CHAPTER 81

Demi's POV 

              I woke up to Natalie shaking me, "What happened?" I mumbled drowsily. She smiled, "You need to change into the escalade for an interview about Timberline Knolls. They need you in twenty so hurry up." My heart started to beat faster and I nodded, "Sure." Natalie's also my counselor, and can read me better than anyone. So she had no trouble seeing the fear plastered on my face. "Hey, It's okay Demi. It's gonna be okay." I sighed, and nodded. It's going to be fine. 

~*~

                "We, are on our way to a treatment center that I went to a year ago. The first time that I walked into Timberline Knolls and I sat there to eat my first meal, and it was like, chicken, vegetables and milk. I took like, three bites of the chicken and was like, 'Okay I'm done." And they were like, 'Uhm, no you're not. You're gonna finish that.' And I was just like, 'Uhm No. I'm done.' They just stood there and were like, 'Okay.. We've got a stubborn one.' That's when I realized that maybe, I do need this place. Cause I can't even finish a meal. " I explained to the camera's as they filmed me. Mac and Natalie sat in the back-back seat, quietly looking out of the window. The producer gave me another prompt, to speak about addiction, and I nodded. "An addiction is an obsession, it takes over your mind and your every thought.. You think that you can't live without it. For me, it was not eating, and purging... and self-harming. It was really difficult to be able to stop... I didn't think that I had a problem. I knew that I was losing weight, I knew that what I was going was wrong, but I could never admit that I had a problem., because I never thought it was bad enough. You know, 'Oh I don't have a problem because I don't weight... 'X' amount of pounds' Or... 'I'm not doing it this many times a day.' 'I'm not as sick as so and so..' I haven't been in a hospital yet.. I haven't gone to treatment yet.' There's always someone sicker than you." The producer nodded, as we pulled into the driveway of Timberline Knolls. I sighed, and looked at Natalie, "I'm getting like, really nervous." She smiled sympathetically as the car stopped. I fixed my hair and put my hat on, then got out. 

                  As we walked into the lobby, a line of people who I recognized as my doctors, stood there. I smiled and gave them all a huge smile, "Hi! How are you guys?!" The all laughed and hugged me. My old therapist, Miss Andrea, took my arm. I hugged her tightly as tears came to my eyes. this woman is my rock. She's the reason I made the decision to become serious about my recovery. she's the only one who could get through to me while I was here. Andrea pulled back from the hug, her kind face crinkled when she smiled, and took my face in her hands. "Let me look at you properly dearie." She said in her slight English accent. Her smile got bigger, "So beautiful! And full of life!" She wiped away a tear that had fallen down her cheek. "Andrea stop crying! This is supposed to be happy!" She hugged me again, "Tears of joy my child. They're tears of joy. 

~*~

               I walked into the room where we had group therapy and immediately froze. This was the room that I had broke down in so many times. I had let my emotions drain out of me as I poured my heart out to these walls. This room held a lot of heavy dark secrets, just being in here I felt vulnerable. Someone cleared their throat behind me and I realized I was blocking the others from coming in and setting up the cameras. "Oh, sorry." I muttered, and moved aside for the tech guys to get through. Mac and Natalie brought up the rear. I had been debating on bringing Mac here, but she's the only thing that could keep my anxiety in check. If I felt too stressed I would take her from Natalie and just hold her for a minute. Which was exactly what I did as the producers and roadies set up the lighting and recording equipment. Mac had her legs around my waist and her arms around my neck while I held her tightly, buried into my neck. I stroked her back and felt her heartbeat begin to calm me. It seemed like seconds had passed, and they were finished setting up, waiting for me. I groaned and handed Mac to Natalie. Shuffling over to where they told me to sit, near the fireplace. 

