***

Hadrian steps made long strides taking him up the hill a string of people from the gym followed as well as a few of the crafters. My thirsty eyes watched him go from the corner of my vision. Franky stayed watching me and Toni as we organized people and trucks of supplies to be unloaded. And as Franky stood sentinel over us Hadrian's long legs took him further from me. George trailing behind him silently.

At the top of the hill he turns and waves at me. And then Issa catches up to him. I wave back at him and the half smile peaks out. We both have stuff to get done, I guess. A smile that out matches his spreads across my face. I'm not sure why but his half smile grows into one of his real ones. As the two men stand at the top of the hill light shines like a halo around them. Then like a b horror movie Gabriella steps into Hadrian's side. The light of the afternoon bounces off the highlights in her brunette hair. My hand pauses in the wave. He talks to her on top of that hill Issa's head pops up and Steven calls out to him. And Issa joins Steven, but it leaves Hadrian and Dr. Gabriella together. She didn't have a badge so that made her a full-blown member. And as Hadrian nodded at whatever he was telling her, anger coiled in my belly unwelcomed. It was like before in the meeting the two of them together made sense. I hated the pettiness of my heart. Most of all I hated that they looked good together.

The day blurred for me, and I worked on the tasks. The guest unloads each truck overburdened with items for the castle. Every hour more prospects show up. But everyone pitches in. I had questions that niggled at my senses like incompleted sentences. The ones where you want to lean forward so the other person realizes they aren't fully complete. While they think they have totally explained, but everyone is trying to be polite about it. Toni and I once had a nice elderly lady we developed food for. She and her husband both remarried but her first husband was a dick according to her. He was old school religious even though he didn't even go to church. And believed in the old way men felt they should be treated. Making it so she was unable to divorce. He hid her money so she couldn't leave the house easily. Sometimes, when we drop by with food for her and her second elderly husband. She'd tell us funny stories of her ex-husband. It's a full standup routine. Her first story to us was how she killed her husband. We leaned forward into her words waiting for the rest while watching the door casually. Setting another bag of groceries on her table.

"You killed your husband?" I repeated. Now California is a bit like Hawaii, per capita higher than average cults. It is what it is and why I'm always on the lookout. So, Toni and I leaned forward into the old woman's words hoping that she'd finished it off. But instead she just smiled.

"What happened to your husband?" Toni asked.

"I did what any woman of my time would do. I fed him heart attack sandwiches until he had one extra bacon." After hearing later stories about the man I could laugh now with a hind sight gaze. But it's hard to laugh when someone admits to manslaughter via dinner. Plus, It reminds me why those wives going underground stories were more common back in the day.

A sigh left my lips as I dumped another load of cardboard boxes. Then started spreading them out for the woodchips Toni was directing people to dump. Another sound of the big spill of wood chips over the cardboard in a dull thunk. We had a short window before all the 5-year-old container fruit trees might dry out and be hurt. Most of them had fruit that had not fully ripened. And it's easy to cause shock and fruit and nut fall.

"Ok, folks keep spreading those wood chips out. And then drop some compost in with it that has mushroom spawn mixed in. Then we'll put another layer of cardboard over that with more mushroom spawn. The small holes in the top layer of cardboard will help the mushroom. Then we will dump more wood chips on top of it. That's how we're building the nursery folks." Toni repeated the directions as the group helping us unload got bigger again. "All that mass will create mushrooms which is fire protection." Toni says with a mad science smile. Her words to the group of guests trail off as my thoughts took me away.

My mind kept replaying Hadrian wandering off to the Castle meeting up with Gabriella at the top of the hill. And throwing down cardboard with annoyance wasn't clearing up my slightly pissed off feeling. This friend who do stuff and not relationships is weird. Because it's not like I can say can you not stand so close to her. And it wasn't like he was doing anything wrong. I've never been the jealous type, and I didn't know what to do with the emotion that bubbled away in my gut. The feelings were completely noxious, and I hated it.

It was kind of a good day even with the overtone of death cult. As weird as that sounds, for the most part I like the nerdy people of the castle. The workout nerds, the crafter nerds, with all the medieval overtones. When I looked up Franky was watching me as I slammed down another stack of boxes. Guilt wiggled in on my mad.

"I'm sorry," I said to Franky.

"You have nothing to be sorry about, Ms Hart." Franky said her high heel style wasn't here together. She was in a sleek women's business suit. With hiking style boots but dressy.

"Akeisha, is ok, Ke would be even better Franky. Well, unless I'm supposed to be calling you by your last name?" I asked her.

"No, Ms Hart. Franky is ok with me, thank you," she says. Her eyes scanned the area. Her gaze flicked back and forth between us. She carefully watched all the surrounding people always on some level of guard. I wonder if she ever relaxes? Also, when did I gain a bodyguard? Do I need a bodyguard for the resort? More mysteries but the vibe wasn't bad. Out of everyone I've always had the feeling that I trusted George and Franky.

