||SERAH||

About a week and a half ago...

It's about seven-thirty pm when the rain heavily falls on our roofs. The smell of the wet dust wafts through the crack line at the bottom of the door into the house. It is manipulatively sweet and intoxicating. It makes one crave tasting the wet dust or even eating some soil. This reminds me that there is a certain red sticky soil that the female gender loves eating. They say that it is somewhat sweet and you can easily get addicted to eating it. However, most addictions happen when the female gets pregnant and the soil cravings are high.

Nevertheless, the rain stupidly reminds me of the first night we made love in Asahd's bed. In the secrecy of his candlelit bedroom. The memories make me miss him so bad. As if I've not missed him enough it hurts. At this point, I think I not only miss him but crave him. I desperately need to feel him around me soonest possible. The only problem is that my fear is holding me back. I still fear that he will get tired of me and leave me for better and newer pastures. That, as established from the very beginning of our story, guarantees me an inevitable and ruthless heartbreak.

One that I'm sure will take years to move on from. I don't understand how one person can hold that much power over the other. It is scary and amazing at the same time. I'm trying so hard to get over this fear as it is not at all easy. I don't know how long it will plague me but I can only hope that it will not take long. There is this Swahili proverb, chelewa chelewa utapata mwana si wako. Which, in layman's language means that if you delay, then you'll later find that the child is not yours. It makes me fear that Asahd will get tired of waiting for me and move on.

As I don't want that to happen I'm using the proverb as leverage to get over my fear. I know fear is like a parasite. It always wants to cling to someone, most of the time making them think negatively in almost all case scenarios. Crystal clearly, I know that if I don't give us a chance, I'll never know where we were meant to end up together. If I give us a chance, we have a fair chance to experience a beautiful love story. More so the one that Asahd dreams of having. I used to share the same dream until reality hit me squarely and it dimmed. It doesn't matter though. We will share his for as long as we are together.

Bottom line, I need to stop thinking of the possible negative things that could happen if our relationship bit the block. Instead, I should focus on that fair chance of a beautiful love story. Additionally, I need to be more optimistic. Especially if I want to be the heroine of his story. That has become a constant dream since he told me about his adventure with countless women. I don't want to be just another woman on his scroll list. It is a little bit ambitious and self centered but that's what I want. Unapologetically.

I close the fancy peach colored diary he gifted me after our valentines date and put it in the drawer. It's by no match the most beautiful tangible diary I've ever seen. The short note he sent along with it is stuck on the first page. It will always serve as a sweet reminder that he got the diary for me.

"Sweet Mawia, here is a little gift to fill with as many words and photos as it can hold. I hope you enjoy it."

As of now, it already has over twenty pages of emotionally written words and photos to testify on their behalf. I intend to have him read it one day. At least he will get to know what I feel during this time we are not together. As I stand to start preparing supper, my phone chimes with a familiar and almost forgotten message tone. Knowing that it is Sue, nervousness and excitement jolt within me. Instead of heading to the kitchenette, I head over to the study table and grab my phone. Quickly, I unlock it to read the message.

Hey. Can we talk? I've got a few things to tell you.

I've been waiting a lifetime for this day. I've missed her too and I'm more than glad that she has texted. I too have got a lot of things to tell her. Things that I should have told her were we still talking. Love is wicked. Both in beautiful and ugly ways. In our case, it was wicked in an ugly way. If it was not for it, perhaps we would still be tight as a recently fixed braid in my hair.

Due to a lack of communication for quite a while, I know things won't be the same as before in a while. Perhaps even for a long while because I already feel a little estranged towards her. Our friendship too is like some forgotten lines of a script. Regardless, as long as we have started all over again, nothing that can't be rekindled. Well, as long as we are both willing to try.

Hey too. Yes, we can talk.

I respond to her text and wait for her response. Simultaneously, I check my WhatsApp for new messages. I changed Asahd's contact name to Lifeline after realizing that he holds so much power over me. He is my lifeline. He hasn't sent a text today and that honestly bothers me. The last one he sent was yesterday. Perhaps he is getting tired of sending them without getting any replies. I should work fast on myself before it is too late.

~♥️~

Pizza for lunch at Harvesters, tomorrow? On my bill.

Fine with me. Where do we meet and what time?

At noon at Hash petrol station.

Alright, got it.

Okay, good night. Sleep tight.

Sweet dreams.