                "I thought, when I was in here, that this is it. This is the end of my life, of my career. I'm never getting better, I'm in here for good. And I didn't want to get better when I was in here. I thought, this is how i'm supposed to be..... This room, "  I guestered around me, "This is the room where I stripped down the barely anything with my emotions. I got so completely vulnerable and so raw that even when I step into this room, I feel naked." I paused, and took a deep breath before continuing. "We got ot watch the countdown on New Year's Ever in here. And... by the time it hit one, I just started sobbing. Like, I can't believe i'm ringing in the new year in rehab. Like this is not the way that I wanted to ring in my new year. I just lost it. I went ot my room and was like, what have I done to my life? Where did I go wrong? I'm eighteen years old and I'm in rehab, on New Year's Eve...." I looked around the familiar room again, "These are very heavy rooms. This isn't just a room with couches in it. these are life, rooms with really heavy problems in it. But also, rooms with miracles." The producer, Mark nodded, and the camera's stopped recording. "Demi?" I looked up from my hands, Mark was pointing to a whiteboard, "They left that, I don't know if you wanted to write a message on it for the girls here or..?" I nodded, and walked over, taking the marker. 

I love my Maple girls!!! 

STAY STRONG!!! 

It gets better.... I believe in YOU. 

<3 - Demi Lovato 

~*~

             I stood on the make-shift stage. Girls were filing into the cafeteria, sitting on tables, chairs, and the floor. Finally, they quieted down, and the head doctor, Dr.Matthews stepped forward, speaking into the microphone. "Today, we have a very special guest. She was a patient here a year ago, and has overcome many obstacles in her life. Please welcome, Demi Lovato!" They politely clapped as I stepped forward to the mic, "Hi guys! Well, i'm Demi.... I know some of you are sitting here today thinking, 'I'm fine, I don't need treatment, I don't need the doctors.' But that's okay, because that's exactly what I was thinking my first month or so here. Miss Andrea over there? I'm pretty sure I cursed her out at least eight times." Laughter scattered around the room as My old therapist shrugged and nodded. "I was here, a year ago. And I spent, Halloween, Christmas, and New Year's in here. And I know how hard it is, like I was here. In these chairs right where you guys are sitting. And I hated this place...." More laughter started and I smiled, gesturing towards the doctor's. "Literally, I thought the doctors here were evil.. I don't know it was just really difficult for me to understand in life like, why me. Like why am I... I'm sure a lot of you feel this way, Like why am I messed up? Why did I have to have an eating disorder? Why this? Why that? And... I didn't realize that I was sick. I thought that writing seven songs in one night was normal. I thought that staying up until 5:30 in the morning was normal. Just a couple nights ago, I stayed up until like, five in the morning. I just couldn't sleep, my mind was racing. And it's still something I'm struggling with and learning to cope with. But creativity in my music helps me escape a lot of my inner demons. It's not an easy road, but I didn't come here today to share my sob story. I came here to tell you guys that it gets easier. I needed someone to tell me that when I was here. I just wish that like, every single girl here could live, in freedom. Cause..." I broke off as I started to tear up, "I don't know I just get really emotional when I think off all of the girls who are still in here. You know.. Like I want all of you to live, in freedom, SO badly, because it is SO worth it. Utilize your time here, cause it'll change your life. Because it changed mine." I quickly wiped tears from my eyes as the tears started. Dr. Matthews took the microphone from me, "Alright! I hope you think about what Miss Lovato just said, You're free to go to your activities. There was a mass scraping of chairs as everyone got up and filed out the patio doors to the lawns. I turned to the doctor, "Do you think I could go talk to some of the girls?" He nodded, "I think that would be a wonderful idea!" 

