ADALINE BERKELEY
( CHARACTER STUDY )

Girlhood is a story of desire; innocence; fall from innocence; being desired; being not desired; being desired by the wrong people; by dangerous people; by the right people; by excitingly dangerous people. There's so much storytelling in girlhood. There's so much revision in telling it. There will always be something special about fiction. So much of my girlhood was fictive. I lived in my mind. I made up the girl I thought I was. Whether that's delusional or not, I really felt the happiest and safest in my fictional girlhood.

Quote by Jenny Zhang

One. If I could, I would nail these hands to the edges of stars. I would sacrifice this body to the sky, hoping to resurrect that someone spiteful enough to not give a fuck about you.

Two. Staple me to a cross. Pierce my side with a broken promise and I will bleed all over the crippled reasons why you deserve one more chance.

Excerpt from "Scars/To the New Boyfriend" by Rudy Francisco (1/5)

The Catholic Girlhood Experience

Three. Your bed smells like the last thing that I felt really good at.

Four. You want to know how I got these scars?
I ripped every last piece of you out of my smile.

Excerpt from "Scars/To the New Boyfriend" by Rudy Francisco (2/5)

"In me burns the most Catholic of longings: the devour the Divine."

a haiku for the Holy Eucharist (or: a haiku for a childhood on my knees) by stannide on Tumblr

Five. I whispered you stardust.

Six. I spoke you into sunflowers.

Excerpt from "Scars/To the New Boyfriend" by Rudy Francisco (3/5)

I am a good Catholic girl.

Did you believe me? I do sound pretty convincing. I can lower my eyes in reverence and no one, I mean, no one, can genuflect as I can. Hymns? I've had those memorized for years. At the drop of a rosary, I can sing 'Soaring on Eagle's Wings'.

...

He, capital H, He is up on the wall now, judging me. I can feel it, thick and slimy in the air. The judgment is on my hypocrisy and the secret places we all keep inside ourselves, begging to be let out.

It's hard to break the shine of the golden child.

Excerpt from "I Am A Good Catholic Girl" by Alaina Ruth on Medium

Seven. I dipped my hands in forever, touched you infinity, treated you as if you were the last molecule of oxygen inside of a gas chamber. I was good to you.

Eight. You want to know how I got these scars? I swallowed my pride and then it clawed its way out of my mouth.

Excerpt from "Scars/To the New Boyfriend" by Rudy Francisco (4/5)

[crumpled up in the breast pocket of Arvin's denim jacket, where it stays permanently]

Nine. I realized that I was never really your [girlfriend]. I was just your fucking hype-man.

Ten. I hope your next [girlfriend] gets smallpox.

Ten. Yes I said smallpox.

Ten. I hate you.

Ten. But I still miss you.

Ten. And a part of me still loves you.

Ten. It's hard for me to count when I get emotional.

Ten. I heard that over ninety percent of human interaction is non-verbal so...

Ten. If I could, I would tie your arms to a daydream and then auction you off to my fondest memories. See, I wrote this poem in my own spinal fluid. I put it on the backbone of a white flag so that before you read it, you already know that I've given up. I'll just keep you here, shackled to the most important chapter of my life story, pressed into the basement of my eyelids like liquid salvation, so I remember your beautiful, with amazing underneath your wings and an orchid smile. You gorgeous earthquake. You cracked hourglass with sand spilling from behind your ribs.

You wasted my time. How dare you linger on my lips then kiss me like a stuttering apology with excused staples to the roof of your mouth. I still remember you like a dream, tattooed to the inner walls of a long-term memory but some days, I wonder if you existed at all.

And of course, you want to know how I got these scares. Fine. I'll tell you. I got these scars the day that I fell in love with you. I landed face first.

Excerpt from "Scars/To the New Boyfriend" by Rudy Francisco (5/5)

[ALTERNATIVELY]

Adaline Berkeley Posthumously Reflects On Her Relationship With Arvin Russell - And Realizes That She Was Played For A Fool

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