🔷️

Read on into my world, where the REST of my Janet Jackson letter nestles snuggly in whatever chapter or book I put it in…

Dear Humble Part Of Me,

I wrote this somewhere bouncing on Saturn, running around the glowing
rings as I carve my own place in God’s Heaven in my heart, amidst living in and amongst sin in the real world. A world wrought with peril

I had a niece whom once contemplated suicide because the world was too vicious. She wanted no part of it any longer and she wasn't even eight years old yet. It broke my heart to shreds.

My sibling had no idea my niece even had those thoughts. Had it not been for the emotional words written in my niece's journal, no one would have known.

With my sibling, I showered my niece with patience, empathy, acknowledgement and understanding, showing her what love and family was about.

Jehovah said if we keep our faith in him then ALL things edifying is possible.

And God has brought me through so much. I owe my all, everything that I am to the Most High.

I thank you Yeshua for giving your life for my sins Lord, and with my gratitude and
deep appreciation I am not worthy of your love, but thankful you love me with your all.

My own Mama didn’t even love me like you love me, but you said I have to respect her so I will. Even though I know she g’on provoke me to wrath.

She always does.

Well, that was then.

I let all that go. You only get one mother. Good or bad, she's precious.

And for this, even though I was a sinner, Lord and I confessed this with fear and trembling before my new church home (at that time) as a 32 year old at Saint Pete’s Baptist Church on SW 107th Ave in Perrine, Florida.

♦️

Dear Diary,

Perrine was a place I was repeatedly bullied as a teenager by adults who frown at registered sex offenders and on those very same registered lists their names failed to make an appearance.

Some of the names on that list were truly innocent, but coverups and set ups ran rampant in the 'hood...

Joining St. Pete church, it felt like my life came full circle. I believed and confessed with my lips and my tongue that I believed in Jesus (Yeshua) and believed in my heart, mind, body and soul, psyche too, that He died for my sins.

I want to get to Heaven, despite what I've gone through and I know God won’t forsake me. But your family will, before God.

God wouldn’t EVER abandon you unless you rid Him from your bitter hearts. Then that was your Free Will.

And He still loved you.

For me, being reborn was a feat I was glad I finally decided to do. Took a lot to throw it all on God and answer the Pastor’s calling (Hi Pastor Kito!) and take that walk up the aisle to the Pastor and give your life to Christ and be saved.

I spelled my Pastor’s name the regular way. I say this because throughout my life story you will see me spell Pastor as Pa$tor, with a dollar sign because those Pa$tor$ used to have sex with me since eye was fourteen years old and only preached for money.

And funny thing was a few of them were dead now, from what I heard. I didn’t know this for myself. Quite frankly I didn't care. I moved on to have a successful, independent book career.

I heard they all died horribly and in that I just gave it to God.

Pastor Kito, my present day Pastor, who I respect wholeheartedly, was the only Pastor that ever truly made me feel the love of God with no ulterior motives.

He was very humble. He was true to the Word of God and what he taught, sometimes giving us a blunt lesson with stories from the Bible and the sensitive way he delivered it truly made me come to
church every Sunday.

He held your attention all the way
through and would have tears falling down your face. That was a teacher. He didn’t preach for the money. He preached, truly, to win souls. Our slogan was: This is the Year of the Supernatural.

Something like that and eye wrote it down and read it daily.

Until life happened, drawing my butt back to work. Bills didn't stop...

And after a few months I stopped going to church all together...