I can't even count how many messages Luca has sent me regarding our next date. Deep down I know we'll work better as friends, I'm not even sure if I'm stable enough to be in a relationship right now or even dating. I've got to think of myself in this situation.

As lovely as Luca is, I know he's not the one. Not now anyway.

I've never dated before and I don't know what liking someone should really feel like.

The amount of texts I've typed out and deleted is crushing my soul. I can't find it in me to send them because I know how disheartened he's going to be. That near rejection I saw when he first asked me for dinner, I can only imagine what it will be now.

But I can't lead him on. I can't give in to make him feel better. I'll only feel more guilty as time goes on and that's the last thing I need on my conscience right now.

I stare at the final message. You're better than this, Alex. I think.

If I go down to the cafe, at least I can let him down gently rather than a blunt text that could mean a million different things. I don't want him getting the wrong idea at all.

So I pluck up the courage to head down early before work, it will put my mind at ease for the rest of the day. And less messages from Luca as I see him lose hope by the second.

I slump my bag over my shoulder as I press a hand to the cafe door, my eyes scan the room and I spot Luca behind the counter first. He doesn't see me because he's busy making coffees but at least I can't see Demi.

Once he's made the customer his drink, he wipes a hand across his forehead, blue eyes looking beyond exhausted and my stomach twists in knots knowing what I'm about to do.

Slowly I make my way across the cafe and settle at the counter.

"Hey, what can I ge–" he cuts himself off when he realises who he's talking to. Then his expression changes, everything changes. You can barely even recognise he's tired anymore and I sink into my shoes. "Alex, hey. How are you?"

My throat feels like sandpaper, I have to dampen my lips before they start cracking. "Yeah," I squeak pathetically. "I'm–good."

Luca's expression creases gently, he leans a palm onto the counter. "You sure?"

I flick my eyes between his cautiously before clearing my throat. "Yeah, sorry," I mumble and shake my head.

"Don't apologise," he leans somewhat closer. "Whatever it is, you can tell me."

In this moment I take time to analyse him once more. I've seen him plenty of times and it's obvious that Luca is attractive, not in the way I'd find River attractive but he's still incredibly good looking. Tall stature, piercing deep blue eyes and strong bone structure that some guys would dream of.

My teeth graze my bottom lip slowly, Luca watches the action. "Regarding your messages about going on another date," I express, closing my eyes so I don't have to see his expression.

"Yes?"

I can't bring myself to open them but I know I have to. So I bring my inner peace and calmness and open them to find Luca staring back at me with apprehension.

"I don't think I'm ready for another date right now," I admit gently. "Everything has been so crazy since moving here and finding my feet. I feel like I need some time before I think about any of that. Our date was nice, so nice. But it's not what I'm looking for currently."

Luca's face deteriorates with every word I use but then he recovers by plastering a fake smile across his lips. "That's okay, Alex. Sorry for bombarding you with so many texts. I just had such a good time with you, I wanted to do it again immediately. And I'm sorry for how it might have come across. I totally understand."

My shoulders relax an inch and I take down a breath I didn't notice I was holding. "I hope this doesn't change anything between us at all. I still enjoy your company, it's just not what's best for me right now."

"Don't be silly," he waves a hand but I can see the hurt behind his eyes. It's obvious this has happened to him before because he's a master at trying to cover it up. But as someone who has pretended to be okay in the past, I know when eye movements and smiles aren't real. It's to cover up the pain. "Of course it won't change anything between us. We can still hang out as a group, it will still be nice to get to know you better in that setting."

"Yes," I nod and flash him a genuine smile. "Most definitely. I didn't want to explain this over text, you deserve more than that."

I'm sure Luca's heart beats out of his chest, he tilts his head slowly. "Honestly, Alex, that's probably the kindest thing anyone has ever done for me when turning me down."

I want to hug him but I don't. Instead I continue smiling at him as I slowly step away. "Anyway, I've got to go to work. I'll probably see you soon?"

"Do you want a coffee for the road?" He points a finger at the machine.

I shake my head. "No, it's okay. Thank you. I don't want to be late."

"Okay," he adjusts the apron around his waist. "Well, I'll see you another time?"

"Sure," I nod, heading towards the door feeling a lot lighter than when I came in.

Honesty is best. Liam always taught me that. And if you can make it genuine, make it sincere. Sometimes honesty can hurt and it helps if we attempt to make it as painless as possible.

❖ ❖ ❖

When I get home after a busy day at work, I'm excited to do nothing more than lounge in bed with something to watch. Normally when I get home I'm barely hungry after cooking all day, but my stomach growls as soon as I step foot inside my apartment.

I walk straight to the oven and turn it on, ready to cook some chicken that I marinated last night to add to a simple pasta dish. As much as I love cooking, I want it to be the quickest meal tonight as possible.

