We made our way to the third floor. I didn't ask where we were going, honestly, I didn't care. I just wanted to disappear, to forget everything that happened today. To vanish, if I could.

We reached Heather's room, and she pulled me inside, not letting go of my hand. Without a word, I collapsed on her bed, letting my head fall in my hands. My neck felt too weak to hold it up anymore.

She sat next to me, in silence. Her hand softly on my back.

"It was all my fault." I said.

"What?"

"They died because of me."

A silence.

"You saw your parents, right?" Heather asked softly, her tone was careful like she knew she was treading on fragile ground.

I nodded, without looking at her. She nodded too, as if piecing things together for herself.

"Tell me what happened." There was a quiet demand in her voice like she needed to know, but in a way that wasn't forceful. As if she wanted so badly to understand.

I pulled the strands of my hair away from my face and swallowed hard before answering.

"A drone attack. Bomb delivered. My mother survived, but..." I hesitated. "I froze. I didn't help her. She died because of me." It felt unreal hearing it out loud, especially the way I said it, quick, clipped, as if reciting a shopping list. I guess I thought it would save me from the pain. It didn't.

A tear slipped down to my knee, landing right on a bloodstain from Kate that had marked my combat tracksuit. I watched it mix with the red, the stain spread and turned sickly pink. I swiped at it with my finger, but it was too late, that stain wasn't going to disappear anymore. Fuck. I guess that's what I deserved, a reminder of my craziness. I tried to wipe it harder. I wrinkled my pants, I wrinkled harder. A hand stopped me. Heather's. She curled her fingers around mine and gently pulled my hand away from that stain, toward her lap, like she was trying to steady me, to calm me down.

"No one's prepared for something like that." She said.

"You don't understand." I sobbed. "I never freeze. NEVER." A pause. "If I had reacted... maybe..." My heart sent sharp spikes of pain through me again. "I let my mom die..."

Heather softly caressed my hand but I jerked it away. "Stop that," I said. "I don't want your pity."

She went quiet for a long moment, but I could feel her eyes on me. Any other time, I'd probably hate myself for saying something like that. Pushing her away wasn't really my style, but my insides felt like a battlefield. That twisted, grim sensation clawed at me, and the thought that Heather might never truly understand my pain made me feel so angry.

"I don't pity you." She said, surprisingly calm. "I just worry."

I gasped frustrated. "I'm... I'm sorry..." I whispered. "I shouldn't have sai–"

"Grace," she interrupted. "You froze because you're human. You can't blame yourself for that."

"I could have saved her." I whispered.

Heather let out a heavy breath as if keeping the conversation going was a struggle. She seemed to understand the weight I was carrying and wanted to find the right words to help, but somehow they kept slipping through her fingers.

"Look," She said. "I'm not going to tell you everything's okay, because it's not. I'm not going to tell you that you could've done something different, because you couldn't. But I will tell you this: You can't let this guilt eat you alive like this. It's not fair." She shook her head. "Not fair to that little Grace, who just reacted the way any kid would in a horrible situation."

I tilted my head back, closed my eyes, and let her words sink in for a second.

"I don't know how to stop feeling like this."

Heather reached for my hand again, this time I didn't pull away. "Start by listening to others. Like me."

I turned my face to her.

"It wasn't your fault." She stated.

I took a deep breath and collapsed backward on her bed, my arm covering my eyes. She did the same on my side.

"Kate is gonna hate me forever." I said.

Heather paused, thinking. "She might be pissed for a while, yeah. But it's not the first time someone has left her with a bruised face, and it won't be the last."

"I don't know what I'm doing here. I'm broken." As if everything else wasn't already enough, an existential crisis was bubbling up. Great.

She turned her face to me, propping her head up in her hand.

"You're not broken, Grace. You're hurt, which is a different thing."

I sighed. "I thought I had moved past what happened." I placed a hand on my chest, trying to calm my racing heart. "But somehow, everything just... broke apart today."

The images still swirled in my mind, like dark flashes flickering on and off. I closed my eyes and breathed in and out slowly. Heather let her head fall against me, keeping her hand around mine as if that could stop me from losing myself again. I could feel each of her fingers intertwined with mine. Then she shifted a bit closer and pressed her lips to my shoulder. The sensation felt like a warm, cozy blanket on a winter night. My whole body warmed with the softest comfort.

"Some things will always make us fall apart." She whispered. "It's not something to fix, just something to acknowledge."

I turned my face to hers. It took a second for her blue eye to notice I was looking at her, since she seemed lost in thought. Then her lips curved in a small smile as she met me. A small cute smile.

