore them," Janie says. "They aren't worth the energy."

~~~*~~~

Janie and I walk into Janie's house, as we have done every weekday afternoon for over a month. "Piper, please go home. I need to speak with my daughter in private," Mrs. Davis says. Her tone is no longer warm. Her plastic smile is nowhere to be seen. I get a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Janie," I say nervously.

"See you," Janie replies, hugging me goodbye. I can tell that she's even more nervous than I am.

An hour or so later, I get a phone call. It's Janie, and she's crying. I've never heard Janie cry before. I'm suddenly terrified. "What's wrong?" I ask.

"She knows, Piper. Someone called my mom and told her that you're a lesbian, and that she needs to keep me away from you, and she says I can't see you anymore because you're a sinner, and I tried to tell her that you're not a sinner, but she wouldn't listen." Janie has not breathed while telling me this, and now she inhales deeply. "She couldn't even say the word. She acted like she thought saying 'lesbian' would cause the apocalypse or something! God, I can't believe that this is happening!"

"Who told her?" I ask.

"I asked her, but she said it didn't matter who told her, and she won't tell me. She says she doesn't want her daughter hanging around with people like that." Janie sighs. "Little does she know that her daughter is people like that."

We have to get off the phone, because Andrew and Janie's father have come home, and Mrs. Davis is going to make Janie talk to them about what's going on. I can't believe what I have just been told. It's impossible. I know that this cannot be happening.

I hurry to Lucy. "Someone told Janie's parents," I say in tears. "They won't let us see each other anymore."

"Oh, Piper, I'm so sorry," Lucy says, hugging me.

"This is, like, the worst thing that has ever happened to me."

"Hey, dyke, where's your girlfriend?" Brittany asks as Lucy and I enter the schoolyard.

"God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve!" Chris calls.

"Fags get AIDS," Kaitlyn preaches.

The popular kids have surrounded me, but I barely even hear them. I am shutting the world out, thinking only about getting away from this nightmare.

"What you dykes need is a good man," Ricky says. "I'd be happy to help you in that area!"

I am not listening to them, but Lucy is, and I can tell that she's getting angry. I snap back into full awareness when she spits at Ricky.

"You're gonna regret that, bitch!" Ricky shouts, but before he can hit her, we hurry away.

Inside of the school, Lucy and I run straight into my mother. She takes us into an empty classroom. After looking at me for a moment, she says, "Piper, honey, I know how the kids are treating you, and I want to help you."

"No one can help," I say. "Everything sucks."

"Piper, sweetie, don't shut me out. You can't go through this alone. It's not easy being teased."

"She has me," Lucy points out.

"Yes, Lucy, and you are a good friend for standing by her side. I know that kids can be cruel sometimes," Mom replies.

"The kids have always been cruel to me," I say. "They just have more ammunition now."

"Piper, no matter what happens, you need to know that I'll always be here for you. You're my daughter. I love you, and no matter what, that isn't going to change. You could have told me about Janie. You didn't have to be afraid."

"Who told you?" I ask.

"Mrs. Davis called the school this morning."

"Mom," I manage, my voice cracking. I lean my head on my mother's chest, and she holds me and gently rocks me.

"Everything will work out, baby," my mother says softly. "I'm here. It's okay."

~~~*~~~

Janie is back in school. Her seat has been changed in English and science, but that doesn't stop her from passing me a note. Meet me in the third floor girls' bathroom at 2:07, it says.

At 2:07 on the dot, I enter the girls' bathroom. Janie is waiting inside.

"Piper, I'm so sorry about all of this," Janie begins.

"It's not your fault, Janie," I reply.

"I still love you. I still want us to be together," Janie says firmly.

"Me too," I tell her.

I kiss Janie, and neither one of us pulls away for several seconds. I brush my hand against Janie's right arm. She whimpers in pain, causing me to stop kissing her.

"What happened?" I ask.

"Nothing," Janie says too quickly. I know Janie well enough to know that she's hiding something.

"Janie, don't lie to me. You've never lied to me."

Janie begins to cry, and I'm surprised. I hold her, careful to avoid the bruises on her arm.
"Andrew found out about us," she says. "He doesn't approve of homosexual behavior, so he taught me a lesson."

"Oh God... Oh, Janie, I'm so sorry!"

"He's a bastard. They're all bastards, except for Mary. I hate them!" A determined look appears on Janie's beautiful pixie face. "Screw my family!" she declares. "We're going to be together, Piper."

She slips her hand into mine and we walked out of the bathroom together. Before dropping me off at my history class, Janie kisses me again.

It's only after the kiss has ended that we see Miss Christian looking at us with a disapproving expression on her face. She walks into the office and the sick feeling returns to the pit of my stomach.

~~~*~~~

It's after midnight when the phone in my bedroom rings. Groggy from sleep, I answer it, "Hello?"

"Piper, it's Janie. I only have a few seconds," Janie says.

"What's wrong?" I ask, beginning to wake up at the urgency in Janie's voice.

"My parents are sending me back to Utah to live with my grandparents," Janie explains. She's sobbing now, and my heart breaks.

"Oh my God... But they can't!" I protest.

"I can't stop them. I'm only thirteen, Piper. I don't have a choice."

"Janie... Oh God... I don't want you to go," I say pathetically. I'm crying now, too.

"I don't want to leave you. I wish it didn't have to be like this." She pauses. "Damnit, my mom's coming. I have to go. I love you, Piper. Never forget that."

"I love you, too."

"I know." She sighs. "One day, we'll see each other again. Until then, we'll be together in our dreams." She hangs up the telephone before I can say anything else.

