For the last three days, guilt has been eating me alive.

After the camping trip, after sharing such strong words of admiration with Alex, I can't stomach the thought of keeping secrets from him. But a part of me doesn't want to destroy the whole world around him.

Everything he thought about Liam might be wrong. The one person he said he could trust, the one person who he loved to the end of this earth. And he's nothing but a liar and a manipulator.

Nothing more has been said at work and nothing more has been said about the investigation. Which is why I'm sceptical whether or not what they've said about Liam is even true in the first place and I don't want to be the person putting thoughts into Alex's head when they're in fact lies.

I make my way over to Chessman's for lunch because I can't stand to be at the office for a second longer. I need a moment away to collect my thoughts. I've been distracted, even my manager can see it. Which is why I need some fresh air and the most mundane conversation I can have.

When I reach the cafe, Luca and Demi are behind the counter. I spot Mason sitting in the closest chair to them, phone in hand and a blended smoothie on his table.

"Hey, River," Demi spots me as the bell on the door rings.

Luca shoots his head towards me and offers me a small smile. I haven't seen anyone but Alex since our trip and it's safe to say that we were all doing our fair share of recovering. My legs have never felt so sore in my life after all that walking we endured. But it was totally worth it for the beautiful scenery and the experience as a whole. I'd do it all again in a heartbeat.

"Hey guys," I wave a hand and walk to the counter. "Could I get the usual, please?"

She nods and gets to work. "Of course."

Luca is already making a coffee for someone else and handing it to them at the end of the counter, pointing to the extra sugar and milk. I find myself staring at the board for no particular reason except this is the first time today I feel like I'm not going to scream at myself for what I've already caused.

"River?" Demi waves a hand in front of my face.

I blink once and then twice, focusing my gaze on her long braid over her shoulder. "Oh," I clear my throat. "Thank you."

Demi tilts her head in my direction and frowns. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," I shake my head and take the cup, thanking her.

"Don't lie to me," she folds her arms over her chest like a protective mother. "I know when something is wrong. You always have this pained expression on your face and it doesn't look good. So tell me what's up right now."

I inhale and glance around the cafe. Mason is indulged in his phone behind me and Luca leaves the counter to go into the back room.

"It's not about the weekend, is it?" Concern flashes past Demi's eyes but when I shake my head it's blinked away in a flash.

My fingers press to the counter as I lean into it. "People have been saying stuff at work about Alex's brother."

"Liam?"

I hum. "I feel bad for not telling him but I know it's going to crush him. The things they've been saying about him isn't anything like Alex has described to me. It sounds like they're two different people."

Demi's face warps into a look of sympathy. "Oh River, you have to tell him."

"But if you knew what they'd been saying. Alex would be crushed. He probably wouldn't even believe it and I don't want to be that person who upsets him," I stand straight again and raise the cup to my lips.

It burns the skin around my mouth but I swallow as it scalds my throat. Demi places a hand on her hip, the other straightening out her apron. "What's been said about him?"

"That he used to be a homewrecker. He'd boast about dragging women away from their men, their families. He used to hit on those who he knew had boyfriends," I drag a hand through my hair. "That he was spiteful and nasty to those who he upset."

Demi blinks rapidly. "Jesus," she mumbles under her breath. "And I suppose Alex doesn't think he'd do that?"

"He said that he didn't even recall him ever having a girlfriend. He said he would know."

"You have to tell him, Riv. It isn't fair for him to not know. Whether it hurts him or not." She drops her tone and I know she's right but it breaks my heart into pieces to see him breakdown.

I take another sip of my drink. "I know, Demi. I will do it. I just–" I pause and then curse under my breath. "I'm worried for him. I've seen him spiral before, I don't want to see him do it again. And what if it's not even true? I'm causing trauma for no reason."

"Then don't hurt him," she leans on her forearms. "If he finds out that you knew all this time, he's going to be distraught. Don't drag it out any longer than it needs to."

"Yeah," I nod. "You're right. I will. I'll tell him."

