"El, wait up!" I cried. 

She jumped across the small creek that was in the forest just outside our tribe's borders with speed and agility. I was afraid of losing sight of her. 

The forest was usually off-limits. I didn't know my way around. If I were to lose her, I'd lose myself. 

She gracefully pounced from rock to rock, giggling to herself as she did. How could she be so carefree? Wasn't she afraid of falling? Or worse, being spotted?

"Hurry up, Shylo. I need to show you something!" she chimed.

She jumped over to the other side of the creek and turned to face me.

I turned my gaze down to the rocks she used to cross the stream. The water was only a foot deep at most, but I didn't want to get wet. Tonight was the winter solstice. It wasn't my silencing ceremony yet, but my family was guaranteed a seat in the front row since my ceremony was next, so I didn't want to look messy. People would usually look at the children in the front row. 

Well, they'd actually look at the people being silenced, but if their eyes were to wander, they'd likely wander to me. 

Three years ago there was a kid in the front row who had a torn cloak. I had no idea who he was, but I always remembered him. That's the exact opposite of what I wanted for myself. I didn't want to stand out, to be burned into some random person's memory forever.

"Come on," she begged. Her voice was slightly whiny. It wasn't usually this way, she was just nagging me. I hated being nagged. "Shylo, you've got to live a little!"

"Alright, alright!" I cried out. A slightly strained breath escaped my lips as I carefully held my foot out over the closest rock. It was slick and shook a little as soon as I placed my body weight onto it. I held my arms out to keep my balance.

Slowly and carefully, I stepped from rock to rock. Unlike El, I didn't move at a fast pace. I squinted to try and determine which ones were the most stable, calculating each and every move I made.

I was starting to get the hang of it. I was going to make it!

I was going to make it until I stepped onto the last rock between the shore and me.

It shook and tilted beneath my weight, and I fell forward. 

I would have faceplanted into the river water had El not sprinted forward and grasped my arms, preventing me from falling in. 

Cold water surrounded my legs and soaked everything below my knees. My shoes, my pants, everything.

"Aw, now your feet are wet too," I muttered as I looked away to hide my embarrassment. She wasn't wearing shoes because she was to be silenced tonight, so it wasn't like she had to deal with soggy socks, but I still felt guilty for ruining her mini adventure with my failures. This was the last one she'd ever be able to take before her silencing. 

"Hey, it's fine," she assured me. "I like the water. See?"

She laughed and sat down in the river, further soaking herself. She pulled me down as well, still grasping my arms. I could feel the ice-cold winter water circling us, moving rapidly. The current felt strong, even though the water was shallow. We weren't swept away because the creek only went up to our stomachs while sitting, but that didn't make the water any less chilling. My teeth chattered, it felt like thousands of small pins were poking into my thighs.

"Why'd we come out here?" I asked as my entire body trembled. I couldn't keep my voice from shaking. "When you said you wanted to hang out, I thought we'd just walk around town like we always do."

"You're afraid of talking in town," she replied with a shrug. Her breath appeared before her as she spoke, thick like smoke. Like the firebreathing monsters from the old stories the leadership used to show us during lessons on obedience. "I can tell. When we're in the village it's always just me talking and you nodding along. Here, you don't have to worry about being heard."

Had I been acting timid with my words? I hadn't even noticed.

I suppose I do keep quiet often. There are so many questions constantly on my mind, none of which I ever find the courage to ask. But why did she notice before I could? Why was she paying that much attention to me?

I blinked a few times as I continued involuntarily shivered from the cold water. It felt like I was shaking more violently by the minute. Why did people shiver? Was it supposed to warm me? Why wasn't it working?

"Anyway, I came out here to show you something," El beamed. She let go of my arm and held her hand out. "You may want to scoot back."

I nodded and pulled back slightly. To get away from the cold, I stood and plopped down on the nearest rock, that way only my feet were in the water. Cold air surrounded my damp skin. It still felt like I was seconds away from freezing to death, but this seemed more manageable than being in the water. 

She smiled at me slightly. Her hair was still short, but slightly longer and shaggier than it had been before. A few weeks ago she had been complaining to me about how the leadership wasn't allowing her to cut it anymore because her silencing was coming up. I hoped they'd let her cut it again afterward. Shorter hair suited her well. Far better than long hair ever could, oddly enough. 

I never knew girls could have short hair. Could a boy have long hair? Would the leadership allow such things? 

My mother trimmed my hair just a few days ago, despite my pleas for her not to. Luckily she didn't shave it all, just made it short enough to stay out of my eyes and off my neck. Still, I missed the slightly longer length.

El's face was also a little dirty. She'd probably have to be properly cleaned before her ceremony. 

She was the only kid who was ten. I wondered if she felt lonely. Was the ceremony scarier for her? She'd be all alone, everyone's eyes would be on her. For me, I'd have Rylah and Juday by my side, but not her. Did being the only one make the silencing more frightening?

"Are you ready?" she asked.

