CHAPTER 83

Demi's POV 

          I sat in the recording booth for at least an hour, hysterically crying. There was a knock on the door and I looked up, my vision was blurred but I could see it was Mac standing outside the door. I began to cry harder, she opened the door and stepped inside the room.  She didn't say anything, she just sat next to me while I cried. 

            After another hour, the bus slowed down, and rolled to a stop. We'd arrived at the venue. Footsteps came onto the bus. Then, "Demi? Where are you?" I burst into tears again, I don't want to talk to anyone, I don't want to tell anyone what happened, I don't want to move. I just want to sit here with Mac and cry. "Demi?" The voice called again, Mac looked at me, then got up and left the room. I curled onto my side on the floor and buried my face in my arms. I heard footsteps, the someone gasped. The person touched my back and turned me over. I stared blankly into Natalie's concerned eyes. "Demi." She said slowly, "What happened?" I whimpered, and turned back onto my face, covering it with my arms. "Mac, go get ready princess, we'll be out in a second. I heard a door shut, then someone turned me over and pulled me into a sitting position. I began to feel the numbness chipping at me, urging me not to feel the pain. I clapped my hands over my ears as the voices started, 

"See? You're not good enough for him." 

"She's so much skinnier than you." 

"She's prettier than you too." 

"Look at her, she's perfect."

"He loves HER. Not YOU. How could he ever love someone like you?" 

"This is all your fault Demi. You disgust me." 

"This is why you should listen to US." 

"Don't feel Demi, it's so much easier." 

               My resolve broke. I stopped crying and sat up straighter, allowing the numbing to saturate my body. I looked up, and saw Natalie staring at me with a mix of confusion and concern. "What happened?" I sighed, "Nothing. I'm fine." Immediately, Natalie grabbed my hands. "No Demi. I know what you're thinking. Don't give in. Come back to me." I shook my head, "I'm fine Natalie." I went to stand up but she pushed me back down against the wall, looking into my dead eyes. "Demi. No. Think of Mac, you can't shut down. Don't do this. Tell me what happened." I just stared at her. she sighed in frustration and saw my phone on the floor. In a flash she snatched it up, holding it out of my reach when  I tried to pull it back. She unlocked it, and I knew the article would be the first thing to pop up. She read the story quickly, understanding dawning on her face. She sighed, then tapped on m phone some more, finally turning around and shoving the screen into my face. 

               A picture, of Nick and I was on the screen. Nick was kissing my cheek while I was smiling like an idiot. A piece of my numbness fell away but it was quickly fixed by the demons within. I turned my head away but Natalie grabbed my chin and forced me to watch the slide show. It went through hundreds of pictures of Nick and I being complete idiots, being cute with Mac, and sappy with each other. By the time she was done, I was hysterically crying again. "S-Stop." I begged, but I couldn't look away. Natalie locked the phone and I peeled my eyes away from the now black screen to look at her face. She was looking at me with eyes full of pity. "Demi. I know it's hard, but you have to feel the pain. You can't numb yourself. Mac needs you, and your fans need you. Okay?" I nodded, but continued to sob. Natalie pulled me into a hug and comforted me while I cried. It's not that I'm angry he cheated, because Wilmer cheated, I could have handled that. But the fact that it's Nick? Nick, the person who swore to never ever hurt me. Nick, my rock in my darkest hour. Nick, the man that i'm completely in love with. He broke my heart. 

~*~

             I'm in the middle of my Meet and Greet, all of these girls are coming in with the biggest smiles on their faces, yet I can't even give them a genuine one because of all of the hurt that i'm feeling inside. I'm not exactly 'faking' it, yet at the same time i'm not 100% there. My thoughts keep drifting off the Nick, and wondering if right now him and that bitch are toasting to our break up, probably having sex and getting drunk. I forced myself to focus and did my best to stop those thoughts. 

             The next girl who walked in was skinny, too skinny. I pushed these thoughts away too. Don't make assumptions. I told myself as she walked up. When she reached me, she went in for a hug. Max stepped forward but I waved him away, hugging the girl back. "Hi! what's your name sweetie?" The girl stepped back, "Sorry, I'm Leia. Your song 'Fix a Heart' means so much to me, I just can't believe I'm meeting you in person. I'm just going through a really tough breakup right now." I smiled, this time genuine. "I'm so sorry Leia." She smiled back sadly, "It's just.... You think you know someone then three years later... they're gone." My jaw dropped, "Three years?!" She nodded sadly, took her hands squeezed them. She winced, and pulled them back a bit, my eyes widened, and I rolled up her sleeves. "Oh no Leia." Red lines laced her wrists. I was aware of Max motioning for Me to hurry it up, so I hugged her tightly, "You don't need to do this to yourself. You are so much stronger than that. Okay? I want you to remember that I love you so much and that it hurts me when you do this, whenever you feel like hurting yourself. Okay?" She smiled, "I'll try Demi." I smiled back, "Stay Strong." She nodded, and was ushered out by security. I was in shock, this girl had been dating someone for over two years longer than i'd been dating Nick, and he just left. I have no reason to take my heartbreak out on my fans. They deserve better. The next person on line, got the biggest smile I could possibly give.

