(AN: TRIGGER WARNING, AN INCREDIBLY DARK STORY INVOLVING CULTS, TRAUMA, ABUSE, ETC. IF YOU NEED HELP, SEEK OUT RESOURCES AND STAY SAFE. These topics are primarily played out in the chapters titled "Shylo," at the top, so be extra prepared when going into those ones.)

Is it wrong of me to wonder what the world would be like if I dared disturb the universe?

I always liked to wonder. Why would the sun rise and set, why were the trees so tall, what were shadows for, why were the rivers so cold, what made fiddles sound so sweet? The leaders used to call me a child with too many questions. There were so many words I wanted to speak, so many things left to ask. Mysteries to solve, adventures to be had.

The winter solstice of my 10th year had arrived. It was the day. My day, our day. We were walking. I had always loved the sound of dry, frosted grass as it crunched beneath my bare feet. Sometimes the grass blades were so cold that it felt like my feet were burning instead of freezing. I wanted to ask why that was, too. Another question I'd have to keep to myself. 

My mother gently held my right hand as she walked along my side. Sometimes I'd trip over her feet, she never gave me enough space. Still, her grip was soft. I bet the wind could have blown me from her if it tried hard enough. Why did wind exist? Why would it blow so harshly? 

My father clutched my left shoulder so tightly that I was afraid he'd crush the bones inside me. He trembled, as he always did whenever the winter solstice came around. I used to tremble too. Maybe I was trembling, it was hard to tell if the shaking was just from him or the both of us. Or maybe it was just me. What reason would he have to tremble?

The winter solstice gatherings were special. This was my tenth one, but this wouldn't be like the others. This one was the first gathering meant for me, for us. Us, the three children who had finally come of age. 

Year ten. 

In the previous nine years, we'd arrive three hours sooner with the rest of our tribe, but not this time. This time, we were to arrive in the dead of night, when all is still and quiet in the world. When the sun is gone and there is perfect balance. No shadows are cast by an overbearing light, there's just stillness. 

There was a large outdoor auditorium where everyone waited for us. My parents took me around the back of it, behind a set of black curtains. Awaiting us on the other end were the two other families and the three most important people in the world.

The Counter, The Silencer, and The Leader. 

I was already dressed in my pure white cloak, as were the other two ten-year-olds. I didn't like the way everyone looked at me as soon as we showed up. I never did enjoy being the last to arrive, but it was preferable to being first. Being first meant being alone with the leadership, and I didn't want that. Not tonight. 

I recognized both the other children, we were in the same speech classes. I've known them for my entire life. I wouldn't have called us friends, though.

I used to wonder why we had to spend the first ten years of our lives taking speech classes. Or any classes, for that matter. We weren't important, we wouldn't need them. What was the point in learning if we could never do anything with that knowledge? For the majority of our people, the only useful skills we would ever use from these classes were listening skills. 

I used to think being called a good listener was a compliment.

Rylah, one of the two other children, was standing next to her dad. Her red hair was tied back in a braid. It normally was, but usually, she had an assortment of colorful flowers weaved with her long strands of hair. Seeing her without them didn't feel right, she looked like an unpainted canvas. In a way, that's what we all were.  

She had gray eyes and a fair skin tone, like her mother. Rylah's mom had been lost just one month ago. The leaders said that it was some kind of illness. They claimed that this bug ran through our entire tribe and impacted a number of people, but she was the only one who was lost. I didn't hear about anyone else being affected. She was just gone one day. They said that they tried their best to save her, to help her hang on just long enough so she could make it to the solstice and witness her daughter's silencing, but it wasn't meant to be. 

The other boy was named Juday. Both his parents were present for his ceremony. That's how it usually was, most parents at least tried to live long enough to see their kids be silenced. I wonder if Rylah felt left out.  

Juday wore a smile on his face. Unlike Rylah, there was no grief in his deep black eyes. He had spent his entire life looking forward to this moment. Like the vast majority of people in our tribe, he had dark eyes and rich gray skin. His black hair was incredibly short, he almost looked bald. I never liked these haircuts, even though they were the most common cut for boys our age to have. My mother shaved my head once years ago, it never felt right. I had refused to let it be shaved ever since then. That must have been when I was six. Now my hair was long enough to cover my eyes. I liked it better like that, though. It gave me a wall to hide behind. Usually, I'd keep it over my left eye.

Juday wasn't like Rylah and I. He had taken oaths of silence before, some of them lasting months, all in preparation for this day, this ceremony. He wasn't nervous, this night was one he never feared. He awaited it excitedly. We all were supposed to be happy.

The Leader smiled at me as I shifted slightly. I felt a pit deep form within my stomach as both my parents let go of me. My shoulder felt sore from how tightly my dad held it. Why did he let go so quickly? I used to picture this moment. I thought he'd hug me, show me that he was proud of me somehow. Neither of them did, though. They just let go.