"Can you do me a favor Franky, I didn't like being called Ms. Hart. My mom dropped her maiden name back to Hart. So, she's Ms. Hart in my head. It's confusing for me," I told her. She stops her scan and examines me closely as if she's weighing me. And for a second I see her the way she probably sees me or the way I've been acting. A jilted girlfriend throwing a micro fit because I didn't know what to do with my feelings. I dislike what she saw. At the same time I stood a little taller under her gaze channeling my mother's strength. A deep well of cocoa butter love even when I fucked up. I had to give myself grace sometimes, all of this is new to me. And frankly I'm trying my heart out. I feel uncomfortable and I can either get it together or walk away. Not ready to walk away yet, I care. So, I have to figure myself out before I do something stupid because my emotions run away from me. I need to let myself have grace. I took that grace finally. And I gave myself that grace and relaxed under Franky's steady gaze. A smile cracked the stylish older black woman's expression.

"Good, you've got better eyes now." Franky said to me. The military vet demeanor and everything radiate confidence and power. Her eyes drifted up the hill to Gaberilla Hadrian's long-time friend and Hadrian together. The two of them walk together into the castle manor disappearing from both our sight.

"Yeah, I'm better. I wasn't handling things well. It's new to me." I told her exposing all my honesty to her. She's probably one of four people who know about what might be going on between us.

"I've always found it's best to take things at your own pace." She tells me her eyes roaming again as I throw more cardboard and mushroom spawn down. My mad leaked away from me with the reality that I like Hadrian way more than I should. And I feel emotionally unsteady because I don't know where I stand. Plus, I've never been in this kind of relationship before. It was a grown up an emotional moment for me to have halfway through my twenty something's.

"Yeah, give yourself grace," I agree with Franky. The next part of the huge nursery setup was on the last square cardboard for the acre. I drag the last cardboard then get more mushroom spawn to throw down.

"Grace?" Franky asked me. It was weird being alone at the furthest end of the acre laying down the cardboard. It was one of the first times I'd ever got to talk to the woman one on one. But grace was a good topic for a talk.

"Yeah, grace, my mother said I had to give myself grace sometimes. That I should be the first one to give myself grace, it's how we grow." And saying it out loud was a revelation for me to repeat my mother's words. "She's a nurse and she can't save everyone. It ruined her marriage with my dad along with a lot of other issues on all sides. At least the way she tells it. She didn't give herself grace. I'm a bit of a fuckup and my mother was a recovering perfectionist." The thoughts of my mother's mistake brought to mind my own on stage tanking. That presentation which was the start of all this adventure. Maybe if I had taken a moment and breath slowly on stage, and gave myself a moment of grace. I might have pulled through all of it. But I self imploded instead. Yeah, in my own way I'm the mirror of my mother. As if we were one being staring back at each other in one of those flip mirror images. Her and me and our lives spelled backwards to link at the same time point two sides of the coin. And I could see what my mom said about herself after my father moved away. As an adult now I completely got it. And I really thank her for her honesty that night I cried when he left the state for good. I always see my mom as perfect, she works hard, so damn hard. She's one of those black queens everyone talks about. And I've always seen her as such but that perfection caves in on itself in unexpected ways. "Perfect destroys all it touches but by not living up. So your, take your own pace is my mom's, give yourself grace."

"Do you mean grace is not giving up?" Franky asked me.

"No, yes, maybe." I replied with a half smile. "I have a habit like my mom of being the last person to give myself grace. And I should be the first. I was raised to love myself so I'm the first to give myself grace. And the word grace is expanding as I grow. I have to figure it out... Find my grace. It's how I'm going to be whole. I just knew grace for me had a bit of taking things at my own pace."

"I'll have to remember that Ms. Ke," Franky replies. "I might need to be on the hunt for grace myself."

"How about Ke?" I ask her, smiling a full smile at not hearing my last name from her. She's very like George in her professionalism. 

"No, I think Ms. Ke is a good place." Says Franky her eyes swing to Toni checking on her again then back to me.

"Well, I can try," I reply. Putting my head down and picking up a shovel I dig into the far wood chip pile.

"He smiles more," she says to me, catching me off guard. Her eyes are over my head but I keep shoveling the wood chips. As if I could shovel enough to bury myself.

"Who smiles more George?" I say with a grin to her.

"Yes, he does as well, but I was speaking of Mr. Valentine." I stop the shovel in the pile of woodchips stuck on pause. "He smiles more, laughs more, and jokes more. It's like the BIon days, better than that. I started working as his bodyguard during his cybernetics startup. George's arm was made by him one of his best pieces of work. Making things like that is like making a fancy clock. A mix of craftsmanship and technology." I'd never thought of cybernetics like that before but I could see where she was coming from. "And he still makes his new iterations of the arm. He was very fresh face back then before BIon went public. You make him smile like back in those days." She repeated it again, as if I wasn't listening but I was listening way too close. Even with me shifting to shove more wood chips. Was that the company he got fired from the one he created? It's not unheard of for founders to get fired. Average person thinks of Tesla Electric cars were created by Elon Musk. He didn't create it; an engineer founded the company. Elon used his power to get that guy fired and slap his name on it.