It wasn't a question, but more of a warning. Before I could answer, she turned her focus to her hand, and suddenly bright blue sparks were dancing around her fingertips, sizzling and crackling like wildfire.

I flinched and nearly fell back. 

"Oh, no, no, it won't hurt you," she quickly assured me as the sparks dissolved into the air. Just as soon as they appeared, they vanished.

"What was that?!" I squeaked. My throat suddenly felt dry and my head throbbed. 

"Magic," she said. "You don't need to be scared of it. We've all got it."

"I don't," I quickly said.

"Yes you do," she said. "I overheard The Counter talk about it with The Leader. We all get our powers when we're about ten. Around when we're to be silenced. The silencing, well, silences the powers. They call it 'maintaining the balance.' But... imagine everything we could do if we weren't silenced."

I bit the inside of my cheek, then slowly looked down at my own hands.

"So... I can make sparks too?" I muttered.

"I don't know. It's different for everyone," she chuckled. She sat on the rock next to mine and smiled. "Mine's got this lightning theme. You know, the big flashes of light that come from the sky when nature is angry with us?"

I nodded. But lightning was bad, right? The leaders had always told us lightning was nature's way of punishing us for our mistakes. Why would El act so proud to have a power related to something so destructive and cruel?

Well, I suppose it wasn't cruel. Lighting would only strike because we deserved it. I always considered it cruel, though. The loud cackles of electricity would always scare me.

Maybe she smiled because she was just proud to have power. I supposed it wasn't too terrible, allowing her to play around like this. She wasn't being dangerous. 

Besides, her silencing was only in a few hours. Soon, this wouldn't be a big deal anymore.

"Hey, look down at the water," she gasped. She leaned closer to me and looked down. 

I did as she said, allowing my eyes to land on a picture of two kids, sitting side by side. 

One of them was smiling. Her bright blue eyes were cheery and hopeful. 

The other kid looked smaller, more timid. His eyes were dark and tired. They were eyes that didn't look like they belonged to a kid. Far too much fear was contained within them. The boy's hair was a messy mix of black and white, and his skin was a pasty gray color like most others. Sitting next to El, he seemed so faded and colorless. 

I only had one of the faces memorized.

And it wasn't mine. 

"That's us, Shylo," El smiled. She wrapped an arm around my shoulder and laughed. "Best friends."

"Best friends..." I trailed off as I squinted at our reflection. 

There were people of all shapes and sizes in our tribe. Most looked the way Juday did. Dark. My hair was unique, I saw black and white hair often but never a mixture of the two colors like what I had. Still, my face looked normal. My eyes, normal. There were hundreds of people just like me. 

But, I had never seen someone look exactly like El. She wore her hair differently, she smiled more, she was brighter. 

"I'm not going to be silenced tonight," she said. 

She said this a lot. I never believed her. Everyone was silenced. The alternative... well, I didn't know what the alternative to being silenced was other than being chosen as a member of the leadership, but it had to be bad. 

Maybe she would get chosen. 

She didn't seem like she'd want that, though. 

"Someday, I'm not going to be a girl, either," she continued as she held her free hand out and made the sparks return. "I think I'm already not a girl. Maybe I never was a girl. A little girl is just what they told me to be."

I could almost feel the energy bouncing off of her as she smiled. The light from the sparks reflected off the water and her eyes. The cackling wasn't as scary as it was before. 

"Wait, are you a boy?" I asked. 

I turned my head and squinted at her. I supposed she did look more like a boy. She acted like one, too, if there even was a set way for boys to act. There were rules for what was expected out of men, but the idea of gender always felt a little confusing to me. I liked flowers, and purple was one of my favorite colors, even though it was considered a 'girl color.' I always assumed gender was just what was assigned by birth, but the more I thought about it, the more El felt like a boy. 

"I think so," El shrugged. "You don't have to call me one, though. No one else does. I think if I told The Leader, she'd flip out."

"No, no, I will," I quickly said. "I think... no, I don't think. It just does. Feel right, I mean. It feels right."

The sparks disappeared for a moment. The world fell quiet. 

Had I messed up? Did I say something wrong?   

"Thanks," he breathed as he smiled slightly. This smile was different from his usual mischievous grin. It was softer, somehow. "I agree."

. . .

The fiddle player played his tunes as my family was seated in the front row. The air was cold, but the night was still. No wind howled and the sky was clear. Torches were lit as one bed of white roses sat in the center of the auditorium. 

I had been to many silencing ceremonies before. They always scared me, but this felt different. I never felt this kind of fear before. 

El said he wouldn't be silenced. He said that a lot, but I never believed him. No one escaped the silencing unless they were chosen to step into a leadership position, and he wasn't the kind of person to be picked for that. It was a shame, really. He'd be good at it. 

But he'd never be picked. Hoping was a waste of time. He was known for making trouble, especially during the juice ceremonies. Besides, he wouldn't have wanted to take on a position like that.

Not that what he wanted even mattered. 

Did The Counter want to be The Counter? Did The Leader want to be The Leader? Did anyone get a say? Would someone be allowed to say no if they were chosen? 