"Shylo," the Leader smiled. Her heels clicked until she was too close for comfort and she kneeled down in front of me. The adults all wore shoes, but we weren't supposed to. They wanted us to feel the ground beneath us to deepen our connection. 

She placed her index finger to her lips, then gently touched it to my forehead, drawing a line across my face and down to my throat, where she stopped. Her hands were cold. I shivered involuntarily.  

Rylah, Juday, and I were to wear white cloaks for our ceremony. The rest of the tribe dressed in black. I had attended many ceremonies in the safe black cloak. It felt familiar, I missed it. 

The people of importance always dressed in their own colors. 

The Counter wore yellow. It was said to represent clarity. He wore it with pride. It suited him well, too. He looked like the color yellow. Acted like it, too. It was his color, it always would be.

The Leader was dressed in purple, which represented her wisdom and connection to the spiritual plane. There was a certain regalness that felt associated with her and the color.

Lastly, The Silencer dressed in green, representing the balanced harmony they would create and maintain. 

My stomach always twisted slightly whenever my eyes landed on that particular shade of green. I never liked it. It felt too dark, too dangerous.

"The parents may leave," The Counter smiled. I loved his smile. So soft and warm, even now I couldn't bring myself to dislike it. "Your places in the front are awaiting you."

He pulled his hood up over his face, which cast a shadow over his skin. The Leader did the same. Usually, The Leader and The Counter kept their hoods down unless they were involved in a ceremony. Never The Silencer, though. They always wore their hood.

When I was younger, I used to imagine what The Silencer might have looked like. The Leader had beautiful purple eyes, the color of Dutch Hyacinth flowers. Her hair was a dark brown color, though her skin was fair. 

The Counter was different. I loved him. I wanted to be him, yet I wanted him to like me at the same time. His hair was the color of sunkissed sand. His skin was darker and his eyes were like molten gold. He looked warm, and his voice was like honey. If the season of summer was a person, I think they'd look just like him.

The Silencer, though? I never saw their eyes or heard their voice. All I could do was imagine. When I was younger I thought they had no face at all. That couldn't be, though. Everyone had a face, that's what made them living beings.

My parents left, as did Rylah's father and both of Juday's parents. I felt my heart race as they all stepped into the auditorium. They were met with no words, but I could hear the hundreds of people waiting out in the stands rise to their feet. All those eyes would soon be on us, on me. 

"Alright," The Counter explained as he clasped his smooth, warm-looking hands together. Why was I focusing on that at a time like this? How did he always manage to capture my attention so easily? Why couldn't anyone else do this? "Just like every year, we'll be going in alphabetical order. Juday, you'll be first. Rylah will follow, and Shylo will close us out. Any objections? Speak now, or forever hold your peace."

I felt my shoulders tense slightly. The Counter said that a lot, but this time it held much more weight. 

This time, forever really did mean forever.

"Oh, I'm so excited," The Leader beamed. Her tone was cheerful and bright, yet still regal. "What a fine group of museaus we have this year. You all have made us so proud."

I wanted her to shut up. She didn't have to, though. 

The Silencer nodded, then stepped aside. They walked to a small table and picked up a set of tools. A bronze bowl, silver silvers, and the famous golden forceps.

I felt myself shiver again. I struggled to swallow as my head grew dizzy. I couldn't shut down, though. Not now, not tonight.

Once The Silencer held all their tools, they looked to The Leader and The Counter. Each gave a brief nod, then The Silencer pushed the curtains aside. They stepped out into the center of the large auditorium. Everyone stood in silence as they placed their tools on a small table and started setting up.

The Counter forced the three of us in line and gave the command. "Go forth," he said warmly. 

Juday led the way, walking forward with his chin held high. He must have practiced. I wonder if he rehearsed his facial expressions. 

The three of us were to keep our hoods off until our silencing was done. This was our night, our time to be seen for the first and last time.

Never before had I felt so exposed, so afraid of the world seeing me. I used to think being seen was a good thing, something everyone wanted. Now? Now everything was different. 

The Counter and The Leader both walked behind us, humming in unison. Torches were lit around the auditorium, flickering and casting long shadows. One torch sat next to the Silencer's setup. 

I had seen this particular scene countless times before, but never from so close. We were commanded to line up in front of the silencer. Placed before the table were three different beds of white roses. One for each of us. It was our tribe's tradition that the children being silenced would lie in the flowerbeds, then sacrifice their blood and their vocal cords to allow the roses to turn red, thus blessing the new year, all for the sake of maintaining balance with the natural world that created us. This was where we fit into the world, the meaning of life. 

The Silencer nodded and picked up the bronze bowl, then placed it in front of the first flower bed. They grasped the silver scissors and pointed the sharp blades at Juday. 