The thought roiled in my head as I dumped more wood chips out and the cathartic action chilled me out. So, is Hadrian different around me? And that difference is maybe more open. But he still is only looking for friends who fuck.

"Maybe, we are friends after all." I say it back to Franky in that throw away way and I realize that's why I dislike the friends thing. It isn't simply because I've never done friends who fucks it's the very idea of it feeling thrown away. I don't want to throw Hadrian away. It's like the way he looks at me sometimes. And another thing clicked for me. Sometimes his gaze says he expects it from me. 'I'm bad for you'... was one of the first things he said to me when we met. The more I thought about it the more my mind spun from the revelation. It's not like I've seen tons of friends around Hadrian. He's never around people much. The few times I've seen him in a relaxed setting he was never relaxed. Even when introducing me around at the Castle his behavior was that of associates not friends. Cold politeness, another introduction and another handshake. But not the dancing sapphire eyes that I see from time to time. Not that little chip where the light gets in. That tiny space where he's exposed for good and or bad. 'I'm bad for you'... he told me. What have I got into?

"I need to call my mom," I say out loud. The shovel in my hand stopped mid dig.

Franky gives a puzzled expression, but she holds her hand out. "May I have your phone Ms. Ke?" I hand her my phone and she pulls up an app. In gold, red, and black the app flashes its colors. Then it says The Castle, thumb print please. She enters her thumbprint and opens up the phone. "Video call?" Franky asked me.

"Yes?" I answered her back as puzzled.

"Ok, please do not get any guests into the frame. The AI software will blur out any face automatically or identifying marks. We carefully guard guest privacy. I hope you will return the favor. Oh, yes don't want to miss that, I'll make sure that Toni isn't on the block list." Franky gives me a smile and the older black woman settles me. I couldn't tell if what settles me is the casual style, the tight efficient bun of her hair. She's maybe just in her 40s, a good 20 years on me but those 20 years were super comforting at the moment. Franky hands me the fancy Heron phone back.

Ring..

Ring...

"Hey Shug, I'm working with the new mothers in the hospital kitchen. What's up?" My mother's beautiful face greats me, Tandi Hart, the kind of nurse who cares. A smile as a woman in the background grabs some of the new mother baskets. My mother told me just because you have a baby doesn't mean you got help at home waiting for you. Many women come in alone and leave with a baby and it's just the two of them. Her hair is in a wrap and her dark brown eyes with the smile lines turned up.

I've been my moms sugar my whole life. The best part as she put it. And the name shug is comforting hearing it.

"Shug?..." my mouth wasn't moving as my mom called out to me. I just had to see her face. We'd both been busy, and it's like a ship in the night. "Ke, is everything ok?"

I snapped out of it, "No, yes, yes, everything's ok mom. I need you to take me to therapy." She always drove me home and back and the habit was comforting. Her eyebrow came up. I'd not been back to therapy after the first few weeks of my college breakup in my last two years of school. My eyes glance to Franky, who was thoughtfully only keeps half an eye on me and a nearly full eye on watching Toni. I turn into the phone and my moms video call. "I missed you, that's mostly why I'm calling."

"Shug, I missed you as well. Do you want me to help out at the school? I saw the high school had a football game coming?" My mom being my support center like a rock.

"I love you, mom." I told her.

"You're worrying me Akeisha," and I get more of her eagle eye. "Where's Toni?" I don't even try not doing what my mom wants. I yell for Toni across the nursery. And Toni runs over.

"Hi," she waves at the camera. Toni's big smile in full force as she gives me a quick glance. That what the fuck did you do now look. I didn't really do anything though.

"Is she ok?" My mom asked Toni.

"Ya, we're fine just working." Toni grabs me into a hug and we tell my mom about how big the project is and describe the views. The more we talk the more comfortable I get. I want to share my weekend with my mom. Maybe not the death cult though but the views and that stuff yes.

"Good, I wanted to make sure." Her head tilts to the side and those big gold bangly hoops she wears when she gets off work bounce. Her hair wrapped as if a crown on her head even in her nurses scrubs. Always the Queen, my mother. The heart of all of us. "I believe in both of you." She says out of the blue in the same way I told her I loved her earlier. But her words made both Toni and I smile. As we got back to telling her about the pretty views at the castle. And the story of us getting here. My mother laughs in that deep throated cocoa butter way at Toni's story about how she did donuts in the limo.

I love my mom.

***

A/n: I did like a 3k ish post. I'm not sure if yall got annoyed with the 6k posts  sometimes more. I normally only do long scenes that way where there's more action. But getting to the castle and setting it up is important for later. So, I just posted it the way I wrote it. Hopefully, yall like the developing layers. Next chapter is a spicy scene either next chapter or the 1 after that.

 I'm going to get to the replies soon. THANK YOU GUYS FOR COMMENTING. It's helpful for when I'm doing thank yous at the end of the story. Just 1 comment helps tons because I can't look back at who stars my stuff. 

Keep the comments and stars coming it's helpful.  And gets more people and more friends into reading the series. 

- scene change - edit

slight update scene change here. Just a couple of lines in the middle for clairty