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I was able to convert this WAG News issue from our 2027 format to your time period's format. I managed to get it close to what it is like to have the files downloaded into your brain.

I was mind-loading the latest WAG News issue while I waited for the cook to 3D print my order.

"Hey boss," said the cook, "we're almost out of nano-cartridges."

"Tell Stan to order some more," the boss said.

I noticed I was starting to get a slight headache. That meant that my MindDrive was almost full. I would need to delete some files. Which ones? I suppose I should keep "Childhood memories" and "How to speak." Eh, who needs to know when the War of 1812 was? And who remembers who the third President of the United States was anyway?

I tapped my Omni-Cuff and made a note to clear up some space once I could get to a VirtPod.

I finally got my to-go order. I inhaled deeply, but not too deeply (I didn't want to bring the place down). The eggs and bacon smelled delicious. I really wanted to stay, but I was on a case. I was on the trail of a missing dog. The dog, Rex, had gone missing during one of the recent super-brawls in town.

Now where would a dog run off to?

I then heard a scuffle. Some teens were trying to rob someone.

"Hey! Leave him alone!" They turned towards me. One pulled out an electro-blade. I reached into my doggy bag and pulled out a bottle. "I've got hot sauce and I'm not afraid to use it." The teens stopped.

"Dude," said one with actual fear in his eyes, "he's got hot sauce."

The other put his knife away. "Time to logout of 'ere."

The two hightailed.

I dashed over to the man. He was on the ground and wounded. "Please," he said with a horsed voice. He slipped a book into my hands. He then produced a piece of paper and tried to jam it into my hands. "Take this. Deliver it to this address...*gasp* before five today...*gasp* The fate of the world rests on your...success..." He then collapsed.

I tapped the dog whistle comlink in my glasses. I filled Brain in on what happened.

"What is in the book?" Brain asked.

I had to blow some dust off it and the spine had seen better days. "It's..." I said. "It's..."

"Spit it out already!" said Brain.

"It's a book of fairy tales."

"Really?" His voice went a few octaves higher than normal. He took a moment to gather himself. "Are you going to deliever it?"

"Of course. It must be really important."

"How can you tell?"

"He gave me a book. An actually book. And he gave me a piece of paper. Who uses paper anymore?"

"Obviously someone who does not fully comprehend the hazards of pollution," said Brain. "What is the address?"

"One-sixty-one East Appleplum Street."

Brain paused for a moment. "That is peculiar. According to the databases, there is nothing on East Appleplum. Joe, be careful, this could be a terrorist network or something."

"Really?" I said incredulously.

"Mysterious books being delivered, paper usage, a location that does not exist. What does that sound like to you?"

"That rave they had back in high school. You remember the one. It had that the giant hamster as the DJ."

"Yes. And I remember that hamster tried to store all the knowledge of the partygoers in his cheeks so that he could ace the SATs."

I shivered. "SATs. Glad that's over."

Brain told me that East Appleplum was about two miles away. I checked the time by giving my Omni-Cuff the correct mental command. Plenty of time. Especially once Brain sent the Mutt-Cycle to me. I hopped on the ion-powered hover-cycle. A beam passed over me and the 3D Fabricator printed up a helmet over my head. I revved the engine, which since it was ion-powered there was a very quiet whirling sound—but man, you still got to rev the engine.

"WHA-HOOO!!!" I shouted as I shot off down the street like a dog after a piece of bacon.

***

"It won't be long now," I said.

The radio screen made various shapes and lights as WOOF (or Woof), the AI that Brain created, said, "Threat detected. Might I suggest evasive maneuvers?"

I looked back at a group of hover-cycle riders dressed in black leather and spiked helmets coming up behind me. "What makes you say that?"

"It could be the photon rocket launcher that they are pointing at you. But I'm just a pile of code that happens to be hooked up to every system in this town and knows that the egg came before the chicken, but, eh, what do I know."

I dodged the rocket. Dust, dirt, and fire sprang up around me. I could hear the rocket charging up for another blast.

"The egg came first?" I said.

"The aliens needed something to inject the chicken DNA into."

"Give us the book! Now!!" one of them shouted.

"They say that like they really expect me to do it," I said. "So, aliens made chickens?" I pushed a button on the Mutt-Cycle controls. A cannon-like device was printed into existence. It fired slime at the bikers. (Hey! I'm a superhero! I'm supposed to be non-lethal) "Why?"

"They wanted to show early man that they came in peace. So they created an animal that had tasty drumsticks, could help you get over a cold, and that you could make really lame jokes about."

"Chicken jokes are not lame," I mumbled as one of the bikers rode up next to me. I gave him a palm-strike to the chest and set him flying. "Really? Alien chickens? Who knew?"

"No!" said Woof. "I'm just messing with you for not listening to me."

