CHAPTER 89

Dem's POV 

          Today's the day I leave Nick and I both leave Texas... but not together. He's going to New York and I'm continuing the tour. We're sitting on the couch, trying not to think about the inevitable that's coming. I sighed, and snuggled close into his chest. My family was out, and Mac was upstairs taking a nap so we basically had the house to ourselves. Instead of having some ins tense makeout session we just curled up on the couch and held each other. Enjoying each other's presence rather then our bodies. I let out a shaky breath, trying to hod in tears as the clock inched forward, close and closer to the time that Nick's rental car is supposed to arrive. Nick sighed and kissed my forehead, "Don't cry Demi." He murmured. I sniffled and squeezed my arms tighter around him. The clock hit three o'clock and I let the tears flow freely. Nick took his hand off of my back and brought it to his face. I lifted my head  and saw that his eyes were red and puffy. "W-Why are you crying?" I croaked. He smiled, "You're not the only one who doesn't want me to leave Dems." A horn beeped outside and I whimpered, "Don't go." He gripped me tightly, then let go, pulling away from me as I clutched at him, "Demi. Let go." He gently pried my hand from their death grip o his jacket. "No." He leaned down and pressed his lips to mine, it relaxed my body and loosened my grip. He pulled away and leaned his forehead against mine, "I love you Demi." I looked up, meeting his eyes, "I love you too." He smiled, "Stay Strong." Then he was gone. 

             I walked miserably up the stairs, when I rounded the corner I froze, "MACKENZIE LOVATO." I yelled, she skipped out of her room, "Yeah momma?" I pointed at the mess of crayon and marker on the once white wall. "DID YOU DO THAT?" She shrank back at my loud voice. "WELL?" I shouted angrily. Mac looked at her feet, "I thought you would like my picture." I brought my hand up to run it through my hair, and Mac flinched back, putting her hands up to protect her face. Instantly, my anger shattered. I took a step forward, "Mac I-" She turned around and sprinted towards the bedroom, my right on her heels. She shut the door and locked it just as I hit it, making me bounce back on my ass. "SHIT." I yelled, and desperately searched for the key on top of the doorway, it wasn't there. I banged on the door, "Mac, baby I'm so sorry, I wasn't gonna hit you." I heard her wails coming from the other side of the door. Frantically, I sprinted towards my parents room and ran my hand on the top of their doorway.. YES! I grabbed the key and ran back to my room, not hesitating as I opened the locked and pushed the door. 

             Mac scrambled away from me on the bed. "Mac baby I'm so sorry." I walked forward and she whimpered, stopping me. I ran a hand over my face, wiping away the tears that were now freely falling down my cheeks. "Baby please, don't be afraid I'm sorry." I knelt on the bed and Mac scooted further away from me, "P-Please, go away Demi." I froze, she'd called me Demi. No Mama, or mommy, Demi. Stood up, my face blank. Mac looked at me with fear in her eyes as I walked backwards towards the door. I paused before I walked out, "I'm sorry." I whispered, then shut the door. I leaned against it and slid down to the floor. I buried my head in my arms and cried, loud sobs ripping through my chest. 

Demmiii 
          My head snapped up, "NO." I whispered. 
Look what you've done Demi?
          I pressed my hands over my mouth and bit my lip to stop myself from screaming. 
Such a disappointment. Your own daughter's afraid of you. Like you were afraid of your father.
          I fell onto my side and laid there trying to block the voices out. 
"C'mon Demi. Just cut, you need a release and you know exactly how you can get it." 
          