~~~*~~~

I can't stop crying. Lucy does not leave my side. "Why? Why did someone have to go and tell her parents about us? It isn't fair!" I say.

"Maybe the person who called thought that they were helping somehow," Lucy suggests.

I pause. "What did you just say?" I ask sharply.

"I said that the person who called-"

"Lucy, I never told you that. How did you know that the person called them?"

Lucy shifts her weight uncomfortably. "I just figured it out. I mean, how else would they have told them?" Lucy is a terrible liar, and the truth shows in her eyes.

All at once, it hits me.

"Oh my God. It was you! Lucy, my God, how could you? Why would you do that to me and Janie?"

"Piper, I'm sorry. It's just, you were spending, like, every second with her, and I just wanted my best friend back!"

"I can't believe I'm hearing this." I stand up.

"Piper, wait! Let me explain!" Lucy begs.

"No! Whatever you have to say, I don't want to hear it." I walk away, vaguely aware that Lucy is on her knees and sobbing.

My head is spinning. My heart is pounding. All I want to do is leave this place forever, and forget that I ever met any of the people in my life, but I know that that's impossible.

I'm running through the hallway now, and I'm not sure where I am going. All I know is that I can't stay still, because if I do, everything will hit me, and I cannot handle that. The only thing that will help is being in Janie's arms, and holding her, and kissing her, and I know that I may never be able to do that again.

Everything hurts, and I can't breathe. I run out of the school through a side door, but I only make it to the schoolyard before I collapse into hysterical tears.

I can't move. I sit on the ground, pulling my knees to my chest, and I try to think, but nothing makes sense.

"Are you alright?" Hannah asks.

I'm startled by her voice. "No," I admit. I'm shaking.

Hannah gently takes my hand. "Come on, let's go back inside." She helps me stand up. I'm still gasping for air.

As Hannah and I enter the school, Jennifer shouts, "Hannah, what are you doing?"

"Helping her," Hannah replies.

"Why?" Brittany asks.

"Because she's a good person," Hannah says. "I'd take her as a friend over you guys any day of the week."

"Looks like Piper turned Hannah into a dyke, too," Kaitlyn says.

Hannah rolls her eyes. "Come on, Piper," she says, guiding me toward the girls' bathroom. Once we're inside, she helps me wash my face and dries my tears.

"Why are you being so nice to me?" I ask.

"You're a good person, Piper. I don't think it's right the way people have been treating you, but I was too scared to say anything before. I mean, how can you tease someone just because they love someone else? It's not right."

My voice cracks as I say, "Everyone thinks that the way I feel about Janie is a sin."

Hannah gently takes my hands in her own and looks into my eyes. "Love," she says, "is never a sin."

~~~*~~~

I can't believe what I'm seeing. Lucy has climbed up to the roof of the school and is standing on the edge. She is going to jump, and everyone is in too much shock to react.

"Lucy!" I call. "Don't do this. Please! You're better than this!"

"I'm nothing!" Lucy shouts back, her black braids flapping in the wind as tears roll down her cheeks.

I'm terrified. I don't know what to do, so I just keep talking, hoping that I'll find the right words. "No you're not! Lucy, before Janie came along, you were, like, the only person who ever treated me like I mattered!"

"I messed up, Piper! I can't fix things. I went too far. I might as well just end it."

"No, Lucy, please! You can still make things right. There's still time."

"It's too late! You were the only person I ever cared about, Piper! You were my best friend, and I hurt you so badly. I can't live with knowing that."

"Lucy, please..." I'm crying now, too.

"Piper, I'm so sorry I hurt you! I did all of this so that I wouldn't lose you, and now I might lose you anyway, and that really hurts."

"I know. Come downstairs and we'll talk, okay? We'll work this out."

Lucy does not move. "Lucy, this is crazy! You're afraid of heights, for God's sake! I know that you don't want to do this," I say.

Suddenly, Lucy looks like she's going to be sick. She tries not to look down. "Please come down, Lucy. We can't fix things if you're dead," I point out.

Taking a deep breath, Lucy begins to inch away from the edge of the roof, and I release a breath that I have not realized I've been holding. The security guards reach the roof just as Lucy reaches safety, and I know she's going to be okay.

~~~*~~~

For the first night in weeks, I am able to fall asleep. Suddenly, I feel someone watching me. I look out of my bedroom window and see Janie standing in my backyard!

Stunned, I hurry out of the house. I reach Janie, and we hug, but before either one of us can say anything, I wake up. I sit up in my bed and cry.

For once in my life, I've experienced something that the other girls in school can relate to; the loss of my first love. And in this way, I'm just like everyone else.