"I see Danny's been playing with your humor functions again."

Two bikers surrounded me. They stood up on their machines. I got up too. One took a swing at me; I deflected it. I jabbed. He blocked. He tried for a blow to my head. I ducked.

Jab. Block. Block. Jab. Karate chop. Palm-strike, block, block, jab.

My senses alerted me to the other one. I jumped as an electro-blade swiped where I'd been. I took turns blocking and dealing damage to each one. Finally they both tried to slash at me with their blades. I jumped into the air, did a slow-mo flip and pulled out my bone blaster. I fired at the biker's engine while I was still airborne. Pew pew. The bike exploded sending the rider flying into the air.

His biker suit sensed that danger was present and activated the SafeBag in the suit. Bubble bags formed around the biker to protect him from the explosion and fall (he looked like a bunch of grapes). He hit the ground and bounced back up. At this moment, I leapt back into the air and gave the bouncing bad guy a roundhouse kick. The bouncing bag of bad boinged backwards into his biker buddy and both bonked into a balcony.

I landed back on the bike just in time to hear the photon rocket powering up. The mini-Fabricators in my jacket pockets (thanks to Brain) printed up my tennis bomb. I chucked the bomb at the rocket launcher and got a hole in one (sorry for mixing up sports metaphors). The bomb exploded while in the barrel and set the biker flying. His SafeBag inflated.

With no more bikers, I sat back down and headed for 161 East Appleplum.

***

The engine powered down as I arrived at my destination. It was an older building and looked like at one time been very elegant. Now it looked like it was condemned and if you sneezed too hard it'd fall over.

"There is actually a structure there?" said Brain. I could practically see Brain's shocked face.😮

"It's a U-lic Li-ar," I said trying to read the faded words. "What is a You Lick Liar?"

"I do not know," said Brain, "but sounds dangerous. It could be some ancient site of great power. Maybe a repository of alien knowledge."

"It sure looks like alien writing."

I began to climb the crumbling stone steps. I had to stop a couple times to readjust my path to avoid falling. Thankfully my doggy senses warned me of dangers. I then finally made it to the entrance. Next to the door was a sign saying, "Place books here." I took out the book. I slowly moved the book towards the drop site.

"Why are you moving so slowly?" said Brain.

"I'm raising the dramatic tension of the story."

Brain just sighed. 😔

"Please don't be for villains," I said softly.

"Stop right there," a voice said. I turned. A gruff group of bikers stood behind me. One held out his hand. "Give...the book...to me."

"Why?" I said. "What is so important about this book? Who is it for?"

The bikers parted as one stepped forward. He took off his helmet to reveal an older man, probably in his late 30s or early 40s. "It's for me. I've been after that book for ten years."

I held the book closer. "What could you want with a book of fairy tales?"

"It's for my daughter. She loved it when I read them to her before bed. It's been in my holds list for ten years."

"Wait, what?"

The doors then banged opened and a woman with bun hair and glasses stepped outside. "No one gets the book. Not until someone pays." I didn't like how she said that. She pointed a ruler at each of us. "That book was due back on June 3, 2017."

"Wait a minute," I said. "Book drop...You Lick Liar. Ohhh!!" 🤦‍♂️*Facepalm*. "Public Library." I gulped. "Eugh, ten years of overdue fines. But why did I need to get it here before five?"

"That's when we close, young man," said the librarian. "The patron would have had to pay another day of late fees."

My arms dropped to my sides. "Seriously? That's what all this has been about? An overdue library book?" I turned to the bikers. "Why have you been shooting at me?"

The man rubbed the back of his neck. "Truth be told, I thought the library had closed permanently and I wanted to get the book for my daughter's birthday. It's not easy finding physical books nowadays."

"But you shot at me!"

"It's a dog-eat-dog world out there. Especially when it comes to physical books. You have to outbid, blackmail, hire a gang of biker mercenaries..."

The librarian approached the man. "The book means that much to your daughter?" The man nodded. "Then if you pay off the debt, the book is yours." She turned to me and held out her hand. "I just need the book returned first...Preferably before five."

I handed over the book, the man used his Omni-Cuff to transfer the money, and the librarian gave him the book. The man made a circle with his hand. "Let's load up boys." The bikers hopped back on their bikes. "My daughter's going to love this." They then rode off into the distance.

I turned to the librarian. "I can't believe this place is still open."

"The world is a mysterious place with more to it than most will know. And as you've just witnessed, people will do amazing things for that which they believe in." She then winked and headed for the door. "Now if you'll excuse me, it's closing time."

I descended the stairs and slipped back on the Mutt-Cycle. "Amazing," I said.

Brain then came over the comlink. "The hospital just called. The man from the alley has woken up. He's asking for you."

"Oh? To thank me?"

"No...he has another book that needs to be delivered."

I groaned and looked to the sky.