~♥️~

After our little messaging session, I start on my supper, which is ugali and scrambled eggs. The heavy rain has momentarily stopped and now it's just drizzling. There is lightning though followed by heavy thunderstorms. This must be the fourth time I'm wishing I was in Asahd's embrace. But wishes are not horses that beggars will ride. I might as well just eat my supper and drag myself to bed.

☆☆☆☆

At absolutely noon, I approach Hash petrol station. She probably suggested we meet here since this is the nearest central point from our houses. It doesn't take much time to spot her. She is standing at the other side of the petrol station in navy green trousers, black boots, and a white top. She also has a black leather sling bag hoisted on her shoulder. She seems oblivious to my approach as she is busy typing something on her phone. As I cross through the station, she looks up and that is when she spots me. She gives me a genuine smile which I effortlessly and yet nervously respond to with mine.

"You were punctual for once," she teases when I get to her.

Perhaps this might as well not be so hard as I thought. That's good. It guarantees positive results by the end of the day.

"I'm always punctual," I grumble before we step into a long and much needed hug. "I have missed you so much."

"I have missed you too," she genuinely says as we retreat. "I'm sorry for being such a bad friend and letting you down."

"Let the past remain where it belongs. I'm just happy and grateful that we are here together," I urge her with a tight smile.

In my opinion, a bad past is much better left where it belongs. It has proved to be a nasty relationships breaker once revisited.

"Me too. Let's get away from this scorching sun. Otherwise, we will have our sweet-smelling lotions melted off our bodies," she comments making me chuckle.

"Let us go," I agree.

We walk through the crowded street towards Olive Mall. It is just less than five minutes away. As we head there, my head reels on where to start. Perhaps I should just let her take the lead. After all, she initiated this meeting. Perfect idea.

"How have you been?" she asks.

"I've been good. There are a few complications here and there but generally, I can't complain. What about you?" I ask.

"I'm not so good," she responds as we walk through the Olive Mall entrance gate.

"Why do you say that?" I pry.

"There are so many things that have or are changed," she vaguely responds.

"Maybe you can explain further?" I prompt.

"Let's get to the Harvesters first," she says.

"Okay," I mumble with a nod.

I wonder what is bothering her this time. I can only hope that it is not something so bad. In a few seconds, we are walking into Harvesters. The place is not crowded despite the lunch hour timing. Instead of grabbing a booth at the lower section, we walk up the white staircase to the upper section. There, we grab a corner booth and settle. The ambiance of the place accounts for serenity and instant hunger. The latter is from the delicious smells of the cooking snacks. Without wasting much time, we grab the menu and go through the pizza prices.

"Mega pizza is on offer. Seven hundred for one from one thousand," she points out.

"We are lucky," I pleasantly smile.

"Indeed," she agrees with a smile too. "I'll go place the order."

"Okay," I nod.

She stands from her seat and heads down to the Lower section to place the order. A constant issue with us humans is that we will always smile at the world despite the storms raging inside us. That's why it is always difficult for us to figure each other out. Unless we look closer and carefully at those we are associated with. Only then can we see beyond the facades we all wear at some point in our lives. Otherwise, we can only see the shades or facades the hosts want us to see. A few minutes later, Sue comes back with a receipt in her hand. This is the part where we wait for about fifteen minutes until the pizza is ready.

"What is going on?" I ask Sue once she is settled.

"Nothing much to worry about, Serah. Stop giving me that overly concerned face," she lies, playfully poking my nose.

"Don't lie to me, Sue. You forget that I know you well," I pointedly say.

Guiltily, she rolls her eyes making me smile secretly. It really does feel good to have her back. I hate recalling the hopelessness I felt when we didn't talk.

"Well, I've been having episodes of emotional breakdown or distress for the last two or three weeks. I've been on an emotional roller-coaster, feeling so many emotions at once towards something or someone. It could be any emotion, hate, love, anger, etc," she explains to me.

I do understand what she is talking about. I've experienced it before but maybe not as severe as she is. It feels like an exhausting mental imbalance. One you want to tear out of your mind to reset it back to normal.

"Have you talked to anyone about it? Maybe your therapist?" I ask in concern as I watch her telling eyes.

"Yes. He is the one who actually helped me figure that out. After you left that day, I stayed for about a week struggling with a load of emotions that some I didn't even understand. I first talked to my mom about it and she advised me to go see my therapist. I did so and two sessions later, he was able to figure that out. Since then, I've been attending therapy at least twice per week."

