We drove for hours in silence on the bluebird. Toni wasn't making a point of me not talking as she drove back from San Francisco to Sacramento. The lights on the San Francisco bridge glowed golden passing by my tired eyes in flickers. But all I could hear was the hum of our bluebird's hybrid electric diesel engine and the rumbling of our tires. That rumbling hum centers me. Because if I talked about it before we stopped it would mean I'd answer questions and not be centered anymore. I'm not sure I could handle that so soon. And like any lifelong best friend, Toni wasn't afraid of the silence between us. She took my hand in one and kept her other on the steering wheel as we drove back to Sacramento in the middle of the night. In the rear-view mirror, the California coastline beckons and the stars lead us home.

***

Back on the farm and the bus was parked it was time for bed. And we still had not talked about tonight. Normally after the most basic events we cross our notes and figure things out between us. This time though it wasn't the case at all. I took off my gown as if it was stained. It wasn't at all but I felt so many different things crashing into me at once. I couldn't pin it down in one place. My chest tightens anytime my thoughts took me. We'd walked away from so much money but it also felt dirty at the same time.

And...

His name was...

Hadrian Valentine.

In a weird way it felt and also sounded like a super villain's name. For someone who agreed with my statement of him being a bad man, maybe I pegged him better than I thought. I have halfway decent spidey senses after all.

I got dressed for bed and carefully put away my gown. Taking off my makeup, all of it was in silence. The shower was quick and completely impersonal. I knew how out of it and the autopilot had kicked in hard core for me. I climbed into the bottom bunk and stared at the ceiling. A memory of the rugged, handsome man. His shortcut beard, haphazard styled hair that somehow looked absolutely styled. The kind of guy thing that's annoying. Where he'd spend like a total of thirty seconds putting something into his hair. Run a comb through quickly and it sits, and he looks like a sophisticated million bucks. Meanwhile, you're spending days preparing for the event. Hours braiding and styling your hair. With the careful setup of a silk bonnet the night before. Then a retouch where you're fighting god that everything stays perfect. But his disgustingly handsome ass is ready and styled in 5 mins flat. That man's being was haunting me. The eyes I saw without closing mine, Sapphire blue.

The overhead light clicks on in the BlueBird. And the beams shine blinding me. I wasn't getting sleep.

"Was it good?" Toni asks. She was sick of my shit, I could hear it in her voice so I answered.

"Very good." But behind my words the thoughts followed. My body still tingles from how good it was. It wasn't just the sex we had there were weird belly flop moments of connection. Is that the way a one and done is supposed to be? Confusion makes me turn and curl in on myself. Those heartbreaking crack gem gaze played in the back of my mind. That moment of connection looped. And the thought was correct. He was absolutely, bad for me.

Toni's head pops over the side of the bunk bed, and she looks down at me. "You're not talking about the job?"

"No," I answered Toni.

"Don't do this." She admonishes me.

"What is this?" I stressed the words back to her.

"You're sabotaging," Toni says.

"I'm not," I said out loud, but the thought trailed with it, I should stop lying to myself. Toni gives me the one eyebrow look. "I am," I correct myself. Toni reaches down from the upper bunk bed and her warm hand is enclosed in mine.

"I know."

"I'm sorry," I say to Toni, tears burn at the corner of my eye.

"It's not anything to be sorry about but tanking this without thinking about it is a form of self sabotage. You worked so fucking hard not to do this to yourself Ke." Considering she had attended my therapy session before we started our business, she sounded disappointed in me. And the huge feel of failing and fucking up. Wanting her to not do this with me in case I did. Then our huge fight because I didn't explain it. Well, that ended up in a therapy session for both of us. Us not working together wouldn't have ruined our friendship but again in a way it was not explaining it. I was crashing and burning again. Years of piecing it together and recovery. And I was doing it again.

"This job and the contract is a huge opportunity." I repeat her sentiment trying to persuade myself.

"Yup," Toni agrees. Then she hops down from the top bunk and slides into the bottom bunk with me.

"I'm not good at one-night stands. And this whole situation is already a mess. It's a time-bomb and I'm scared T."

"No, but you don't need to do anything. Show up work on the project, do the design and we are done. We can arrange upkeep with a third party. Our design and style is on showcase to some of the most powerful people in California. We get paid. Public school kids get more. Win win."

"What about Mr. Hadrian Valentine, CEO of Heron Industries?" I repeat it in the same style he did to me earlier that night. That impossible moment is still bending my brain backwards a lot like how he wore out the coochie early. Why him?

"A part of me feels like we had sex and now he's paying for it... Not directly but sideways." I whisper my fear to Toni. And saying it aloud makes it sound so much worse.

"Did you know who he was when you fucked him.?"

