This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are the products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

I woke up late that morning. It was the morning of my grandfather's funeral. We had to delay it because of the weather. I rushed down the stairs, buttoning my shirt on the way. Mam was already fully dressed in her best attire: a black suit with a white undershirt and black stilettos to top it off. Her hair was a different story. I could tell she had no idea what to do with it, as it was in a messy bun with half of her hair falling to her shoulders. She turned towards me and gave me a small smile. I bounded down the last step and said, "Here, let me help you with your hair."

She looked at me pleadingly and said, "Please do."

"Got it," I said as I skillfully pulled the hair tie out of her matted hair.

In two swift motions, I'd put her hair up in a perfect ponytail, which fit her more than buns.

"There you are, Momma," I said, inching away from her.

"Thanks, love." She kissed me on the forehead. She was good at that. Pretending. Closing the blinds over her eyes, ignoring reality. I sighed and pushed away the hand that was hovering over my head.

"C'mon, we should head out," I said, softly. Mam didn't say anything. Instead, she turned around and jingled the keys in her hand.
"All ready!" She gave me a big smile and opened the front door.

I took a quick peek at my phone to check the time. 10:45 A.M. We were already 5 minutes late to the showing. I sighed, smiled, and stuck my phone in my back pocket, ready to face the day that I had so wanted to avoid for the last 16 years of my life.

The car ride was bland, about as dull as you'd expect, living in Boyle, Ireland. Home to a little over 2,000 people. Don't get me wrong, the countryside was beautiful, full of lush grass and rocks, lots and lots of rocks randomly strewn all over the place. Mam had moved us there after she'd had a fight with Grandpa and he'd disowned her. At the time, I was two years old and had absolutely no thoughts in my little brain. So, I grew up knowing everything and everyone. This meant that when Grandpa died, we had to drive to the "nearby" town of Castlebar, where Mam grew up and Grandpa was born.

After his previous wife died, he moved with his four-year-old Mam to Castlebar. It was a 59-minute car ride, without taking the scenic route, and Mam was VERY against it. There was practically no traffic, just the countryside.

I looked down at my phone, merely to sneak a peek, and saw that my friends were talking in our group chat.

Riagán: "Dudes, I just saw Fionola O'Neill with THE Kyran Ruadhán. I have absolutely no chance with her now..." 

I scrolled down:

Furgus: "Well thats a right old mess ain't it?"

Murray: "Yer an idiot furgus. leave the poor man to his grieving"

Riagán: "You guys aren't helping!"

Murray: "Was it any use?" 1

Riagán: "I hate you alllll"

I chuckled, opened the text box, and sent out a text to the three of them:

Me: "Go way outta that <:" 2

We were making fun of how most Irish people talk, not like we didn't talk like that, but we were using older slang. Mam doesn't like it when I have my phone out because she believes I need to spend more time looking at nature and touching grass or something. So, before she noticed, I hid my phone under my thigh and leaned on the widow again, watching the landscape unfold around me.

I felt a light buzz under my leg and glanced over at Mam, whose eyes were focused on driving. So, I gently lifted the phone out from under me, leaned to where Mam couldn't see, and looked at the message:

Furgus: "Havin' fun over there yet?"

Me: "Yup. It's one whale of a time 3, ya idjit."

I flick my eyes to check on Mam. Still not paying attention, good.

I opened up Discord and looked at who else might have messaged me. I had one, a DM from my online friend 'Nyx'. I met them two years ago when they DMed me about a game.

NYX: "How ya been?"

I felt mixed feelings about Nyx. They seemed like a good person, but I still couldn't get rid of my suspicions. A weird sensation tickled my stomach, and I felt like throwing up. I couldn't shake it, so I turned my phone off, dropped it down behind the chair, and leaned my forehead against the cool glass of the window.

I woke up suddenly when Mam hit the brake. Hard. We stopped in front of a funeral home with very few cars in the parking lot. Mam popped her seatbelt open and stepped out the door. I fumbled around and followed suit. Mam headed inside the funeral home quickly, and I ran to keep up. She was shivering. I grabbed her hand. The funeral home was quiet, and when we walked in, everyone turned around to look at us.

Mam waved at a few of our relatives, and we took a seat near the back. I squeezed her hand, and she squeezed back, smiling at me. I let go of her hand and leaned back in my seat, staring at the coffin. No one was doing anything. Some were in groups, talking. Others were sitting in their chairs reading or looking at their phones.

"Mam, do you want to go see Grandpa?" I asked, tentatively. "Or would you prefer we leave?" I added after she didn't say anything.

Mam stood up, and I tried to get up with her, but she pushed my shoulder down slightly, so I sat back down. She walked up to the casket and looked down. I couldn't see her expression, but she stood there for a while. All I could do was watch.

A sickening feeling struck my stomach when I saw it. It felt wrong. Then, Mam came back, and everything was okay. She grabbed my hand and led me outside, back to the car.

As Mam was backing up, she said, "We're staying at a hotel tonight." I nodded. "We'll go home tomorrow."

I didn't want to point out that I had school tomorrow. If I did, she would probably get pissed at me. Plus, I might be able to skip school because of this little road trip.

We drove down the cobbled streets of Castlebar, passing old houses and stores.

"Here," Mam said, handing me her phone, "Look up the nearest hotel."

"Got it," I said, opening her phone and typing in 'hotels near me' in the search tab. I found Westport Country Lodge Hotel for only €84 for a double room with free breakfast. I'd say that's pretty good, in my opinion.

We stopped at Westport for the night, and Mam crashed immediately. I sat on the bed and pulled my phone from my back pocket. I held the power button, and the screen lit up with white light. I had missed ten texts in the group chat and three more from Nyx. I decided to go through the group chat first.

Riagán: "How ya gettin' on, Conan?"

Murray: "Yeah, bud, how's the funeral going? Ur mam ok?"

Furgus: "Guys, he hasn't responded. I think he dide"

Furugs: "*died"

Riagán: "there's no way that old fart woke up and killed 'im."

Murray: "Had to 've"

Furgus: "😂"

Riagán: "Yeah. Anyway, I can't believe that I've been dumped before I even had the chance to confeessssss."

Riagán: "Im gonna die an old lonely man"

Murray: "Ill live with u if u pay me to"

I chuckled.

Me: "im alive, guys. Just didnt have internet. Riagán is gunna be a cat guy"

Riagán texted back:

"im not gay and i wont pay u squat fr nthn"

Murray: "*surprised pikachu face* ur not gayyy??? I thought you were"

Then, they stopped responding to the chat. So, I checked in on what Nyx had said.

Nyx: So, I was wondering, since we've been online friends for 2 yrs now, if we could meet up? Where do you live?"

Nyx: Hey??

Nyx: Skýgandr??

That was my username. Stupid, I know. I sighed and typed:

Sorry, didn't have internet. I was at a funeral. I don't feel comfortable telling you where I live or meeting up. 

Should I have said sorry again? I didn't want to, but... It might've lessened the impact. I sighed, rolled my eyes and hit send.  I lay on the bed and turned over to stare at my mum. She was breathing comfortably and slowly. It's been hard since Dad died. Not that I ever knew him, but I know she's been suffering. I can't do anything but be there for her when she needs me. I've been thinking about quitting school, but I doubt that she'd be excited about that.

1: Was it any use- an Irish saying simply meaning "was it any good."

2: Go way outta that- quite a few different meanings, but I used it as a sarcastic "it's no trouble."

3: Whale of a time- It's an expression of how good a time someone has had.