"Do you feel as if it is helping?" I hopefully ask.

"Well, yes. I've lately been in a good position to control my emotions. He has helped me understand them and their possible causes. Also to differentiate the real emotions that are likely to last longer from the temporary ones. Apparently, the temporary ones have been quite constant and have been flooding inside me. Sometimes it is a little overwhelming. Though the good thing is that they last a few hours or days before dissolving into nothing. After that, I feel light and as if they weren't there at all. It is all weird," she concludes with a tight smile.

"I'm so sorry about it. Can I hug you for a minute?" I ask, not knowing what else to do to make her feel a little better.

She sadly nods and for a long while, I embrace her tightly in my tiny arms. I hate that she is still struggling. If I could take everything disturbing her right now and keep it to myself then I would. At least she would get a much needed break from all the tormenting.

"Thank you," she appreciates after retreating.

"You are always welcome," I assure her with a smile. "You can tell me more."

"As time went by, I realized that what I felt for Asahd was nothing but a temporary feeling. It just needed a solid trigger to make it fade away. You were the trigger. It hurt and took a while to figure it out but I'm glad that I did. Now I've no feelings whatsoever towards your boyfriend. He's just like any other ordinary person out there," she assuringly says.

It gives me peace of mind to know that she has no hang-up feelings for my boyfriend. I want to tell her about our story till where we are but I won't. At least not yet. Today, the platform is all hers because I'm letting her use it until she gets tired. And like a good friend, I'll be listening to everything she says. Only when she asks me about it will I consider telling her everything.

"What about Joseph?" I ask. "Are your feelings for him long lasting?"

"I haven't figured that out yet. Although, to be honest, I feel like they may be long lasting. It is only natural to feel this way since he has been with me this whole time I've been struggling," she responds.

"So, simply, you like him?" I further question.

"Genuinely, I like him. Sometimes I feel as if our liking for each other has been in existence for long. It has just been waiting to be unleashed," she says.

"You guys have hidden chemistry. After all, it is true that it has been in existence for long. Your story didn't start just the other day. It started long before. Maybe even before I mistook you for a couple," I say, concluding with a wink.

"You exaggerate too much," she groans.

Her reaction stupidly makes me smile. Damn, I've really missed her.

"Well, maybe I'm not," I argue making her shoot me a glare.

As time passes by, she tells me more about her and Joseph. She talks of their recent dates and picnics in detail. All those remind me of Asahd and our memories together. Additionally, with the reminders, comes an untold sadness resulting from our current situation. However, for Sue not to notice, I keep wearing a smile. It is not a fake but a genuine one. It comes from the happiness of knowing that my best friend does have someone who makes her happy.

Also, the general feeling of excitement from our reunion. The two causes are enough to make me yield a genuine smile. When the fifteen minutes are over, Sue goes to check on our order. A few minutes later, she comes back up with a pizza box in her hands. She places it on the table before settling back at her seat.

"Smells delicious," she comments as she takes in the delicious smell of the hot pizza.

"Very promising," I state, letting the delicious smells waft through my nostrils. Instantly, it makes me feel hungry.

"Yes," she agrees.

She opens the box to reveal a neatly cut and deliciously-looking pizza. My saliva glands couldn't have gotten a much better cue to start salivating.

"Enjoy yourself," she says as she takes a piece of it.

"Thank you for the treat," I appreciate.

"There is no need to thank me. I owe it to you," she flips me off.

"As you say," I say as I take a piece for myself.

"Now that the long holidays are starting, what's your plan?" she asks through a mouthful of pizza.

"Going home for a few weeks then coming back to work on some film projects we want to produce as a class," I respond.

"That's nice. At least you've got something to do other than work at the fruit store for the long holidays," she teasingly says.

That is what happens during the long holidays or any other time I'm home. I always end up helping my parents at the fruit store. It is not something bad. It actually is fun because I get to eat a lot of apples. Precisely the green apples. I'm pretty sure I'm responsible for a certain percentage of losses we may have gone through the years.

"That's true," I agree with a smile.

"You'll also get to spend more time with Asahd while you're here. I'm sure you have thought of that. If you go home for four months then you'll not be able to see him much often. But if you stay as you are planning, then you will," she points out with a wicked smile.

"You know me too much," I grumble.

"That's true," she imitates before we both laugh. Perhaps a little too loud to cause attention.

What do you think of the book so far? Leave your votes, comments and reviews. I will appreciate it so much ❤️❤️