❝ How long is forever? ❞
❝ Sometimes, just one second. ❞
― Alice in Wonderland.

* * *

Funny how he used to have the world in a form of his girlfriend in his embrace and now only a mere doll that resembled her left. Yet, it was pathetic how he could only stuck in reverse, how he had to conceal himself as if he was about to kill someone, how the gap between him and his girlfriend were restoring slowly.

She thought he had gone; but he never left her side, little did she know.

Kim Taehyung had not turned into one of the shining stars above. He was still in planet earth, breathing just like any other day.

The heartbeat that she thought she had missed was still beating.

If only she knew.

It was raining yet again ― the rain seemed to love giving their mood a company, liking to spoil their feelings and made it even worse. But at the state they were in, everything was the worst; nothing was okay. The world seemed to be betraying both of them.

Resting on the sofa, Taehyung lifted the doll that he had made ways before everything happened, the doll that resembled a Kwon Chaerin.

'I miss you a lot. Seeing you from behind sucks,' he thought to himself, bringing the doll to his embrace as if it was the real thing. 'But I know I don't deserve to be by your side too.' He closed his eyes and hugged it even tighter, holding it as if it was alive, as if it was a fragile gem that would shatter if he dropped it.

The door was opened harshly as Taehyung could hear a grunt coming from the entrance. He sat up straight with the doll still in his embrace as he waited his housemate to come in ― Kim Namjoon.

After the incident, Taehyung decided to stay at Namjoon's apartment for a while, and it was only a few blocks away from his shared apartment with Chaerin.

Droplets of water dripped from his whole body to the floor, creating traces everywhere as Namjoon entered the living room. "I will make sure to not challenge the forecast next time, really. I should've bought an umbrella with me," he ranted as he took off his coat that's now drenched with water.

'How was the exhibition, hyung? Was my painting good enough?' Taehyung showed his notebook.

Namjoon nodded. "You are more than just good."

Taehyung nervously smiled in return and hesitated a little bit before asking him another question. 'Did you meet her?'

Namjoon could see how the younger's expression changed, and felt sorry for him. It was just really, really sad to think that he could not freely meet his own girlfriend. "I met her and we had dinner together. She told me about you, and I could feel how much she loves you. She saw your painting as well, but did not know that you are actually V."

It had been days, weeks, since Taehyung casted such a sincere smile. 'I see. Hyung, did she cry?'

"Yes, a lot too." Namjoon did not even hesitate a tad bit or left a split second to think. Sure he cared about Taehyung and his well being, but he knew what the younger did was wrong, very wrong, as matter of fact.

Taehyung heaved a sigh and dropped his communication notebook to the coffee table, raking his fingers through his hair.

"How long are you going to stay like this, Tae? You cannot be like this forever, you have a home that you need to return to. This is not right." Namjoon took a seat beside Taehyung and patted his shoulder, forgetting the fact that he should be washing up by now. Well, he had just fought with the rain outside.

'I can't return, hyung. I was not the me from days ago anymore. I am now a Kim Taehyung that had committed the biggest sin, I am that Taehyung who had hurt his own girlfriend, I am someone who are playing with death. If it was not me, she would not have hurt herself. It all happened because I existed. Everything was a mess because I breathed.'

This got on Namjoon's nerves and he had to keep his composure before continue talking, "For the billionth time already, when are you going to stop blurting those stupid thoughts of yours? If you are going to blame yourself in every single event, then why don't you blame the world instead? It created you, Kim Taehyung," Namjoon paused for a while as the tension between them became tangible.

"With that mindset, you are like blaming everything for existing. If you are just going to blame yourself for breathing, then you are indirectly blaming the world as well, the things that made you a Kim Taehyung today. It happened because it supposed to happen, as much as I hate to say this. That's life. Instead, why don't you try to fix it? Because you're not running away for her, Taehyung, you're running for yourself. You are not fixing anything. This is not right."

The words hit him like a truck and made him think. As much as he wanted to argue back, he knew everything that Namjoon said was absolutely right.

"Now that I've met Chaerin, I could not help but to say this, Tae. She's suffocating, your girlfriend's soul is slowly dying and you are not helping her at all."

'I am sorry, hyung. I think I need fresh air.' Taehyung quickly scribbled on the paper and showed it to Namjoon before grabbing his coat and went outside.

Namjoon frowned. "But it's raining outside."

Taehyung's legs had bought him to a stroll with no particular destination ― but his unconsciousness did. 

There he was, standing in front of the apartment building, staring up with no reason under the rain.

Meanwhile on Chaerin's side, she was on her way home after did a little bit shopping to spoil herself.