A small, star-like ball of light bounced around my fingertips. Like the sun, only smaller. Less hot, less dangerous, less important. 

Still, it felt brighter because it was mine. I made it. 

I quietly laughed to myself as it danced around the palm of my hand. I wanted to spin around and jump with it, tune out the rest of the world, and just live in this one moment. 

But I couldn't do that. I didn't want to risk losing control over my spark. It deserved my full and undivided attention. 

I called it Sparky. I liked to name each and every light I created. Did El do that, too? Did he name his tiny lightning bolt things? Or was I just being immature?

The Leader used to tell me that I was so mature for my age. Even more mature than Juday and Rylah. Being mature was all I ever had, the only thing I was good at. Although, I never felt like I was mature, just quiet. 

I was always told that being immature was a bad thing, and I suppose it was, but it felt nice to think like a kid. I liked Sparky.

I didn't want anyone to take my ability to create Sparkies.

I wasn't paying attention to where I was walking anymore. I knew the way to Merloo's village by heart, so I didn't need to. I simply continued practicing. Maybe I could impress him. I loved the way his eyes lit up whenever I used magic. I'd improve, and he'd smile. 

I'd make him smile, make him happy. 

It had been a month. A month since El's silencing, a month since I found Merloo. Or maybe he found me. I wasn't sure. The training was hard and slow, I wasn't able to do much yet. He said that training often took years, but I had what he called "potential." 

Merloo claimed that I was progressing far faster than anyone he had trained before, which according to Merlight was just himself, but still, it felt nice. I felt special. I could do magic, just like El, but not quite like El. 

Was it bad, allowing myself to feel special like this? The people in my tribe weren't supposed to be individuals, we were all part of a bigger picture. So why did this special feeling make me so warm, so hopeful? Was I wrong for wanting to stay special? 

Sometimes, I wondered what my parents would do if they saw me using magic. They'd probably be terrified. Maybe upset, too. They weren't bad parents, just normal ones. They stayed in line and kept me in line. They didn't feel much, didn't say anything. They couldn't. I couldn't describe them if I tried, their faces weren't among the ones I had memorized. 

The Counter, Rylah, El, Merloo... I knew them. But my parents, myself, the people I've known for the longest somehow seemed the most foreign to me.

If my mom and dad saw my magic, they'd probably hate me.

El would have loved my powers, though. 

Maybe he'd look at me the way Merloo did. If he could see me now, he'd wrap his arm around my shoulder and smile. He'd brim with excitement, and we'd both create light together. Blue light, and yellow. 

Topaz.

Topaz and aquamarine. 

There's no way of knowing when El was born, but aquamarine felt right. Aquamarine for March. Because that was the color his sparks of electricity were. 

Merloo once told me there was a new light forming in my left eye--the one I more often kept covered with my hair, though I didn't hide it as much anymore. A light that was growing brighter as I became more confident in my magic. I had no idea if he was being literal or not. It could have been a strange metaphor. I recently learned what a metaphor was from Merlimbis. She said that Merloo would use them a lot in his writings. Apparently they were common in Merloo's tribe. Metaphors and similies. 

I liked them.

I could check my reflection in the creek to see if it the light in my eyes was real or metaphorical, but the thought of returning there without El felt... I just wasn't ready for that yet. I couldn't go back alone. Not now, maybe not ever. The thought of sitting on that same rock and looking down, only to be greeted by one unfamiliar face was too much to handle. Just thinking about it filled me with a strange kind of darkness. A heavy feeling that was hard to shake. 

I continued bouncing Sparky from hand to hand as I walked. The woods were starting to look unfamiliar. I must have made a wrong turn while focusing on my magic. Not that I minded, I still had a general idea of where I was. I couldn't have walked too far.

 A quiet gasp cut through the air, and I relaxed. 

"Cool, isn't it?" I smiled to myself, thinking Merloo was in front of me. 

I was greeted with silence. 

Confused, I slowly glanced up. 

My entire body went tense and chills ran up my neck. 

It wasn't Merloo. 

Instead, there was a boy about my age. He had dark blue skin and hair. A white cloak hung from his shoulders, like the ones pre-silenced children would wear during their ceremonies. 

That didn't make any sense, though. The silencing was a month ago. 

I tensed and quickly made Sparky vanish. I wanted to turn and run, but I couldn't. My feet wouldn't let me run. 

Was he from my tribe? Why was he wearing white? Silencing was eleven months away, and he wasn't part of my year ten silencing group. Was he one of the younger kids in year nine, maybe? No, there were only four of them, none of which were blue. 

"You've got special magic!" he gasped.

I remained frozen in place. I opened my mouth, but couldn't bring myself to speak. 

His eyes were wide. He could still speak. He could very easily report me to the leadership. What would happen if he did? Would they suspend my body in the air next to what was left of El? Would I too start to smell of rotting flesh? Would birds fly to me and pick me apart bit by bit? Would they drop pieces of me around the village?