         I pushed myself up and sat on my hands, I can't do this, I have to stay strong. I looked at my phone, 4:07. I've been sitting here for an hour and my family would be home soon. I got up and walked into the bathroom, staring at my makeup-smeared face in the mirror. I sighed, then washed it off as best as I could, then dried my eyes. I looked at myself and smiled big, good enough. A door opened downstairs and the sound of my family coming home reached my ears. "Demi? You up there?" I took a deep breath, then walked down the stairs, "Hi guys." My mom looked worried, "Have you been crying?" I shrugged, "Nick left at three..." I trailed off, deciding not to tell them about what happened with Mac. My mom narrowed her eyes. "Demi wanna help me in the kitchen for a sec?" I mentally groaned, and nodded, following her into the kitchen. As soon as we were in the kitchen and out of earshot my mom whirled around. "What else is going on?" I broke, and explained everything. By the time I was done, tears were brought to my eyes. "She hates me mom." I whimpered, my mom sighed and rubbed here eyes "Demi she doesn't hate you. She loves you so much, she's just scared. We can fix the wall easily. But her trust? That's something you'll have to work on. Now go and try to talk to her again." I nodded, and walked up the stairs, pausing to get a good look at the picture that had started this mess. Three people, in size order, labeled 'Nick' 'Mommy' and 'Mac' in sloppy little-kid handwriting. I gulped down at the lump in my throat. She hadn't meant any harm, but I'd screamed at her anyway. I walked to the door and knocked, "Mac? It's mommy. Can I come in?" there was no answer. I took a deep breath, then pushed the door open. 

            Mac was still curled up on the far side of the bed, she hadn't moved since I left the room before. I shut the door behind me and slowly walked over. Mac's eyes widened and she once again moved back on the bed. Once she reached the edge of the bed she got off and slid back into the corner. "Babygirl, I'm not gonna hurt you." I whispered. Mac shook her head and pulled her knees to her chest. I stopped a few feet away from her and kneeled down, giving her space. "Mac please I'm so sorry for scaring you." I stretched out my hand, but she shy'd away from it. "P-Please don't hurt me D-Demi. I'm sorry." she whimpered, and I winced as she used my name. "No Mac, I'm sorry. I'm not gonna hurt you. I made a mistake." Tears were forming in my eyes now, blurring my vision. Mac turned her head, "Please Demi, go away." I swallowed hard, then nodded, "If that's what you want." Mac closed her eyes and nodded. I got up and walked out of the room. 

          My mom was waiting for me outside. "How'd it go?" I shook my head and walked into the guest room, trying to control the tears. I heard my mom open the door of Mac's room, then shut. I sighed, I can't believe how bad I fucked up. We're supposed to get on the bus in two hours. My breath caught, what if she doesn't want togo with me? What is she hates me forever? "Demi?" A voice broke through my thoughts and I turned to see my mom standing there, "Dinner's ready." My face fell, and I nodded, following her out. The door to Mac's room was shut once again and I bit my lip as I walked past. My mom rubbed my back, "Give it some time baby, she'll come around." I nodded, and walked down the stairs. 

             My mom had already briefed the other members of the family about what happened so no one questioned Mac's absence. But that didn't help with the empty chair, the odd silence, and the hole in my heart. After dinner, my mom gave me a plate to take up to Mac and I once again found myself on the other side of that stupid door that separated me from my favorite thing in the entire world.

            I took a deep breath and pushed the door open. Instead of on the floor, Mac was once again on the bed, "Mac?" She lifted her head off the pillow, but didn't run away. "I-I thought you'd be hungry so I brought you some food." I held up the plate as proof. She nodded, and sat up straighter, looking at me warily as I carefully set the dish on the bed and retreated/ "I just have to pack a few thing but.... I won't touch you okay?" I said tentatively, trying to keep the tremor out of my voice. She nodded, and I began to shove our stuff into suitcases. 

~*~

               "Bye mom, I love you." I kissed my mom's cheek and hugged her as I walked out the door. She smiled, "Don't worry Dems, it'll get better." I nodded, but didn't believe it. Mac was already in the tour bus. Instead of having me carry her over there she'd walked by herself after saying goodbye to everyone. I sighed, "Thanks mom." 

                 I walked onto the bus and saw Mac curled up into a ball on the couch. I sighed, this was going to be torture not to touch her or lay down with her at night and snuggle. I decided to busy myself by making up our beds, but I finished in ten minutes. We still have ten hours of this left. I walked over to the couch, "Want to watch a movie?" Mac nodded, not looking at me. I put in a random movie and then sat down on the other end of the tiny couch. The opening scene came on and I realized what movie i'd put in, Lion King. The one we'd watched her first night with me. We sat in silence, watching the animated characters dance around and sing. The hyeena part came and Mac flinched. She leaned towards me, then caught herself and clutched at a pillow instead. I bit my lip and sighed, Will we ever be the same again? 

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