"Ya think I'm going to sell you a spaceship? Ya must be nuts, kid. Yar a little wet around the ears, aren't ya?"

Flattery. I don't look that young, do I? "Oh, come on. I'm almost thirty." Well, in human years, at least.

"Do ya even have a license?"

Time to whip out my handy-dandy wallet, something from my glorious skate-boarding days in high school. "Sure I do. Look here. Issued by the state of-"

"No- no- no. Jeesh- ya think navigating meteors is like dodging a squirrel? Not even close, bud."

"Ah, I thought so." Leonard regards the alien in front of us. Though he looks like a nice noodle-shop owner, his real appearance would make anyone with enough sense piss their pants. His multiple arms are hidden under a sports jacket and soy sauce stained apron. As for his eyes, spider-like in orientation, they are hidden by a Karate Kid-like headband. "So wear do we get this special license?"

I sigh, "Seriously, Leonard? We don't have time for that."

Leonard glares at me. He addresses the alien in front of us, "Look, bud. We're in a hurry. We're going to need a spaceship and one of these licenses you mentioned. Now, where can I get something like that?"

"Please, why would I sell to a human and his pet cat."

Cat? Excuse me. "I am not a cat- you eight-legged freak."

There's nothing cat-like about Xcnenaods except maybe our whiskers. Cut one open and you'll find an organ system almost identical to a humans oozing purple blood. In addition to a nervous system, you'll find an extracurricular nervous system that is plugged into our radar-esque whiskers. Some people, like the Tangles, think it's a form of telepathy. My money's on a super-sensitive olfactory organ. It would explain the sniffing.

Leonard shares a look of amusement with me that I quickly shoot down with a glare. His blond fade and bangs are partially hidden by a Simply, Inc ball-cap the same color as his eyes. He clears his throat, "So, where to next?"

I hold my nose in the air. Thanks to my uncle, I can now sense the distinct presence of spaceships. "Hmm. Let's try south."

"Hold up, Comb. Let's stop by that yogurt place."

The "yogurt place" is Munchie's between Fourth and Rome St, manned by an apathetic college kid chewing bubble gum and shooting aliens with an app on her phone. She briefly regards us and directs us to a scale where we can measure the goods. Once we've paid, with her attention directed elsewhere, I load up on goodies from the sugar bar next to the frozen yogurt station. Crushed oreos, gummy worms, fruit pebbles, and sprinkles- the whole lot.

What? I'm coping with recent events, don't judge me.

With a spoonful of yogurt in his mouth, Leonard turns to me, "Muhgafrawantuhcumwit."

"Your girlfriend wants to come with us? Seriously, Leonard, I can't stand to be locked in a room with that nerd. I don't want her anywhere near our spaceship." A spaceship we still don't have.

That nerd is Penelope. With a name like Penelope, I guess I have to blame the parents for planting the seed of nerdiness deep within her. In general, she's pretty nice being a well-behaved microbiologist and all, but put her in a room with the Tangles and she transforms into a monstrous fan-girl. Together, they ask me questions like: "When was you last bowel movement?" and "Do you prefer red grapes or white?" and "Can I cut off one of your whiskers?"

Sometimes, I lock myself in the bathroom under the stairs of Simply, Inc just to get a breath between their incessant questions.

"No, Leonard. I'm sorry. I can only tolerate two nerds at once. If you throw Penelope into the mix, I just might explode."

Walking down the block, I point to a dingy mechanics shop across the street. It looks like it's survived a handful of hurricanes with a rusting sign that reads: Gib's Gears. A two-wall window looking into the lobby is full of fliers for local businesses like the Wash Bowl. I toss my empty froyo cup into a cross-hatched trash can outside.

The front door opens with a jingle and I am bathed in the smell of new cars and their junkyard cousins. The front desk is empty except for a bell and a bowl of half-eaten fruit. There's a sign-in sheet which I promptly ignore.

"Hello?" I wiggle the bell, "Is anyone here?"

Leonard swallows the last of his strawberry-flavored yogurt, and throws it into a can behind the desk. He points to a door leading to the shop. We push through.

"Hello?"

A deep voice asks, "Can I help you?" 

I look left and right, up and down trying to identify the voice. Based on his booming voice, this guy must be a giant. Maybe one of the Hondir fellows from the planet Yew where everything is ten times what it is on Earth. Finally, my eyes land on a child. Only it's not a child, it's a man. Like me, he's a "hominid" type of alien with one special feature: large, black eyes.