I remained still as he held his arm out. Suddenly, a large stick appeared in his hand. It had a blue crystal on top of it.

What kind of gem was that? Diamond? Tanzanite? 

The kid smiled brightly as he held the large stick behind himself and grinned.

"My dad just taught me how to flip stuff the other day," he chuckled. "This is my staff! Do you have one? What color is the gem? Mine is sapphire."

Sapphire. September. 

"Did your dad show you how to make the bright thingy?" the boy continued. "Do you think you could teach me?"

I flinched and drew back. 

"Your parents teach you magic?!" I asked.

"Well, yeah. Who else would?" the boy asked. "My dad says magic is how we'll eradicate the bad guys someday. That way, our world can become perfect!"

His dad could speak? 

Was this The Counter's son or something? No, that didn't make sense. The Counter was too young to have a son this old. The Silencer's, maybe? 

No, that didn't make sense either. The Silencer had to have been too old. They've never been replaced. Not to my knowledge, at least. I didn't even know if they were a boy or a girl. I've never seen their face or heard their voice. They rarely presented themselves outside of ceremonies. Sometimes The Counter or The Leader would walk about, but never The Silencer. 

"You... you're from the Tribe of Darkness," I uttered in realization. 

That was the only explanation, right? This boy couldn't have been from my tribe. If he was, he wouldn't have learned magic from his father. It just didn't make sense. He wasn't from the Tribe of Ancients either, he looked nothing like the rest of them. Plus, if he was, he'd know about me. Merloo and the other ancients were very keen on not keeping me a secret. Their relationship with their people was much different from the relationship between my leaders and my tribe. They kept no secrets, everyone had a voice, a say. 

"You're not?" the boy asked. "But you don't look like one of the bad guys."

"Bad guys?" I questioned.

"The ancients and the humans," the little boy explained. 

"Why are they bad...?" 

I shifted uncomfortably. Tribe of Darkness and the Tribe of Ancients were rivals, this was explained to me right off the bat, but I didn't know that the ancients were bad people. They seemed nice. Far nicer than any group of people I've met before, which was just one, but still. 

"I don't know," the kid shrugged. "My dad says he'll explain it to me when I get older. Anyway, do you think you can show me that one move?"

I frowned and looked down at my hands. 

After a moment of internal debate, I waved my hand and allowed Sparky to return. The boy gasped and rushed forward to me, clapping. I could see Sparky's light reflecting off his bright blue eyes. 

I had seen blue eyes before, but none like his. They reminded me of El's blue eyes, but darker. More intense. It almost felt like they were glowing with magic. He looked to be younger, maybe eight or nine. Perhaps he would turn nine in September.

"Wow, you're amazing!" he beamed. 

"I'm Shylo, actually," I muttered.

"Really? I'm Blumi!" he giggled. "It's short for Blumiere."

I smiled back slightly. 

"Oh, here, let me show you my thing," he laughed. He made the big stick disappear and summoned a small rock. It appeared in front of him and fell to the ground. "This is all I can do for now. It's called flipping. I can make anything I want appear in front of me. I'm working on learning how to flip myself, but I can't do it yet. My dad says that's more of an advanced skill."

"Like teleporting?" I asked.

"Yeah! Exactly that! But flipping is easier. Teleporting is for crazy ancients with dimensional magic, and our tribe doesn't do that."

I nodded to myself. Merloo had mentioned teleporting to me before. He said he'd teach it to me someday soon once I was ready. 

If I wanted to escape my silencing, that was my way out. 

"We should be friends!" Blumi suddenly exclaimed as he grasped my arm, practically jumping up and down. "I almost never get to hang out with people my age! Which house is yours? Maybe we can practice magic together!"

"I, uh, well," I stuttered as I awkwardly looked off. "Um..."

I searched my brain for some kind of response when I suddenly felt heavy footsteps approaching. 

I quickly whirled around. My eyes fell on a tall man who looked similar to Blumi. Same blue eyes, though there wasn't wonder and excitement in them.

"Get away from my son," he stated. His voice was short and condescending, filled with venom and intensity. 

I felt my body stiffen even more.

"No, no, Dad this is my friend Shylo! He also is learning magic!" Blumi chimed. "Show him the thing, Shylo! Go one. Dad, you'll love this!"

I remained still and silent. I couldn't. Not when he was looking at me that way. The way The Leader looked at El when he refused to drink the juice--like a wild hawk looking down upon the small creatures that scurry across the ground, a predator eyeing its prey.

"He's not one of us," the tall man stated. "Get out. Now."

"But sir," I whispered, unable to stop my voice from shaking. Was I talking back to him? Why was I talking? What had gotten into me?! "I-I meant no harm! We were just-"

"SILENCE," the man commanded.

I jumped and quickly shut my mouth. Chills ran down my arms as I pressed my eyes shut and bowed my head.