As I prepare my meal and plate it up, there is a soft knock at the door. I check the time on the wall and frown when I realise it's almost eight o'clock. I put down the plate and walk towards the door before opening it, finding River standing behind.

"Hey," I smile as I latch onto the door. "I was just about to eat dinner."

River glances over my features, he shifts from one foot to another and I find myself frowning at his strange behaviour. "What's the matter?"

"Something has happened..." he trails off slowly. "And I don't know if you've heard. And I don't want you finding out when you're alone."

My heart skips three beats. I hate unexpected news. It makes my anxiety thrash inside me like a demon clawing at a door to get out. Escape me before I'm taken over by a panic attack that I won't be able to control.

By the look on River's face, the news isn't good. Devastating maybe.

"River," I whimper. "What is it?"

He glances down at his hand for a moment before meeting my eyes with fear. I'm already expecting the worst. The absolute worst. Then he raises the phone again and hands it to me.

I take it between my palms and glance at the bright screen, reading across the article that was posted a few hours ago.

Beloved Liam King's memorial is trashed with vile words amid his five month anniversary.

My shaky hands scroll further to see the pictures of all the flowers and gifts destroyed and smothered into the ground. Words are spray painted across the tree and on the grass, destroying the beautiful messages people have left for him.

Tears have already coated my cheeks. Distress kicking in.

Who would do this?

Why would they do this?

I gasp down a breath and River steps forward but I can barely see him through my heavily tearful eyes. Nothing makes sense. Why would they want to hurt us even more?

"Alex," River whispers.

My hand jolts the phone back into his hand before I step out, shutting my apartment door behind me as I rush down the hall. I have to see it. I have to see what they've done.

"Alex!" he shouts after me this time but I don't stop.

As soon as I make it downstairs I know that River is right behind me. He reaches for my wrist but I tug it out of his grip, running down the street as fast as I can. Feet pounding on the hard pavement, trying my hardest to remember the directions of the memorial.

"Alex, please," River shouts from behind me. "Stop. Stop running."

I ignore him. I have to see it. I have to see it with my own eyes.

It can't be true. Someone please tell me this is some sick joke. Bile rises in my throat as I get closer, ignoring the burning in my chest from running so fast. But it doesn't stop me, if anything it makes me want to get there quicker.

To stop all this pain because it can't possibly be true.

As I round the corner to the memorial, the sun has set and only the street lamps litter the pavements. My knees almost buckle when I see the damage, flowers thrown, trampled on and dragged across the floor.

LIAR is spray painted in red across the tree in big red letters. On the ground spells FAKE with the notes and gifts ripped to shreds, a mess. A complete mess.

I drop to my knees, no longer able to keep myself up. "Hey," River slides to my level beside me. He wraps his arms around my body and pulls me into his chest, my head falling onto his shoulder as I release a cry. "It's okay. I've got you. I've got you."

His hand smoothes over my hair as he attempts to calm me but nothing can calm me right now. They've defaced his memorial, they've made a statement over my brother that I have lost and I will never get back.

"Why?" I whine. "Why would anyone do this?"

"I don't know, Alex," he whispers into my head. His arms grip me tighter and I sob into his warm body. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. But whoever did this. They will get caught. I promise you. They won't get away with this."

I can't catch my breath. I'm seconds away from hyperventilating.

As I choke back tears, River begins to rock us slowly. I can't even look at the damage for a second longer, it tears through my heart like a bulldozer. I don't even want my father to find out, it will crush him.

Liam was a good person. He's been my role model for my entire life.

I thought my emotions had turned numb after his death but this... it brings everything back and it fucking hurts. It hurts to breathe, it hurts to think, it hurts to exist. I don't want to be in a place where people hated him.

He doesn't deserve this. He deserves love. He deserves recognition for what he has done for this town.

River's hand clutches the side of my head as I twist in his hold and fall into his arms. A hug that I need more than ever, another heart that I can hear beating to tell me that I am not alone.

I would die if I was alone.

This isn't the first time he's saved me and I feel like this definitely won't be the last.

❖ ❖ ❖

Read up to chapter 46 and bonus chapters over on Patreon!

www.patreon.com/dreammcatcher
Link is also in bio!

Author's Note

Owwww poor Alex, the pain he's going through hurts so damn much!

But bless River for being there for him, he's such a good friend and deserves the world!🥺

Also I'm so proud of Alex to tell Luca he doesn't want another date and how much it meant to Luca to not be ghosted in the past.

What did you guys think of this chapter???👉🏼👉🏼👉🏼

Don't forget to vote if you enjoyed! It makes my day🥰

Love Savanna x

Insta: SavRose.x
Patreon: dreammcatcher
Tik Tok: SavannaWritess