Luca walks out of the backroom with fresh takeaway cups in a plastic bag. He dumps them down beside Demi and releases a tough breath, placing his hands on his hips. "That room will honestly put me into an early grave. It's a fucking mess."

"Tell me about it," Demi mutters under her breath.

"How have you been, Luca?" I ask as I focus on his blue eyes.

He studies me for a moment and then flashes me a small smile. "Yeah. I'm good. Back to work as usual. You?"

"Same," I agree. "I had fun this weekend. We should do more things like that."

Demi's face explodes into happiness. "Agreed." Then her eyes go wandering past me, looking out to the windows. "Oooop, here comes your husband, Luca."

I narrow my eyes but Demi nudges Luca and I turn to see who walks past the shop windows. "Shut the fuck up, Demi," he groans quietly, like he'll never hear the end of this.

"Who is it?" I ask.

The man steps into the cafe, the bell ringing above his head. He's tall, extremely tall. Wearing a suave navy suit with smart brown dress shoes. His jet black hair is swept across his head in a messy yet collected way. His presence echoes through the cafe like shockwaves.

"Dunno, some guy," Demi whispers. "He's come in here everyday this week. I know we have regulards but not every damn day. I'm convinced he's a millionaire, have you seen his suit?"

My eyes drag down his attire quickly. Even I can tell the material and the tailoring is up to scratch from here. "That's probably a Tom Ford," I mutter and turn my attention back to them.

Demi nods in agreement. "Exactly."

"Shut up. Everyone he's coming over," Luca's voice begins to panic and I flash a timid smile at Demi who replicates it right back. "Hi, what can I get you today?"

I step aside to allow Luca to serve this man who looks like he runs a million pound business and has the spare time to be waltzing through independent cafes when he has a spare moment.

Demi clears her throat and I sit down next to Mason as he nods at me in response. I glance up to Demi as she approaches us, listening as Luca takes the man's order and begins to make it for him.

We sit in a comfortable silence and from here I can see the colour of Luca's cheeks. Bright fucking red. Poor boy.

The drink for the mystery man is made and he walks across to the end of the cafe. He sits down and draws out his MacBook from his bag, flashing off the newest iPhone and taking a sip from his small coffee. I presume a shot of espresso.

Luca wipes down the sides and walks towards us, steam might as well be rising from the top of his head. The man is attractive, I'll give him that. His features are sharp and his dark eyes have laser sharp focus on his screen. Light stubble coats his cheeks but it looks like he shaves most days because it's close to his skin.

"Why don't you just go over and talk to him?" Demi mumbles to him subtly. "It's obvious you fancy him."

His eyes shoot wide in response. "I can't just walk up to him."

"Sure you can."

"I said I'm going to focus on myself," he shakes his head and throws a black tea towel over his shoulder. "Not throw myself at any man that walks into my life or this damned cafe. I've learnt that the hard way."

And as if on cue he stares me directly in the eye and I know he's talking about Alex.

I wince internally because I have flashbacks to the weekend just gone. Luca's devastation finding out that we are an item and he had no idea. But I offer him a genuine smile in response.

"I'm pleased that you're focusing on yourself, Luca," I say honestly. "We just want to see you happy."

Luca straights his posture and nods. "And I am happy. I just need to find that peace within myself."

"Good for you man."

The bell at the door rings and they both stand from the counter. "Better get back to work," Demi mumbles and Luca presses a hand to her shoulder as they stroll back to the counter, taking the customer's order.

I take my coffee and leave, not before saying goodbye. Instead of heading straight back to the office, I take a stroll around town. Through the park and down the side alleys with graffiti portrays that represent this town beautifully. Anything to get my mind off the pressure inside my head.

❖ ❖ ❖

When I get home from work I get a text from Alex asking if he can come round. The next thing I know there is a knock at my door. I let him into my apartment but the sparkle that is usually in his eyes is missing.

"What's wrong?" I draw him into my chest, using my finger to tilt his head up to me.

