waking up was exhausting for jaemin this morning.

how much he wished to stay in bed and never go to school.

he obviously hadn't slept enough, and the pleasant dream he was having made him want to close his eyes again and get back there, in a way more pleasant world.

but no. the boy had to go to school.

jaemin made his bed and got dressed before eating a bowl of cereal that had been expired for a month – they still tasted good.

he brushed his teeth in a hurry when he realised that the bus would be there in 12 minutes.

he had a 10-minute walk to the nearest bus stop.

thankfully, he caught the bus.

and even better, he had a seat.

there weren't many people at that time of the day.

it was too early for them.

for jaemin too actually. but the teenager didn't have a choice.

he reached school after an eternity.

it wasn't human to wake up this early and take three different buses to get to school.

but could jaemin afford a living place closer to school?

he didn't.

the boy barely had enough to afford electricity bills.

since his parents' death, jaemin had been on his own.

delivered to himself.

he was thankful to have a scholarship that could pay for his studies.

otherwise, he would be a poor and uneducated kid.

jaemin sat down next to his neighbour in class.

he was sharing his desk with a pretty girl.

mina.

"hello, jaemin." she said, flashing the boy one of her charming smiles.

"hey." jaemin replied, pulling his pencil case out.

"have you managed to do the homework for today?" she asked.

jaemin nodded, pulling out the 3-page essay he had written the night prior and handing it to her.

"can i read?" she raised a brow, taking the sheets of paper in her hand.

"of course." jaemin smiled.

they got silent as mina read jaemin's essay.

jaemin looked over her shoulder a few times, his eyes scanning the words he had written the day before.

his handwriting was way messier than usual.

he had done this essay yesterday night, after coming back home.

and let's say that he was a bit high on emotion at that time.

the murder he had committed as well as his and the demon's conversation had made him mad.

there were too many feelings bloated inside of him at that time.

the last thing he wanted to do was that essay.

but did he have a choice?

no.

it seemed like jaemin never had a choice.

he wanted a guardian angel and found himself with a demon.

he wanted to live happily with his parents, and found himself living on his own.

he wanted love and friendship, and he found himself with hate and loneliness.

"i didn't see it this way..."

jaemin lifted his head, his jaw unclenching.

he hadn't even noticed that thinking about his life had made him mad once again, to the point he could have done something stupid.

"what?" he asked, indicating to mina that he hadn't understood her statement.

"you said that the author had a shitty vision of family life." she explained, her eyes never leaving the essay. "i think his family life is pretty decent."

jaemin shrugged.

he didn't want to think about it again.

he had suffered enough while writing this essay.

he had suffered enough thinking about his vision of family life.

he had suffered enough.

asking your students to write about this matter when both your parents had been murdered wasn't a very pedagogic way to make them study.

in fact, it was quite the contrary for jamein.

it made him violent.

it made him mad.

it made him NA.

"it's pretty good." mina concluded, giving the essay back to jaemin.

"thanks." the boy replied, gulping.

he was in school.

he couldn't think about such matters.

he had to calm down.

but it seemed harder every day.

the teacher entered the room, apologizing for his delay.

"as if we cared about him being late..." mina muttered. "he shouldn't have come at all..."

jaemin's lips curved in a smile as he chuckled with mina.

it felt good.

being the shy and reserved boy he was at day.

it felt way better than being NA...

but once again...

did he have a choice...?

𝙽𝙰

jaemin stayed at the library at the end of the day.

he didn't want to go back home.

he didn't want to take those three buses.

he didn't want to walk through those dark and dangerous streets.

he secretly feared himself, and what he could become.

the boy lifted his head for the nth time of the hour, glaring at a group of students that were sitting a table away from him.

they had been talking too loud since they first came.

jaemin couldn't concentrate with them giggling like chicks.

he was so close to stand up and make them shut up.

well, NA would be.

jaemin was just about to cover his ears with his sweater paws to block unnecessary noise.

but something prevented him to do so.

"hey, have you heard about it?" one boy asked.

"yeah, it's horrible..." a girl replied.

"what? i didn't hear." another girl said.

the boy looked around the library for a quick instant before leaning towards the girl.

"serial killer NA appeared again."

"what?!"

"shhh!"

the girl slapped her hands in front of her mouth, looking around to make sure she hadn't caught the attention of anyone.

"again?!" she whisper-shouted.

unconsciously, jaemin approached his chair from their group, pretending that he was studying while he was listening to their conversation.

"he killed a man in guryong village last night."

"at least he's doing it far from there..." someone sighed.

"yeah, but that's so scary. don't you think he would move to other districts of seoul?"

"i'm sure he already did a few times..."

"how many murders has he committed now?"

jaemin gulped, already fearing the answer.

"18." a boy said. "in the spawn of a- "

jaemin abruptly stood up, his chair screeching against the flooring, catching the attention of the whole library.

but he didn't care.

he left the library with heavy steps, not paying attention to the librarian who was scolding him for being this noisy.

he felt sick.

he felt awful.

he needed to be out.

he needed to breathe fresh air.

but was the air even fresh in such a polluted world...?