I felt an urge to close the space between us. I imagined myself doing it. Leaning in. Just a few centimeters. Pressing my lips against hers. Breathing the same air. Was I crazy for wanting to kiss her after just beating someone up? But the way she looked at me... like I was the only person in the world. Her lips were slightly parted, was that a sign?

"Grace?" Her voice cut through my spiraling thoughts, and I just did it. I leaned in, closing my eyes until I felt her warm lips on mine. She squeezed my hand as our mouths met, and for a heartbeat, the intentional and perfectly synchronized movement of our lips was the only thing occupying my chaotic mind. How soothing was that?

When the kiss broke, I opened my eyes and watched her. I still couldn't believe this was real. There were so many things that felt impossible right now. Would I wake up one day and realize it had all been a dream? I wasn't even sure what kind of dream this was. Sometimes it felt like a nightmare, but other times, like now, it was everything I'd ever wished for.

Heather let go of my hand and cupped my cheek instead, her fingers tracing the curve of my jaw. I could feel my face burning, no need to see her teasing smile to know that.

"Do you want to know a secret?" I said to her.

Heather looked at me intrigued.

"I once came to your room looking for you, but you weren't here."

"You did?" She said surprised.

"Yeah, it was before the whole adventure with the acid rain. The door was open, and I closed your window because the rain was seeping in."

Heather smirked. "That explains your confidence invading my bed without asking."

I laughed.

"And what did you think about it?" She said as she caressed my cheek.

Her fingers distracted me for a second, but I made an extra effort to keep my mind clear.

"I thought your room holds a part of you that you don't show very often."

She pulled her hand away from my cheek, raising an eyebrow with a surprised look.

"That's quite an interpretation. You never told me you were such a professional therapist." She teased. "Please, go on. What's the part I don't show?"

I smiled and leaned back, resting my head on my hand. "The part that shows you care."

Heather's eyes softened as she listened, her hand trailing until she found mine again.

I looked up remembering that day. "The hand-painted blue walls, the cozy lighting, and that adorable family of plants over there... they say it all." I gestured to the little garden nook. I loved imagining Heather taking care of her plants. It was something on my list of must-see one day.

Heather seemed a bit embarrassed as she scanned her room again, almost as if she were reinterpreting everything.

"Okay, Miss Freud, anything else?"

"That's all, madam, and don't worry, your secret's safe with me."

She chuckled and nudged my shoulder with hers.

"Well, you've got your contradictions too," she said.

I scooted a bit closer to her. "Fair. Let's hear them."

Heather tilted her head, moving a strand of hair that had fallen too close to her eyes. She wanted to be ready for her speech. "Well, you don't believe in rules, but at the same time, you're always trying to figure out how the world should work, as if there's only one right way."

"Ok, so I'm a fake anarchist, you say?"

"I'd say you're more like an unruly explorer who secretly just wants to settle down somewhere stable, routine, and peaceful."

I tilted my head thinking.

"Actually... that doesn't sound too bad!" She laughed, and I just loved how her eyes squinted, like her whole face lit up with it. I had to make her laugh more often. Mental note.

"What else?" I said.

She inched a bit closer. "Well, you have this unstoppable spirit; you say whatever comes to mind and act on your impulses, like nothing ever makes you doubt anything."

"I like this interpretation so far." I said.

"But then..." She continued. "There's this little thing you don't act on. Instead, you turn into this shy, hesitating, and adorable mess of a person." She said.

I pretended not to know what she was talking about, but I could feel the heat crawling up my neck, and I was pretty sure I wasn't fooling anyone, least of all her.

"I have no idea what you mean." I said flatly.

"Will you make me say it out loud?" She threatened with a grin.

I shrugged still playing dumb.

"I'm talking about the way you hesitated before you kissed me earlier. Like your brain needed a five-person meeting to approve it."

I gasped, clutching my chest as If offened. "That's not true! It was more like... two people meeting. Very efficient and just making sure it was the right move."

She chuckled. "And?" Her eyes sparkled with mischief. "Was it?"

I paused for dramatic effect. "The best move they've ever approved."

She grinned satisfied. "Good."

"They are already discussing their next one just for your info." I said trying to sound casual.

Heather looked at it for a moment and that confident yet playful smile crept back in her face. Then she leaned in, stopping just a few inches from my lips. My heart vibrated.

She whispered. "Tell them it's already a yes."

And in that instant, no hesitation, thank God, for once. I caught her mouth so fast, she leaned back, startled by the force. Then her hands found my face, steadying me as she pulled closer. My whole body surged with adrenaline, but this time, the rush felt like the opposite of the one I got in the combat test. It didn't push me toward violence or desperation, but toward something else, passion, desire, comfort, peace, warmth. And all I could think was that if this was a dream, I'd give up anything to stay in it. 

At least, as long as I felt her near, as long as I felt her mine.