"The eyes, huh? I tell my clients it's Aniridia. You some type Xcnen?"

"Xcnenaod."

"I'm a Xcnenol. One planet over. What are the odds?"

"It's a small galaxy." I agree.

"So I heard you're looking for a spaceship? Word travels fast. Minx- that's the guy from the noodle shop- he warned me you'd be coming."

Leonard sighs, "Look, we need a lawyer- some Lornard. The only way we're going to get him is with a spaceship. Are you selling?"

"I might have a few lying around. It's going to cost you a pretty penny. We're talking Hondir sized bucks, comprende?"

Oh, no. Oh, nonononono. Get out of my head you little bugger. "Do me a favor- don't read my mind, okay?"

The Xcnenol holds up his hands in defeat. "Hey, I get all kinds of clientele in here. Real assholes. Shady guys. A little mind reading here and there keeps me on my toes."

Leonard is in awe. I've never identified other aliens to him before recently. I was afraid there would be charges of kidnapping. Before he can drool over the Xcnenol guy, I stomp his foot. He gives me a nasty look.

"This is my friend, Leonard Tangle. He's a bit of a weirdo. I'm Keely."

"You're in the news, Keely. Public enemy and all for exposing the intergalactic community to a planet of apes. No offense, Leonard. I'm Gib."

Leonard looks way to happy. "How do you-"

"Listen, Gib. My father's got a stash of liquid Augor hidden away. I can pay you half up front, and half later. Cuz I don't trust shady spaceship dealers and I don't want our ride to fall apart halfway to point A."

Gib smiles at me. He has slightly yellow teeth, but it's not an issue of dental hygiene; it is another trait of his alien heritage. I get the feeling he's a halfling, like me.

"I am. My mother was an earthling. An abductee."

There he goes reading my mind again.

"It's involuntary. I have a strong connection to the Xcnenaods. We have a common genetic ancestor."

"So I've been told."

"Well, cousin. I'm not really in the market for Augor, but I guess the more Augor the better. I'll do you a solid. I've got a TS1734 model 2000 in the back. It's a piece of shit, but it will get you to point A and back."

Finally! Thanks, Gib.

Leonard's eyes light up. "What about the-"

"License? Yeah, you'll need one of those if you expect to get past the Scouts. Their a kind of space police, but really their just assholes who like to write tickets. Still, the IDC is no joke."

"IDC?" Leonard asks.

"The Intergalactic Detention Center. Scouts would see through fake papers in an instant. Their robots, after all. Listen, I've done my fair share of smuggling. I can get you to that Lornard, but in exchange I'll need a deal."

Oh, great. There's always a catch.

"Hey, no harsh feelings, cuz. I'm a man with a need and it just so happens you can fill it."

"What-"

"Don't bother, I can read minds, remember? Well, it just so happens that I have reason to believe that the same assholes who are holding your uncle have my mother. Listen, she was very vocal about her abductions and she got a lot of attention from 'scientific' communities for her vivid descriptions of dissections and spaceships."

"You think the government has her?"

"Oh, I'm almost certain they got her. My pops hasn't seen her in ages and last I heard from her, some xenoarchaeologist called Smithers-something or other was interviewing her. According to my ma, this Smithers guy was like Mulder."

"Mulder?" Who the hell is that?

"You know, from The X Files."

Oh, yeah. Frickin' love that show.

"Me, too. Now listen, bud. I'll be the first to admit I'm a mama's boy. She's a sweet lady. If I could get her on my own, we wouldn't be talking now, but the government's been keeping a close eye on me. Got men in black suits staying in a van down the street. They suspect I'm an alien. Ha ha."

Leonard asks, "What if they have the place bugged?"

"Pshh. They got it wired alright. Shitty-ass technology. I've got inhibitors all around this joint. They hear what I want them to hear."

Scanning Gibs, I wonder aloud, "Why can't you get her on your own?"

"See, I think that'd go south real fast. As for my pops, I was just an experiment for him. He couldn't care less what happens to me or my ma. So what will it be, cuz. We have a deal?"

"Deal." I shake on it.

"So, cuz. We're going to have to do something about your ankle jewelry. I don't want you exploding in flight."