"No."

"Did you know about me offering a possible quote to Steve?

"No."

"Damn right his COO offered, and we did the logical thing and quoted a possible price range like a boss. Plus, I over quoted their ass, four times the real total. Because I'm your girl. Don't self-sabotage over dick you already got," Toni smiles quickly. Her pinky extends for a pinky bump finger bump combined with a fist bump. Straight out of our childhood and the comfort of the small gesture meant everything to me. A grin breaks out on my face.

Both our phones vibrate like it's a nightclub dance floor, and it's all bass. Toni checks her phone. "St. Hottie posted a design for a robot on the subreddit it's blowing up."

"St. Hottie, really Toni?" I'm an idiot. I should have checked the second binder. All his info was in the second book stupid.

"Well, I respect Saint Valentine, that man has got me some of my best V-day hookups over the years." Toni says with a wicked grin.

"Yeah, yeah I see the black catholic's peeking out of you. Nothing like thanking the proper saint for orgasms on his day." I shove Toni next to me a little bit as she chuckles.

"Are you going to open your phone and see what he did? I mean it's basically like the nerd version of giving you roses."

"Yes, but you don't give a casual fuck roses Toni. This was probably him being bored. I'm just one and done to him. Plus, he's just one and done to me."

I take out my phone and send a short message to COO Steven of Heron accepting all the jobs. "I accepted the job." A quick message follows with a thick data file for the job. It even has 3d models. Which should make everything go way faster.

Then I checked what he did. It wasn't just a robot design for lawn mowing that I wanted to take a look at. It had more going for it than that. Developing tools for software gives you access to only so much. There's certain things only the owning company can do. What he and code name Mr. Midnight, and Mr. Nice Guy all did was grant access to more of the code. The developer kit had new tools from Heron Inc. All three of them posted ways to use those new tools on my subreddit for farmers. People underestimate small changes to the food system. Simple hand tools can make it easier for small-scale farmers to offer more for less. Offering more at an affordable price like salad for example. Most people don't eat enough affordable leafy greens. It slowly ruins their health not because they don't want it but because they can't afford it. It was quietly a huge deal. I was fucking shook. Then a ding came in on my phone.

Hadrian: Did you like the robot?

I could hear the smile in his voice even though it was typed. He was like one of those guys who fixed the cars. Covered in grease and proud of themselves. But also, like they were having the most fun everyday.

Akeisha: Yes, it was a good design...

I wanted to say more and the typing sign was still there. Even after I hit the first send, I wanted to say more instantly. Hell, a part of me wanted to go back to San Francisco, and walk up to his office. Talk to him, maybe... I stop the thought process dead in its tracks. There is a part of Hadrian where we share the same geeky interests. I could totally picture myself talking shop and enjoying the geek out with him. But one and done. It all had to stop.

Akeisha: Thank you, what you did with the developer kit. That was really helpful. More access in the dev kit means we get to try out more things. That means more for regular farmers and enthusiasts.

Hadrian: It wasn't just me and I look forward to your ideas coming to life.

He was modest and didn't take credit for everything. That only left me more intrigued by the mysterious Hadrian Valentine. What I wanted to tell him was that the tech flowers were good. Toni was looking over my shoulder and my wonder was fully interrupted. I closed the phone.

Toni hops out of my bed and climbs back up to her bunk bed. She shuts off the overhead light and in the deep depth of the darkness of the blue bus, Toni says. "You're my forever Ke." I needed that badly but overall I wasn't in such a bad place. Had to let this play out and let Toni be my support if things went wrong. I can't stay afraid of self destruction.

"Forever Toni."

AN:// thank you for reading. Currently, I'm editing my little heart out. I ran into hurdle on the beat of a scene. Made changes and threw it against the wall again. I was going to speed post until the next scene then do 1 a weeks after that. But that threw me for a loop because the beat in that scene was important. I wanted to get it more right because a lot happens. So, I'm going to pace out and see what happens  right now. Thank you so much for your support. We have been getting randoms in on this book. Which is shocking me because it's so early. :) That didn't happen for The Tour or Noah. I ended up writing those with just two or three friends reading until later when more people started showing up unexpectedly. Noah was one of the few time that a wattpad event (black history month) was done and it was pretty much an open hashtag and my book was like 3 or 4 for the whole month. Which I'm told is where a lot of you guys came from. And how wattpad algorithm started working slightly for me. It stop working for me lol but I retained so many folks from Noah that it kinda doesn't matter that they haven't done anything like that again.

But like I've always said. I write books for the thirsty, and we keep it thirsty lol. Hell, we keep it hungry too. 

As always, thank you for the support. Thank you for caring, yall are dear to me.

-OP