I stayed still and listened as the man marched over to Blumi and grasped his shoulder tightly. I didn't see, but I could tell Blumi was in pain from the way he gasped and cried out. 

"Wait, Shylo!" Blumi cried. His voice started to grow distant as he was taken. "Dad, we weren't doing anything wrong! I was just trying to make a friend!"

His dad didn't speak anymore. 

Silence!

Neither did I. 

I didn't head to the Tribe of Ancients that night like I had initially planned. My soul felt too heavy. I didn't want to practice magic anymore. Not that night. 

I just wanted to go home and be silent. 

So, I did just that. 

When I got back to my village, everyone was filing out of the auditorium in a line. I felt my heart sink as my eyes landed on my parents. They were wearing their cloaks. 

There was a space between them where I was supposed to be. 

I clenched my fists slightly, digging my fingernails into my palms. How could I have been so stupid? It was January 21st, I had missed the year's first juice ceremony. 

I was going to get in so much trouble for this...

"Shylo," a smooth voice breathed from behind me.

I flinched and whirled around. 

The Counter's eyes were slightly narrowed, yet still warm. 

I wished my heart didn't flutter the way it did whenever he spoke to me. Sometimes, I wanted to hate him. I wanted to hate all the leadership for what they did to El, for what they were doing to all my people. But... whenever I looked into his golden eyes, I couldn't find it in me to despise him. Crushes were stupid. They always would be. It's hard to hate someone you've idolized for so many years. 

It was easy to try to find excuses for him. I could tell myself that he wasn't trying to hurt people. In his mind, he wasn't hurting anyone. He was a kid like me, once. He believed that this was all for the sake of peace and balance, right?

That was wrong, though. He knew what he was doing. All the leadership did. I should have hated him. 

Why couldn't I hate him? Was I just that brainwashed? Why was I still incapable of hate? All I could feel when I looked at him was reverence and a little fear.

"You missed the juicing," he breathed. "I'm... disappointed. We missed you."

My heart fluttered again. Did he really? 

No, no that's not what he meant. I gritted my teeth and looked away, trying to find anything else to focus on. I didn't matter. Not to him. I was one of hundreds. 

He took a step closer and placed a warm hand on my shoulder. It didn't feel as comforting as it used to. I missed Merloo's gentle grip, the way Merloo smiled at me whenever he made this same gesture. 

Merloo and The Counter were the same age. Sometimes, I wondered if they could be friends had they both been born in the Tribe of Ancients. 

They couldn't have been if they were both born here. One of them would have to have been silenced. 

And if Merloo were in this tribe instead of his, I bet The Counter wouldn't still be speaking.

"I've noticed that you have been leaving for almost a month now," The Counter hummed. His voice lowered slightly--his tone was cool and calm. So smooth, I could practically melt. 

I remained silent, frozen in place and time as he slowly circled me. I shivered as he stepped behind me, his grip still tight on my shoulder.

"Shylo, Shylo, Shylo," he chuckled. "We've had our eyes on you, you know."

I felt my eyebrows furrow slightly. 

"The Leader is getting older. Sometime soon, we'll be looking to replace her," he continued. "And... well, you've always caught my eye. So obedient."

I felt my heart swell slightly.

"The decision must be unanimous to make a replacement, but you have my vote," he smiled. He stopped behind me and leaned over his shoulder. His voice was a whisper now. A soft, warm, gentle whisper. So smooth...

I had his vote...?

Had he been noticing me all this time?

"Just remember, we're watching you," he breathed. "You can't become anything if you keep running away like this, Shylo. No matter where you go... we'll find you. We'll find you, and anyone who whispers in your ears, anyone who ever makes you feel... confused. We see through your eyes. We're a part of you, forever and always..."

I slowly nodded. My body trembled slightly.

He patted my shoulder, then slowly walked off. I didn't move, though.

I clenched my fists again, then turned and watched as he walked off. 

He didn't mean what he said. About wanting me to be part of the leadership. He didn't mean any of it. I wasn't an idiot anymore. I knew he'd never notice me like that. This was a tactic. A well-planned way of getting me to stay in line until my silencing, and I wasn't going to fall for it. Not anymore. I wasn't going to let his eyes or his voice make me melt. 

I wasn't going to love him anymore.

I waited for him to disappear into the distance, then turned and marched back into the woods. 

I was going back home. 

Not to the place I fell asleep at night, not to the place I grew up in. I was going back home. 

Home to Merloo. Home, where I was free and unafraid to speak. Home, where I could learn to use the skills I had been born with. Home, where my powers wouldn't be taken or capped, home where I was allowed to be special. 

I wasn't going to be silent. I wasn't going to let these people who didn't know me tell me what I had to be. I know who I am. 

I'm Shylo, and I'm going to learn dimensional magic. 

And someday, I'm going to be the most powerful, outspoken being in all the world.