Another question I'd never know the answer to. 

Before the ceremony, I made sure to change my clothes so I wouldn't be wet. I washed my face as well. It was important for me to look perfect, especially since I was in the front row. 

Did El wash his face too? Would he care about small things like that? 

I was standing in my assigned place, allowing my thoughts to spiral until El's parents suddenly walked out from behind the black curtains and took their place in the front as well. They stood beside Rylah's parents, quiet. 

My heart started to race.

I didn't like to pray, but I found myself doing it there. I didn't know who I was praying to. Nature, maybe. Anyone who would listen, I suppose.

I prayed for El. Prayed he'd let them silence him without causing a scene. As much as I didn't want him silenced, there was no real escape. If he pulled a stunt like he did at the juicing ceremony in the fall, I don't know what they'd do to him. 

The fiddle stopped playing. Chills ran down my spine. 

The fiddle player stepped into the auditorium and waited by the exit. Weird, he usually joined everyone else sooner. He was out of place. Why was he out of place? Would he be in trouble? 

He was ruining El's ceremony! What was wrong with him?! Why was he doing this?! 

He seemed to glance at me. His hood was down. His red hair matched the color of the torch beside him. His hood wasn't supposed to be down. Why was it down?!

The Silencer pushed the black curtains aside and slowly walked out to the center of the auditorium with their tools. I watched the light from the torches reflect off the silver scissors. Usually, the red liquid didn't bother me, but the idea of it covering those scissors and staining the white roses made me sick. 

Everyone in the audience, including me, stood up. I tried not to focus on the fiddle player, who was out of place. The Silencer didn't seem to spot him. 

Why was he there? Was he afraid? He should have been. Being out of place would surely lead to some kind of punishment.

El slowly walked out, dressed in his white cloak. The Counter and The Leader followed behind him, humming quietly in unison. 

He seemed to look in the fiddle player's direction. A small smile crossed El's lips, and he looked forward once again. 

Why?

Once El was in front of the bed of roses, he stopped.

The Silencer set the bronze bowl down in front of the singular rose bed and pointed the silver scissors at him. 

El stepped forward but didn't bow.

The Silencer waited as El remained still. He was facing away from me, but I could practically sense the small, mischievous smirk on his lips.

"Bow, El," I whispered beneath my breath. 

He slowly turned around so he was facing the audience. I felt his eyes land on mine. 

He smiled. I couldn't smile back.

I couldn't look at the fiddle player now. I couldn't take my eyes off of my friend. My best friend. 

"Bow, El," I whispered again.

"Do I dare disturb the universe?" he asked. He spoke slowly and clearly like The Leader usually did during juicing ceremonies.  

"Luella, get back here," The Leader hissed. She grasped El's shoulder and pulled him back. 

El stumbled slightly but refused to be pushed down. 

"Yes," he smiled. "I dare."

He quickly took his cloak off, then dropped it on the bed of white roses. 

The Counter shook his head and started to step forward when The Leader held her hand out, stopping him. 

She nodded at The Silencer, then snapped her fingers.

The Silencer nodded back. Their grip tightened on the scissors. 

They stepped forward and grasped El's wrist, twisting it behind his back. 

The little boy let out a cry as a quiet snapping sound cut through the air.

"Tribe dismissed," The Leader announced firmly. "Return to your homes. Now."

"Let me go!" El cried as my parents ushered me away.

The fiddle player started playing.

I briefly caught The Leader's narrowed eyes as she glanced in the fiddle player's direction, but he was gone. Everyone was moving, he had disappeared into the crowd of black. All I could hear was his song.

"Wait, no!" I whispered. 

I fought against my parents as they pushed me forward. More black-cloaked people surrounded me, blocking my view. 

"El!" 

"Let me go!" El's voice demanded.

I could barely see him through everyone. All I could hear was grunting and crying. I could see him struggling as The Counter and The Leader held him in place. 

I tore myself from my parents' grips and pushed through the crowd.

"El!" I cried.

I pushed my way past the swarm of people, something I'd never been brave enough to do before. I was always too afraid of what strangers would think of me, of what the leaders would think of me. I couldn't afford to be scared today, though. 

 The sharp end of the scissors was pressed to his throat. 

I stopped as soon as I scrambled to the front, and the world seemed to freeze in pure, horrid silence.

With one quiet, swift cut, he fell to the ground and landed in the bed of white roses. 

I gasped as a loud ringing suddenly echoed throughout my head. 

The thick, red liquid slowly stained the flowers that caught him. 

The Leader smiled as she placed El's white cloak over him. 

She pressed her finger to her lips, then traced it from the top of El's forehead to the cut on his throat.

I began to tremble. 

My eyes started to sting.  

I couldn't move. Couldn't breathe. 

Do I dare disturb the universe?

I bit the inside of my cheek, then turned and ran as fast as I could, far from the auditorium, far from the leaders, far from El. 

Far from my parents, far from the village, far from everything. 

And the fiddle fell silent.