"I had a bad day."

My brows pinch together painfully. "Talk to me. What happened?"

Alex exhales a jagged sigh and he glances up at me. His eyes are red and sore like he didn't get a wink of sleep last night and I press my lips to his forehead. "I had a dream last night about Liam. It was horrific. I couldn't help him. I couldn't save him."

"Hey," I whisper and pull him into my arms completely, his head resting in the crook of his neck. "It's okay. It was just a dream."

"But he's still gone," he whimpers into my jumper. The tightness of the fabric begins to clench under his fingers. "That's not a dream. It's a nightmare and I'm living it."

I close my eyes and hold him closer. His heart thumps into my chest. "I know, sorry. That was the wrong thing to say."

Alex nuzzles his head. "I just want this day to be over. I'm so exhausted."

"Well lucky for you I just made dinner," I say with a cheery tone.

He peeks his eyes up at me. "What did you make?"

"Pasta."

"What kind of pasta?"

I pause for a moment. "Penne?"

Alex releases a soft laugh. "I mean with what in it."

"Oh. Just tomato puree and vegetables. Only simple. Would you like some?"

"Yes, please." He nods.

"Coming up," I tilt his finger with my finger again and peck his lips.

We sit on my sofa and eat what I made for dinner, Alex is grateful and all I care about is the fact he's fed and in a space he feels comfortable. Once his bowl is empty he repositions himself and rests his head on his fist as he props it on the back of the sofa.

"What?" I smile at him.

"That was delicious, thank you."

"You're welcome."

Alex continues to study me and I quirk an eyebrow. "So I was thinking–" he clears his throat and I place my bowl in his and copy his sitting position. Finding calmness in those grey eyes. "That I'm ready to take the next step with you."

I narrow my eyes slowly with confusion. "The next step?"

"Sex."

"Oh," my eyes widen.

"And I know that you might not be but I think I'm ready for it. I want to lose it to you. I just wanted to let you know."

The corners of my lips curl and I lean forward to brush a thumb across his cheek. "Then I guess we should get some condoms. I mean I haven't had sex in years but–"

Alex sucks in a breath, realising that this is becoming real. "I haven't had sex at all."

I smile back at him. "I know."

"But I know that you should prep, you know, with lube and stuff. I even read up about butt plugs to train, to make it comfortable. I want it to be good and I want to be prepared," he blurts out.

His cheeks heat and I can't stop staring at his blush. I nod slowly in agreement. "And then we should get some stuff to prepare ourselves."

Alex's throat clenches but then he flashes me a timid smile. "I haven't really thought about the top or the bottom part of it."

"Alex," I stroke his cheek with my thumb again. "We can work it out. Figure out what we like when it comes to it, right? No harm in experimenting to find what we like."

"Right," he agrees. "Of course."

I flick my eyes down to his lips and I bring his face closer to mine, pecking his warm mouth over and over until he's laughing and it sends my heart soaring into the solar system. I pull back slowly and study his expression. "Do you want to talk about your day and your dream?"

He shakes his head vigorously. "No. I'm okay now. I'm better by being in your company."

The smile on my face is practically beaming light at this point. "That's all I want to do. Make you feel comfortable here."

"And you do," he nods and kisses my lips this time. "Can I stay here tonight?"

I brush back his hair, strands rolling through my fingers. "Of course. As long as you agree to cuddle."

Alex snorts but smiles anyway. "I would be offended if we didn't cuddle."

"I think I owe you anyway," I say with a glint of playfulness in my tone.

He breathes a long sigh. "As much as I want to. Not tonight. I just want you to hold me."

His saddened words have me crumbling and before I know it I'm bundling him into my arms. "Of course," I press a kiss to his forehead. "And I'm not going anywhere."

❖ ❖ ❖

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Author's Note

Hello my angels, what did we think of this chapter?👉🏼👉🏼👉🏼

Do you guys think River needs to tell Alex about what's being said in the office about Liam?

Also mystery man at the cafe for Luca, I see you👀

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