                 I walked outside where many of the teenagers were lounging on the lawn. One girl caught my eye, she looked younger than many of the other girls, 16 at the most. She seemed to be crying, and closed off from the others. I walked over and sat on the grass next to her. She took one look at me and started crying harder. I put a hand on her back, the bones there were sticking out, she was skinny. "Hey sweetie. What's your name?" she lifted her head and looked at me through bloodshot eyes. She pushed her light brown hair out her eyes and scrunched up her nose so her glasses went farther up her nose, "D-Danielle." I smiled, "That's a pretty name!" She cracked a small smile, but didn't say anything. At Timberline Knolls, the patients were taught to do anything they could to not reject compliments, even if it meant not saying anything. By her keeping silent, I knew how much she was struggling, even just a simple comment on her name was hard for her. "Well I'm Demi." She smiled again, but this time more genuine, "Yeah, I know. You're the reason-" She cut herself off and looked down at her hands, "I'm the what?" She sighed, avoiding my gaze, "You're the reason I'm trying to recover." I couldn't hide my smile, "You're a lovatic?" She rolled her eyes, "You have no idea." I smiled and nudged her shoulder, "This is kinda the part where you tell me your story." She cracked a smile but it dropped, "You wouldn't want to know, it's too depressing." I snorted. "Puh-lease. I know depressing, and of course I want to hear it! I love hearing my fans stories." Danielle thought for a second, "Well it's my second week here. Once I became a fan of you I realized I couldn't live like I have been, so I asked my mom to take me to treatment. she freaked out at first, because I'm only 15. but eventually she came around, and let me come here. And here I am. Talking to Demi fucking Lovato." I giggled at her fangirling, "Well I'm so proud of you. Like, SO proud. that takes alot of courage to do that, to ask for help. You are SO strong. And I want you to know that I love you, okay?" She smiled, "I love you too." I hugged her tightly, "Stay Strong." I murmured. "I will." 

               As I walked along the rock path I came across another girl sitting on a bench swing. When I touched her arm and looked up at me, blinked in shock, then burst into tears. I was startled for a second, not used to that reaction, then sat down next to her. I rubbed her back consolingly, "What's your name sweetie?" The girl let out a sob, "Kailani." I smiled, "Wow! Your name is SO cool!" The girl just kept her head in her hands, "Sweetie, why are you crying?" the girl looked up at me, "Y-You the reason I'm a-alive." I cocked my head, "What do you mean?" She sighed, "I had the pills, I wrote the note. I ahd it all planned out. I was going to commit. Then, I don't know how, but Skyscraper started playing on my computer, and I just couldn't do it." She started to cry again so I pulled her into a hug, "Hey, Listen to me. You need to use your time here to it's full potential. It will change your life, okay? I promise. Stay Strong beautiful. For me?" Kailani nodded, "I will Demi." I smiled, "And whenever it gets tough just remember that I love you. So much." 

                    I was walking back to the building after signing an autograph for almost every girl there, when I heard someone yelling my name. "Demi! Wait! Please!" I turned around and saw a girl running towards me. She was one of the really young ones, 13 maybe? She finally caught up to me, wheezing as she skidded to a stop. "Hey! Calm down there, are you okay?" I asked, taking her hand. She nodded eagerly with tears in her eyes. "J-Just wanted to say thank you." I furrowed my eyebrows. "For what?" The girl panted, then gulped. "For saving my life." I smiled, "What's you name?" She sighed, "Lacey." She said in a small voice. I noticed something on her left arm. Since Timberline Knolls wanted the girls to feel comfortable in their skin, scars and all, during the warmer months, the girls were discouraged to wear long sleeve shirts. she had a long scar trailing down her entire arm. when Lacey saw me staring at it curiously, she smiled, "It happened when I was a kid, stupid curling iron." I smiled, but it faded once I saw the self harm scars. I took her wrist and kissed the white lines on her arm. "You, are so very strong. I am so proud of you. How long have you been here?" She sniffled, "Three weeks... but I'm scared Demi." I smiled, and wiped her tears with the end of my sleeve, and pulled her into a tight hug. "It's gonna be okay sweetie. Remember that I love you." 

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AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Okay so the winners were.... 

@hi_demi__

@Lovatolover

@WeLoveDemi

But don't be discouraged! I'm going to be using you guys in the story as characters in more chapters! I'll just pick from my inbox! 

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Next update= 945,000

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-Rachel