~*~

            I sat on the steps of the stage and looked out at the crowd, thousands of people were screaming, and cheering, for me. I raised the Mic and they quieted down, 'shhh-ing' those who kept yelling. "How many of you, have every been through a heartbreak?" The audience screamed again and I gave them a small smile. "My guess is all of you. No matter how big or small, whether you're seventeen, or five. You've all had some kind of sadness in your heart. I know when I was five, I had had my heart broken when I found out Leonardo DiCaprio was way too old for me." Laughter boomed through the empty arena, I couldn't help but giggle myself. "But seriously guys, heartbreak is one of the worst pains we go through as humans. We get our hopes up, only to be shot down and crushed. Our hearts have been through so much in life. I mean, it's a miracle mine is even beating. You can try and help someone through heartbreak, but no one's heart is completely fixed, it's scarred and bruised. This next song is called fix a heart. And it's for Leia." 

It's probably what's best for you. I only want the best for you. 

And if i'm not the best then you're stuck. 

I tried sever ties and I, ended up with wounds to bind. 

Like you're pouring salt in my cuts. 

And I just ran out of bandaids, I don't even know where to start, 

cause you can bandage the damage, 

but you never really can fix a heart. 

My eyes began to fill with tears as I thought of Nick. Somewhere, he was out. Maybe thinking of me, maybe not. I felt the first tear roll down my face as I continued to sing. 

Even though I know it's wrong, how could I be so sure? 

If you never say what you feel, feel. 

I must of held your hand so tight, you didn't have the will to fight. 

I guess you needed more time to heal, 

   I stopped singing as my voice began to crack, before I could panic because I lost the beat, I heard the crowd, 

BABY I JUST RAN OUT OF BANDAIDS, 

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE TO START

CAUSE YOU CAN BANDAGE THE DAMAGE, 

YOU NEVER REALLY CAN FIX A HEART. 

They all held up their phone's flashlights and waved the back and forth. The arena was lit up with thousands of stars, I smiled, and sang along with them. 

You must be a miracle, worker. 

Swearin up and down you can fix what's been broken yeah. 

Please don't get my hopes up, no no. 

Baby tell me how could you, be so cruel? 

 I hung my head and whispered the next line,  

It's like you're pourin' salt in my cuts. 

 I took a step forward, then crumpled onto my knees, the tears overtook me, but I pushed through, belting out the chorus. 

BABY I JUST RAN OUT OF BANDAIDS. 

I don't even know where to start,

Cause you can BANDAGE THE DAMAGE, 

You never really can fix a heart. 

Baby I just ran out, of bandaids, I don't even know where to start, 

cause you can bandage the damage, 

you never really can fix a heart. 

oh no no no 

You never really can fix a heart, 

oh no no no 

You never really can fix a heart, 

oohhhh 

You never really can fix my heart. 

            I sang the last words of the song in a whisper, and let the tears roll down my face. Still on my knees, I broke down crying, I couldn't help it. I looked up through red-rimmed eyes and saw thousands of my lovatics screaming for me. Some were crying themselves. I looked down and saw Leia, the girl from meet and greet was front row. She smiled, although she too had tears in her eyes. "Stay Strong Demi." She mouthed. I nodded, and got to my feet. "Sorry about that guys. It's just... That song means a lot to me right now. And I want ya'll to know that if it wasn't for the thought of seeing all of your beatiful faces tonight, I wouldn't have been able to step onstage, I fucking LOVE you guys!" 

~*~

           I ran offstage after finishing my encore songs, covered in sweat, tears, and water. Let's just say I might have accidentally missed my mouth when I went to take a gulp of water. 

           Mac and Natalie ran up to me smiling. "That was so good mama!" Mac squealed, and hugged me. I smiled and hugged her back, Natalie touched my arm, "I knew you could do it." I nodded, and followed her farther backstage into the dressing room. She took my sound equipment and in-ears from me, then left to give them to the tech booth, Mac flopped on the couch and began to play a game on my phone. 

               I looked around guiltily, making sure no one else was in the room watching me. Then, I grabbed a water bottle a dug through my purse. Finally, I found the orange bottle of tiny white pills. The prescribed painkillers for my back. I looked over my shoulder again and quickly threw three pills in my mouth and washed them down with water. They didn't just help my back, one was enough for that. They numbed the emotional pain too. It's temporary, but still, No one can know. 

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:O Wat. 

OKAY JUST SO YA'LL KNOW THIS STORY TAKES PLACE IN 2011 SO DEMI HASN'T GONE ALL CRAZY WITH HAIR COLORS YET OR ANYTHING. SOME OF YOU WERE COMMENTING THAT MAYBE IT WAS OLD PICTURES OF DEMI WHEN SHE WAS BLONDE, BUT SHE HASN'T BEEN BLONDE YET. NOTHING HAS REALLY HAPPENED NOT EVEN X FACTOR. 

CONGRATS TO @Disorderedmind FOR WINNING THE DRAWING AND WAS LEIA IN THE BOOK(:
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