Juday stepped forward and bowed to the Silencer, then lowered himself onto the bed of white roses. He lay down on his back and folded both his hands over his chest. A slight smile made its way onto his lips. Traditionally, museaus were told to show zero emotion during their silencing ceremonies, but his excitement was masked well enough not to be noticed by our leaders. Just by me, so it seemed.

The Silencer leaned down by Juduy and pressed the silver scissors to his throat. Their hands were steady. It was an important task they had, one which required precision. Place the blade incorrectly and a life could be lost, meaning our balance would be disturbed. 

Disturbed...

Do I dare disturb the universe?

The Silencer made the cut, and the red sept into the white. 

Juday remained silent as The Silencer continued. He looked to the sky, still smiling as his cloak and the white roses beneath him soaked up the red. The Silencer held up the golden forceps, then took what needed to be taken, placing them into the bronze bowl. 

Rylah pressed her eyes shut. She whimpered quietly. I hoped the leaders couldn't hear. 

The color red had always scared her. It made her feel the same way the color green made me feel. 

The Silencer placed their gloved fingers over Juday's eyes and forced them shut. Red to continued to stain white as they moved to the next bed of roses. A green cloth was used to gently wipe the red liquid off the silver scissors. I relaxed slightly, I'd never seen them clean the scissors before. 

They set their bowl down in front of the next flowerbed and gestured to Rylah.

She inhaled sharply, then shakily stepped forward. Her steps were slower than Juday's. 

"I want my mama," she whispered under her breath. "I want my mama."

Again, I hoped the leaders couldn't hear her. I wanted to tell her to be quiet, to stay strong, but I couldn't. 

She shakily stopped in front of her bed of roses, then bowed. Her braid fell over her left shoulder, it was almost long enough to reach her hips. I watched as she straightened her back and looked back at where our parents were sitting. I followed her gaze. Both Juday's parents were calm, emotionless. But her father's eyes, they were different. I could barely see them through his hooded black cloak, but they were glassy. Shiny enough for the light of the torches to reflect in them. I couldn't tell if he was proud or terrified. 

I didn't look at my parents. 

Rylah's shoulders tensed slightly as she slowly lay down on the bed of roses, as Juday had before her. She let out a quiet sob as she pressed her eyes shut, unable to stop the trembling.

The Silencer pressed the scissors to her neck and she loudly gasped.

"Wait," she cried, her voice hoarse and desperate. "Wait, I'm scared. I-I don't want to. My mama, I-I want my mama."

I looked away as she continued begging. This was unfortunately common. Even though we were told to remain emotionless and quiet, the tribe recognized that we were children. Sometimes, there was no silencing us in moments of fear. 

But, this was her silencing ceremony.

"Do you refuse your silencing?" The Leader asked from behind me.

"No! No, of course not," Rylah quickly cried. "I just... I want... I-I'm scared!"

"Shh..." The Counter hushed, his voice smooth and warm, as always. He had always been the one to comfort frightened children during these ceremonies. He had a gift for it. "It'll be done soon, sweet museau."

Rylah continued to tremble and quietly sob, but she stopped crying out for her mother. The Silencer briefly looked up at The Leader and The Counter, then pressed the blades to Rylah's neck and made the cut. 

She quietly cried as The Silencer placed a hand over her mouth to quiet her. Slowly, her cries became softer and weaker, until she too was asleep. The red painted her cloak and the roses beneath her faster than it had for Juday. It usually did this whenever people resisted. A small punishment for their disobedience. 

Her shoulders stopped shaking as tears no longer fell from her eyes. The Silencer slowly placed their fingers over her face as well, even though her eyelids were already pressed shut. They then moved their silencing equipment to the third flowerbed.

They pointed the silver scissors at me. 

Do I dare disturb the universe?

Our tribe never seemed small to me. I used to think that this place was the entire world. This gathering was supposed to be the biggest meeting in the universe. One, maybe two hundred people all gathered together to watch Juday, Rylah, and me be silenced in order to maintain the world's balance. That's what our group was all about. Balance, peace, tranquility. 

I wasn't supposed to know of the Tribe of Ancients or the Tribe of Darkness. 

I wasn't supposed to know that there were more people, more worlds out there. 

There was a lot I wasn't supposed to learn, questions I wasn't supposed to ask.

I looked to the audience and searched for the fiddle player, someone who never existed. He did exist, though. I heard him, his songs, his hope. I used to hear him every night. I remembered his red hair, that sly smile.

"Shylo?" The Leader breathed from behind me. "It's your turn."

I felt myself swallow as I looked at the white flowers that awaited me.

Do I dare disturb the universe?

I wasn't like Rylah. I didn't want my mama to hold my hand. Most children who were afraid feared the pain. They didn't care about what it was they were sacrificing, they cared how much it would hurt to do so. 

Me? Well, the pain was scary, but...

"Shylo..." The Leader repeated. Her voice dropped slightly to be lower and harsher.

I swallowed, then slowly turned to face her and The Counter.

Do I dare disturb the universe?

"I dare."